How did I end up here, sitting on this tall creature, legs shaking? I hold onto the reins with trembling fingers, clinging on for dear life. The reindeer is so huge that the ground is good few metres away. He walks slowly, taking baby steps towards the gloomy forest. As he advances, going faster and faster, I stiffle a yelp, and my hands move down to grab it's neck. "Woah, there," Dongwoo says, holding onto the large mammal.

"Can I get down now?" I say, cheeks crimson. The boys in my cabin all help me out, even the other boy who replaces Sunggyu sometimes in the cafe. His name is Youngmin, a tall boy in the same class as Sungjong. He smiles as he carries me down, making my blush deepen. I land in the snow, a small yelp escaping my mouth. I look up to see Myungsoo staring back down at me, tilting his head down. We had all to have turns on the reindeer, and L was exceptionally professional at it. Sighing, I prepare myself mentally for the next 'Christmas Challenge'.

"With your group, you need to ride a tabogan down the steep hill, the first group to get to the bottom without cheating in anyway gets to choose the first box of decorations. From there, you must pick a tree and decorate it. The winning team with the best Christmas tree gets a prize! Let's go people!" Mr. Lee says, raising his flag. 

We all run to our tabogans, prepared to jump in with the speed of light. By the time that the flag lowers, he blows his whistle and all of a sudden Woohyun and Sungyeol are pushing us down, yelling at everyone to get in. I'm squished between L's legs, Hoya below me. I squeal with delight as snow pelts down on my face, a never-ending shower of white. We're racing down at an incredible speed, the trees nothing but a green blur in the background. The wind whips through my hair, a defeaning sound. I can hear Sungyeol screaming along with me, his arms waving madly in front. Myungsoo's hands find their way to my shoulders, making me freeze. His hands travel to my mouth, where he holds them shut to prevent me from screaming. 

Even though I try to pry them off, his iron grip keeps my mouth clamped shut. Until finally, we hit the snow at the very bottom of the hill, landing with a thud. My head hits back against L's 'private' area, and I blush madly, throwing his arms off me. We all rise, running towards Mr. Lee and the other teachers. There are boxes lined neatly with various numbers on them. I look around the clearing; we appear to be the first students here.

While Sungyeol is doing his victory dance, the rest of us walk up to the teachers. "Choose your box, lucky first students," Mr. Lee says, gesturing to the objects on the ground. My face puzzles. "We don't know what's inside?"

"Where's the fun in that?" he says, a mischevious look in his eyes. 

"Nana can choose," Youngmin says, resting an arm on my shoulder. The rest of the guys agree, and I've suddenly become the decision-maker. I'm a horrible decision-maker. "Erm...." I mumble. "Box 7?"

Mr. Lee lifts up the lid off Box 7, as I grimace. "Congratulations Cabin 67!" We look through our box, that is filled with tinsle, stars, baubles, sparkly things, mistletoe...Sungyeol high fives me, as we rush to pick a tree.

"Look at that big one," Sungjong says cutely, pointing to the largest tree in the middle of the forest. We decide to use that specific tree to decorate, and all of a sudden, our hands are everywhere. We stick random baubles in the awkwardest of places. As more and more students flood the area, we see that some of the boxes they are carrying contain fish skeletons, raw egg, a banana, etc. I smile at our fortune. 

Being the tallest, Sungyeol is in charge of putting the star up in the top of the centre. The tree is much too tall for him, so he ends up piggy-backing Youngmin, the second tallest in the group. Together they are almost three heads taller than the tree, and Youngmin places the star on with ease. Mr. Lee calls everyone back to the centre of our meeting area. We have won the Christmas Challenge.

"So..what's the prize?" Hoya says, grinning.

"The joy of winning," Mr. Lee replies seriously. All of our faces fall. "You're joking, right?" Dongwoo says. Mr. Lee lets out a chuckle, a horrifying sound that makes everyone stare. His face straightens. "And a basket of gingerbread men to last you the entire week."

Well, it's better than nothing, so we all grudgingly head back to the meeting area for another challenge. As the sky darkens, I look up, wondering what the Gods are thinking.


After the challenges are finished, and dinner is served, we all sit at the campfire, eating marshmallows and hot chocolate like any normal school camp. The thought almost makes me laugh. The students chat restlessly amongst themselves, shivering in the cold, giggling beneath the light. I hold my palms out to the fire, the heat radiating like the sun. Mr. Lee calls my attention when he holds out his guitar. "Does anybody want to play something because I am a horrible guitarist?"

A chorus of laughter circles around the students. Mr. Lee is horrible at everything. Mrs. Chang, my music teacher instantly rises. "One of my best students," she says with a sugary smile, her eyes gazing straight at me. I pray in my head that she won't call my name out. Please. Please. Please. "Oh Nana, get out here!"

I curse silently. Walking up to the front of the campfire is one of the most awkward situations I've ever been placed in. I quietly place the old acoustic guitar on my lap, thinking of what to play. As I ponder, my mind simultaneously wanders to my deceased father, somewhere in heaven. I gulp my tears back, as the song I sang on his death bed re-enters my mind after pushing it away for so many years.

My fingers strum lightly on the strings. All eyes are on me, but I only look at the blazing fire, as if the flames are telling my own story.

"I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, I'll never let you go
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, Don't leave me here alone
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window darling
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby
Even when the music's gone

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Just close your eyes
You'll be alright
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound..."

 The students are silent. A quiet applause runs through after a minute, and I return to my seat, head down. Many other students performn in front of the same fire that night, but I pay no attention to them. The night ends too quickly, and before I can stop it, the hours pass by. The lights go out once again, and I am left to my thoughts in that silent night. 

But this night, I truly cannot sleep. It's Christmas Eve, no wonder I was remember things. I grab my blanket in the night, carrying with me an extra pillow. I silently walk down the steps, trying not to wake anyone. Myungsoo is asleep. His head rests on his pillow, his mouth slightly open. He looks so..peaceful. I take silent steps outside, down the hallway and to the front porch of the entire cabin.

It's made entirely of wood, and though there is no fire, no heater, nothing to warm me, I lay my pillow against the wall, my blanket tight around my arms. For a few minutes, I bask in my own silence. It's welcoming sometimes, as it is creepy. My eyes wander around the forest that surrounds me, the trees towering above the cabin roof. The alarming sound of footsteps alerts me, and I'm prepared to run. Students aren't supposed to be out in the front porch in the middle of the night. 

But when I look up, it's not Mr. Lee. It's not even a teacher. When I look up, a cold and hard face looks back. "Myungsoo," I say, my voice sounding as cold as the weather. "What are you doing here?"

He sits beside me, covered up in coats and huddles next to my blanket. For some reason, I allow him. "I've been here before," he confesses suddenly, looking around.

"Really?" I mumble.

He nods. "Yeah. That's why I hate it so much."

"Why do you hate it?"

"I went here with Yunji Noona."

I stay silent for a while. "Are you going to tell me about her?"

He smirks. "She's twenty-four this year. She's a ballerina. She lived next door to me when I was younger. My parents were always away, so she was the only one who actually cared for me. I looked up to her as more than a friend, or a little brother. She was special." The way he says this is filled with so much pain that I look away from his eyes. After a few more minutes of silence, he speaks once again. "That song you sang today...was it..?"

I nod, sadly. "I wrote it." He prompts me for more without even speaking. "My dad died. On Christmas, in a car accident."

"I'm sorry," he says.

I shrug. "I was with him. I wanted to go see Christmas lights, even though it was dangerous to drive because of the snow. I was so excited. And then..." I choke on my own voice, the feeling unfamiliar. Somewhere along our talk, it begun to snow. The only sound in this dead, silent night is the sound of snow pelting the ground. 

"I don't know why I lived," I tell him honestly. When I say this, he looks straight at me, with such fierce eyes, I can't look away from him. It's captivating. "But I tell myself everyday, that no matter what happens... he's happy. Right?" I feel something wet drop down my cheek. My hand reaches up to feel the wet liquid, and I marvel at the sight. A single, solitary tear. "I haven't cried for years," I say, almost laughing. "I don't let myself."

It feels so sharp and cold against my pale cheek, as if the winter breeze has frozen the tear in it's path. Myungsoo points up. My eyes follow his hand, to see the little plant, twisted perfectly around the wooden building. For a second I don't recognise it, but then my mind turns back to the Christmas tree decorating. It's mistletoe. Before I can react, his lips press silently against my cheek. Against the tear. 

He kisses away my sorrow, and I know it's out of pity. It's out of friendship. He pulls away before I can fully appreciate his lips. His soft, soft lips. "They say to get rid of old, bad memories," he tells me, in his deep rumbling voice. "You need to create new ones."

Myungsoo reaches for my hands, and though we're both freezing, I suddenly feel warm. Warmer than I've ever felt before. "The place that I hated, the place where I went with a girl that forgot me, it's suddenly not too bad. The day that you've dreaded all these years, I want to make it better for you. You understand, right?" 

I nod, almost laughing. "Thank you," I tell him. "Thank you for just being a friend."

He kisses my hand, and I feel his lips on my skin one last time. "It's past 12 now. Merry Christmas, Nana."
 

what a beautiful chapter, oml. ;~; AND LETS PRETEND THEY UNDERSTAND THE SONG THAT IS IN ENGLISH, OKAY? LOL. i swear im just going to cry as soon as the hunger games come out, <3