It was too much.

Hot water poured into the bathtub. I opened the bag with the bath salts in it and waited until the water turned into a hot pink color with foar. Carefully I d the water with my right feet, to look if it wasn't too hot. And it was just right. At least one thing I did correctly today.

As I was totally soaked in the water I slowly closed my eyes and tried to remember my worst day of my life.

*******

"Yang Hyun Suk sajangnim is searching for you, Hayi"

I rushed to my boss' office, hoping that I didn't do anything wrong. Every little thing I did wrong passed through my mind. Did he saw the picture with Gray and the rest of the gang? Or that I followed Dokki on Instagram? Maybe he saw me with Bobby chilling yesterday in the park. No, boss isn't like that. He wouldn't make a big fuss about it. Maybe it's because he just wants to listen to my self-produced songs? Because of my upcoming comeback? Get yourself together, girl!

"You called me, sajangnim"

"Sit down first"

I followed the instruction of my boss. My heart was beating nonstop.

He opened a video on his laptop and turned it to me, so that I could look at it. My stomach made backflips as I saw it. It was the Akmu concert I attended some days ago. I talked about my plans for my next album 'I am working hard on writing and producing songs. Please look forward to my upcoming album!'

I gulped before I could explain everything "Sajangnim-"

"So, you see the problem?"

"No-.. Yes-... I mean no but-"

He interrupt me before I could even speak "You don't see the problem? What's wrong with your head? You clearly are talking about your upcoming album. What album are you talking about? Did you ask for my permission. Tell me one thing. Are you the headmaster of this company or me?"

He was right. I didn't even talked about it with him. It should be a surprise. First Love was my first and last album in 2013. Now it's the end of 2014. Since nearly 2 years I didn't have a comeback. Many people are constantly commenting on my Instagram for a comeback. They miss me and I miss them, my fans, the stage, the cheering and singing with a microphone in front of so many people who are cheering on me and screaming my name 'Lee Hi, Lee Hi'. It's the best feeling ever. It gives me so much motivation, strength and power. Loneliness is fading away when I sing for other people and for me. I feel surrounded by people who will always staying right next to me. Helping me. Loving me.

 Many songs were even finished. I had some help from my 2NE1 Unnies and from my Bigbang Oppas and even from some producers working in YG. 

"Sajangnim. It should be a surprise. I finished with 6 songs and got even help from Jiyong Oppa" Jiyong was his favourite artist in his company, so using his name shouldn't be a problem. Right?

"He helped you?" Now his angriness was slowly but surely fading away.

I proudly nodded my head and surprisingly he wanted to listen to the songs, which he had no interest before some seconds. This, my friends, was the power of GD.

I quickly searched for the songs on my phone and opened it. After listening to all the songs he looked at me in dissapointment. 

"I had hopes in you and Jiyong. But they are no worth it for an album with quality. An album who is coming from YG Entertainment. Do you want to drag our proud name into the dirt?"

I shook my head "No sajangnim"

"Get out now. I don't want to hear anything from you anymore"

As I turned around tears were rolling through my cheeks. What did this mean? No album release? For how long? Six months? One year? Two another years?

I went to the restroom to wash my red face. But my swollen red eyes were still to be seen. As I walked out I bumped into the iKON trainees, who will debute next year. Maybe my comeback will right after their debut? 

Bobby, whom I know the most because of I'M DIFFERENT era, gave me a highfive. After he realized that I was not in the mood he asked me if I was okay. Hanbin and Donghyuk were also not strangers to me anymore. I trained with them for a whole month every day until the night because of MIX&MATCH. Somehow I miss Yang Hongseok. We didn't have a good start but in the end of the month we were like.. best friends? Junhoe is my junior since KPOPSTAR but he doesn't treat me like his noona. He's like even avoiding my existence sometimes. And sometimes he's like 'Hayi-ya, Hayi-ya'. And I'm like 'God damn! I'm your noona, show some respect' And in the next minute he's like 'Shut up and help me'. Okay, this is a little bit exaggerated but it's close to that. Jinhwan is also a good friend, but just because of Soohyun. If she wouldn't like him, I wouldn't even talk with him. And then there are the sibling-looking-alike couple Yunhyeong and Chanwoo. Yunhyeong is also just a good friend because he is nice and has this prince-like aura. Chanwoo is a little bit shy and so am I we don't talk that much. But he is nice towards his noona. He's a good kid, good kid.

"I'm good, I'm good. Don't worry. Just tired and exhaust of training" I gave them a reassuring smile but they still looked at me awkwardly. I went to my training room and listened to the songs that I made myself. While I was trying to find some mistakes, Hanbin rushed into the room.

"Are you searching for something?" I asked him but he just nodded his head, without looking at me and trying to find something.

While he was looking like a fool, trying to find something, I just had to laugh.

"Found it!" He ran towards me and pointed at my face "I searched for your smile!"

Now I had to laugh more widely and loudly until my stomach ached. "You really are a fool Hanbin".

"But you're laughing now"

"Yes, yes thank you" I patted his back as he just randomly sat next to me.

He put his head backwards out of enjoyement "Ahh this feels good".

"Should I gave you a massage?"

"Please~ Today's training was so tired"

I smiled and put my hands on his neck and slowly started to knead.

"I didn't know you made new songs?" He asked me while his eyes still were closed out of amusement.

First I got irritated but after I noticed that my songs are still going on I said "They are bad right? I've wanted to surprise everyone. I wanted to surprise you guys, Soohyun, Chanhyuk and YG but it didn't turned out good"

"So that's why you cried?" His voice was quite and reassuring.

"He scolded me. But I didn't cry because of that. I wanted that my selfmade songs will be worth for a release" I made pause and continued "But YG didn't like it".

"You work hard for something. Putting all your hopes, strengths, sweats, tears in it. You are sure, you'll get what you want. You are proud for what you did. You are proud of the endresult. But somehow it's not enough. You didn't win, or didn't get what you deserved. Because you are bad. And you'll never be better as you are now. Because you tried your hardest, you tried everything. You think, you will never have something better than what you produced. You doubt about your own skills 'Is this what all I can? Can't I do better?' And this is the moment where you loose all your faith. You cry, you get mad, you get desperate. But than there is something or someone who leads you to the right path again. Now you see your own mistakes and try to fix them, you're not starting from the start, but you're starting fixing where your flaws at. And than you make it. You are flawless, prouder than you ever was. And everyone sees the perfection of you and what you have did. And the praise you get is not enough, so you start to be better than ever. And you'll get better."

*********

A smile formed my face. The water got cold and my fingers got wrinkels. After I looked at the clock I started to get out from the bath. I didn't even realize that I was one whole hour in the bath.

As my phone beeped I looked at the display and saw one message from Hanbin.

Your songs are not that bad. The beat is good, but you could change some phrases of your text, so the message can be easier to understand. Your singing overall is no problem. It's perfect! But we will start slowly, one by one. And someday you'll release a bomb- album ;)

Author's note: Hey, sorry that it's just an extra but I wanted to add a new chapter since I couldn't hold back my happiness. My baby Lee Hayi is finally having a comeback in march. Listen to the snippets of her new album that I edit together in one video :    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyqEH4IJ42Y