JIMIN'S POV

I went into the bedroom, hiding my face from her and trying to wipe away the tears that kept falling. How had everything become so messed up? I wanted to marry her, not leave her forever. Why did she resist it so much? Did she not want to be with me?

The walls in our apartment were thin. Even after I had shut the door behind me, I could still hear her in the kitchen, sobbing. I hadn’t heard her cry like this since her grandfather passed away. I never imagined I would one day be the cause of tears like that.

I sat down on our bed and put my head in my hands. I had no desire to pack my things. This was my home. This was our home. I didn’t want to live a life where I didn’t wake up with her next to me. I didn’t want to come home to an empty apartment every night. Even the first night we broke up had been difficult for me. Though I had spent it in the dorm with the other members, I still felt lonely.

Last night I had stayed awake for a few hours after she had fallen asleep. She was so beautiful sleeping, even though she was drunk and kept mumbling. She must have told me she loved me a dozen times. I spent the majority of the night staring at her, trying to memorize how her face looked in the moonlight. I wondered if I would ever get to see a sight like that again.

I sighed through my fingers. This girl…I already missed her. How could I live my life without her?

I let myself fall back on the bed and hid my face in her pillow. It smelled like her perfume and shampoo. Tears leaked from my eyes and onto her pillow. I didn’t want to leave.

What were we even fighting about anymore? She told me she loved me. She told me she wanted to marry me one day. So why did I come in here to pack my things and move out of our home?

I wanted us to be together. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything would be okay, that we would be together from now on. I wanted to tell her how my mother called me every week asking after her, making sure I fed her well, making sure I treated her well. I wanted to tell her how her father had called me after we decided to move in together and made me promise that I would take responsibility for her. I wanted to tell her how every morning that I woke up before her to find her lying next to me was the happiest moment of my day. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t even care anymore about anything, except the fact that I wanted to be together with her.

I just didn’t have the confidence to believe that she really wanted me around.

I heard the door creak open. Soft footsteps padded my way.

“Jimin?” She knelt down next to me. Tentatively, she brushed my hair away from my cheek.

I kept my face planted in the pillow. I lacked the self-control to keep the tears at bay.

“Jimin,"he said again. She held my hand in both of hers. I curled one of my fingers around hers.

She kissed my hand tenderly. “I don’t want you to leave," she whispered.

I took my hand out of hers and turned to face the wall. There was no way to stop the tears now.

She climbed over me into bed and laid down across from me. I tried to hide my face from her with my hands, but she pulled them away. I avoided her gaze. It felt too difficult to look at her.

“Jimin,” she whispered, “please look at me.”

“I can’t,” I said, my voice cracking. “I can’t look at you. It’s too hard to be close to you and it’s too hard to be apart. I don’t know what to do.”

She kissed my hands and placed her forehead against them. “Why are you like this, Jimin?” she asked me softly. She looked up into my eyes. “What have I done to make you like this?”

“I don’t know,” I confessed. I blinked, letting the tears fall. “I just feel this way. How can I even change it? How can I believe you when you say you love me? I just feel like you’re going to leave me one day.”

She let go of my hands and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m not going anywhere.” She kissed the top of my head lovingly.

I clung to her and buried my face in her neck, sobbing.

“I love you," she breathed, my hair. “Please believe me.”

We lay like that for hours, neither of us wanting to move. Eventually, we fell asleep in each other’s arms.