Two weeks later

"So how have promotions gone?" Taeil asked while pushing the food around on his plate.

"Tiring. But I'm still managing alright. Tomorrow is my last stage before promotions end," I said.

Taeil, Mark, and I were getting some lunch at one of the cafes near the SM building. Although I haven't heard much from Johnny the past couple weeks, s were unexpectedly warm to me. Once I set my mind on keeping Anxiety at bay, getting along and being more open to others became a lot easier. Anxiety had always warned and encouraged me to harbor cynical thoughts of others, to never trust: that everyone had malicious intentions and a mentality to receive and not give. Especially after learning about Nahyun and Taeyong's true natures, I had been blindly trusting Anxiety's advice. Every now and then, he'll still whisper into my ears a thing or two, but I'm getting better at ignoring his lies.

I learned that Taeil and Mark are sweet kids who are able to look past someone's faults, and still befriend the person inside. They were willing to give everyone a chance: something I need to start doing. 

"Your rice is going to get cold if you stare at it any longer," I commented. Taeil looked down at his food as if noticing it for the first time.

"Right. Do you wants some of mine? It doesn't look like you ate that much Kiara-ssi. I can't finish all of this anyways," Taeil offered.

"I'll take it if you can't finish hyung," Mark offered. Taeil shot him a look, one that clearly threated to whoop his later if he didn't shut up.

"It's alright, you can have it Mark. I'm trying to follow a meal plan anyways," I smiled. Gyeong had been thrilled when I suggested started a meal plan to help me regulate my weight in a safe and healthy way. When my hair had begun falling out in large clumps, I knew it was time to make some changes. Slowly adding protein and carbohydrates into my meals helped a great deal in giving me some much needed energy for the schedules I had planned. After starving myself for so long, keeping food down was difficult at first; describing everything would be too graphic. Habits aren't easy to break, but making changes weren't impossible.

"You heard her hyung! Please~" Mark asked, making puppy eyes at Taeil.

"Hey! I only offered it to Kiara, not you! And since she doesn't want any, I'm going to finish all of it by myself," Taeil said, shoving a huge spoonful in his mouth demonstrate his point.

"Then Kiara-ssi, can I-"

"Don't even think about it," Taeil shot lasers through his eyes at Mark. The poor boy turned to me with a look of desperation, asking with puppy eyes for some protection against his scary hyung. 

I sighed. "Mark-ssi, if there's anything else you want to eat, I can-"

The cafe door opened. Nahyun, who saw me before Taeyong did, regarded me with a look of disdain. She made it a point to hold Taeyong's arm closer to her chest as they walked past our table. Rookies and artists alike both came to his cafe since it was in such close proximity to the SM building, so it wasn't a surprise to bump into them here.

"Oh, hyung!" Mark called to Taeyong, waving his hands to catch his attention. As Taeyong approached closer, he caught sight of me. If there was one word to describe his first reaction, it would be trepidation. But the moment quickly passed and he put on his usual calm and collected mask.

"Hi Mark, Taeil...Kiara," Taeyong regarded me with a subtle nod.

"How have things been for you?" I smiled to him as I would anyone else, careful to play my cards correctly.

"Well. NCT 127 will make its debut very soon," he remarked. I shook my head.

"Not that...how have things been for you? Still well?" I was treading in deep waters: not testing Taeyong's reaction, but rather my own. I was still unsure of my own heart. Would old wounds reopen? Become more painful than they had been before? In order to move on, I had to be sure of where I currently stand.

Taeyong stared into my eyes, and I hoped my poker face concealed the turmoil inside. It'd be quite embarassing if he could read my thoughts when I couldn't read his. Nahyun narrowed her eyes at me. 

Slowly, he nodded.

"Nahyun and I have been doing well together. We hang out a lot now," at the mention of her name, Nahyun smirks at me. Every gesture, no matter how small, was made in a calculating manner intended to provoke me. Perhaps she thought I had loved Taeyong all this time. Perhaps she thought she had won.

Even now, I'm unsure of the answer.

"That's good," I smiled warmly. Although Taeyong and I never had any formal relationship, I realized this whole time it felt as though I had gone through a break-up. Feelings of betrayal, hurt, and shame developed when I had first found out the situation Youngmin had set up. Did I ever have feelings for him? He had made me feel secure, safe, and loved. He chased away the demons that I believed were permanently engrained in my life. He became exactly what I needed while going through depression and anxiety.

So what am I trying to do now? Is it win him over to my side, or push him away? Was I even relevant in his life anymore? So many questions were left unanswered when all I said was: "That's good for you. I'm glad you're doing well."