All I see is white. For a moment, I am convinced that someone had finally ended my misery and I am starring up at heaven's fluffy clouds. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case as shortly after found Johnny sitting next to me in a deep slumber. Only when I rose to a sitting position did he stir, snapping awake instantly.

"You're awake," he smiled, not letting go of my hand.

"What happened after the performance?" I asked, struggling to remember the details after my debut stage.

"As soon as you got off stage, you collapsed. So we brought you to the hospital. The doctor said you have anorexia and bulimia, but other than the side effects of the disorders, you're okay," Johnny said.

I nodded. "Does...anyone else know about what happened to me?"

"Kiara, it's spread around the whole company by now. Gossip travels faster than the speed of light at SM," he sighed.

Just when I managed to take the attention off of me for a couple weeks...something like this happens. No doubt they are laughing at me, perhaps even calling my collapse an 'act for attention'. Who knows what other nasty things are being whispered-

"How are you feeling? Still tired?" Johnny asked, gently cupping my face in his hands. My eyes widened as I felt my cheeks flush an unattractive shade of red.

"Y-ya! What are you doing-"

"What does it look like?"

"I don't know what kind of trick you're pulling-"

"It's not a trick," Johnny's smile widened as he once again caught me off guard, "can I kiss you?"

"Stop messing around," I pulled away, turning my head so that my hair fell over my flushed cheeks. Then I remembered how the hair dresser sabotaged my hair, that there wasn't enough to fall over the surface area of my cheeks.

Johnny laughed, "I'm just teasing you. Didn't think it was possible to get you this flustered,"

Gyeong saved me from answering by barging in, eyes widening when she saw me awake. The lady seemed to have aged ten years after becoming my manager: grey hair poked out in all different directions, heavy bags hugged her undereyes, and wrinkles ran along the length of her forehead. I never realized how much I effected the people around me.

"Kiara! Are you feeling better? My, you've gotten a healthy flush to your cheeks. Does anything hurt?" Gyeong's comment only furthered my embarrasment, but she seemed oblivious to it.

"I-I'm alright," I clear my throat, "I'm a little hungry,"

"Perfect! The doctor recommended that you eat something first, so I brought you a dessert," Gyeong pulled out a slice of fluffy, creamy chocolate cake. And suddenly it all came rushing back at me. My betrayal to Julie, to Johnny. The real reason I was sitting here in a hospital gown. As much as my condition depended on the state of my body, it depended just as much on my mental conscience. And right now, I couldn't live with myself without telling Johnny about Julie. I had to tell him. Now.

Dry tears sat in the back of my throat, strangling words that needed to be said. At last, I croaked out: "Gyeong. Can you please leave us for a moment? There's something I have to tell Johnny,"

Gyeong gave me a look as if I was about to make some cheesy confession, but she nodded understandingly and left the two of us alone. 

The silence suffocated my mind. But I knew as I let it go on longer, the more and more difficult it would become to reveal the truth. I'm tired of hiding everything, holding things to myself until they ate me alive. When Johnny is trying so hard to win my trust, it's only fair that I reciprocate those feelings. Trust went both ways.

"So what is it that you want to tell me?" he asked quietly, sensing the sudden change in mood.

"I...that girl...your friend..." I gasped, trying hard to focus, "Julie Yoo,"

Johnny felt my forehead, gazing at me with an intense concern that I didn't deserve. "What about her?"

"S-she's my cousin. We used to be so close as children," I stuttered. 

"You don't have to tell me if it puts such a strain on you," 

I grasped his hand and stared into his eyes. I needed him to know how important it was for me to say my side of the story.

"Julie unni and I were always together. You must know how studious and hard working she was-" I caught myself, "-is. Julie unni is that kind of person,"

Slowly, Johnny nodded. "She carried books with her everywhere,"

"Yes, my unni is like that. She constantly worried for me and raised me just as much as my parents did. I came to rely on her as a best friend and sister. You mentioned how she came to save you. Well, Julie protected and saved me everyday. When I got injured during ballet practice, she'd come to bandage me up. When I couldn't master a routine and lost hope, she never did. I can still remember her voice encouraging me everytime I needed it. And my recitals..." I took a breath, "...she never missed a single one of them,

"But I couldn't be that type of person for Julie unni. As you know, her parents fought a lot. There were plenty of times when she had to come over to my house in the middle of the night to sleep in my room. I never realized how on those nights, she must've been fighting her own monsters. Unni always took the blame for everything. That must've been the case for her parents as well. One day, a couple days before her mother was killed...I saw a large, purple bruise peeking out from under her hair on her neck. But when I asked what it was, she shrugged it off as nothing. Even the day after when I had a recital, all I could think about was whether or not Julie unni would show up. I didn't consider what she must be going through in the slightest. In the audience, she smiled brightly, but her eyes called out for help. She needed someone to save her! I missed all the times we spent together, those opportunities to reach out to her. It's my fault that her life turned out this way,"

Johnny was silent. 

It seemed like hours before anyone made a sound.

Then he got up,

and left.