"Amber, are you busy?" I looked away from my laptop as she called my name while peeking through the door. Defense day for seniors is coming up that's why we're so busy putting our film together. Yes, we are Communication Arts students and our final exam would be a 20 minute film. You'd be so mean if you'd think it's easy because believe me, it's hell.

"Uh... not really... I'm just encoding the script, why?" I asked.

"Mmm... could you come with me to the restroom? You know, it's kinda creepy?" she said in a pleading manner.

"Oh okay..." I stood up from my seat as I wondered why she'd asked me to come with her when she can ask her groupmates who are also our group of friends. You know how girls and restrooms work, they need to go in groups for some reasons which are still a mystery to me. I'm a girl but I manage to go by myself and spend just two minutes in there while she and our other friends would take 10 minutes or more. Sigh... Anyway, our gang was divided into two since we were only allowed to have 4 members per group.

As soon as I stepped in the hall way where she was, she immediately took my hand and intertwined our fingers. I glanced at it a little without letting her notice it. I felt giddy but at the same time, scared that others might see us but she looked like she didn't care for she's letting our hands sway a little as we walked. When we reached the restroom, she went in a cubicle and did her thing while I waited outside and looked at myself in the mirror. I stared at my reflection, wondering why she did that.

My thoughts were cut when I heard her flush the toilet indicating she'd come out any minute. She gave me a look and quickly smiled as she washed her hands, dried them and again, reached for mine as we went back to the Media Center where our groupmates were. Her grip on my hand was tight yet gentle, and I like how it feels. Our moment ended as she needed to get back to her group but what was even more strange was she made me feel that she didn't want to return to her own group and just stay with me. She didn't say anything, but I surely felt it. I smiled at her as I entered the room where I was before and she did the same. When I sat down, I can't help but think about her actions towards me. She's sending me puzzles, she's making my heart swirl.

I recalled the first time we held hands, we were in our freshman year. Both of us live in the same city so we decided to go home together. We were at the bus stop, waiting for our ride home and our friend Sulli who was so fond of holding hands while walking held my right hand and since I was in the middle, she insisted that I hold Krystal's hand, too who's on my left. I didn't know why it was necessary to do that but I did it anyway. At that time, I didn't have feelings for her yet but I was a little attracted to her. Sulli suddenly let go of my hand because she saw her friend and talked with him for a while leaving me and Krystal standing there with linked hands. She seemed to be comfortable with it at first until a guy awkwardly looked at us. I guess it made her feel uneasy because she quickly loosened her grip and dropped my hand eventually. From that moment, I knew that we were different, and I respect that of course.

I took everything well. It's not like I would have any plans on asking her to be my girlfriend. 

Then I would find myself waiting for her class to end so that we could go home together. My class ends earlier than hers but I would still wait for her. She told me I didn't need to do that but I still did and I didn't know why. I guess I was starting to like her more. But then we had a fight, a silly one but it lasted until the end of the school year. She, Sulli and Victoria joined a fraternity and Luna and I strongly opposed to that.

"It's not a bad group." Krystal exclaimed during our confrontation. I'm not good with words so I let Luna do the talking.

"Even though, you know that our university doesn't allow groups like this. What if you get caught?" Luna blurted.

"We won't. This group already has a strong foundation because it started a long time ago." defended Sulli.

"And we won't allow ourselves to get caught, we're not stupid." said Victoria. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. I don't want us talking like this so I gave up.

"If that's what you want, then okay. We can't do anything about it." That's all I said before dragging Luna with me to the stairs.

After that, Luna and I hadn't spoken to them until freshman year ended. Was it petty to be mad about that? Maybe. But we were just concerned about them and I didn't see anything wrong with that.

Sophomore year came and we are still in a fight. Silly, right? And then we became civil with each other. We would greet each other whenever we see each other but we didn't hangout. It was sad for me since I like her but what can I do, we were young back then and childish.

One day, when I was playing the guitar with our classmates, she sat in front of me and started listening. I didn't make a big deal out of it since we're kinda okay already but then she started talking to me again. She asked me to play a song for her and I did. Butterflies started flying inside me but I quickly cut their wings off. I don't want to assume things, not when I'm not sure of anything. However, since that day, she started having contact with me again, sending me text messages, and would ask me to study with her. And again, my feelings for her began to develop. I wanted to stop them, but I couldn't. And I hated myself for that.

Anyway, our friendship became better throughout sophomore year, then junior year, then lastly, senior year. And like how our friendship grew, my feelings bloomed with it but being the unconfident, complicated human being that I am, I kept all these feelings to myself. Maybe I showed her, but I didn't have the courage to tell her. 

We're now having this relationship I couldn't understand. She's always next to me, would constantly reach for my hand while walking, and would just literally be together all the time. And if we're not together, she would ask me where I was, or tell me where she is and ask me to go there. What is this? Why is she making me feel this way? She's making me feel that she's mine, and I'm hers without the official label. I wanted to ask her, I wanted to know but I'm a coward so I just stay silent. One time Luna caught us holding hands as we crossed the street.

"Hey, are you two together? What's with all this hand-holding?" she asked. Krystal let go of my hand and I understood that she maybe became uncomfortable again. We continued walking with Luna and the girls ahead of us, then I felt her hand grab mine and again, my heart swirled.

We continued being like this until we reached graduation day. And that was the day I hated the most, because it meant everything would change after that. And I was right, everything did change.

She got a job a few weeks after we graduated. We barely talked, and since she was already working in a different city, I couldn't see her. Our connection slowly faded. She met new people and whenever I would attempt to send a message, there was this feeling inside me saying that maybe she's too busy and I would just bother her. So all I do was wait. But she seldom remembers me. That's what I think. Then we ended up with nothing. I ended up wondering what we had. I didn't know. We never talked about it and will never talk about it because whenever I see her now, we are different. It's like we didn't have anything.

"Amber, let's watch a movie tonight." her message said.

"Okay." I replied. "What time?"

"7, so we can have dinner first."

"Alright, see you then." That's how simple our conversation had become.

So that's what "some" means. You have or had something, but you couldn't put any labels on it. Just something. Sometimes I wonder what could've been if I have been brave to ask her. Maybe we might've known what we were. But it's too late. Krystal has her own life now. Though she's still single, I think she would never be in a "some relationship" with me again.

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Author's note: This is a very personal story because this is what happened to me and my "some". I thought we had something, but she didn't say anything. So until now, I wish I've known what she felt for me. So I could understand and finally move on from it. 3