Note: Please read the last bit of chapter 27! I added some 'loose ends' for you guys;)

Long before my trainee life began, one of my favorite hobbies had always been shopping. As much as a stress reliever it was for my Mom, it was the perfect excuse to get out of the house. My mom wasn't exactly a tiger-mom that controlled every aspect of my life, but neither was she a 'chill' mom that the kids at school prayed for. For one, she always had to know where I was. None of that 'I'm just hanging out with my friends' b.s. that kids always tricked their parents into believing. If I were to go out, my mom monitered with who, where, when, what, and every little detail from the time I left until I came back.

She was also quite restrictive with who I could qualify as a friend; she held a strong belief that those around you will shape who you become. In many ways, this principle made me lose out on a lot of opportunities that came my way. It built friendships that were as fake as Barbie's figure, but also teared down some of my closest ones. I have a cousin, who is my mom's sister's child, and we used to play together long before the days of high school drama and career ambitions. Julie was one of the sweetest people I'd ever met. I remember thinking how lucky I was to be related to someone so smart, hardworking, and diligent as her. Mom loved her too, once, even as her own daughter. Julie would come over and teach me math and science, all the subjects she was interested in just so I could keep up with all the mumbo jumbo she rambled on so excitedly about. Although she only had five more years under her belt, the girl seemed to be a wise sage who'd taken the form of an adolescent child.  

"Kiara, you really should learn more from your cousin," Mom once said after Julie had left. "That girl is going places, and she could teach you a thing or two,"

"Of course Mom! Julie-unni was trying to teach me caclucus today, but I couldn't understand a lot of it. She uses too many big words that are hard to say," my seven year old self said.

"Omo! She's already learned calculus?! How old is that girl now...eleven? Twelve? With a brain like that, it's hard to believe that she hasn't already started highschool," Mom said, scrubbing the chocolate cake crumbs off our plates. Julie loved chocolate: had it everytime she came over. I never enjoyed the excessively sugary treat, but I somehow convinced myself that if Julie liked it, I should too. Maybe it was the secret to becoming a prodigy like herself.

"She is! Julie skipped a couple grades, so I think she will start her highschool this year. She told me about being the youngest in all her classes, which is so so cool!" I said proudly, as if they were my own achievements and not Julie's.

My cousin and I connected on so many spiritual levels that I myself didn't even understand at the time. As a rambunctious child, Julie balanced me out as the cool, calm other half. They say that intelligent individuals only speak when they deem appropriate, and Julie fit the stereotype perfectly. There wasn't a thing to hate about my cousin. So why did Mom one day decide to cut her out of our lives? Why have I never seen my sweet childhood friend to this day?

Unlike Julie, her parents were polar opposites to their only child. I never heard much about my aunt and uncle, save some bits and pieces from Mom. Julie kept to herself: never once mentioned what went on inside their two story house down the block. Now that I look back, perhaps we could still be friends if I said something first. Julie never mentioned any family issues, but small gestures unintentionally signaled that something was very wrong. She's once bursted into tears when she dropped a piece of tiramisu cake on the floor, alarming Mom and I. As it turned out, her parents had been turning their house upside down the night before. The fight began with Uncle Yoo throwing away a cake Aunt Yoo worked very hard to make. From then, it escalated to forks, cups, chairs, then finally knives. In her futile attempt to break up the fight, Julie got sent to the hospital.

Mom said Uncle Yoo had bruised Julie's neck. The following day she came, I could see the hint of an ugly bruise peeking out behind Julie's dark hair.

"Unni, what's this-" I reacher out to her neck, carefully pushing aside her hair to reveal the bruise.

Instinctively, Julie brushed my hand away. She craddled her neck self consciously. "You know me, Kiara. I was a little distracted reciting pie and fell down the stairs. I'm at 580 digits now," Julie smiled bashfully. I just nodded, unsure of what else to do. My younger self was just concerned with making Julie happy. I worried that bringing up her family situation would spoil her mood, unaware of the consequences my staying silent would have. She must've been so lonely. At least I had the comfort of thinking that Taeyong and Nahyun were at my side; Julie didn't even have that much. False hope would've been better than nothing. But had I confronted her first, she wouldn't have needed to deal with false hope. I could offer her the real kind that healed the heart.

The day after Julie's last visit, Aunt Yoo was found dead at their home. The cause of death had been a bullet, lodged right at the apex of her heart. Only two suspects were at home during the homicide: Julie and Uncle Yoo. The answer should be obvious, but with the weapon burned to ashes, the police couldn't properly investigate. I vouched for Julie, arguing that a girl as sweet as the chocolate cake she loved so much could never bear the guilt of such a crime. Her own mother! Julie wouldn't even hurt a fly. Her love for science and nature were so strong such a thought would never even cross her mind. But for once, Julie's knowledge became a liability. Only a clever individual could execute a crime so thoroughly. Although no one had any evidence proving Julie's innocence, neither was there any evidence proving Uncle Yoo's. The answer was still too obvious. When we were kids, I knew my cousin inside and out. But no one believed me. Not even Mom.

"The girl...something's not right with her. She seems so sweet and perfect, but can any child living in a household like that be like her? It just doesn't add up. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that Uncle of yours had something to do with the whole murder, but he's not exactly known for his intelligence. The man managed to burn water. Burn water! He can make even the stupidest of mistakes you wouldn't believe are possible. Following through with a murder that smooth doesn't make sense. I can't trust a girl like Julie being around you, Kiara. Her parents have an awful record. I told my sister not to marry a man like that, but she didn't listen and had to live with the consequences. Your uncle's drinking habits, combined with his inability to hold a job, combined with my sister's own issues have accumulated to a huge debt that will follow Julie wherever she goes. There's no doubt that these bad influences have shaped their daughter. I pity the poor thing, but she can't be blameless," Mom said a couple days following the murder.

"Julie-unni isn't like that, Mom! Please don't believe what everyone else is saying. She's innocent! My unni has never done anything remotely cruel," I protested.

"And that doesn't mean she can't start now. Do well to stay away from that monster. Regardless of the court decision, your uncle decided to abandon Julie. She's going to an orphanage in Busan next week,"

Just like that, my childhood friendship with Julie disappeared into dust. She'd gone through so much- none of which she deserved- but I never got to see how she was doing after that. My own life seems priviledged compared to hers. With no money, a bad reputation following her around, and a place where Julie knew no one, I can't imagine what she's become. I wonder where my dear cousin is right now.

I think of her right now as I'm standing in a luxury mall in Seoul, admiring a display of fall lipsticks. I pick up a baby pink shade, trying it on my lips.

"Julie would love this color," I mumble, rubbing my lips to blend the color. But then I recall mother's remark, about how she must've changed in the aftermath. In many ways, she's right. How could Julie not be hardened by the experiences she'd gone through? No one stays the same; I know I've changed so much that I bet Julie wouldn't recognize me if she walked into this store. Would it be the same for me? Would this new Julie carry only a shadow of what she once was?

"It looks lovely on you,"

I whisked around, wondering if I'd been recognized. But to my surprise, Johnny had walked up behind me. He flashed a mischievious grin.

"Did you follow me?" I asked, putting the lipstick back on its display.

"Follow is a strong word," he laughed.

"Oh I'm sorry, is stalked better?"

"More accurate, I'll give you that," Johnny stared a beat too long, admiring the color on my lips.

"I mean it, that lipstick looks great on you. Quite appropriate for your album's concept," he winked. The concept he referred to was innocent love, the adrenaline rush of a first love where the girl tries in vain to calm her heart. I actually quite liked the idea. Combined with an intense choreography and a thrilling beat, my title track wasn't your typical cutesy girl song. Perhaps I'd like it even more if I actually experienced a first crush. Sure, there were cute boys at school, but none that I felt an attraction to which melted my soul (as the album suggests).

But the lipstick itself was far too expensive, not something I'd splurge so carelessly on. "The pricetag of this lipstick could buy me a five star meal. Hm...food or makeup? I think the answer's obvious," I remarked.

Johnny surrendered, holding his hands up."Your choice, not mine,"

I put my mask back on, and we made our way outside to the plaza connecting the shopping mall. Wearing such heavy disguises at the end of summer caught quite a few glances in our direction, but none which lingered in recognition. Neither of us were that famous yet, although Johnny definitely got more exposure through the show NCT life, which followed him and his group members around on their adventures. 

"So where are we going now?" Johnny asked, his voice muffled through the mask.

"I was planning to do more shopping, but you'll probably be bored to death,"

"No, I love shopping," Johnny said quickly. I raised an eyebrow.

"No guy likes following girls around when they shop. Why would you be willing to sacrifice a couple hours of your life that you'll never get back?" I laughed, eyeing Missha through my peripheral vision.

Johnny sighed, all traces of humor gone from his face. "Look, I'm going to be honest. Kim Youngmin-nim gave me some freetime so I could keep an eye on you. He said to make sure you were alright, like he asked Taeyong to do,"

I nodded, not surprised in the least. "That seemed to be the case. I appreciate you telling me,"

"But, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. When Taeyong was ordered to befirend you, he did it out of spite- simply because the Youngmin-nim told him to. I don't fell the same way. I truly believe that you're special, Kiara-ssi. You deserve every bit of attention you've garnered, because I've never seen anyone as talented and beautiful as you. I seriously mean it," Johnny smiled under his mask, imprinting the fabric.

"It's going to take a lot more than some pretty words for me to believe you. I've had my fair share of betrayals and surprises since I came to SM. This time, I'm prepared not to get hurt again," I said indifferently.

Johnny sighed. "I expected an answer like that. Ok, then. I'll just have to prove to you that I'm different."

I gave him a questioning look, to which he laughed. 

"Alright then. Give it all you've got."