"Can I talk to you? Alone?" Taeyong asked quietly. Everyone else returned to the dorms as curfew was fast approaching, but Taeyong didn't seem to be too concerned with that. 

"Why? There's not much to say," Taeyong gave me an incredulous look, as though I just called the world square. But if anything, I was being honest. With my feelings all tangled in a knot, I was unsure of what to say.

"I just feel like we shouldn't leave things hanging between us. If you want, I can go first," Taeyong in a breath, eyeing me warily. Guilt, confusion, anxiety, and tension reflected off the sheen of his eyes.

"What do you want to say?" I asked quietly.

"It's painful bringing up the past, but this is something I have to do. First and foremost, I think I owe you an apology. What our CEO asked me to do...no excuse can justify my actions. I never really thoughts about how hurt your heart would be, the implications of using you as a means to gain Youngmin's affection. Ambition is blinding. It made me lose sight of the important things in my life. Only the aftermath of the destruction made me open my eyes to its consequences. For that, I am truly sorry," Taeyong said, and the hint of a new emotion reflected in his eyes: sincerity. Or so it seemed.

I scoffed.

"So what are you expecting? For me to forgive you and say its all in the past? It doesn't work like that Taeyong-ssi. Unfortunately, people can't be delt with in the same way you deal with everything else. You can try to use fancy rhetoric to try to earn my forgiveness, but the soul isn't healed so easily. Perhaps, it's not even something time can heal. If you've really felt any guilt for the things you've done to hurt me, why don't I see any effort in your apology? Why is it that you dumped the truth on me like a bucket of cold water, and made no signs of remorse afterwards? Why is that from the time of my debut to now all you've done is flirt with Nahyun like you're showing off to the world how much better your life is without me? Actions speak. This sorry excuse of an apology holds nothing but lame vindictions for your lack of responsibility. Find me again when you can prove your sincerity. But don't expect things to return to how they were. Things will never be the same, Taeyong," I got up to leave, surprised by the amount of fury I had been surpressing for so long.

"Are you doing this because you're jealous? Because Nahyun and I have each other while you're all alone? As you've always been?" he taunted, but I walked away. I won't play his games anymore.

"This is why you can't get along with anyone. You're always thinking of yourself Kiara!" I stopped hearing his voice after that, but silent footsteps replaced the void.

Walking back to the dorms seemed suffocating at that moment; I needed to go somewhere empty to clear my thoughts. Old scars and bruises ached as if hot acid had been poured over them once again. Like Anxiety was coming back. Everything started hurting like each breath would become my last. Familiar thoughts clouded my head, ones I recognized as the poison Anxiety used to feed me so often. Each one self deprecating, cruel, and evil. It was pain I had battled against so often I thought my body would be numb to it. But Taeyong bringing up the past must have triggered the experience all over again. He's always, always so cruel to me. I trudged on.

"Stop following me," I finally said, stopping in the middle of the road. The footsteps paused as well.

"We need to talk Kiara. Avoiding the problem won't fix anything," I turned around to face Taeyong, careful to mask the conflicting emotions inside me.

"Are you brain damaged? What don't you get about 'I don't want to talk to you'?" 

"It'll be easier on both of us if we just everything in the past," Taeyong said calmly, as if explaining something to a child. Always acting far more mature than his age, as if he can fool us into thinking so.

"I've already said I won't forgive you. I can't. You're naive to think that a meaningless exchange in forgiveness will ease your guilty conscience. Believe me, even if I say everything's alright between us, you and I both know it'll be a gaping lie. Because the scars you've given me will remain forever, long after you and I part ways," I choke on the words, feeling the back of my eyes burn from coming tears."Seeing you makes everything hurt all over again."

"I think you're misunderstanding something," he began, his voice sounding unlike his own, "I don't feel guilty about any of this. Why should I? Because I helped a foolish, clingy, immature girl realize how reality really is? If anything, you should be thanking me. You could never be content without being desensitized to human nature. All people behave in a way to gain something from others, which is simply what I did to you. Youngmin wanted me to maximize your chances of succeeding in the entertainment industry by making sure you had a friend, someone you could lean on in your difficult times. I wanted to win Youngmin's approval and gain some brownie points. It was a win-win situation so there was no reason for me to refuse. You owe your success to me, Kiara. Your trainee life could've been much more unbearable, much lonelier without Nahyun and I at your side. I killed two birds with one stone for you,"

I scoffed, unable to believe the words that came out of his mouth. His sense of logic was completely skewed to the point where I was wondering if I was going mad. Perhaps I heard him wrong. But slowly, I am learning the type of person Taeyong is. "You think I would be happy that you did this for me? You think I wanted any of this?"

"I can't imagine how else you would respond," he said nonchalantly.

Enough is enough. Some people can't change. No matter how many times you say the same thing over and over again, other peoples' words will never be heard for the people that can't change. They refuse to listen to anyone but themselves, so full of confidence, so sure in their own ways of thinking that anyone else was wrong. That sense of superiorty is something I'll never understand. "Go away! I can't stand being around you!" I shout, breaking into a sprint.

Evening had quickly descended into night. Only now did I realize this as the world around us was pitch black. It's hard to run away when you have no idea where you're going, but I didn't care. Everything was aching. Aching aching aching. I listened to the dull throb of my hearth beat, barely there, as I ran blindly into the night. With any luck, I'll never find my way back to that wretched, suffocating excuse of a company.