Eventually I rolled myself out of bed and got dressed. I felt shabby since I hadn’t even taken a proper bath the night before. I headed into the kitchen, trying to tame my hair into something resembling a style.

Jimin was already sitting at the table. He didn’t glance up as I sat down across from him. I picked up some chopsticks and started to eat in silence. Jimin played with his phone while he ate and continued to act like I wasn’t even there.

“Are you ignoring me?” I asked after ten minutes, unable to handle the atmosphere any longer.

Jimin still didn’t look up at me. “No.” He muttered. He took a selfie and looked so adorable and happy in it that I wanted to punch him.

“Great.” I snapped. I stood up from the table and cleared the rest of my food away. Suddenly I had lost my appetite.

“Don’t waste food like that.” Jimin lectured.

“Don’t waste your breath.” I said too quietly for Jimin to hear. “I’m leaving.” I headed out of the kitchen.

“Let’s go together.” Jimin called after me lazily.

“No, thanks.” I called back.

Jimin got up from the table and followed me into the entryway.

“Don’t be like this.” He said, leaning against the doorframe.

“Like what?” I asked as I put on my coat. Jimin grabbed a hat from the closet and fitted it over my ears.

“Like you’re mad at me.”

“You’re the one who’s acting like that.” I retorted. “I was just going along with the flow.”

“Fine.” Jimin said resignedly. “My mom took care of Yukon this morning, just so you know. I’ll see you at work later.”

“I’m not going.” I checked my coat pocket for my house keys.

“Why not?” Jimin looked up at me, surprised.

“I’ve got a day off.” I said.

“Why? Are you sick?” Jimin reached out and felt my forehead with his hand.

“No. I’m fine. It’s just my regular day off.” I ducked out of his reach.

“Okay…” Jimin said uncertainly. “Get some rest today.”

“Yes, Mom.” I headed out the door without a backwards glance.

“Brat.” I heard Jimin mutter as he shut the door behind me.

I sighed loudly as I walked away from the house. I didn’t really expect to get rest on this day off. What I needed was to get some space from Jimin if I was going to think rationally about us.

I didn’t really believe that I could think rationally about us, to be perfectly honest. But I wanted a break from all of the . I hoped I could think a little clearly without him successfully seducing me all of the time.

I decided to go for a walk. The weather was perfect for me: crisp and cold. Although it was already March, it still felt like winter.

I sighed and pulled Jimin’s beanie tighter around my ears. I loved when he took care of me with simple things like this. It never made me feel like a child. It just felt cute and protective. Like he didn’t want this harsh world to hurt me.

It was most likely why he was lying to me about our breakup. He probably wanted to protect my feelings more than he wanted to push the blame onto me. I knew he broke up with me because he felt insecure. But why would he feel insecure in a mutually loving relationship? Because he didn’t feel like it was mutual. And why didn’t he feel like it was mutual even though I loved him? Because I as a girlfriend. I knew; I had cried to my mom about it after we had broken up.

Jimin took care of me. He clearly expressed his love for me in a myriad of different ways. He cooked for me, he kissed me all the damn time, he bought me things, he wanted to marry me. He wasn’t always perfect and he certainly wasn’t always sweet, but he loved me and he told me that every single day.

I had blamed him for the breakup after a certain point because getting angry at him was easier than hating myself. I still felt annoyed at him for always saying, “It’s fine, I love you the way you are,” when obviously my actions had been bothering him the whole time. I always thought it was fine until we broke up. I never took his little hints seriously except when we got into our first fight about saying “I love you.” We fought about it a lot after that, but I thought we always worked it out. But apparently, I had been mistaken.

And now Jimin was back and saying it was all okay, that he was the one that did something wrong, and that I didn’t need to change. But I knew that he blamed me for part of the breakup. I blamed myself, too.

I wiped away a few tears as I continued my chilly walk. I had hated Jimin for leaving me because I thought he could be the one person who would love me despite my flaws. But my flaws were what drove him away. I didn’t know how to change. I didn’t think it was that big of a problem. I loved Jimin and he knew that, so why did it still hurt him when I told him I wasn’t ready to get back together? Why did he think that everything would be solved with just a few conversations and some kissing?

I wanted him to be honest with me. I wanted him to tell me that my prickly ways and my guarded behavior hurt him. I wanted him to feel comfortable enough with me to be honest. I wanted him to trust me. And I wanted to trust him when he said he wouldn’t leave me again.

How could we get back together if we didn’t trust each other? We would just end up breaking up again.

My phone beeped, signaling a text message. It was from Young Jae.

“Can I come to your place after work?” He wrote.

I sighed. I really didn’t want to deal with Young Jae right now. My mind was too filled up with Jimin. But I felt like I should discuss things more with him. I didn’t feel right about cutting off our friendship so easily.

“Sure. Come whenever.” I replied.

I checked the time. I had already been walking for two hours. It was time for some retail therapy. New clothes always made me feel good.

Many hours later, I was at the door of my apartment, laden down with several shopping bags. I had made many great purchases and I felt much better about life. I fumbled with my keys and unlocked the door. The smell of cooking food greeted me and I could hear some noises from the kitchen.

“Hello?” I called timidly. “Is anyone there?”

“In here!” Jimin called from what sounded like the kitchen. I shut the door behind me and put down my bags.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him confusedly. Jimin looked up from the frying pan and grinned at me.

“I just thought I would make you dinner. Did you eat today?” He asked, focusing on his cooking.

“Yeah…I ate out. How did you get in here?” I asked slowly, still trying to process how I had a Jimin in my kitchen. Yukon bounded over and rested his paws on my foot, barking happily.

“My mom gave me the key. Sorry, I wanted to surprise you.” Jimin flicked off the stove and got some plates out of the cabinet. He passed them to me. “Good thing you came when you did, though. I was just about to call you.”

I took the plates automatically. “Go, set the table.” Jimin waved me away with a smile. He liked seeing me frazzled by his presence, I could tell.

I put the plates down and took a seat. I watched Jimin in the kitchen secretly. He looked so adorable as he puttered around making sure everything turned out deliciously.

“What did you do today?” He asked me.

“Um…I went shopping this afternoon.” I told him. “And I took a walk.”

“Did you buy anything nice?” Jimin glanced up at me with a small smile.

“Yeah…I got a lot of nice things, actually. Oh, I bought you something.” I said, suddenly remembering. I got up to retrieve it.

“Ooh, a present!” Jimin cheered as he served the food. He put the pan back in the kitchen and wiped his hands on his apron before taking it off. “What did you get me?”

I held out the bag shyly. “Nothing much.” I mumbled.

Jimin eagerly took it from me and opened it. “Wow!” He cried, pulling out a beanie. “Baby, this is so nice!” He put it on and turned towards me for approval. “How do I look?”

I straightened it out for him. “Good.” I stood back and surveyed him. “Really good.”

Jimin smiled at me. “Thanks.” He whispered, leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I love it.”

I grinned up at him. “I’m glad.”

We sat down to eat and it was as if all the tension from this morning had disappeared. Jimin cracked jokes and I giggled helplessly while trying to eat. After dinner, we left the dishes in the sink and decided to watch a movie.

“I don’t have any snacks.” I called to Jimin from the couch. He was poking his head in my cabinets, looking for some treats.

“Nothing? You’re like the snack queen. You eat those more than proper meals.” Jimin shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m trying to be better.” I replied, flipping through the channels on the television. “What do you wanna watch?”

“Anything! I’m fine with whatever.” Jimin returned from the kitchen with a bag of shrimp chips.

“Where did you find those?” I asked, surprised. “I don’t even like those.”

“They were shoved way back in the cabinet. Maybe you accidentally packed them when you moved. I like this brand, so they’re probably mine.” Jimin opened the bag and helped himself to a handful. He squeezed unnecessarily close to me on the couch.

“Jimin, there’s so much space over there. Do you really need to sit so close to me?” I complained.

“Yes.” He grinned and threw his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t act like you don’t love it.”

“Okay.” I agreed easily, snuggling closer to him. “I won’t.”

Jimin dropped his shrimp chips in surprise. “What the hell? Who are you? Are you really the girl I’m in love with?”

I laughed. “Yeah. If there’s a new and improved you, there can be a new and improved me.”

Jimin ruffled my hair. “I don’t need a new and improved you. You’re great the way you are.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I still could be nicer to you.”

“I like your sass.” Jimin kissed the top of my head. “So, what are we watching?”

“Anything you want. Preferably something with a cute guy in it.”

“Tch. I’m the cutest guy you’ll ever see.” Jimin said, crunching on his shrimp chips.

“Yeah, okay.” I muttered. “What about Commitment?”

“Definitely not.” Jimin said decisively. “I do not want to spend the rest of the night listening to you drool over TOP.”

“I don’t remember you getting jealous so easily before.” I grumbled, handing him the remote.

“You never kissed another guy in front of me before.” Jimin retorted, changing the channel.

“Let it go!” I groaned. “Young Jae is just a friend.”

“Well, he definitely doesn’t see it that way.” Jimin disagreed.

“Oh, !” I sat up suddenly, remembering that Young Jae had asked to come over. I bonked my head on Jimin’s chin. “Owwww.” I groaned, rubbing at the sore spot. I looked over at Jimin, who was massaging his jaw. “Sorry! Are you okay?”

“No!” He complained. He stuck his jaw out at me. “You have to kiss it better.”

I rolled my eyes. “Grow up.”

“Kiss it.” Jimin demanded, glaring at me.

“Fineeee.” I leaned in and quickly pecked his chin. Jimin grabbed my jaw and tilted my face up. He smirked at me before going in for a kiss.

Jimin put his shrimp chips down with one hand and pulled me into his lap with the other without breaking the kiss. After a minute, he rested his forehead against mine. “I’m not really in the mood for a movie tonight, how about you?” He asked me, breathing heavily.

“Whatever you want.” I whispered, kissing him again. “I’m up for anything.” Jimin pulled back in surprise.

“Anything?” Jimin raised his eyebrows.

I nodded. “Just for tonight.”

A slow smile spread across Jimin’s face. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I love you.” I mumbled.

“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you.” Jimin put a hand to his ear and smirked at me.

“Because I love you, you big idiot.” I grumbled, blushing. I hid my face in his chest, mortified.

“Ah, there it is.” Jimin laughed. He my hair. “I already know. You don’t have to do all of these things.”

“What things? I feel like I’m doing so little.” I said.

“Even just being with me is great.” Jimin replied softly.

I sat up and looked at him. “Is that true?” I asked. “Is it really enough to just be with me?”

Jimin seemed a little taken aback by my serious attitude. “Yeah, of course. I just like your company.”

“But doesn’t it bother you that I don’t say I love you enough? Don’t you feel insecure because I’m not affectionate?” I pressed, trying to get him to open up to me.

“Is that what this is about?” Jimin asked. “Is that why you’re being nice to me?”

“What do you mean?” I studied his face for a moment. I saw a flicker of annoyance in his eyes.

“I told you that you don’t have to change for me.” Jimin said. “I told you you’re fine the way you are. You don’t have to change because you’re afraid you’ll lose me again.”

“That’s – that’s not what I’m doing.” I stammered. “I just want to make you feel secure.”

“You’re not the issue.” Jimin stated dismissively. He gently lifted me off of his lap and sat me down on the couch. “It’s just something I needed to work out on my own.”

“But you still feel that way!” I cried. “This morning you told me you were feeling insecure and unstable because I wasn’t affirming our future. That’s why we broke up!”

“Yes, but there’s nothing you can do about it.” Jimin snapped. “I’m not trying to pressure you this time. I want you to feel comfortable in our relationship. I want you to trust me and trying to win my love with gifts and special treatment is not making me feel like you trust me.”

“I’m not doing it to make myself feel secure! I’m doing it to make you feel that way!” I argued, tears filling my eyes. “I just want to make you feel loved.”

“But you don’t have to.” Jimin said, brushing my tears away.

I slapped his hand away. “What kind of stupid idea is that? Why can’t I make you feel loved? You left because you didn’t feel loved, right? So shouldn’t I be the one to fix that?”

“I told you it was a misunderstanding.” Jimin said angrily. “I just didn’t understand the ways that you showed your love. It’s not like I want you to conform to how I show my love to you. Why are you making this so difficult?”

Jimin pushed himself off the couch and went into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water and drank it quickly, obviously irritated.

“How am I making it difficult?” I demanded. “I just want you to trust me enough to tell me the truth!”

“I am telling you the truth!” Jimin cried, frustrated. “How many times do I have to say it? I want you to stay the way you are! Why are you insisting that you’re the issue?”

“Because I am, Jimin!” I stood up and followed him into the kitchen. “You wouldn’t have felt insecure in the first place if I just told you I loved you enough.”

“But you did.” Jimin insisted. “I just didn’t understand the ways you said it.”

“That doesn’t even make sense, Jimin.” I said sourly. “Listen, stop trying to protect my feelings. Just tell me the truth.”

Jimin held up his hand. “I’m not doing this with you right now. I just want to have a nice evening watching a movie.” He brushed past me and went back down to sit on the couch.

I crossed my arms awkwardly and stood in the kitchen alone, feeling rejected somehow.

“Are you going to join me?” Jimin forced a smile.

“No, Jimin. I’m not going to sit next to you and pretend that everything is okay when it’s not.”

Jimin sighed and rested his head in his hands. “Just let it go.”

“Okay.” I whispered.

“What did you say?” He asked me without looking up.

“I said okay. I’ll let it go for now, but I’m still not going to watch a movie with you and act like I’m fine.”

“Fine.” Jimin said peevishly. “I’m just going to go then.”

“Fine!” I cried. “Leave. It’s what you do best.”           

Jimin’s head snapped up at my words. “ this.” He whispered spitefully. He stood up and threw the beanie on the floor. “Take this damn hat back. I don’t want your guilt presents.”

Jimin threw his coat on without looking at me. “Are you happy now? I won’t bother you anymore.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I watched him nervously as he put his shoes on. Had I crossed a line?

Jimin turned around to face me. His eyes flashed with anger and disappointment. His hair had fallen into his eyes and his shoes were still untied and on the wrong feet.

“I’m not going to force you to try and get back with me. I’m not going to pressure you or even hang out with you if you don’t want to. It’s up to you. I’m not leaving, but I’m leaving you alone.”

“That’s not what I want from you!” I cried.

“Well, then what do you want?” Jimin shouted, surprising me. “What the do you want from me? I told you that I’m here, that I love you, and that I’m not going to leave you again, but you’ve got all these weird ideas in your head. How many times do I ing have to tell you that I’m not lying?”

“Well, then why did you leave, Jimin?” I exclaimed heatedly. “Why did you break up with me and move out of our home if everything was so great that you’re so sure we can pick up where we left off?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.” Jimin said harshly. “I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not. We are going to talk about this! , Jimin, why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong!” Jimin insisted. “Why the hell do you think I’m lying? I’m not!”

“Then why did you tell me you were feeling insecure this morning?”

Jimin sighed exasperatedly. “Let’s talk later. I’m going home.” He bent down to tie his shoes, then realized they were on the wrong feet. “.” He muttered, sitting down.

“Why are you avoiding the question, Jimin?” I persisted. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”

“Because it has nothing to do with you.” He snapped. “Just drop it, damn it.”

I crouched down next to him. “I’m not going to drop it.” Jimin looked up at me through his shaggy hair, annoyed. “Just tell me.”

“No. Back off.” He ripped off his shoes and shoved them onto the correct feet.

“Jimin, come on.” I brushed his hair out of his face. Jimin yanked his head away from me.

“No, you come on.” He glared at me as he tied his shoes. “I’m ing sick of this.”

“Sick of what?” I asked. “Sick of me?”

Jimin puffed out a vexed sigh. “Of course I’m not sick of you. I’m sick of dealing with this . Why can’t you just let it go? I’m telling you it’s not about you; why are you being so pushy?”

“It just feels like you’re shutting me out. I can’t help but think that it’s about me.” I said softly.

“Fine, you want to get into this? Let’s get into this.” Jimin stood up and pulled me with him.

Jimin stared fiercely into my eyes. His dark circles looked almost purple against his skin. I suddenly felt guilty for pushing him into this conversation.

“No, I’m sorry.” I began. “We don’t have to do this n-”

“No, we’re going to.” Jimin cut me off sharply. “What is it you want to know?”

“Why are you feeling insecure?” I asked softly.

“Why do you think?” Jimin sneered. “Because you’re playing me. You’re ing making out with me in the closet, in the bathtub, in my bed, but then you’re like ‘Hmm…I don’t wanna date you just yet.’ How do you think I would feel? Ecstatic?”

“Okay, fine.” I agreed. “I could see how you would feel that way.”

“Well, that’s magnanimous of you.” Jimin said spitefully.

“Why the are you so mad?” I asked him. “I’ve never even seen you this way.”

“Because I didn’t want to have this conversation with you! It’s ing embarrassing. I don’t want to tell you about my insecurities.”

“Why not? Because I’m the reason for them?” I persisted.

“Yes!” Jimin exploded. “Of course you’re the reason for them! I love you; everything’s ing embarrassing when you love someone. You think I wanna tell you about how unmanly I felt when I left you? That I left because I felt like you’d be just fine without me? it, you are just fine without me!”

“What part of me is just fine?” I demanded bitterly. “I’m back in Busan working at your parents’ restaurant and I have no friends.”

“You have Young Jae.” Jimin reminded me sullenly.

“Okay, one friend.” I allowed.

“Speaking of Young Jae, he’s another reason I’m insecure.” Jimin continued, irritated. “I’m on an involuntary break from my job because I couldn’t ing handle us being broken up, but you’re dating other guys and kissing them and who knows what else?”

“There was nothing else.” I snapped. “What do you take me for?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” Jimin asked, smacking one of his hands in the other. “He invites me into your apartment like it’s his home. He cooks for you, while wearing my apron, I might add. He takes showers in your home, he watches movies with you, he kisses you in front of me! Why does it have to be Young Jae, of all people? He acts like your ing boyfriend and I can’t stand it.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I said quietly.

“Yeah, well, neither am I, but that doesn’t stop you from sticking your tongue down my throat.” Jimin said viciously.

“ you, Jimin!” I cried, pushing him away from me.

“Yeah, yeah, me, I know. Big, bad Jimin telling you the truth. This is why I didn’t want to have this conversation. Because there’s nothing you can do about it and it would only hurt your feelings.” Jimin glowered at me resentfully.

“Young Jae kissed me first! It’s not like I initiated anything! I kiss you cause I love you, you .”

“Don’t call me names.” Jimin snapped. “It’s rude.”

“The truth is not an insult. .” I added nastily.

“Do you like Young Jae?” Jimin demanded, ignoring my jibe.

“What? As a friend.” I answered honestly, taken aback by the question.

“Why did you go on a date with him, then?” Jimin’s eyes smoldered suspiciously at me.

“I…I wanted to get over you and I thought it would help. I told him not to expect anything.” I said quietly.

“And he was okay with that?” Jimin asked me incredulously.

“I mean, I guess.” I mumbled, ashamed of myself. “But why are you judging me right now? You left me! How the hell was I supposed to know you were going to come back?”

“This is why I’m feeling insecure.” Jimin said. “Because everyone has been telling me that you were ready to move on. I’m here feeling like I might die without you, and you’re dating somebody else. And you didn’t even tell him about me; like I wasn’t even important enough to acknowledge. That’s the difference between us. You can move on, but I can’t. And I don’t even want to.”

“Was I supposed to sit around waiting for you forever? You’re the one who broke up with me! It’s not even like I understood the reasons for it; it’s not like you even wanted to work things out. Why are you getting mad at me right now? I didn’t even ing move on, Jimin. Do you thinking getting drunk the first night I saw you was a sure sign of me moving on?”

“Oh, please. You were snuggling on that couch right over there with Young Jae like you didn’t have a care in the world.” Jimin pointed at the couch accusingly.

“He did that on his own!” I yelled in frustration.

“And you didn’t stop him!” Jimin yelled back.

“What the are you trying to say, Jimin?” I glared at him from beneath furrowed eyebrows. “You better be really damn careful with your answer.”

“I’m not trying to say anything.” Jimin put his hands up.

“No, no. Please, tell me what you really think of me. Because I kiss you so easily, I must do it with anyone? Hmm? Because I make out with you and you’re not my boyfriend, it must mean that I make out with Young Jae, too, right?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jimin spat. “Maybe that’s what I’m thinking. Listen, I know Young Jae and he’s not the type to be satisfied with some innocent cuddles and kisses.”

“ you.” I hissed. “You have no right to come into my apartment and act like you’re the ing prince of purity. I already told you that I’m like that with you because I love you.”

“Yeah, but not enough to commit to me?” Jimin said. “You love me enough to let me take your shirt off in the broom closet, but not enough to let me put that ring around your finger. Did I get that right?”

“Wow.” I threw up my hands. “You just crossed a line. Are you calling me a ? Huh? Do you wanna go there?”

“Yeah, let’s go there.” Jimin said. “You wanted to have this conversation; let’s ing have it.”

“What the hell are you trying to say to me, Park Jimin? Do you seriously think I’m a ?”

“Of course not.” Jimin snapped. “But why are you making out with me if you don’t want to be with me?”

“Maybe because your body’s better than your personality.” I retorted maliciously.

Our pleasant conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. . Young Jae was here.

“Who is that?” Jimin demanded.

“I don’t know; let me look through the door with my X-ray vision.” I walked over to the door, with Jimin following closely at my heels.

I opened the door timidly, acutely aware of Jimin’s presence behind me. Young Jae stood there innocently, holding some coffee and a box of donuts.

“Hey!” He greeted me cheerfully. He spotted Jimin behind me and his face immediately fell. “Oh, hi, Jimin.”

“Hi, Young Jae.” Jimin grumbled in an extremely unfriendly manner.

“Is this a bad time?” Young Jae asked me. “I just wanted to bring over some snacks and apologize.”

Jimin slipped in front of me and took the coffee and donuts from Young Jae’s hands. “Thanks!” He smiled sarcastically.

He shot me a look as he turned around and headed into the kitchen.

Young Jae glanced at me, concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Sorry he’s like that.”

“It’s fine.” Young Jae murmured. “Do you want me to come back at another time?”

“No, it’s fine.” Jimin said from behind me. “I’m just leaving.”

“We’re not done talking.” I turned to him.

“I’m done.” He muttered. He brushed past me and Young Jae and disappeared down the hallway.

“Excuse me.” I nodded to Young Jae and ran after Jimin. “Jimin!”

“What?” He spun around, almost at the elevator.

I caught up to him. “Why are you leaving?” I asked softly, not wanting to disturb the neighbors.

“I’m not in the mood to third wheel and I know you’re too polite to ask Young Jae to come back later. Have a nice date.” Jimin turned to go.

I grabbed his arm and yanked him back. “What do you want?” He demanded. “I’m not going back in there.”

“I’ll ask Young Jae to come back later.” I said quietly. “I don’t want to end our conversation like this.”

“Yes, because it was going so well.” Jimin said sarcastically.

“Jimin. Please.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine.”

Jimin grabbed my wrist and practically dragged me back to the apartment.

We came to an awkward halt in front of Young Jae. Jimin let go of my wrist and glared at Young Jae. Young Jae glared back. I looked uneasily between the two of them.

“Um…sorry, Young Jae. Now’s not really a good time. Can we talk later?” Jimin rolled his eyes at my question like he thought I wouldn’t see.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Young Jae broke his glare at Jimin to smile at me. He bent down with his lips puckered as if to kiss my forehead, but Jimin yanked me away. He stepped in front of me and glowered at Young Jae.

“Don’t ing touch her.” He hissed.

“Jimin, calm down.” I whispered. Jimin held on to my wrist and pulled me back into the apartment.

“Sorry, Young Jae!” I called out to him right before Jimin slammed the door in his face.

“What the hell?” He rounded on me. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“You’re being quite rude.” I pointed out calmly.

Jimin hissed through his teeth. “I just hate when he touches you.”

“I’ve noticed. Did you become a snake out of anger?” I poked his cheek.

“Don’t make fun of me.” Jimin grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the living room.  

“Can you stop dragging me around, please?” I rubbed my sore wrist. I pulled out my phone and texted Young Jae an extra apology. I felt horrible about the way I was treating him.

Jimin ignored me and continued his rant. “How would you feel if I insisted that a beautiful girl was just my friend, but I let her come over my apartment at night and kiss me on my forehead? If I let her do all of the things that we used to do together, but still said we were just friends?” He threw his coat on the ground and kicked off his shoes.

“Super ty, but we’re broken up, so there’s really nothing I can do about it.”

“Wow…such a casual attitude.” Jimin leaned back in mock appreciation. “You really wouldn’t do anything about it?”

“Well, I don’t think I’d grab you away from her and slam the door in her face.” I giggled. Jimin glared at me.

“It’s not funny.” He insisted angrily. “It drives me crazy that you don’t care if someone other than me touches you.”

“Of course I care.” I replied. “I’m just not going to overreact about it.”

“I don’t feel like I was overreacting.” Jimin shrugged. “I hate Young Jae. I’ve always hated Young Jae and I don’t want someone I hate touching someone I love the most.”

Jimin sighed and sat on the couch.

“I’m so uncool.” He muttered, pulling at his bangs. “This is why I didn’t want to have this conversation.” He looked up at me apologetically. “Sorry for saying all those mean things to you.”

I crouched down in front of him. “Thank you for being honest with me. Sorry for calling you a .”

Jimin ruffled my hair. “It’s okay; I am a .”

I took his hands in mine. “Jimin, I still don’t really understand why you’re insecure.”

He huffed impatiently. “Then what the hell we were just fighting about?”

“Jimin, you haven’t always been jealous of Young Jae.”

“It’s not about Young Jae. I mean, it is, but it’s not really.” Jimin ducked his head down to hide his face from me.

I pulled on his hands a little bit. “Look at me.” I pleaded softly.

“No way. It’s too embarrassing.” He blew air of out his cheeks slowly. “I’m…insecure because you can live without me and I can’t live without you. I mean, I can, but not well. But you’re doing okay. I’ve always felt that way. Like you would honestly be just fine without me.”

“Jimin…” I said softly, tilting his chin up so I could look into his eyes. “I love you. Of course I need you.”

Jimin shook his head. “No, you don’t. Loving me and needing me are two different things. You don’t need me like I need you.”

“Yes, I do.” I insisted. “I need you. Just because you don’t see me falling apart at the seams doesn’t mean that I’m not.”

“But you’re so casual about us getting back together.” Jimin whispered. “You want to wait, but it’s killing me. You were ready to move on. You wanted to move on. Hell, you even had a guy lined up. I honestly feel like if I didn’t kiss you at work yesterday, you wouldn’t have even had that conversation with Young Jae. You guys probably would have gone on a date or something if he hadn’t already had plans. You were asking him out in front of me, baby. You don’t need me.”

I his hair gently as he took a deep breath. “I’m trying to win you back because I need you.” He continued in a shaky voice. “Even though I’m feeling insecure, I don’t live well without you and I need you in my life. I know you love me, but it’s not the same feeling of security that comes from being needed. You’re just so independent, baby. It’s not a bad thing, but I’m not. I ing need you in order to be happy.” Jimin took his hands out of mine and pulled me into his lap. He wound his strong arms around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I didn’t realize he was crying until I felt his tears drip down my back.

“Jimin, I need you, too.” I whispered. “You don’t even know what it was like without you.”

“Yeah, I do. You were having a blast with Young Jae while I was re-reading your old text messages because I missed you too much.” Jimin grumbled into my shoulder.

“It wasn’t like that at all.” I assured him softly. “Young Jae is a good friend to me, that’s true. He kept me company because he saw how sad I was. I cried myself to sleep every night, Jimin. I moved out of our apartment because everything reminded me too much of you. Jimin, when I saw you again for the first time, you caught me crying into my apron. Why would you ever think that I don’t need you?”

“Then why were you trying to move on?” Jimin mumbled, unconvinced.

“Because it hurt too much to keep missing you.” I replied quietly. “I didn’t want to live my life like that anymore when I knew you weren’t coming back.”

“But I did come back.” Jimin whispered.

“Yeah, and look where we are now. It’s not like I tried very hard to resist you.”

“That’s not what it seems like to me.” Jimin grumbled. He picked his head up off my shoulder and turned to kiss my neck. “You’re trying pretty damn hard not to get back together with me.”

“My self-preservation instinct is strong. I know I’ll probably get eaten alive once I get back together with you.” I giggled.

“That’s for damn sure.” Jimin whispered into my ear as he pulled at the hem of my shirt. I pressed my elbows firmly to my sides.

“Knock it off, Jimin.” I said, trying to push him off of me.

“C’mon, baby.” He whined. “You said we could do anything I wanted to tonight.”

“That was before you insinuated that I was a loose woman.” I grumbled.

“You’re not.” Jimin whispered. He tugged at my shirt again. “I’m just easily jealous.”

“Well, control yourself.” I mumbled, trying to escape from Jimin’s clutches. I turned my head like I would kiss him. He quickly let go of my waist and held my face in his hands. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and slipped away from him.

“Hey, no fair!” Jimin called after me as I ran into the bedroom. I locked the door behind me and leaned against it, giggling.

“Baby…” Jimin whined, knocking on the door. “Just let me in. I swear I won’t do anything to you.”

“Ha. Like I would fall for that.” I scoffed as I took off my shirt. It was time for some pajamas. I grabbed the cute Hello Kitty ones Jimin had given me for my birthday one year.

“Babyyyyy…just let me in. C’mon, pleaseeeee.” Jimin begged. He knocked insistently on the door.

“Jimin, relax. I’ll be out in a minute.” I called to him as I pulled on my pajama shorts. I opened the door and Jimin practically fell in the room. I laughed and he glared at me. “That’s what you get for leaning against the door like a sad puppy.”

Jimin straightened up and grinned at me. “Well, don’t you look cute?” He commented, giving me an once-over.

“I know!” I posed adorably. “I’m so cute.”

Jimin giggled and pulled me closer to him. “Yeah, the cutest.” He said, snuggling me into his chest. Suddenly, he scooped me up into his arms and threw me on the bed.

“Jimin, what are you doing?” I cried as he crawled onto the bed towards me with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Nothing, baby.” He said innocently as he crept ever closer.

I scrambled to get away from him, but Jimin leapt onto me and started to tickle me ferociously.

“Stop, Jimin! Stop, stop, stop!” I screamed with laughter. “Stop…I can’t breathe!”

Jimin straddled me and doubled his attacks. “Hey baby, what do you think about getting back together?” He giggled. “I’ll let you go if you give me a straight answer.”

“Never!” I vowed, trying to push him off of me. He abruptly stopped tickling me and leaned down so that our faces were inches apart. I stared up at him, breathless from laughter. Jimin brushed my bangs out of my face and kissed me. I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

“Hey, baby.” He whispered, resting his forehead against mine. “Let’s get back together.”

“Okay.” I whispered back, grinning. “Let’s do it.”

Jimin’s face lit up like a firecracker. “Are you serious?” He cried excitedly. “Really? You really wanna get back together?”

I nodded, still smiling. Jimin flopped over onto his back next to me and breathed out a huge sigh of happiness. “Really, baby?” He turned to me with a smile.

“Yeah, Jimin. Let’s get back together.”

Jimin started to laugh. “Wow, this is the best.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty great.” I agreed, snuggling into his side.

Jimin rolled over and straddled me. “I’m not gonna let you sleep tonight.” He growled, suddenly pulling my shorts off. He dragged his lips down my neck.

I sighed resignedly. “I knew this would happen.”

“At least you’re prepared.” Jimin murmured into my collarbone. He swiftly yanked my shirt up over my head.

“Jimin.” I called out to him softly. He glanced up at me, momentarily distracted from his quest.

“What’s up?” He panted, hurriedly dragging off his own shirt.

I grabbed his shoulders and dragged him closer to me. “Pay attention.” I scolded.

Jimin grinned and moved to kiss me again. I shifted away from him, but he buried his face in my neck.

“Jimin! I’m trying to tell you something.”

“What, what?” He complained into my neck. “I’m trying to love you with my body.”

“And I’m trying to tell you that I love you, damn it.”

Jimin’s head snapped up in surprise. “You what?”

I grinned at him. “I love you.”

Jimin’s expression instantly softened. His warm brown eyes crinkled as he beamed at me.

“I love you, too, baby.”

I grabbed his hair in one of my hands and pulled his head down to mine.

“I love you.” I whispered and kissed his left cheek.

“I love you.” I kissed his right cheek.

“I love you.” I kissed him full on the lips.

Jimin groaned and flopped over on the bed next to me.

“What’s wrong?” I turned to face him, concerned. He stared at the ceiling with a huge smile on his face.

“I’m dead.” He said. “I must be dead.”

“What the hell?” I propped myself up on one elbow and laughed at him. “You’re so strange.”

“No, really.” Jimin insisted. “Either I’m dead or this is a dream because I honestly didn’t think you were going to want to be with me again.”

“Are you serious?” I asked skeptically. “Jimin, we’ve been acting like we’re already back together.”

“Yeah, but you kept saying you weren’t sure. I kept imagining Young Jae sweeping you off your feet and taking you away from me forever.”

“I already told you that we’re just friends.” I said quietly, holding Jimin’s hand.

“Friends don’t ask friends on dates in front of their ex-boyfriends.” Jimin muttered.

“Are you gonna let it go?” I asked him. I shifted so I sat on top of him. I leaned down to kiss his chest. “I can show you something else friends don’t do.” I whispered as I glanced into his eyes shyly.

“No. No, no, no.” Jimin practically threw me off of him. “Wait, I have to ask you something.”

“What is it?” I grumbled, feeling severely disgruntled.

“Don’t get mad.” Jimin warned me.

“Too late.” I snapped. “I’m trying to come on to you and you shove me aside like something gross just to ask me a question that may or may not piss me off. I’m already mad, Jimin.”

“Wow, so crabby.” Jimin chuckled. “But this is serious, so just please bear with me.”

I sighed. “What is it?”

“Please don’t get mad.” Jimin pleaded.

“I’m not promising anything.” I muttered.

Jimin sighed and sat up next to me. He rubbed the back of his neck. He looked so uncomfortable that I started to worry about the nature of his question.

“How…um, how far did you go with Young Jae?” Jimin mumbled. He avoided my gaze and stared down at his hands.

I paused for a moment before answering. “Would it change anything between us if I told you I slept with him?” I asked slowly.

“No. I mean, yes, obviously, because you slept with someone other than me, but it wouldn’t stop me from wanting to be with you.” Jimin said honestly. “Did you…did you sleep with him?”

“No.” I said softly. “But your answer was perfect. Damn, Jimin, I’m really lucky to have fallen in love with a guy like you.”

“Baby, we were broken up. I would of course be upset, but it’s not like I could hold it against you. I’m not even really sure why I asked.” He sighed. “It’s probably just because I hate Young Jae so much.”

“Why do you hate Young Jae?” I asked, curious.

Jimin looked up into my eyes for a moment, then answered reluctantly. “He’s been really nice to you, so I don’t know if he’s changed or what. But he used to be a huge player in high school. He was always fooling around with girls and because our parents were close, I had to hang out with him a lot outside of school. He was always trying to get me to go to parties and clubs with him. Nothing against parties or clubs, but I just didn’t want to meet girls in such an insincere way.”

I took his hand in mine and kissed it. “You’re really the cutest.”

Jimin grinned. “Well, thanks.” He narrowed his eyes at me suddenly. “You didn’t answer my question. How far did you go with Young Jae?”

“I don’t really see how that’s any of your business.” I answered primly, sticking my nose in the air.

“You’re right; it’s not.” Jimin grumbled. I laughed at his grumpy face.

“He just kissed me a couple of times. We would sometimes cuddle on the couch and he would hold my hand. That’s really it.” I said simply.

Jimin still looked crabby. “I hate thinking of you being with someone else.”

I moved over and sat in his lap. I took his face in my hands and pinched his cheeks. Jimin scowled at me.

“Hey, if it’s any consolation to you, every time he touched me I wished it was you.”

Jimin’s face lit up. “Really?” He looked like a happy little puppy dog.

“Yeah.” I breathed. I leaned in and kissed him. “Poor Young Jae. I feel really bad about it.”

“Don’t.” Jimin whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear. “The er’s probably getting his just desserts for all the girls he cheated on in high school.”

“I have a really hard time thinking about Young Jae acting like that.” I replied skeptically.

“Do me a favor?” Jimin asked, his hands trailing down my body. I nodded. “Don’t think about Young Jae right now. Just think of me.”

I smiled at Jimin and kissed him once more. “Not a problem, baby.” I whispered.

“I love you.” Jimin murmured as he laid me gently down on the bed underneath him.

“I love you.” I whispered back as I wound my arms around his neck.