Everything followed as planned. Taeyong and I performed in front of the esctatic crowd, just as we'd practiced thousands of times over. We appeared to be the flawless Kpop stars SM marketed us to be, but it was all so much uglier than what our audience saw. Taeyong must've loathed every moment we touched, although he wore that dazzling smile almost like it was real. We gazed deeply into each other's eyes, convincing everyone that they were seeing love work its magic. But who was I to speak of Taeyong's mask when I was wearing mine just as tightly? Forgetting the terrifying episode I'd experienced only moments earlier, my body moved in rhythm with Taeyong's. My neck appeared unmarred: smooth as porcelain, soft as the first snowfall. The red imprint my hand left on Taeyong's cheek was veiled with layers of thick foundation, just as perfect as my neck. There were just too many lies in this one picture.

Reality watched from afar with an intensity I'd never seen before. Every flick of the wrist, twist of the leg, tilt of the head was to be executed exactly as we'd practiced. He was so, so determined to see me succeed. So my heart raced faster and faster against my will, ready to explode from my chest. Taeyong must've heard it as well, although he made no indication of it. The look on Reality's face made me fully concentrate on each move. The dance came naturally, although I wasn't about to take any chances. I performed like each move would become my last, like one mistake would beckon that vicious hand back to my neck, strangling me in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

We each wore our masks for the rest of the night. Those winning smiles captured the hearts of everyone we passed, earning nods of approval, kind words of praise. It was all too similar to the night of my first ballet competition. Along with all the sweet complements came the heavy burden of expectations. Again, a new load was added on. It was only the beginning, but the weight on my shoulders were already too much. How will I ever survive?

*                                           *                                                   *

"Darling," Gyeong said softly, snapping my attention back to her.

"Huh?"

"You were wonderful last night. Everyone loved you so very much, and Mr. SM even gave his approval. You should spend today to rest because you've earned it. You seem exhausted dear," she said, her eyes full of concern. I didn't believe it for a moment. Not again. Women like her always played nice while they could still get something out of you. She knew I could give her fame and respect, just like Ms. Chae. My potential burned brightly from all the skills I've displayed for her each day, making her faith in me stronger and stronger. But once that potential burned out, she's label me a failure and the sweet talk would have been for nothing. I couldn't forgive, not when she is a doppelganger of Ms. Chae.

I nodded silently and waited for her to leave.

"You're not actually going to take her advice are you?" Reality asked, appearing in a cloud of black smoke.

"No, I-"

"You want to, don't you? I can see it all over your face," he cackled.

"I'm tired! Of course I want to, but I wasn't going to," I said, feeling a sigh escape me.

"Then go practice. Or write that song you wanted so badly to put into your debut album. Not that it'll be good, but you can waste your time trying," Reality mocked.

"Can you go away?" I mumbled.

"No! Why would I ever do that? You're doing so well now because of me. I'm your motivation to become to best possible version of yourself. You should be thankful I'm here, not chasing me away! Look how great you've become at this new genre of dance. It's something you never knew how to approach before. In fact, you're the best rookie dancer SM has. And look at how thin you've become- everyone's jealous of your body. They admire you from afar, wondering what your secret is. You need me, Kiara,"

"It's suffocating when you're here, like you've out all the air to breathe. I can't handle it for too long," I said.

"Then learn to. You'll get used to it and abandon those nervous reactions you get. Trust me, they're only temporary and happen because you let them. Perhaps if you had better control, they could never get to you," Reality said. Maybe he was right. If I'd fought a little harder, that something else wouldn't have taken control of me, and Taeyong would never have gotten hurt. It's my fault all along.

"What do I need to do?" I whispered, bracing myself. Reality smiled widely, instructing me to work till my limits have been far surpassed.

*                                        *                                            *

I'm falling. My ears get muffled as I fall backwards into the water. In here, everything is darkm cold, unsympathetic. They know what I've done to Taeyong and how I rudely forced that makeup artist to fix my neck. They can't forgive me.

My screams become lost in the water when clawed limbs grab at me. My flesh is torn raw, ribbed skin not unlike my neck scars form. But they're everywhere, relentlessly attacking till those ugly marks mar every inch of my body. The pain is unreal, although somehow familiar. This physical pain...I've felt it before.

In real life, this physical pain didn't cover my body as much as it covered my heart. Those brutal claws were no different than all those remarks Reality whispered into my ear every day as constant reminders. So unbearable, but my muffled screams were forever kept inside my head, driving me mad. How do I get out? It's in my conscience; I can't escape. But I didn't have to let it control me either. 

This can't be reality. There is good in this world. There is that kind makeup noona, holding my tightly as I cried my heart out. There is Taeyong, who's always helped me get where I needed to be. He's never left me behind. There is good. Reality isn't always so cruel. It can't be his name. He says he's always helping me, but I've been nothing but hurt by his existence. The false motivation he creates gives me stress, always so extreme in its wickedness. It didn't need to be that way.

I wake up the next morning, and I know his name.