When I woke up in the morning, Jimin wasn’t lying next to me. Normally, even if he had woken up before me, he would cuddle me and my hair and leave kisses on my arm until I woke up. I used to catch him at it all the time.

I threw the covers off and jumped out of bed.

“Jimin!” I called, running out the bedroom door. “Ow.” I put a hand to my forehead, realizing I had a massive hangover.

“Jimin?” I walked into the living room, sighing when I discovered it to be empty. Our apartment was tiny; I could see most of it in a single glance.

Jimin had left again.

I sat down on the floor and started to cry. How could I have any tears left? I felt like I had been in such a constant state of misery since the breakup that my tear ducts should have dried up and I would have had to shed sawdust or something.

I leaned my head against the wall and let the sobs take over my body. I hadn’t cried like this since my grandfather died. It hurt like hell because I was already hungover.

“Why are you like this so early in the morning?” Jimin asked quietly behind me.

Startled, I looked up at him. Snot dripped from my nose. Nice. This look would definitely win him back.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. I attempted to stand up. I stumbled and Jimin caught me.

“Am I not allowed to be here?” he said, his face inches from mine. He looked into my eyes searchingly. Probably he was just trying to see if I was feeling okay. He could get like a mom whenever I was hungover.

“No, it’s fine,” I breathed, lost in his eyes. God, he was so beautiful. I loved his brown eyes so much. When we first started dating we spent so many hours gazing into each other’s eyes. He would always look at me with the sweetest expressions. I honestly never thought that he would one day stop looking at me like that.

Jimin waved a hand in front of his face. “Ugh, your breath smells horrible. Go wash up and I’ll have breakfast ready when you’re done.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I wasn’t about to rock the boat and ask him what he was still doing here. I just wanted him to stay.

I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror for the first time since we broke up, cringing as I caught sight of my reflection. I probably could have died of embarrassment for letting Jimin see me this way.

I quickly showered, brushed my teeth, and dried my hair before checking the mirror once more. I decided I looked like a semi-decent human being, especially for having a hangover and feeling heartbroken as hell.

I heard a knock on the door. “Breakfast is ready. Come out when you’re done,” Jimin called quietly.

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” I wrapped a towel around me and opened the door. Jimin stood there, startled at the sight of me in a towel.

“Why are you so shocked?” I questioned. “You definitely saw me without any underwear on yesterday.”

He blushed. “I’m not shocked. Go put some clothes on and come eat.”

As Jimin walked back to the kitchen, I noticed that the tips of his ears were bright red. At least I still had some effect on him, even if he didn't love me anymore.

I went into the bedroom and changed into a pair of cutoff demin shorts and Jimin’s Chicago Bulls jersey. I felt bad wearing one of his favorite shirts after we had already broken up, but I knew Jimin loved this combination. It’s not like it was y or anything. He just really liked seeing me in it.

 I felt desperate; I was definitely prepared to seduce him if that’s what it took to get him back.

When I walked into the living room, Jimin’s eyes grew wide and he quickly averted his gaze. “I made eggs and there’s rice. And that olive stuff you like.”

I noticed there was only one table setting.

“Aren’t you going to eat with me?” I looked at him in surprise.

“Ah, um…” Jimin rubbed the back of his neck. “No. I'm not.”

“Why not?” I demanded, moving closer to him.

He backed up a few paces and held up his hands.

“Look. Um," he ran a hand through his hair, looking uncomfortable, "This is really hard to say. But I just think we should spend some time apart.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, crestfallen. My fingers flew to my mouth and I bit my nails, dreading his next words.

“Listen…I love you and this is really hard for me. But I really just think that we’re not working out right now.” Jimin tugged at his bangs, sighing defeatedly.

I ran the back of my hand across my eyes as the tears started to flow again.

What more do you want from me?” I asked pleadingly, unable to look him in the eye. “What more can I do to prove to you that I love you and I want to be with you? Do you want me to marry you? Because I will. Not right now, but I will, Jimin. I just want to be with you.”

 He didn't answer, so I stood there, just crying and wiping my tears away.

Jimin grabbed a box of tissues and handed it to me.

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. I blew my nose for lack of something better to do.

Jimin regarded me silently, his sharp eyes narrowing as he furrowed his brow.

“Are you going to say something?” I asked finally.

Jimin rubbed his face with his hands. He ran his hands through his hair and glared at me, so annoyed.

“Damn it, baby, this is so ing hard. I just can’t stand it anymore.”

“Can’t stand what? You can’t…you can’t stand me?” I couldn’t prevent a sob from escaping.

“No. No, of course not,” Jimin said softly. “I just…I just. I don’t know. I’m just confused.”

“About what?” I bit my lip nervously. "What are you confused about?"

“About us,” Jimin whispered, avoiding my eyes.

“S-so…so you wanna break up fo-for real?” I stammered, starting to shiver. This couldn’t be happening. I thought maybe I could have a second chance after last night. If he was still here, didn’t that mean he still cared?

Jimin didn’t answer me and I knew there would be no second chances for me.

“Why are you so okay? Why are you acting like you don’t even care? Like you don’t even love me anymore?” I slumped to the floor and buried my face in my hands. My body racked with sobs. This was it. This was the end of our relationship.

Jimin sat beside me and laid his head on my shoulder. “I have something to tell you," he rubbed my back soothingly.

I took a deep breath and tried to control my tears. Jimin waited until the last hiccupping sob died down.

“The truth is…ah, it’s so embarrassing.”

“I doubt it’s more embarrassing than how I’m acting right now," I murmured, still a bit tearful.

“I, um…I had already bought an engagement ring,” Jimin admitted reluctantly.

I took a moment to respond. An engagement ring? Jimin and I had never talked about marriage before that disastrous conversation. Why had he bought an engagement ring? Was this really about that?

"You bought an engagement ring?" I asked increduously, wiping the last of my tears.

"Yeah," he said softly, fingers wrapping around my waist. "I bought an engagement ring."

“So we broke up because I didn’t want to marry you,” I stated flatly, trying not to sink into his gentle touch.

“No...” Jimin said slowly. “I guess I just panicked. That if you didn’t want me now, you wouldn’t want me ever. I thought maybe you just didn’t love me enough to want to be with me. But you’re right anyway; it’s foolish to get married now. I just, um, I didn’t understand your reasons for rejecting me. I’m just not…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m just not confident that you really love me and trust me. I thought maybe that was holding you back.”

"Why do you feel that way?" I demanded, leaning my head against his shoulder. "Why don't you believe I love you? Have I done something? Did I say something to make you feel like I don't want you?"

"It's everything you say," he whispered. "You never wanted to get married, you don't want kids, you never rely on me for anything monetary. I joke about us sharing my money just to make myself feel better, but even though we live together, you're almost completely independent financially."

I paused before answering. "You knew that before we even started living together," I murmured. "You never had a problem with any of it before. And you know I like to be financially stable because I don't think it's a good idea to rely on a boyfriend for money. It puts me in a tough situation."

"It makes me feel like you don't trust me. Like you don't believe that I'll take care of you or stay by your side. But you don't want commitment, so I don't really know how to make you feel at ease. I feel like you're just waiting for me to up so you can hightail it out of here."

"Jimin, baby, no. That's not it at all." I snuggled into his side as his grip tightened around my waist. "I just don't like relying on other people for money. It's nothing personal."

"It is personal. I'm your boyfriend. We are in a committed, loving relationship. Why won't you let me pay the rent? I know money is tight for you. Why won't you let me take care of you?"

I fell silent for a moment, choosing my words carefully before speaking. "I don't want to put myself in that position."

Jimin sighed, like he had already anticipated that answer. "Why not?"

"I don't want that kind of dynamic in our relationship," I said quietly, climbing into his lap. I brushed his hair out of his face as he watched me through sad eyes. "I don't want to be indebted to you."

"There's not going to be a weird power struggle between us," he told me, wrapping his hands around my waist. "I'm not going to make you feel like you owe me. I just want to help you out."

"I don't need help, baby," I whispered, trailing my fingers down his face. It felt so nice to be in his arms again. I didn't want him to ever let me go.

"You never need help," Jimin mumbled, ducking his head down. "You don't need me."

"I need you," I told him, cupping his face in my hands. "I love you. I need to be with you. Have you any idea how much I've been crying since we broke up yesterday?"

"Do you love me?" Jimin asked, staring up into my eyes. He looked like a vulnerable child.

"Of course I love you. Why are you doubting it all of a sudden?" I gently kissed his cheek.

"It's not all of a sudden. You've been like this the entire time we've been dating. So independent, so guarded, so careful not to rely on me. Don't you trust me?"

"I do, Jimin, I do. I rely on you. You pay more rent than I do," I reminded him.

"You're always so sure to make it up in utilities and groceries," he scoffed. 

"Jimin, why does this bother you? Why don't you like me being financially independent?"

"It's not about money," he said quietly."I'm so proud of you for your job and everything you do. You're an amazing woman. But I just feel like you don't make room for me in your life for the long term. I don't believe that you trust me. I just wish I played more of a role in your life besides your boyfriend. I want to be your partner. I want us to be in this together. I want to marry you."

“I mean…you’re not entirely wrong,” I confessed, letting go of him. “But it’s not that I don’t trust you. I don’t trust myself. I’m not waiting for you to up. I’m waiting to up. I just feel like I don’t get why you love me so much. I’m not that great. And marriage? Besides us being young and not financially stable, even with our combined incomes, I also really feel like if you marry me you’re going to regret it. I'm not the girl you think I am. ”

“You’re basically saying you don’t trust me to love you no matter what,” Jimin said bluntly.

“Yeah, basically,” I admitted quietly.

“Why?” Jimin demanded. He took my hands in his hands and stared beseechingly into my eyes. “What is it going to take for you to trust me? You already know that I’m crazy about you.”

“Yeah, I know.” I dropped my gaze down to his chin. It felt too difficult to stare into those eyes.

“And I already know basically everything about you. Baby, we live together. There’s not much you can hide from me. You are the girl I think you are. And I love you. If I’d wanted to leave, I would have already left.”

“You did, Jimin. You left me,” I pointed out. “You already couldn’t deal with my and you left. We’re broken up.”

Jimin let go of my hands and sighed. “Yeah, okay, fine. It’s a bit exhausting to love someone without knowing whether they’re really invested in the relationship or not.”

“I just don’t get why you thought that I wasn’t invested. I am living with you. Like you said, if I had wanted to leave I would have left already. What part of me is not invested?” I argued.

“Your heart, babe,” Jimin murmured. “Not just your body. A lot of times I feel like we’re sharing the same apartment, but not the same life. Sometimes I look at you and I just feel like you’re not really here. Like you’re just living your life with me until something better comes along.”

“Jimin, that’s ing stupid and you know it.”

“No, it’s really not. You’re so distant from me. Baby, you honestly don’t trust me. Don’t you understand that that causes a divide between us?” Jimin ran a hand through his hair. He glanced up into my eyes with an irritated expression.

“Well, what do you want me to do?” I asked him in a small voice. It was unlike Jimin to be so impatient with me.

Jimin shrugged. “What can you even do? It’s not like I can force you to trust me.”

“Why didn’t you ever talk about this before?” I demanded. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that it bothered you? You were always like ‘You do you, baby. Just be yourself.’ and now you’re all like ‘I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t trust me.’ Like I’m sorry that you bought an engagement ring and that I said no, but to be honest, I didn’t even know you were really proposing?” I roughly brushed away a few tears that had escaped during my speech.

Jimin gazed at me with a strange expression. “I just thought that maybe you would have said yes and it would prove something. That it was worth waiting for you to trust me.”

“Jimin,” I began to cry full-force. “That’s totally unfair. Why didn’t you ever tell me you felt that way? Like how am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Jimin whispered softly. “How am I supposed to know you love me if I have to practically beg you to tell me? How am I supposed to know that you want to be with me if you won’t even tell me? Honestly, I just thought that all your reasons for not wanting to marry me were excuses. And then you said you weren’t even sure you wanted to be with me in the future and you wanted to take your time to think about it. It’s not like we’ve been dating a small time; it’s been a while. What more do you need to think about?” Jimin demanded angrily, raising his voice. “Even though you had some valid points against getting married, that’s not the real issue. You just want a get-out-of-jail-free card. You just want to be able to leave me if things go bad.”

“I’m not the one trying to leave now!” I shouted. I stood up abruptly. “Sorry for yelling in your face, but it’s really unfair of you to just say these things when you’re the one who broke up with me and I’m the one trying to get back with you.” 

I stepped away from Jimin and went into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and quickly chugged it, trying to calm myself down.

Jimin came and followed me into the kitchen. He moved to give me a hug, or pat my shoulder, or something, but I threw up my hand and said, “Don’t touch me right now. I’m beyond frustrated with you. You’re not even making sense.”

Jimin sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

I slammed my glass down on the counter. Jimin stared at me, startled.

“Why are you acting so calm? Why are you so okay?” I demanded, suddenly furious. “It’s really irritating. Are you not sad? Like you said, we’ve been dating for a while and now you’re suddenly trying to end it over some small issue? I’m a mess, crying and yelling and getting drunk and you’re just fine! It makes me so mad!” I glared at him.

“You think I’m fine?” Jimin exclaimed. “You think that I’m so calm? Are you ing kidding me? I’m going crazy! You’re acting like this came out of the blue, but we’ve definitely fought about it before. I’ve definitely said to you that you’re guarded and that you rarely tell me you love me! It’s not like this is something new. And I just even bring up marriage once and you immediately shot it down. How am I supposed to feel about that? I want to marry you and you’re not even sure how long you want to be in this relationship for!”

“Why are you ring shopping when we haven’t even talked about marriage once?” I shot back. “You make up some big ultimatum ‘Oh, if she says yes than she really loves me and if she says no, let’s break up,’ without even properly proposing to me? It’s not like it has to be a big event, but you could have at least asked ‘Do you want to marry me?’ instead of trying to have a casual conversation about it. I didn’t even know you were proposing! I thought we were just talking about marriage and I said not right now. I missed my good friend’s wedding because you decided this all on your own!”

“Decided what on my own? Decided that I one-sidedly wanted to spend the rest of our lives together? Sorry for loving you, damn.”

“Don’t do that,” I pointed at Jimin warningly. “Don’t word it like that. Don’t make it sound like I don’t love you.”

“Do you?” Jimin demanded. “Do you even love me?”

“ you, Jimin! Have you seen me recently? Take a look at my swollen eyes and see for yourself if I love you. ,” I added spitefully.

 “Don’t call me names,” Jimin muttered. “You’re acting like I committed a crime by buying you an engagement ring. Plenty of girls would be overjoyed to get an engagement ring from their boyfriends.”

“Why don’t you go and ask one of those girls to marry you then?” I snapped. “Did I ever ask you for an engagement ring? Did I ever say, ‘Hey Jimin, I know we’ve never talked about marriage, but why don’t you buy me a ring and then half-heartedly propose and then break up with me?’”

Jimin glared at me. “That’s not why we broke up and you know it.”

“No, I don’t,” I said, getting really annoyed. “I have no idea why we broke up. It doesn’t even make sense to me. You seriously just got mad all of a sudden and then you’re like ‘Let’s break up.’ Who the hell does that? Are you really telling me we broke up because I don’t say I love you enough? It’s not like I never say it, Jimin. I think you’re being really unreasonable.”

Jimin looked at me for a long moment. “So I’m being unreasonable because I’m asking for affirmation for my feelings? How the am I supposed to feel after you tell me you don’t wanna get married? You weren’t even happy about it or anything. You acted like it was something really undesirable. Do you think I really care if you wanna keep your family name? Do you think that I care if you wanna wait a few years? I’m honestly fine with those things. What I’m not fine with is that you were not even excited at all. You really made it seem like you don’t wanna be with me at all. And then you asked me ‘Aren’t you happy with the way things are now?’ but it honestly feels like I’ve just been one-sidedly loving you this whole time.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “What the hell, Jimin? How can you really believe that I don’t love you? You’re the one who wants to one-sidedly break up! I don’t want to break up. Do you want me to marry you? I told you I’m willing to marry you.”

Jimin looked at me scornfully. “I’m not trying to force you to marry me.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, you’re just trying to force me to break up with you. I honestly can’t believe that you don’t think I love you. That hurts me so much, Jimin. And you’re telling me I don’t trust you? You’re the one who doesn’t trust me! Why do you think I’m going to leave you when you’re the one leaving me? You’re the one doing all of the things you’re accusing me of!”

I went to pour myself another glass of water, but in my anger the glass slipped from my hand and shattered on the floor. I bent down to pick up the broken pieces.

Jimin squatted down next to me and brushed my hands away. “Don’t do it, you’ll hurt yourself.” He mumbled.

“Don’t act like you care," I muttered, obstinately picking up glass anyway.

“Of course I care, you fool,” Jimin snapped. “It’s not like I stopped loving you after a day.”

“It sure feels that way,” I whispered. I suddenly felt exhausted and sad. Jimin noticed the change in my tone and glanced up at me, concerned.

“I miss you so much,” I admitted softly. “It’s really killing me to be away from you like this.”

“I’m right here,” Jimin said quietly.

“But we’re not together. It’s like you’re not even the same person. It’s like you’re this strange Jimin that I don’t know. This weird one that doesn’t kiss me or tells me he loves me or looks at me with such soft eyes that I feel myself melting inside.” I leaned against the cabinets and sank down to the floor. “It doesn’t feel like you even love me at all.” A tear trickled down my cheek but I didn’t bother brushing it away.

Jimin didn’t look at me and continued to pick up the glass. I studied him carefully. It was almost like I could feel his heart leaving me.

“Jimin,” I called out to him quietly. He glanced up automatically and it was then that I noticed he also had tears streaming down his face. He quickly turned away from me and leaned over to throw the glass in the trash. He spent much longer than necessary and wouldn’t turn around. I crept over and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Jimin, look at me. Please,” I begged him softly. He shook his head. I could feel his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged his back awkwardly. “I’m so sorry, Jimin. I’m so sorry it ended up like this. I don’t even know what we’re arguing about anymore.” I turned my head and kissed him in between his shoulder blades.

We sat there like that for a moment until Jimin gently pulled my hands apart from around his waist and turned around to face me. He took me into his lap and cupped my face in one of his hands. The other hand lightly my hair.

“It’s just so hard, baby," he whispered brokenly. I reached up and brushed away his tears with my thumb. “I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I didn’t even expect you to say yes when we talked about marriage. I guess I just desperately hoped that you would.” Jimin’s voice shook with tears. He took a deep breath to calm himself. “I just…I just love you so much and it never feels like you love me even a fraction of what I love you.”

I sat there quietly, brushing his tears away and waiting for him to calm down.

“I just got so excited by myself one day," he continued. “I was at the jewelry store buying something for my mom and I saw this perfect ring. It was just like the one you had showed me one day, silver with an opal and two pearls on the side. I bought it right then because it just felt so perfect. I just looked at it and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and that I wanted to ask you with this ring.” He took a shaky breath. “But it was stupid, wasn’t it?” Jimin looked up into my eyes. He looked like such a vulnerable little kid in that moment that I started to cry.

“No, it wasn’t stupid,” I whispered. Jimin continued to my hair softly. “It wasn’t stupid at all. It’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” I wiped my tears away with my fist, silently cursing myself for making Jimin feel this way.

“I thought…I thought you were starting to hate me.” I cleared my throat in a vain attempt to stop the tears. “I thought you really didn’t want to be with me. You were so cold and even though you were still doing all of these caring things, I couldn’t feel your heart in them. Like you were just doing them out of pity or obligation.”

Jimin pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head. I sobbed into his chest. “That’s how I feel about you, baby. I really believed that you weren’t with me because you loved me so I decided to let you go.”

“How could you ever think that?” I cried, my voice muffled by Jimin’s shirt. He loosened his grip on me and I sat up and faced him. “Listen, Jimin, I know that I’m guarded and that you have to work to earn my trust and I’m so sorry about that, but that’s just my personality. And honestly, I thought that if it was you, it was okay to let you in.” I reached up and his face. He caught my hand and kissed my palm. “You know more about me than anyone else.”

“Do I?” Jimin asked. His eyes lit up. I laughed, still a little shaky from crying. He was such a little kid still, excited from such a small thing.

“Yeah,” I said softly. “You do. And I plan on keeping it that way.”

Jimin held my face in his hands, leaned in, and kissed me softly. I tangled my hands in his hair and pressed myself against his body. After a few moments, Jimin broke away, breathing heavily. He rested his forehead against mine and I felt happiness rise up from deep within me.

“So, you still wanna break up?” I asked, wiping away the last of my tears.

“I’m not so sure right now,” Jimin breathed. He tilted my face up and his lips met mine for a long moment. “Your outfit is really distracting me. Why did you have to wear this one today?”

I giggled softly. Jimin raised his eyebrows at me. “Well, I was planning on seducing you if all else failed,” I admitted. Jimin laughed. His warm breath hit my face and I felt an overwhelming desire to be close to him forever. I leaned back and called his name softly.

“Jimin.”

He looked up and gazed into my eyes tenderly. His thumb softly traced my lips.

“Jimin. I wanna make this work with you," I murmured.

“I know, baby," he whispered. “But do you think we can do it?” Jimin tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

“Why not? Can’t we just try?” I pleaded. “Can’t you give me another chance?” My eyes welled up with tears. Why was he still saying these things?

Jimin brushed them away. “Is anything going to change?” he asked me, a touch of sadness in his tone. “Are we suddenly going to become different people that suit each other?”

“How do we not suit each other? I can change!” I insisted wretchedly. Tears streamed down my face faster than Jimin could catch them. “I can be a loving girlfriend. I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t love you. Why are you hesitating? I thought…I thought when you k-kissed me that you wanted to be with me again.” I mumbled the last sentence, afraid to look into Jimin’s eyes.

Jimin sighed softly. He put his face in his hands and mumbled the next words between his fingers. “I do want to be with you again. But not as my girlfriend. As my…as my wife.”

He looked up at me timidly to see my reaction.

“Is that really the way it has to be?” My eyes searched his for signs of an ultimatum.

He nodded.

“Because you don’t trust me to want to be with you unless we’re legally bound?”

Jimin shrugged and looked away.

I took his hands in mine and stared at him imploringly. He refused to meet my gaze.

“Jimin, nothing’s going to change if we get married. Getting married doesn’t mean we’re going to be together forever.”

“No, but it makes it harder for you to leave. It means you have to rely on me for things," he mumbled sullenly.

“So what, you’re trying to trap me into being with you?”

Jimin sighed and turned his head to stare back at me. He didn’t say a word, just sat there glaring at me.

“I’m not going to marry you just because you feel insecure.” I met his gaze, not backing down.

“Are you ever going to want to marry me?” Jimin asked bluntly.

“I want to marry you,” I said. “But not like this. Not as an ultimatum. Not just because we’re trying to make this work. A marriage like that won’t last and you know it. If you need me to prove to you that I love you, I’ll do my best, but I won’t marry you to do it because when we get married, I want it to be because we want to, not because we’re scared we’ll lose each other if we don’t. Jimin, you know I never even wanted to get married, so if I'm telling you I want to marry you, you know I do. Just not like this.”

“So what are you saying?” Jimin looked down. He freed his hands from mine and played with the strings of his hoodie.

“Jimin.” I gently took his hands again. “Look at me.”

He bent his head farther down, avoiding me.

“Jimin, please,” I begged him.

“Just tell me what you have to say," he whispered. “Just tell me it’s over.”

“Jimin, it’s not over. I’m telling you that I want to be with you. That I’m in this for the long run. That I want to make this work for you.” I looked down as my voice cracked. “Jimin…I’m telling you that I love you. How many times to do I have to say it before you believe me?”

Jimin still wouldn’t look at me. “I just don’t believe you," he whispered hoarsely. “I want to so badly, but now that we’re here, now that we’ve reached this place, I just feel like we can’t go back. I feel like we have to get married or just break up.”

“God, Jimin.” I covered my mouth with my hand. I tried to hold in the sobs that threated to take over my body. “Why are you acting like this? Why is this not enough for you? Why am I not enough for you as I am?”

He looked up at me pleadingly. “I don’t know," he whispered. He moved to hug me, but I pushed him away and stood up.

“I think…I th-think you sh-should go,” I sniffled. “I think we should spend some time apart until you figure out whatever it is you have going on.”

Jimin stood up and looked at me helplessly. “Is that what you really want?” he murmured.

“No, Jimin, what I really want is for you to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay,” I said honestly, still sobbing. “What I really want is to spend the rest of my life stealing your clothes and waking up to you kissing my arm. What I really want is to marry you one day and have at least one of your babies, but not right now, please, not right now. But if you can’t wait until I’m ready, until this is right, then I think you should just leave.”

“Okay,” Jimin said gently, sadly. “I’ll go pack my things.”

He disappeared into the bedroom and I slumped to the kitchen floor and wept.

“Jimin, you idiot,” I whispered to an empty room. “That’s not what I really want.”