I fell asleep. Not sure when, but I woke up in my dorm. 

To exactly how it was this morning. As if I'd never gotten out of bed.

*                                     *                                          *

"Rise and shine, little princess," Anxiety said in his usual mocking voice.

I was so upset. Upset that my paradise didn't last forever, that I'll never see it all again. I'm even more upset that I can't be sure if yesterday happened at all. Part of me believes it's all too perfect to be real, and that I didn't deserve it. I was upset, but not enough to give Anxiety the satisfaction of seeing my outburst. 

"So? Was your prince as perfect as you imagined him to be? Did he pick you up on a shining white horse and did you two ride off into the sunset?" Anxiety asked, watching me from his corner. It was strange seeing him backed up, compressed next to the wall. He looked small compared to how he's always looked in my eyes. A second persona had crawled out of his shell and took over. This one wasn't so proud, so strong. If anything, it looked unsure of itself. I guess even demons have different sides to them. 

"He was so sweet to me. We walked somewhere far away from the city, to a field of marigolds that shined in the sun. I bet you've never seen anything half as beautiful," I said. I sounded not unlike a princess dreaming about her prince, and Anxiety could hear it too. He snorted in response, ridiculing my childness.

"There's nothing that wonderful in this world, Kiara. Are you even sure it was real? That it happened? I hope you're not deluding yourself into making up fantasies that don't exist. Have you even figured out why Taeyong's treating you so well?" he said, standing up from his crouch. A touch of that wicked smile returned.

"I...no. I didn't ask him. But can't he just be kind? Is it so strange for someone to act out of pure kindness? I don't understand why we have to pretend that he has an ulterior motive, when he clearly doesn't. I can't even think of what he could gain by kissing up to a rookie that hasn't even deuted yet. It doesn't make sense. This world isn't so bad as you make it out to be, despite how crappy your existence is," I said.

"Don't shield yourself from the possibilities, Kiara. You don't completely trust him either. He knows of your position in the company, and also how much potential the CEO sees in you. I suggest that you find out the big picture before this guy ends up destroying the last bit of faith you have in the entertainment industry. No one works here without benefiting themselves, so please don't learn that the hard way,"

*                                     *                                    *

I didn't see Taeyong for an entire week.

Of course, there was so much to do that I didn't even notice until Anxiety pointed it out after a vocal lesson. Just like the first day, silent whispers began passing from person to person. Not-so-secret gossip about my improvements reminded rookies and debuted artists alike that I am still a threat, one that must be monitored from time to time. Although a bit stalker-ish, one rookie even went out of his way to watch me during a dance practice. He mumbled an inaudible apology when I caught him staring at the doorway, and quickly scampered off.

I should be flattered. It was another milestone that many struggle to pass, but I breezed through. Yet as I got closer and closer to my goal, the frightening aspects of fame no one ever thought about came along. Every little mistake and hiccup in the road began to get highlighted in absurd ways. Those that saw me as a harmless rookie months ago now regarded me with cold glares. The loneliness that hovered over fame overshadowed many of its perks. There was so much more expectations added to my already-too-heavy load. All so suffocating I could barely breathe.

"Kiara ssi! Hi, my name is Nahyun would you like to practice together? My manager suggested that I learn a thing or two from you I saw you perform with Taeyong ssi at the concert and wow was I blown away you guys were fantastic I couldn't believe that both of you were rookies like I'm still three years younger than you but-"

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I need to work on my album since I'm debuting soon," I said tersely, leaving the astonished girl with still hanging open.

"Wait!"

The girl grabbed my arm, forcing me to face her puppy eyes, still pleading for guidance.

"Please, I-I really admire you. You know how everyone sees you right? You're someone that came out of nowhere and wowed even the most talented individuals in SM. You've worked so hard to get where you are, and that's truly inspirational. No one thought that you could lose so much weight in so little time; it gave all of us hope. Now you're thin, perfect at singing, acting, and especially dancing! It's so cool everytime you walk out of your dance lessons, hair messy and everything-"

I once again try to walk off.

"-ok ok, I'll stop ranting. But the point is, you're amazing in everyone's eyes! Many of the rookies even see you as their own idol; we aspire to be like you. After seeing how hard you work, I worked extra so I could be successful too. So could you please help me, unni?" the girl grasped onto my arm with both hands, so sincere and innocent in her gestures. I roughly shook her off.

"Has it occured to you...that I don't want all this attention? It seems so great at first, but honestly, I'm jealous of you," I said quietly, watching her gasp.

"Of me?! What could you possibly be jealous of? You have everything a rookie could want!" she squeeled, failing to keep the excitement out of her voice. I shake my head, offering her a sad smile.

"It's no fun being in my position. Even on the first day, no one wanted to talk to me. I haven't seen another rookie going about their schedules by themselves like me. It's so lonely. I feel so suffocated, and I don't even have any motivation to keep going. What's the point in all this anyways," I whisper the last part, unsure if she even heard me.

"Please don't say that, unni! There are so many reasons to keep going. You've already made it so far, it'd just be a waste to quit halfway. Not to mention, you're almost there. Only two months and eleven days to go," I arch an eyebrow, making her blush at the little slip-up. She powers through it anyways.

"And that's not true! Everyone would want to talk to you, but we're just intimidated. I finally got the nerve to after four days, haha. Plus, what about Taeyong ssi? Oh my gosh, he's soooooo hot and he fearlessly asked you to perform a duo at the concert. He must like you!" the girl sighed, blushing even more heavily at the thought.

"What, do you like him?" I asked casually, hoping she didn't read anything from the question. Luckily, this girl is about as dense as a rock.

"Of course! Doesn't everyone? All the girls in my dorm were talking about this the other day. Mr. SM really favors him, so we suspect that he'll receive lots of attention when NCT debuts. Isn't he so dreamy though? We all fangirled so hard when he danced with you. The way he held you in his arms-"

"Okay, okay, no need to get into details," I chuckled. She's too naive for her own good, but its refreshing when this is the longest conversation you've had in months.

"So will you do it?" she asked, playing the puppy eyes card.

"What's your name again?"

"Nahyun. Kim Nahyun."

I sighed, waving her over to my practice room.