The door flew open.

In a blur of motions, Taeyong led us outside the bathroom. Through the bustling halls, wandering eyes followed us; it wasn't everyday you'd see two rookies causing a commontion. Taeyong's pull felt featherlight as we made our way through the premise, eventually leading us out. I lost focus of my surroundings then. The magnificent city of Seoul transformed before my eyes, unwinding into a blank space. Great. Another halucination. At least now I was becoming more aware of them, better able to tell reality from fantasy. Whenever I got dragged into these delusions, Anxiety was always there to guild me through them.

"I didn't get a chance to take your suggestion," I said to him, fitting my hand perfectly in his. The skin-thin texture of his hand seemed to have more shape today, not altogether translucent. He noticed my stare, but only squeezed my hand in response.

"You don't have to, if you don't want. I'm just looking out for you, Kiara," Anxiety said, "but can you promise me something?"

Since when did Anxiety ask for my word? Seeing his new behavior left me in a whirlwind of confusion, but it wasn't off-putting. Just difficult to get used to.

"What is it?" I asked.

"When you return, please, please stay away from Taeyong. I don't think I need to explain why," Anxiety said, softening his gaze for me. I said I would trust this monster of my own creation, but it was easier said than done. Because Anxiety is more than just a hallucination. He is a personification of my subconscious mind, and right now, it was telling me to withdraw myself. Deep inside my heart, I knew Taeyong would only tear me to pieces. Anxiety was only trying to lessen the pain when I came out of my ignorant state. Outside this shell of glamor and deceit that I forced myself to look at, the truth would wound more than the sharpest of blades.

I nodded.

"He's so sweet," I said quietly, refusing to look up, "he always finds me at my worst, and somehow, he's always there for me. I'm so touched someone would go out of their way for me, but...it doesn't make sense, and I don't believe in it,"

"You suspect there's a reason, don't you? We've seen the way he is. Just like anyone else, he does what he has to earn his place among the best. Just like you, he works to the point of exhaustion. Since the first day you came to SM, you've seen how hard he practiced. While all s were resting, he kept going deep into the night; perfecting and polishing his skills. He's very much like you," Anxiety observed.

"And I...I would do anything to make it in a world where competition is everything. If the company wants to market and mold me into a certain image, I would fully oblige. Because I can't have regrets. Not when I've already come this far," I looked up at Anxiety, who at times, never seemed like the mental disorder he first came to me as. He gave order to my disordered mind, helping me figure out the mess that is my life.

"So given what you know, how does it all connect? If you were in Taeyong's position, leader of a new group bordering D-day, what would you do?"

*                                     *                                       *

"Kiara,"

I blink.

"Kiara, it's okay now. We're away from the company,"

I look up to see eyes so full of certainty, so full of confidence. Taeyong flashed me that perfect eye-smile, warm and comforting as ever. But now I could see so obviously, that he was trying too hard. The smile was the kind you'd practice in front of a mirror hundreds of times before perfecting. It was the classic 'superhero smile' a protagonist could put on and win the hearts of thousands of fangirls. I could see through it so transparently, yet he left no indication of what emotion was hiding behind his mask.

"You seemed to like it last time, so I brought you back," Taeyong said, gesturing around him. If the past week hadn't happened, I would've thought we'd never left. The same heavenly bliss overwhelmed me when I saw the marigolds smiling up at my feet, bright and golden as ever. Just like that day, the field semmed to stretch far beyond the horizon, running off to the end of the world. It was peaceful to imagine it that way, to convince yourself that the world ended to your liking.

"So it wasn't a dream," I sighed in relief, surprised to hear Taeyong laugh.

"Did you worry that this all happened in your head? I didn't know you thought so well of me," he smirked. Again, another 'perfect guy' move, one that was supposed to make the it-girl (me) swoon. I smiled anyways. Fake or not, I could appreciate the effort he was putting in to make me comfortable.

"It does seem too good to be true. Like a scene straight out of a fairytale," I said, taking in a huge breath of air, "my prince once again saves me from the all-evil dragon. Then we escape to the Magic Marigold field, living happily ever after,"

"Am I a prince figure to you, Kiara?" the delightful way he pronounced my name sent my heart into a frenzy, whether it was intentional or not. He said it lovingly, adding a delicate touch to the last syllables. I watched the way his soft brown hair tousled in the breeze, messing the hairstyle some hair noona undoubtedly spent far too long fixing. It fit him though. Just like a prince who shone brightly no matter the circumstance. Yes, he is a prince that would brave the depths of Hell for his princess. I wondered who she might be.

"Not to me, but I'm sure som lucky girl will be happy in your arms one day. Perhaps she's not too far from here," I said, watching him pout in mock offense.

"Perhaps, she's just doesn't realize who she is yet," he winked.

I scoff. "What? Are you flirting with me?"

"What else would you call it?"

I shake my head. Anyone who passed by then would assume we were all smiles; simply two teenagers lost in the complexity of young love. But his blunt statement unsettled me, reminding me of my suspicions. No matter what excuses I came up with, none of them seemed justifiable for his behavior. What could he possibly see in this mess that is me?

"That's flattering that you would so boldly tell me your intentions," I said. The ditsy comical mood dissipated, and in its place, the solemn mood that often hung around me filled in. I didn't want him to get any wrong ideas, certainly not now. The day suddenly didn't look so bright, and the center of our universe disappeared behind a cloud. Even the marigolds turned away, refusing to show us their golden petals that brought just as much warmth as our sun did.

"C'mon Kiara. Why else would I share this place with you? I've never brought anyone else here before, you know? That means something. I really like you, Kiara,"

The words hung in the air, waiting anxiously for my response.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Kiara?" Taeyong watched me with those concerned eyes, always so patient and kind. None of this makes any sense. Why do I still feel like I'm dreaming? Except now the dream was turning into a nightmare, and awful thoughts are clouding my mind.When people are confused, their minds resort to a state of panic; fear takes over. Doubt. Then it all continues in a cycle and it seems like forever until you can break out of it.

"Why, Taeyong? Why? I didn't expect you of all people to do this...how can you add another burden on my shoulders? Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I know you're just tring to be nice, I...I have so much to doubt, and when you tell me that so blatantly, I can't trust it. Now my mind is questioning your genuinity, whether this is all some sort of sick joke. I can't tell the difference between fallacies and the truth. It's not your fault, everything's just in my head-"

The rest of the words die out on my tongue. Taeyong wraps me into his arms and burries my head into his shoulders, sitting still for a long time. The human touch is a strange thing. In an instant, it can melt away weeks worth of troubles, all in a single gesture of kindness. It may not be permenant, but the brief break was more than enough to keep someone going.

"I'm sorry, Kiara. It was quite inconsiderate of me, wasn't it? Confusing you more wasn't my intention; I think you can see that. Everything I've done up till now...I wanted to do for you. Whether it was making sure you weren't overworking yourself, or simply getting you away from your own monsters, I just wanted to help you. I'm sorry, it's quite arrogant of me to think that I can be your shining knight," Taeyong said into my hair. He refused to let go, holding me in an embrace that was long overdo. No one has hugged me in so, so long.

"None of this is your fault. I'm just having a hard time figuring some things out. But I'm glad you're at my side to help me through all this," and I realized it was true. I never showed it to anyone, but I was so thankful. Thankful that I had people like Taeyong and Nahyun who accepted me despite my troubled state. It couldn't have been easy; I didn't think I could ever do it myself. But somehow these two managed to break down some of my barriers and ease the pain constantly following me.

"If you ever need something, anyone to talk to Kiara, know that you can always come find me. No matter how busy we get after debut, I'll always find time for you," over my shoulder, I could feel his smile widen across his face, mirroring mine.