It passed one week already since Hanbin didn’t come to school. And of course he didn‘t accept my calls. I went to his house but of course no one opened the door. I asked Jinhwan, Bobby and Chanhyuk but of course no one would tell me. After trying for 4 days to reach him I gave up. Not because I was tired but why should I try if he was the one who made the mistake. Where is his trust to me? Who the hell even spread the humors? Zelo and I making out? What the … .

„Some news from Hanbin?“ Soohyun layed on my bed reading my favourite manga Ao Haru Ride.

„Do I look like there are some news about him?“ I sat on my chair and tried to varnish my nails in a hot pink color.

She shook her head without even looking at me.

„Did Jinhwan say something?“ I asked her still painting my nails.

She giggled all of a sudden and turned the page.

„Do you even listen to me?“ I was waving with my hands, hoping it would dry rapidly.

She raised her brows giving me a sign I should repeat my question.

„Forget it“ I stood up and pushed her „I’m tired. Make room“.

„You want to sleep already? It’s still 11 pm“ She put the manga away and looked at me in confusion until I turned away. „Well then I’m also going to sleep“

She stood up and turned off the lights. She was staying overnight since Friday and today was Sunday. I felt lonely these days so I asked her to keep company.

As I closed my eyes I felt a hug embracing me from behind. It felt warm, so warm that I didn’t complain. I was used to the lonliness. But I realised that if you have someone for awhile, you are getting more used to it. I didn’t miss the lonliness when I was with Hanbin, but why am I missing to have someone when he's not around? Without realizing it tears rolled down through my cheeks.

Soohyun must noticed it since she hugged me more tighter „You are not alone“.

Her angelic voice calmed me down „I am here with you“.

I smiled and turned around too see her beautiful but natural face.

„Unnie you have a wonderful family. You should talk with them more often about your problems. Sometimes it’s not enough to talk with just one person“

„No you are enough“ I said somehow ignorantly but her words brought me back to reality.

„You never know Hayi.. You‘ll never know when I’ll leave you. Some day I will be gone, our ways will take different paths. We will meet new people, new friends, a new family. What if something happens to me? What if I die someday? You have to let other people in your life“

„Hell, what’s with you. Stop talking so emo“ I rolled my eyes but deep inside me the unpleasant feeling anxiety grew inside me.

„Just the truth unnie“ She started to slowly my gold-brown hair „I’ve got a bofriend and you too. These days we didn’t do something together like before. Like going shopping, going to the cinema, to partys. Or just hanging out lazily in summer while eating our favourite ice cream. The things that are happening lately shows me that we grow up. Some day we will be adults and go to work. We will barely see each other“

I’ve felt how my breath got heavier. She was right. Never will it be like before „Come on girl. Why are we talking about bad things. We should be more positive. Heck, how did we come to this topic? Can we just enjoy the moment? I already feel like “

She suddenly burst into a laughter „I don’t  know why I started this topic. Is it a sign that I got old already?“

„Seems so, ajumma“

„Ya!“

-----------

The way to the school Soohyun and me went together. Bobby joined us and curiosity took me over. Why is no one telling me where Hanbin has been? Should I use different methods to get some answers?

„Bobby oppa~“

With a bright smile I linked my arm to his. He just looked at me with confusion but tried to hide it while putting a polite smile on his face „Oh good morning Hayi!“

While I was playing with his jacket I said „You know.. Lately I’ve been sooo lonely“.

„So?“

I looked up to him and tried to look as cute as possible. Cuter and more adorable when I was with Hanbin. The cutest face I could ever make. And of course I faked my voice. More brighter and more softer „I feel like you are hiding things from me“

„Eh.. W-what do you mean?“

Jackpot, I’ve made him nervous! Aegyo never works on Hanbin but Bobby is quiet different. More sensitive in these things.

„Why don’t you trust me. I mean we are friends and I’m the girlfriend from your bro. You know how hard it is for me lately… without Hanbin“

Suddenly he pulled his arm and looked at me with a horrified expression „Now you are pulling this game? You know I won’t talk with you about Hanbin“

„Wha- I have the right! He is my boyfriend!“ My face and voice changed to it’s normal.

„And he is my bestfriend. Sorry but I thought you would be different. Trying to convince me with this.. This look of yours“ He rolled his eyes from my head to toe, mumbled things and left me dumfounded.

„Whoa! Did he really say ‘Bros before Hoes‘?“ My jaw dropped and I just looked at Soohyun who was laughing her off.

„No. He was nervous that’s why he exaggerated a little bit“ She answered me still laughing.

„Nervous? Why? He can’t react like this! He should politely reject my question. But he went nuts“

Soohyun shook her head „If you would look at me like the way you looked at Bobby… Believe me even I would be mad after hearing you talking about Hanbin“

I furrowed my brows „I don’t understand a thing“.

Suddenly she touched my shoulders „Are you dumb? You are a girl and he is still a boy. His hormones went nuts after you looked at him like you would look at an ice cream. Didn’t you see his sweat drops and red cheeks. He even stuttered. You should be careful whom you look at like that. He ran away so that he couldn’t get any ideas about his bestfriends girlfriend. UNDERSTAND?“

I slowly nodded and felt embarassed. So embarassed that I went back home and missed classes.

At home I’ve got a message from Soohyun: HANBIN IS HERE!

Without thinking I took my jacket to go to school but a sudden thought stopped me from doing it. Should I play with him instead?

But of course I couldn’t do it. I missed him too much. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to talk with him, clear the misunderstanding. I wanted to see his smiling face again. The look he has when he is with me. Gosh I wanted him so badly.

I ran back to school and of course I missed the first half of the lesson.

„Look who has come. Lee Hayi-sshi?“ Mrs. Park pierced me with her eyes through her glasses.

But I wasn’t even fixed at her. I looked at Hanbin’s seat and felt the dissapointment after seeing it was empty.

„Lee Hayi-sshi“

I snapped as I saw Mrs. Park clicking her fingers in front of me.

„I’m sorry“

She ordered me to sit. The class was like always… BORING.

I scribbled on my notebook. Nothing but just scribbles, many black scribbles.

„I feel like our Hayi-sshi isn’t following the class. After the class come to me“

Well, you Mrs. Park. you. But since when I am using words like ? Of course because of Hanbin. The corner of my mouth raised. Hanbin… I miss you so much. Why are you torturing me? What have I done? What would happen if I actually do something bad? Would you kill me? Not just mentally but physically?  

After everyone went out I went to Mrs. Park’s desk „So, what should I do?“

„Sit“

„Okay?“ I took a nearby chair and sat in front of Mrs. Park.

As she packed her things she started to talk „So there is a rumor going around that you and Hanbin are dating“

Me and Hanbin didn’t hide our relationship but it wasn’t official either.

„We are just close friends Mrs. Park“ I said emotionsless, knowing she would ask me about Hanbin.

„You maybe realized that he is abscent for one week already. He didn’t inform us about it. You know if he continues it he will be kicked out of school“

My eyes popped out and unintentionally I covered my mouth with my hands.

„I would be happy if you could talk with him about the consequences. Thank you“

I slowly nodded and was already lost in thoughts. Does he know that? Is he doing it on purpose? Quickly I took my phone out and called Soohyun.

„Where did you saw him?!“

„Unnie, he went into the school office. I wanted to go in but they didn’t let me. After that the bell rang and I didn’t saw him anymore“

„Okay, I’ll see you later“

After hanging up I ran to the school office and saw Mrs. Park.

„Mrs. Park he came to school today. To be exactly he was here and talked with some teacher“ I was out of breath so it was hard for me speak.

„Mr. Choi told me already“

„So where is he now? What will happen to him? He will come again right?“ I hoped for a response but as thought they just shook their heads.

„We can’t give you private information about other students“

„No no no! I won’t say anything to the others. Please trust me Mrs. Park, please!“

Again she shook her head and went pass by me. I rushed behind her „Mrs. Park why won’t you tell me. You saw us everyday together. You must know that me and Hanbin are in good terms. There is nothing like privacy between us“

„Sorry Lee Hayi. Can you stop following me now? I have to go the the class so must you“

I couldn’t take it anymore. Why is she hiding? What is she hiding? „BUT HE IS MY BOYFRIEND!“

She stopped for a second before she walked away.

 I went to my class, which was empty. The other students were on the biology class.

 I dropped on Hanbin’s seat and realized that there was the letter ‘H‘ with a heart scratched on the table. My mouth formed a smile “Stupid~“.

 While thinking about so many possibilities why he came and why he went away I rested my head on the desk. There was this emptiness in my heart which gave me so much pain. There was this lump in my throat, the lump you have before crying. I didn’t want to cry. It was stupid to cry over things like that. Never ever would I imagine myself crying over a boy. Now I understand the sadness in romance movies. Now I understand the sadness when Soohyun has a fight with Jinhwan. Somehow having a relationship taught me so much. Bad things, good things. I always thought myself why having a relationship if you get hurt anyway? But now I realized it’s not that bad. The good things outweighs the bad things anyway. I just have to endure this. It will go away. Hanbin is just mad at me temporaly, I’m sure it’s normal. Everything will go back to how it was before. Right?

I heard someone’s footsteps coming to the room. The footsteps… these steps are just from one person.

„Hanbin?“

I lifted my head and he was standing some inches away from me, looking from above. His black orbs pierced through my body and I felt my heart jumping out of enjoy.

„I just have to take my books“

Take his books? I rised from my seat, no it was his seat.

He took all the books out of the shelf.

„Hanbin why?“

So many things went through my head. Where is he going? Did they kick them out of the school? Will he change schools?

After he put all books in his bag he made his way to the door but of course I wouldn’t allow him to go. Not yet. No, never.

I took his wrist. As much as I tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from my throat in form of tears. They dropped one by one „Where are you going?“

He took a deep breath, turned around and again pierced me through with his emotionsless eyes.

While he was staring at me, a small smirk formed his mouth „But he is my boyfriend“

These words… “You saw it?“

His hand reached to my cheeks. Slowly and gently he wished my tears away. As if I would stop crying now. More tears started to fell down. It was so hard for me to hold back until I’ve got a hiccup.

„Hayi, I thought the one week absence of mine would make it clear that we are no longer together“

He gave me his softest but saddest smile ever before he made his way outside but hell I would let go of him now. I gripped him by his shirt and pulled as hard as I could. He wouldn’t struggle against it. It was his favourite shirt, which Hanbyul choosed it for him.

„Why Hanbin, why? What happened to you? It’s not because of jealousy right? Why would you believe some stupid rumors? Where is your trust to me? Did I ever showed interest to other men?“

The noisy sobs and hiccups echoed through the empty class room.

Roughly he untangled himself while he took my wrist „What the Hayi. What was the thing with Bobby? Don’t tell me there was no sign of interest. The glances you gave to him. For what? Just to get some information about me?  You go this far? How low did you fell?"

He saw me today? Why would I do something like that. I feel so stupid! "The thing with Bobby. It was just out of the blue.."

"But this is not even the main topic. The ing Zelo guy. I don’t even want to start about him. I don’t give a about your childhood crush or whatever but what was the talk about insecurities? You were afraid of falling in love with him again? What happened to the old you? The one who gave a about boys?“

„Again you are trusting rumors more“ My voice was quiet and shaky.

„Rumors? You think I would go this far just because of some stupid rumors? I saw the way you were talking with him. I saw the talk between you and Soohyun about him. The first day he came to school. But I tried not to make a big fuss about it. Days after days you were with him in one classroom. For what? For teaching him? What are you? Personal teacher? I said it already I wouldn’t react like this if he would be with us while I was with you. But why is he next to you while I’m not?“

Why did I have to smile in this kind of situation? „It’s good that you saw it all. So you must know that we didn’t have something intimate“

Out of anger he runned his hand through his hair and dropped himself on a chair while trying to massage his eyes. His eyes then followed every movement of mine. He stared at me so intensely with his emotionsless but strong glare without looking somewhere else. Shortly said, he watched me while I was torturing myself. Hiccups, tears, sobs. How ugly and pityful must I look in front of him right now.

„Don’t cry“

I’ve felt my heart aching.

„Didn’t I told you not to cry in front me before?“

I tried to look at his face, but it was too blurry. Too blurry to see what kind of face he is making right now.

After looking at me for 10 minutes straight he said out of the blue „Come here“.

I did it so. He took my hand and pulled me gently into a hug. His strong arms embraced me, I could feel him again. I felt warm, safe. And now I was crying more. How much can a human body cry? Doesn’t it go out of water after loosing too much?

He softly my head.

„Ha-hanbin… I don’t understand you. Do you love me or not?“

„I-“ He made a pause and didn’t continue which made me surprise.

I softly pushed him to look into his eyes but he was avoiding it „Hanbin..“

He looked at the clock, which was hanging on the wall and ran towards his bag which was on the middle of the ground.

„“

„Whe-where are you going?“ My lips were trembling so much that I had to bite it.

After taking his bag he came in front of me. With his cold hands he touched my neck and brushed his lips to mine. Not innocently, but hot, fiery and passionate. I wanted to pull him away before I enjoyed it too much, before I lost myself but I couldn't. My senses had been seduced and I couldn't think straight anymore. As he let go slowly he looked into my eyes more intensely than ever. But something was wrong.

It felt like a farewell kiss.