"Hey, take care okay?" said Amber before letting me get on the bus. As I took a seat, I looked at where she was standing but to my disappointment, she wasn't there anymore. I gazed at the sidewalk and saw her already walking with her back facing me. We just finished watching a movie and she insisted to walk me to the bus stop. She was always like this especially when we were still in college. She would wait for me to finish class so we could go home together. I didn't ask her to do that, and I even told her she didn't need to but she still did so I just let her. 

I remember our times when we're on the bus. She would ask me if I would like to listen to some songs on her cellphone. At first I declined because I am not really a music lover. I listen to some songs but I'm not very fond of them since music and I don't go well together. But Amber loves music. She sings well and can play the guitar, too. And since our ride home always took an hour or more, I finally agreed when she handed me one of her ear candies one afternoon.

"You're weird." she suddenly uttered. "How come you're not snapping your fingers or even tapping your feet when the song we're listening to is so upbeat?"

"I told you, I'm not really into music." I defended.

"Then why are you interested now?"

If I have chosen to be honest with her that time, I would say it's because I would be listening to it with her. But I didn't say that, rather I said, "Just because. I don't need to explain myself." I said in a joking manner and to my relief, she didn't bother to ask more.

Each afternoon was always different. In some days, we would be talking throughout the ride but on other days, we would just be silent with each of our ears plugged with an earbud. Yes, we're sharing her earphones. It's already a little old and she always let me use the good one while she chose the broken ear. I feel special whenever she did that. I know that listening to music is one of the things she enjoys doing to kill boredom as we go home yet she still let me have that joy instead. I don't know what she exactly feels for me. All I know is that we're not just friends. We're on a higher level, an unlabelled one.

As we reach our stop, we would walk for another 15 minutes because we need to ride separate buses going to our streets and I have always enjoyed those walks with her. I liked spending time with her. And I find it strange that as soon as we parted, I would immediately get my phone and wait for a message from her. I couldn't explain why I anticipate every simple reply I would get from her when all we talk about were things which were just too shallow to spend the whole night on. 

From: Amber

         Hey, you're not replying anymore. I guess you're already asleep. Well, see you tomorrow.

I would often read this message in the morning though it was sent the night before. I always fell asleep earlier than her, right when we're still in a middle of a conversation. And as soon as we see each other in school, she would always say how mean I was because I let her stay awake for a long time as she waited for my reply. But she doesn't get mad about that. She still gives me that warm smile, telling me that everything between us is okay.

I enjoyed every moment I spent with her but I was worried that I was making her expect something more from me. I like her, but I wasn't sure if I could handle having a relationship with her. I guess I was scared to be judged by others. I know I was leading her on, but I couldn't stop. I don't want to stop. Because somehow, I feel something for her too. I didn't want to admit it, but I really did like her so I let myself be selfish little more. I gave myself  a deadline. I let it last until graduation day.

On that day, we were luckily seated close to each other. I was seated in front of her though I wished I could just switch seats with one of our classmates so I could seat next to her. We just kept our actions simple, but with the way she was looking at me, I felt how sad she was. I was feeling the same and all I could do was hold her hand. I just held it tightly. I hope she could feel how I felt for her. I don't want us to end. I don't want whatever it was we're having to end. I wanted to tell her how much I like her but I was too afraid. And I regret that upto this day.

After graduation, we seldom had time to talk because I got a job after two weeks. She still continued to send me messages, asking about my day and such. I seldom replied. I felt like I needed to cut that invisible rope connecting our special feelings for each other. My deadline had passed and I promised myself that everything should end there. I didn't reply to most of her messages and if I did, it would just be short answers. I guess she understood what I wanted because one day I realized that she just stopped.

I don't receive messages from her anymore. She stopped asking about my day, if I already ate dinner, or if I got home safely. I guess I deserve that. I deserve to be ignored by Amber Liu.

One time, I took the courage to send her a text message. I was expecting to receive a reply a few seconds after but I didn't. She replied, but it was after 4 hours and that is so not her. I understood that I'm not special to her anymore. She wasn't waiting for my messages like she used to. Maybe someone else has her attention now, her attention that was once for me.

Was what I did a mistake? Was letting her go a mistake? I know I had hurt her because I felt hurt, too. I was hurt when everything between us changed. We are still friends but the connection we had before is not there anymore. When she looks at me, I see a wall between us. She's protecting herself from me. I can feel it.

I had a chance to hold her hand again. While we were watching the movie, she said she was feeling cold especially her hands. I don't think she was pretending because she kept on hugging herself.

"It's really cold Krystal."

"Then why didn't you bring a jacket?" I asked.

"I was about to bring one but the sun was so shiny outside. I didn't know it will be this cold in the theater." she said. She was clenching her fists to keep them warm. I looked at it then glanced at her. She was looking at the screen trying to concentrate on the movie when I did the most courageous thing I have ever done in a long time.

I held her hand. Intertwined them.

While this made her feel warm, I was sitting there frozen as hell. I tried to keep myself calm but my mind is not cooperating. The touch of her hand sent flashbacks of our college days, of our bus rides, of us.

I miss us.

I took a look at her again, wishing that she'd be staring back at me, but no. Her eyes were glued on the screen, clueless with what was happening to me. After a few minutes, she loosened her grip and let go of my hand.

"Thanks." she said. "I feel warm now."

"Alright. Good then." was all I said as my heart sank.

So now, if you are wondering about us... I have an answer for that: We are friends. She's still my friend, because we never really got out of that label. We were stuck in there and will forever be in there. And maybe that's why I'm still single... Could it be because I'm waiting to meet a guy with her characteristics? Is it possible?

Of course not, because there could only be one Amber Liu. And she would always be that "someone" in my life.

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Author's note: Well, I had no idea about what my "some" thought about us so I hope I did justice to this chap. And I can't promise that there would be a third part of this because this is where our story ended. Actually, it didn't have an ending since it was a "some relationship. There was no definite label to what we had so I'll just leave it this way. Sorry my dear readers. I hope this wasn't depressing though. Merry Christmas!