I wasn't very good with words. When someone used to talk to me, it'd always just been easier to smile and say what they wanted to hear. Even if they weren't my own thoughts.

I think many people ended up mistaking my shy, introverted self as being warm hearted and kind. That wasn't true. I just didn't know how to express my feelings into words.

That was part of the reason I didn't make many friends at school. Other students thought I was kind, but I couldn't make decent conversation for them to waste their time on me.

At seven years old, my parents decided to move closer to my cousin's, Kiara's, house. We weren't in the most financially stable situation, so mom was forced to lean on my aunt and uncle. But at least she still tried. I didn't even know where dad was half the time. He'd sleep from dawn to dusk, then go out to squander mom's hard earned money on drugs and alcohol. I could never look him in the eye until that one night.

The first "impactful" event that changed me was meeting Wonho and Johnny. They attended the same school as Kiara, and I was jealous of their friendship. It was hard to see a time when one was without the other; I craved that kind of companionship.

Without caring about what kind of family I came from, Wonho and Johnny eagerly desired my friendship.

"You like to sing and dance, don't you?" those were the first words Johnny had asked me.

"No," I replied tersely.

"Yeah you do! I saw you during lunch break wander off on your own. You were singing and dancing! You're pretty good," Wonho flashed me a toothless grin.

Those two had been my closest childhood friends. I wonder how they're doing now.

*                                     *                                     *

Kiara was another person who shaped my childhood. Through her, I learned love and compassion. She was no different than a younger sister who I wanted to protect at all costs. I wanted to give her everything that I couldn't have; that way at least someone could live in bliss, even if it wasn't me. 

But I hated those nights where I was forced to seek Kiara's house for refuge. The look on her face was full of sympathy and worse...pity. I wanted to be the unni who she could rely and look up to. On those nights, I was pitiful to her. I was the one who needed protection.

I don't want anyone to look at me like that ever again.

*                                      *                                            *

After the night that changed everything, I was sent to a juvenile detention center. Afraid, scared, and hopeless, I had been sure my life would amount to nothing in the following years where I'd rot alongside other delinquents. But it's what I deserved.

Then a miracle happened.

A wealthy looking man well into his forties came to the detention center one day. He was donned in a sharp suit that made him years younger, and undeniably one who wielded great power. He requested to pay off my sentence and to come live with him.

I didn't live under a rock. I've heard of all the horror stories that happened to adolescent girls who were kidnapped by wealthy old men. But this sir had a kind wife and bubbly young daughter my age. He asked nothing more of me than to be his daughter's companion.

Hyerin didn't even realize I would be living with her. As an only child, she was extremely excited to have someone to play with at home. But we were quick to find out neither of us shared similar interests. She loved reading literature while I gravitated toward the sciences. She loved watching the history channel while I spent hours lost in the world of calculus.

But Hyerin was someone I could talk to. Maybe not about quantum mechanics, but about hopes and dreams. Our future pursuits. How we were going to get there. After leaving my old life behind, it was so easy to finally say things I've always wanted to say; share things I've always wanted to share. I didn't have to hold back anymore.

By finally coming to terms with who I really am, I learned a lot about myself; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Whether the good trumps the bad, is for the world to decide.

Will I be the warm marigold field in other people's lives, or the dreary storm they will never escape?

 

 

---

 

 

After being framed for murdering her mother, Julie Yoo is sent to a detention center with other trouble kids. But after her first day, a mysterious man pays a hefty price to have her bailed out. Julie is taken to live with the man and his family, including a sweet, lovable 12 year old daughter named Hyerin.

The man turns out to be a wealthy neurosurgeon who has enough money to buy half of the hospitals in Seoul. Determined to turn her life around, Julie spends all of her time studying hard to become a surgeon herself.

This story is about Hyerin's and Julie's lives after finishing their residencies. The two friends are roommates in a penthouse in upper Seoul, living among millionaires and billionaires.

But Julie's life is far from perfect. Remnants of her past keep coming back to haunt her, and she can no longer avoid the inevitable.