As much as I hated to admit it, Taeyong and I were drifting apart. NCT continued with their debut promotions, and I focused on wrapping up preparations for my own debut, which was now less than a week away. I found as many things as Taeyong did to distract myself from the awkward tension lingering when we saw each other. It didn't matter so much that the CEO had pushed Taeyong onto me, but rather that I'd lost one of my closest friends. Like Taeyong, Nahyun quickly abandoned me as well. Her attachment to him grew so strong that at first, I couldn't understand what was going on. At least she gave me a heads up on her intentions.

"So, what was it that you wanted to tell me," I asked Nahyun after a late night practice session. We were both tired, sweaty, and more than anything else wanted to rest up for tomorrow. But if we didn't talk now, I'd have to wait another month before I could get any answers. By now, Youngmin had decided to debut Nahyun with a new girl group called '4Lover', and the group was scheduled to go overseas for a training program to gain exposure in the public. Nahyun had found eight new sisters she now spent countless hours with, completely forgetting about her beloved unni.

"Ah, right. I forgot to tell you, didn't I?" Nahyun smiled, but not her signature cheesy grin. This one was tinged with regret, apologetic for neglecting her promise. "But before I tell you, I should make something clear,"

I embraced myself for the worst. Ever since Nahyun found out about Taeyong's secret 'Cheer Kiara up' operation, she didn't even attempt to hide her discomfort around me. At first I assumed things were going well for her in the company, but the bad feelings never left.

"What is it?" I asked reluctantly. Nahyun adverted her gaze.

"I think we should stay away from each other from now on. I mean, you're about to debut soon anyways, and I'm sure you'll be so busy we won't have much time for each other. Plus, I don't really need the extra dance lessons now that I have 4Lover. A lot has changed after I met you, Kiara," Nahyun stumbled over my name, still unused to dropping honorifics.

"What?" I closed my eyes, drawing a sharp breath before facing her again. "Only a couple months ago, you came begging to be at my side. You shouted 'unni' whenever you got the chance, just to prove to whoever was watching of how close our relationship was. Nahyun, you cheered me up when I couldn't do that for myself. You opened my eyes to the damage I was doing to my body. But now, you dropped all of that in the blink of an eye. All the respect and attachment you cherished so deeply meant nothing to you, did it?" I scoffed, letting every amount of disbelief I felt seep into my voice. "The worst part is, you're not explaining any of this."

"Look, Kiara, I apologize for not telling you this earlier. Ever since you introduced me to Taeyong...he's opened my eyes to much more about you than what I saw on the surface. When I saw how close you two were, it hurts my pride to admit this but I was so jealous that sleeping became difficult at night. Don't you see, Kiara? I love him. Knowing you mattered to him was all that held me back from ruining you. You're incredibly naive for trusting people so easily. Yes, at first I idolized you as the epitome of everything I wanted for myself. But as we became closer, you tricked yourself into thinking I was this bestfriend that you could confide all your secrets to. It just proved how pitiful you are, Kiara. Now, I know all the secrets that could ruin a career you haven't even started. Don't you have a brain?" Nahyun flipped her hair, further proving that this new persona wasn't just a figment of my over-done imagination. First Taeyong, and now her as well. Why were all these truths coming out at once, tearing me down in a grand fire?

"When...did you become so cruel? Even Taeyong didn't try so hard-"

"Don't you dare say his name with that filthy mouth of yours again. Taeyong oppa might've held back, but I won't. You should thank me, for revealing to you the full scale of the situation you're in. In a way, I'm the one taking you out of the dark. And let me begin by saying that I knew all along. After the first day you introduced us to each other, Taeyong and I spent a lot of time in each other's company. I couldn't understand his obvious infatuation with you, but neither did anyone else. You were talented, but no one was drawn to you because you closed yourself off. I couldn't even bring myself to approach you. So Taeyong told me what the CEO wanted him to do. And sure, I pitied you a bit as the victim, but I'm not afraid to admit that there was more relief than anything else. It turned out that Taeyong didn't want you in the slightest!" Nahyun laughed in relief, as if reliving the moment. "He also told me all of your insecurities, your delusional mind, and how you frequently vomited your meals. He didn't have the heart to tell you himself to stop, so I did it for him. At that time, I was willing to do anything for him. If that meant betraying the lonely girl who thought she finally had two friends, so be it."

"Is that why you're cutting me out of your life? Because Taeyong asked you to?" I asked, trying to find my breath. The practice room grew stuffier than it ever had after a practice. 

Nahyun shook her head. "Taeyong never asked me to do anything for him. When I confessed on their debut night, he reciprocated my feelings. We're dating now,"

"Are you trying to make me jealous?" I looked up and saw real malice her eyes.

"I hope I can be a burden to you as much as you were to Taeyong. I'm detaching myself from you because I genuinely hate you. You don't fit in at SM. Even if you were debuting with a group, I'm certain that you wouldn't get along with your members at all. Looking back now, I can't remember why I ever admired such a pitiful thing like you," Nahyun took a step back, as if standing any closer would taint her less than perfect being.

"You're right. I've been too naive for so carelessly handing out my trust. But thanks to you," I shook my head, keeping my voice steady, "it won't ever happen again."

*                                        *                                                *

September 11, 2016

"Are you sure you don't want to throw a party of any kind? It can be a small one at the dorms; there are plenty of spaces to celebrate," Gyeong encouraged. I shook my head, smiling at her efforts.

"It's okay, I'd rather just spend today by myself. Promotions are going to be hectic, and chances are that I won't get much time for me," I put on a black mask to hide my face in public. As Gyeong said, I'll have to start living as a celebrity from SM.

"Alright...how is your diet? Have you begun trying to gain back some weight?" Gyeong asked.

"Of course. To survive this wild industry, I'll need my strength," Gyeong handed me a hamburger.

"Don't even think of trying to burn off the extra calories," she warned. I pretended to take huge bites out of the burger, easing my manager's stress. Being playful around SM's workers was the first step to changing my image. No one wanted to interact with a stuck up brat, which is what many of them believed me to be. Seeing Nahyun, I recognized the importance of people liking you. Whenever she saw SM employees, she always made sure to greet them with a kind smile, making them feel good inside. Although her true persona was that of a spineless prick, I had to give the girl credit: she had everyone fooled. Well two could play at that game.

"Most people become more stressed and moodier when they debut, but you seem to be better happier than in your trainee days," my personal stylist commented, still busying herself over a lock of hair that refused to behave.

"I guess I'm just relieved now that my trainee days are over. Of course, I can't really rest, but I'm glad to have started promotions," I smiled comfortably, putting the stylist at ease. Many people have had similar reactions to the new me, even making encouraging remarks to boost my confidence. If I'd known of how they'd react earlier, my days since coming to SM wouldn't have been half as painful. I was gathering supporters not only from the public, but also within SM.

"I know you don't have much planned until tonight, but it's better to look put together since you're going outside the company. People will start recognizing you," she winked, dousing my hair with a last bit of hairspray. "All done!"

These makeup and hair unni's really didn't get enough credit. From my intense diet, my cheeks looked hallowed out. I couldn't say much for the rest of my body, but the unni made my face appear a lot plumper and soft. My hair was dyed a flashy red, pinned effortlessly into a messy bun. It was the perfect 'girl next door' look which perfectly complimented my new concept.

"Thank you," I said, realizing it was the first time I showed appreciation for their work.

"You're welcome dear," she smiled brightly. "be sure to come back at four so we can prepare you for the music show!"

I nodded, bowing politely before heading out.

To my surprise, a small crowd had gathered outside the building. The assortment of people consisted of all shapes and sizes, but one thing united them: me. In less than twenty four hours, I had already acquired a new group of fans who waited outside to see me. They didn't expect much, just a glance or two while I passed by. But I couldn't help but stare. All the drama with Taeyong and Nahyun temporarily left my mind, finally leaving enough space for me to soak in my new found success. It was the beginning of a new chapter.

"Kiara!! Can I please have autograph?!"

"Noona, please notice me!"

"Congratulations on your debut! We will forever support you!"

The overwhelming compliments continued until I woke up from my inital trance. Slowly, I held up a hand to wave, and the crowd screamed even louder. I stayed out with my adoring fans far longer than what seemed dignified, but the attention fulfilled my cravings from since I came to SM. Loneliness could only claw at me behind this new fence my fans had unknowingly built for me. All the hours of practice, dieting, and preparation finally felt like it was paying off, that I had gotten somewhere through the madness. Moments like this were what celebrities lived for: endless love thrown at you, exhilarating cheers, and the sensation that you mattered. Of course, I knew deep inside that followers weren't for forever, and gatherings like this will one day me a thing of the past. But right now, I didn't care.

"Can I please have a selca?" a shy highschooler asked, holding her phone out to me.

"Of course," I smiled brightly, capturing the both of us in a moment she would remember years from now. It felt good to make people happy. Knowing that I had made someone's day truly beat any scorn Nahyun could ever throw at me.

The unexpected meet-and-greet lasted for over an hour before I bid my new fans goodbye. With my new found confidence, I headed to downtown Seoul, determined to enjoy myself today.