An unspoken rule that every rookie followed was that, at one point, we all had to master Exo's Growl. As intense as the choreography is, the extra practice benefited us in the long run. SM is know for its talented dancers; even the weakest of the bunch were obligated to reach high standards. Unfortunately, Nahyun belonged in the latter. Her eyes widened in amazement when I demonstrated the chorus to her, gawking in a very non-idol like manner.

"That is so cool unni!! Please do it again, I couldn't see the movements closely enough," Nahyun begged.

"C'mon, three demonstrations is enough. How about we walk through it together?" I said, positioning myself in front of her. Just as a child might look up to their superhero, Nahyun diligently followed my lead.

"One, two, three, four," I counted, changing movements in conjunction. My little shadow mimicked suit, stumbling over a couple beats.

"Five, six, seven, eight,"

I nodded in approval. Nahyun squealed in excitement, shaking her little fists in celebration. It reminded of the time Ms. Chae showed my point to the entire ballet class. Euphoria shot through my eight year old self when she showed off my skill. It also marked the beginning of my lonely childhood, but I didn't notice then. The thrill of approval could empower anyone; at the time, I felt like anything was possible. I didn't want to ruin Nahyun's little moment, which was so innocent in its bliss.

"You're doing well, Nahyun. Why don't we stop for today? You must have a lot scheduled for tomorrow, so you should sleep well," I said. It was a little past ten at night, the usual time rookies ended their day.

"What about you? Are you still going to practice?"

"Yeah. I still have a lot to improve, so I can't rest just yet. I think I'll head to the sound rooms to work on my vocals," I said.

"Omo~ unni you're so cool! Can I watch you? Please please please I really want to hear you sing. I've heard everyone say that your voice is comparable to even Taeyeon sunbaenim's, but I want to hear it for real!!" even at this hour, the girl's enthusiasm didn't dim. I wondered if it ever did.

"If I said you couldn't, would you follow me anyways?"

She nodded so quickly her pigtails slapped her neck painfully. Hopefully they won't leave spots, although I doubted it.

"Alright, but only for ten minutes. Go back to your dorm afterwards," I said. Nahyun ran over not unlike a baby bunny, flashing me a cheesy grin.

On Saturday evenings after dinner, my entire family would gather in front of our tv and watch whatever was airing. Korean dramas often times occupied those time slots, so I had my fair share growing up. The leads would mostly be actresses in their mid twenties, playing bubbly teenage girls at the peak of their youth. I found it especially cringy when the actors would be in a typical highschool setting, enacting cliche romances that would never last in real life. It only occured to me now that Nahyun reminded me of those lead actresses. So cheerful and naive, she could easily take up the role. I was about to bring it up when Nahyun suddenly stopped at the door of the sound room. Until then, she's been blabbering on about a new diet plan she started, but immediately shut up without even finishing her sentence.

"Okay, that's fine. Let's make final revisions tomorrow," Taeyong said to Taeil and Jaehyun, who were occupying the room. All three looked up when a small noise escaped from Nahyun's throat.

"Hi Kiara, you here to practice?" an easy smile spread across Taeyong's face. I could almost feel the marigolds beneath my feet, the wind ruffling my skirt, singing a comforting tune.We lay next to each other, enjoying the sun and I'm convinced no one else is in the room. I'm afraid that none of it happened.

"Unni?"

I snap out of my daze.

"Hm?" Nahyun looked between Taeyong and I, waiting for my response. 

"Oh. Uh, yeah," I said, once again feeling the awkwardness between us fill in. Taeyong senses it as well, but still made no indication that he'd taken me away. 

"Who's your friend?" he asked.

"Ah, this is Nahyun. She's also a rookie," I said, watching as Nahyun's cheeks explode with color when Taeyong shifted his attention to her. 

"Nice to meet you Nahyun, my name is Taeyong. Any friend of Kiara's is a friend of mine, so if you ever need help with anything, just ask, okay?" she noded rapidly, hiding her cheeks behind long locks. I guess everyone just needed the right person to bring out their inner fangirl, although a lot more people brought Nahyung's out. She mumbled something about having to wake up early and bolted out of the room. 

"Seems like someone has a crush on you hyung," Taeil laughed, patting Taeyong on the shoulder.

"Aish, come on. She probably just had a long day. I mean, she was pretty invested in Kiara as well," Taeyong said, watching me. 

"Nahyun just wanted some help practicing. She's a very sweet and outgoing girl," I said.

"Oh, sounds like your type hyung!" Jaehyun grinned at Taeyong, who rolled his eyes.

"She looks up to all of you," I said quickly, "I mean, she's just a rookie, so of course she'd admire people who have more experience here," 

"Hm? Are you jealous Kiara? I guess someone wants Tae all to herself~" Jaehyun said.

"H-hey, cut it out," I mumbled. Was I jealous? Perhaps it was just the thought that Taeyong might leave me alone. Fear has more power than anything else in the world. So rather than any romantic ties I might have for him, it was more of the fear that I won't have anyone at my side.

My life returned to that stagnant flow of hard work. More than anything else, I still strive to be at the top, whether I'm helping my competition or not. I still far exceeded Nahyun in dance, vocals, acting, and everything else required of an idol. Nahyun's fragile heart could never find out, but our little practice sessions were completely for my own selfish benefits. Her cheerful presence is a break from Anxiety's gloomy one, and like with Taeyong, Anxiety stayed away when I was with her. Like a breath of fresh air, she could help me forget.

However as I spent more time around Nahyun, Taeyong started to...ignore me. He neither made any spontaneous requests nor did he go out of his way to talk to me. Maybe he was tired of making the first move. Maybe he was just getting busier and busier with less than a week before NCTU's debut. I made up petty excuses for his recent absence.

"Kiara, you seem a bit distracted today," Gyeong said while I got my makeup done. I was scheduled for a photoshoot for my first album, although official music video shootings wouldn't start for another two weeks. Regardless, I just had to follow whatever the company instructed me to do.

"Oh, I'm quite nervous," this part is true. Ballet sponsors had me do photoshoots for dance atire before, but nothing came close to the professionality of today's shoot. It was really like I'd become a star.

"You'll do amazingly dear! I'm confident that none of the other rookies will look nearly as experienced in their debut albums. And oh my goodness, you're diet plans have been working tremendously. Can you tell me your secret?" Gyeong asked with a kind smile. When I looked into her eyes, I couldn't help but see a reflection of Ms. Chae's. They were just as sweet when she'd pulled me aside after a class, some long time ago.

"Kiara ah, how did you learn to perfect your Grande Jeté?  It's only been two days since I've taught it to you, yet you've improved so quickly! Surely you have some secret," Ms. Chae commended, patting me on the back. I told her honestly that I'd practiced nonstop, and that there's no secret other than that. Her eyes shined with approval, so proud of my diligence.

Yet now I found it difficult to tell Gyeong the truth. She's happy with the results, but I don't think there'll be approval in the method that I used to achieve them. Gyeong waited with the same anticipation Ms. Chae had.

"I...worked really hard on the diet plan and followed it everyday," I said quietly, "I practice my dances a lot too,"

"Yes, of course I can see that. But so does everyone else. The rate of your progress far exceeds everyone else's, so I'd like to know why dear," Gyeong said impatiently. She kept her voice soft when speaking with me, careful not to earn my disapproval. It's nice to know she still respected me for the sake of her job.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said.

"Kiara? Is something wrong? If your health is at risk, you need to tell me," she said with an edge of steel in her voice. I hated how she faked concern so well. The thought made my temper flare, but I willed it down.

"They'll be calling me over soon. Let's talk about this later," I said, getting up.

"Kiara-"

I turn in Gyeong's direction, but in her place stood Anxiety. He stared back expressionlessly, telling me something with his eyes. There's apprehension, unease staring back. A sign of worse things to come.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Everything's going so well too, so why...why are you here?" I said, frustration creeping into my voice.

"They'll have to find out sooner or later, and they won't approve," I barely caught onto the last words, because just as they escaped his lips, Anxiety melted into the black fog surrounding him. It crept all over, veiling the entire room in suffocating smoke. The air stifled my lungs, no longer suitable for consumption. Where has everyone gone? I can't see anything in the dark. The unnis fussing over my hair moments ago are nowhere to be seen. Gyeong's concerned face has since been swallowed by the fog, no doubt suffocating in here as well. But why can't I hear anything? Cries for help should be everywhere, an alarm should be sounded by now.

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" I call over the black fog.

"Kiara,"

"Anxiety? Are you there?" I cough, covering my mouth. It felt strange calling for his aid.

"I'm going to get you out of here. Do you trust me?" he said softly.

"W-where are you? I can't see anything-"

"Kiara," Anxiety emerged from the fog, threatening as ever in his black atire. But his angular, bony face and cold eyes contrasted heavily against the worried expression he carried. More so than Ms. Chae's, more so than Gyeong's; the concern looked so genuine on his face.

"Do you trust me to save you?" he offered his hand.

"Yes...I trust you," I watched my hand melt perfectly into his, and he pulled me out of the dark.