I got this idea from the notebook. I hope you all enjoy this story!!

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I want to disappear, so disappear I did.

 

After being fed up with the toxic city life, traffic and pollution I’ve decided to disappear. Slowly and intentionally I lost contacts with my friends. I would always decline their invitations to hang out, I don’t reply to their messages anymore. I deleted all my social media accounts. And surely, I made everyone forget about me.

 

I then moved to the country side. I saved enough money to build a house; the house. I built a house in the woods, not too deep in the woods. I have a small farm with a few animals and a lake behind the house. The house has an off-white color, a nice contrasting color with all the greens and the browns of the woods. The house gives off a bohemian, rustic style that just invites you to stay warm and cozy the whole day.

 

I’m having quite a good time here actually. This is the best place to be rejuvinated or to get away from things.

 

 

 

[U at home?] I receive a text from Luna. She’s my only friend who still knows about my well-being. She’s the clingy type of friend and I’m thankful for that.

[Yes, Y?] I replied.

[Good. OTW.] she replied after a few seconds. WHAT??!!

I quickly dialed her number.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Yah! Are you on your way to go here in my house?!” I screamed at her.

“Yes. Don’t worry. I’m alone. It’s been years since I last saw you.” She said.

“You could’ve informed me days ago.” I said to her.

“And you wouldn’t let me. So here I am on my way to see my best friend. Gotta go, I’m near.” She said and closed her phone.

 

That little puppy. Always very unpredictable. A few minutes later a car was parking up in front of my house by a tree. I went out of the house to welcome her and she ran out her car without closing the door and tackled me to the ground.

“I’ve missed you so much. Amber!” She said.

“Missed you too, puppy.” I said patting her head as we stand.

“Yah! Why did you come here all of a sudden?” I ask her as we go inside the house.

“It’s a long weekend and I’m planning to spend time with you. I’m afraid you lack some human interaction.”

“I do not.” I told her.

We settled in the living room and she’s looking at me from head to toe.

“What’s with the look park sunyoung?” I ask her.

“Nothing. You’ve changed a lot, Amber.” She said to me.

“I did not. I’m just the same old me. Only now I’m just some farm girl who lives alone in the woods.” I said to her, avoiding her eyes.

“Your eyes..” She said.

“Do I have some morning glory?” I said as I try to wipe it off.

“No. Your eyes have lost its spark.” She said.

“What? That’s absurd.” I said trying to laugh off the situation.

“Your smile isn’t as bright as they used to.” She said. I just stared blankly into nothing because perhaps she’s right.

“She got you really bad, didn’t she?” Luna smirked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lied.

“You know, you can just ask me about her.” Luna teased.

“I have nothing to ask. It happened years ago. I’ve moved on.” I said..

“You’re really bad at lying did you know that?” She said.

“I’m not lying.” I defended myself.

“Don’t make me laugh, Amber. This very house is the living proof that you haven’t moved on.”

*silence*

“I’m right. Am I?” I hate it when she’s right. No need to be embarrassed about it.” She said.

“I hate it when you’re right.” I told her.

“Cheer up. Nothing to be ashamed about.” She told me. I’m really thankful for her.

“Enough of this talk. Let’s eat. I’ll prepare lunch while you fix your things in my room.” I told her.

“You still don’t sleep in your room?” She asks and I just nodded.

“Doesn’t the sofa hurt your back?”

“I’m still insomniac, I barely sleep.” I told her and she just laugh at me.

 

 

We spent the weekend at my house. She helped me feed my animals and water my plants. We went to the nearby town and catch up with each other, went for a walk and went to a local cafe.

 

It’s a Monday afternoon and we’re loading up her car with her things and some farm goods I gave her.

“You know I’ve been thinking.” I told Luna as she was getting into her car. “Maybe it’s finally time to sell this house and for me to finally move on.” I told her. She smiled at me.

“Maybe your right. You’ll be one step closer to finally moving on. I’ll support you and even if you decided to not sell it I’d still support you still.” She said.

 

I put my house out on the market. I sent pictures to local newspaper and Luna posted some photos of the house on her social media. No one knows who owns the house so I’d still be incognito.

Couple of people visited the house and took interest. I showed them around and quite frankly I don’t see anyone being capable of owning it. After the tour, I would simply tell the buyers that I wouldn’t sell my house to them. Some tried to double the price triple even but I wouldn’t sell it still. People cursed at me and one even punch me for not selling it to him, only a few were understanding. My phone’s been ringing non-stop, buyers begged me to sell it to them so I just decided to turn my phone off.

 

It was a rainy Sunday a forecast of a storm is announced in the news. I’m quite thankful because I’m pretty sure no one would look for the house with this kind of weather. I made myself a coffee and took a seat in the living room and just channel surf.

I heard a car engine and I immediately look through the window.

“Dammit. I thought no one would come today.” I said to myself.

Being the good person that I am I got an umbrella and run to the driver’s door to the person get out of the car without getting wet. I opened the car door and she got out of the car and the world stopped. It’s her. .

 

We’re both stuck on the ground that we’re stepping on right now. I can feel my back getting wet since the umbrella isn’t that big. But I don’t care.

She’s still beautiful. She’s gotten more beautiful. So so so beautiful.

“Amber..” she whispered. I woke from my trance.

“Let’s get in. It’s raining.” I told her.

 

We’re walking towards the house and my senses are working overtime. I can smell her perfume and every little touch our skins do, it sends current into my body. I felt her stop and so did I since I don’t want her to get wet from the rain. She was just staring at the façade of the house. And I was just staring at her. Of all people, I wish it was her who wouldn’t see the house. I can see tears forming from her eyes as it falls down her cheeks. I wanted to wipe away her tears but I’m afraid that if I touch her she would disappear.

“it’s the house.” She said.

“Yes it is.” I told her.

She finally looked at me and her eyes are only filled with questions.

“Why?” she asks. “W-why did you build it?” She asks.

“Because of you.” I answered with all honesty, there’s point in lying anyway.

She was about to say something but cut her off. “Let’s get in. We’re already soaked.”

 

I gave her a towel when I got inside and I toured her around the house. I can’t really focus on the things that I’m saying because her stare at me is just so intense.

We went to the backyard but just in the porch since it’s raining. I didn’t want to show her this part to be honest.

“So.. this is the backyard that’s near a..”

“A lake..” She finished and  I know that she’s crying again. I didn’t want to look at her because I know I’m gonna cry if I did.

“…A lake where we could take a boat ride during the afternoons. We could swim there too or fish or whatever as long as we’re together..” she said. She would always say that line before. She’s crying and  I just want to put my arms around her. But of course I can’t.

“I-I’m sorry for saying that..”  she said as she tried to wipe her tears quite violently as if she’s trying to erase her face away. She always does that whenever she’s crying in front of somebody.

“Y-yah. I told not to wipe your face like that.” I told her and held her wrist. A habit I always do to her. I cup her face and wipe her tears with my thumb. She held my hand and a shiny thing caught my attention. It’s my reminder that we will never be together. Like being touched by fire I immediately retracted my hands from her face. We both stayed silent.

“I-I should leave.” She said. “I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“S-stay.” I told her but still not looking at her. “The rain’s about to get heavier said the news. It will be hard for you to drive.” I said.

“No, I’ll manage. I don’t want to bother you ant further.”

“Krystal. Stay for the night.” I looked at her in the eyes, almost begging her.

“O-okay.”

“Folow me, I’ll give you dry clothes.” I told her. What was I thinking asking her to stay?!?!??!?? I’m really just digging up my own grave. But the weather’s really bad, there are thunders and lighting. My other self said. Ugh. I’m really stupid.

 

“You can stay here in my room. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” I told her.

“Where are you going to sleep?” She asks me.

“I’ve been sleeping at the couch ever since I moved here. The bed.. well the bed’s always been to spacious for me…” I said. My mind automatically starts to look for a certain someone when I get in bed causing me to not get any sleep at all that’s why I just sleep on the couch.

“O-okay.” She said.

“Dinner’s in ten minutes.” I told her.

 

I set up the table for two.  It’s been too long since I set this table for two. Luna likes eating in front of the tv that’s why we don’t use the dining area when she’s here. The last time I prepared for two people was when we’re still together living in an apartment in the city. We were young and in love and felt like we got the world figured out. We were foolish to think we’d be able to spend our lives together. I’m a such a ing fool.

 

I few minutes later she went down wearing my shirt and my jogging pants. I-I can’t take my eyes off her. This feels like a dream. Please wake me up now, I don’t want to waste my time hoping for these kinds of moment to happen again because I know they won’t. I can see the old her, when she’s too lazy to dress up she would just pick whatever clothes I have in the closet. Jesus Christ why???!?!? This exactly feels like how we were before.

I watch her descend from the stairs and sit across me. I want to cry because I’d never thought this thing would never happen again to me, to us.

We ate dinner silently.

“The dinner’s good.” She complimented silently.

“Thanks.” I said briefly.

“W-why?” she asks. “Why did still build this house? This was supposed to be built by the two of us together. This was our dream house.” She finally said it; our dream house.

I look at her to tell her honestly why. I just want to get this out of my chest.

“Maybe because I’m a fool and I want to believe that you’d still come back to me after you see this house we dreamt together. I’m a dreamer that I still wish that I will see you someday walk home every end of the day and I will wait for you every single time. I’m a really a fool, am I?” I answered.

“No, you’re not.” She said. “I pray for the same thing every night. I always talk to God about you.”

I was just looking at her while her eyes are fixated on the plate playing with her food. I want to run to her, hold her close and never let her go.

“Please, excuse me.” I said. I quickly left the dining table went to the bathroom. My eyes are so heavy with tears I don’t want her to see.

 

Why??!?!? Why can’t we be together?? The only thing I wish is the one thing I can never have. I punch the mirror on the wall. I can’t feel any pain because my heart hurts greater. I can see blood dripping from my hand but I didn’t care. I just want all these pain to end. I sat myself on the floor as my tears flow down my face. My white-tiled bathroom floor is now filled with blood, tears and shattered glass.

“What happened?!?!” Krystal violently open the door and gasp as soon as she saw what happened. “D-don’t go anywhere.” She commanded.

A few minutes after she came back with a medicine kit. She sat in front of me and grab my hand gently. My tears just keeps on flowing down my face so as hers, I just watch her face silently with every move she makes. She put some disinfectant over my wound. It hurts but I feel no emotion come out my face. I just want to focus on her.

“What were you doing?? Don’t ever hurt yourself like this.” She said to me while she sob.

She cleaned the wound put some medicine and place a bandage around my hand. When she’s done I pulled her hand and just hug her. She’s leaning on me as I envelope my arms around her and buried my face on her hair. She’s clenching my shirt and all I could do is hold her because she’s my lifeline. No words were said, perhaps none were needed.

“If I can’t have you then why is the universe playing this evil trick on me?” I said. “Why did the universe let me have you at first and just get you when I finally decided that I want to spend every second of my ing life with you?”

“It’s so unfair..” I continued and more tears just flowed out her eyes. “Aren’t we allowed to be happy? Tell me Krystal, do you think of me when you’re with him?” She lifted her head to face me as she leans her arms on my chest. “Do you still think of me every night before you sleep and wish that life would’ve turned out differently? Tell me, do you still love me??”

“I’ve always loved you.” She said. “I never stopped and I don’t think I will ever stop loving you.” She said.

“I can live with that, I guess.” I said with a bitter laugh. “S-say you love me again. So I can keep it in my mind and hope it can take me through everyday.” I ask.

“I-I love you.” She said. She then buried her face in my neck as I held her tighter. We stayed look this for a couple of minutes.

“It’s time to sleep, princess.” I told her and she just moved her head left and right.

“I don’t want for tomorrow to come.” She said. I smiled a little. I just carried her bridal style, up the stairs to my room. I gently place her in the bed but she doesn’t want to let go of me. Her hands are lock on my neck as I try to get up. My hands landed between her, she still doesn’t want to let go.

“Stay with me.” She said. “It won’t be spacious anymore, I’m beside you.” I search her eyes for insincerity but I can’t see any.

“I-I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. I command you to! You can never disobey when a princess commands.” She said. It was always her tactic whenever I didn’t want to the things she tells me to.

“I-if the princess commands, it shall be done.” I answered like how I used to. She finally let go of my arm and scoot to the other side of the bed and pulled me next to her. As soon as I settled, she straddled me and began kissing me. The lips I long for is kissing me again. I didn’t think and just kissed her back. Our hands are all over each other as I kiss and re-memorize her body.

 

It was 3 am when I woke up. I feel exhausted and but seeing her face next to me takes all my exhaustion away. I held her close and buried my face in her chest and sleep again.

 

 

I never saw her again after. I decided not to sell the house since I’m sure that I will never be over her and this house is the only thing I have of her. I just went on with my life, my alone life.

 

I was having my breakfast when I heard a knock on my door. Must be the milk delivery.

I opened it.

“Krystal???”

“Hi.” She said shyly. Beautiful.

“Is this house still for sale?” She asks.

“N-no. Sorry, I’m not selling it anymore.” I said.

“Well if I can’t have this house maybe I can have you instead??” She said. W-what? I gave her a confused look but a smile is creeping up my face. As if reading my mind she answered my internal question by raising her hand in front of me.

“W-what are you doing?” I ask confusedly.

“My finger looks pretty bare doesn’t it?” She said with a smile.

“Y-you don’t have a ring.. B-but W-why? W-what happened?” I ask her.

“I finally had the courage to do what I always wanted and call of the damned fixed marriage.” She said and out of happiness I just carried her and twirl us around.

“D-does that mean you’re going to live with me from now on???” I ask.

“Only if you want to.” She said.

“Of course! I have told you before that I love you??” I ask her.

“Yes, for a million times.” She said.

“Just let me say it again. I love you, Krystal Jung.” I said.

“I love you too, Ambre Liu.”

“Welcome home.” I said to her.

“I’m finally home because home is wherever you are.”

“I’m never letting you go this time. Come what may.”

“And I’ll never go far away from you, ever again.