Hahaha… hello there! I just wanted to say thanks for being such active readers. >.< Really motivates me to write. And I noticed how the comments were like “NO!!!” and “Love is not over” and things like that. And I can’t help but notice that recently, my chapter are becoming shorter than my usual 3000+ words. I just want to ask if that’s ok with you. Please answer later in your comment.

And btw, "self-deception" means "lying to one's self" (in case your curious about the title)

If it keeps bothering you… I just want you to know that…

I am not a fan of bad endings.

Enjoy!(?)

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Jimin’s POV:

I woke up early in the morning, compared to my recent waking times. Wow, that alone time in the porch really helped me move on. I stretched my fully-rested limbs and sat up, yawning.

“Good morning, Kookie.” I said. I was waiting for a response, but nothing came. That’s the only time I remembered that Jungkook was no longer sharing a room with me. He moved his stuff to Namjoon’s room. When I realized it, I laughed at myself. It was kind of embarrassing – how greeting him that way became a routine to me, even though our relationship, if you can call it that, lasted only for a few days. Jimin, really, very funny.

I stood up and quickly washed my face before changing into my jogging attire. After tying my shoe laces, I quietly opened the door of MY room and headed down stairs to find Tae already waiting for me.

“Good morning, Tae.” I greeted him. Tae looked at me and smiled, but I didn’t miss the slight hint of curiosity in his expression.

“Good morning, hyung.” Tae greeted me back and stood up. He eyed me from head to toe, and back. He locked gaze with me and gave me a questioning look. “Wow. I was actually shocked when you texted me last night that you wanted to go jogging with me.” He said as he followed me outside. I just continued walking, and began to pick the pace up, until I was at a comfortable pace in jogging. Tae was left behind for some moment, but he eventually caught up with me. We continued jogging, just jogging, not talking to each other like we usually do when we jog together. After a few minutes, Tae began to speak.

“Hyung, I’m so proud of you.” Tae said to me. I looked at him and raised my brow.

“Why is that? Did I win an award I don’t know?” I jokingly asked him. Honestly, I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Hyung, I’m proud of how you took everything that happened.” Tae said to me. “I am so happy that you finally walked out your little hiding place and decided to live again.” He continued. I looked at him to see him smiling his famous rectangle smile.

“If it weren’t for your support, I wouldn’t have made it. After I went to the porch and cried my heart out, I came to realize, that it can’t go on like that forever.” I said to him. “That I got a life to live.” I continued. Tae smiled again and continued jogging. We were just jogging until Tae talked again.

“Hyung… how are you feeling now? I mean, are you finally able to realize how you feel about him?” Tae asked me. Damn, I should’ve been ready for that question.

I just continued jogging, thinking about a good answer. “Y-you don’t have to answer that question, you know. Just forget about it.” Tae quickly said when he noticed my lack of response. I felt thankful that Tae is not in his 4D mode today. At least, I didn’t have to fabricate an answer.

If I were to ask myself – What am I feeling right now? I am sure that I wouldn’t be able to come up with an answer. I am not ready to face anything about the matter. I am not yet able to realize how I really feel. But right now, I am still trying to build my strength up. And I decided to show the other members that I am stronger. I wanted to show the other members that I am able to handle my emotions, and that I can stand up again, live again, just like what I did after the many times that Jungkook hurt me in the past. But even so, it was all a lie. I was lying to myself, because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am ok, I am not.

We continued jogging, and eventually went to the cliff where we watched the sunrise. I sat down on the rock and waited for some time. Tae was also sitting on another rock and was also staring at the horizon, waiting for the sun to come out of its hiding. We just waited in silence. Then, finally, the sun shone across the sky. I felt the sunlight rain down on me. The warmth was very comforting. I felt at peace, even for that small time. Then, the memory of having Jungkook there beside me, watching with me came rushing in. I turned to look at my side, and found Tae just staring at the horizon. I looked away, and back to the sun, and shrugged the memory away. Right now, those kinds of memories seemed to not help me.

After a few more minutes, Tae and I stood up, and finally decided to go home. We jogged back, but we stopped along the way to enter the convenience store, because Tae and I are already thirsty. We went to the stalls and scanned everything that was there while we walked our way to the refrigerators. My gaze fell upon the meat section, where packs of chicken were on display. I felt the familiar urge to buy some of it. But I immediately ignored the feeling and paid for the drink and went out to continue jogging. When we were already nearing the house, we gradually slowed down to a walk, that by the time we reached the front door, we already caught our breaths.

Once were inside, we immediately headed straight to the dining room, where we saw the rest of the group already getting ready to sit down around the dining table, as Jin carried the breakfast to the table and distributed the pancakes to the group. When I sat down, that’s when I noticed there was one chair left unoccupied. Jungkook was not with us.

We all started eating, and it is safe to say that so far, since the first time we’ve ate as a group, this meal is the quietest meal we ever had. No one was talking. But as if my mouth had a mouth of its own, I found myself breaking the silence.

“Where’s Jungkook?” I asked, and I immediately regretted asking when suddenly, sound was silenced as the group stopped whatever they were doing and looked at me with curiosity in their faces. Curiosity and something else. “Why?”

“I-It’s been a long time since the last time you asked about him.” Hoseok answered. The other members put their utensils down and looked at me.

“Hyung, I’m ok now. I’m feeling a lot better.” I said to him. “And besides…” I looked down and continued eating. “He’s still part of BTS. He’s still a band mate.” I added. I felt their gazes on me as I took a bite of the food. After a few seconds, they continued eating.

“Jungkook is in my room. He still doesn’t want to move from the bed. Not even to eat.” Namjoon explained to me. I felt a lump form in my throat, but I quickly swallowed it with the food. There’s nothing to be guilty about, Jimin. Jungkook deserves what he is feeling right now. He needs time alone to reflect on his mistakes.

The silence went on and on after that, and the breakfast ended just as quiet. I helped Jin gather the dishes and put them to the sink to clean. Namjoon approached us with a tray with food in his hand.

“Hyung, I’m just going to take food to the maknae.” Namjoon said. Jin just nodded and continued washing the dishes.

“I’m glad you are finally able to come out of the room and live again.” Jin said to me. I looked at him and gave him my brightest smile before answering.

“I am happy too, that I was able to do so. I just didn’t see the point to letting myself rot inside my room, locking away everyone and everything.” I answered him. Jin didn’t respond and continued cleaning. I can’t help but see the frown and sadness that was in his face. Why? Did I say something wrong?

We continued washing the plates in silence. After putting the plates on the proper cupboards, Jin headed to the living room and sat down beside Tae, while I headed to the stairs to go back to my room. Halfway up the stairs, I saw Namjoon coming out of his room with the tray of food in his hand. We met at the top of the stairs, and I noticed that the food that he carried to his room was almost left untouched. Only a few bites of the pancake, and nothing more. Even the chocolate drink that was on the tray was still three-fourths full. Namjoon himself was looking distressed and worried. I felt a pang of sadness hit me, but I immediately shrugged the feeling away. There’s nothing to be sad about, Jimin. He deserves it.

The rest of the day went on like that, with me going down a few times to get something and talk to Tae and the other members. But they kept their silence the whole day until lunch. When we had lunch, I sat down on my chair and noticed something different. Something was missing. I know that Jungkook wasn’t in the room with us, but something else was missing. I kept thinking about that missing thing until I felt a strong slap on my shoulder.

“Ouch!” I said I turned to face Tae, who was looking at me. “What is that for?”

“Hyung, get your food! The food is not going to walk to you bowl.” Tae said to me and laughed before proceeding to eat again. I looked at the empty bowl in front of me as the thought hit me. Yeah… I was actually waiting for him to fill my bowl for me. How stupid. After mentally laughing at myself, I picked the bowl up and started filling it with food. As a result of starting a bit late, I didn’t get to eat that much, because by the time I was halfway done with my food, the other members are already back for round two. This will not happen again.

After lunch, I went to the living room and watched movies with the rest of the group. But unlike our past movie times, we just sat in silence while watching them. We didn’t even react to the jokes that were cracked by the characters in the film. It was easy to say that so far in the history of our group, this is by far the quietest time that we’ve ever had. I can’t help but wonder why the people are so gloomy, when the issue is just between me and Jungkook. Why are they acting this way? Why are they so affected? Why are they not talking? I asked myself as I continued to sit and watch the TV until dinner time came.

Like I promised to myself, I didn’t wait for Jungkook to fill my bowl with food for me. I was actually the first person to get food from the pot. All of us ate, and just like the previous meals, one member was missing, and all of them are silent. And I swear, this silence is starting to get on my nerves. When I came out of the room for the first time today, I was actually hoping that the other members could give me some distraction. But it turns out that being outside of my room and being inside doesn’t make that much of a difference.

We finished eating dinner several minutes later and as usual, I helped Jin clear the table, because I surely have nothing else to do. Together, we stacked the bowls and started gathering everything to the sink when Namjoon called the attention of Jin. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but judging from the look on their faces, and from the tray of food that Namjoon was already carrying, it’s easy to know that they are talking about Jungkook. When Namjoon finished talking, Jin nodded, went to the medicine cabinet and took out some pills and put them on the tray. He took the tray from Namjoon’s hand and started heading to Namjoon’s room. Namjoon called Hoseok and Tae to wash the dishes. I just watched as Jin carried the tray of food with some medicine upstairs. W-what happened? Is Jungkook sick? Is he not feeling well? I found myself worrying for the condition of the PERSON WHO HURT ME. When I realized this, I physically slapped myself and went to my own room to get some rest.

I plopped my own body down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. What the are you really feeling, Jimin? You keep saying that he deserves what he is going through right now, because it’s nothing compared to the pain you’ve been through all because of him. But every time you know that he’s not feeling well, that he’s killing himself in his room, you can’t help but feel sad and guilty and worried all at the same time. Just what exactly are you feeling? Do lo – my trail of thoughts was cut when I heard Jin shouting. I stood up and went to the living room, where everyone where on their feet and looking at Jin with worry in their faces.

“How the hell did we not notice this?” Namjoon asked as he panicked at picked his phone up and dialed something.

“Jinnie, this is your fault for cooking very delicious food that we didn’t pay attention to anything happening in the house.” Tae jokingly accused Jin, but he was also worried and ran around the house. What the hell is happening?

“Hyung? What’s happening?” I asked him. Jin slowly turned around and hesitated for a moment before answering my question.

My usually narrow eyes widened upon hearing the news.

“J-Jungkook… he’s missing.”