*****

“I’m confident I want to be with you. When I look at you I only think about spending the rest of my life with you, but you’re the one wavering. I know we didn’t get back together on good terms, but we developed something during our marriage. When I shared the room, the space, and the bed with you I was really happy. So lets go on the honeymoon we never had and see whether you want to be with me or not.”

“What are you going to do if it’s not?”

“Then, I guess I’ll sign the papers for you.”

As he lay there in the dark he wondered if he left anything out. Would Namjoo receive his feelings? Part of him was nervous, but he was also certain that Namjoo wanted to be with him too.

This would be the real test to their marriage.

Anxiety swarmed through him forcing him to switch positions. If it really didn’t work out, he would have to think of other means to make Namjoo stay with him. Could he get her pregnant? Namjoo wouldn’t be able to raise a child alone in her current condition and her income wouldn’t be enough to support her, Soo Ae, and the child.

That was if he could get Namjoo to sleep with him. Was that even possible? Either way, he would have to make it happen. There was no space for failure. It was a low method, but he was desperate.

They, he knew, could have the perfect family together.

Sehun didn’t sleep well that night, so he got up early and started searching destinations for the honeymoon. Going abroad sounded like an attractive option, but Namjoo didn’t have a passport. Waiting for the passport to come in would take time, too. Sehun didn’t want to waste precious time. Turning away from his computer, he stared out the window. Sun rays were intense against the glass. Leaves were dancing with the gentle breeze. From the time he married Namjoo till now, spring had transitioned into summer. Soo Ae would be going to school once summer neared its end.

A smile slid across his face when he recalled planning Soo Ae’s birthday. Going somewhere nice with those closest to him always seemed like such fun inside his head. The joy from just being around those who loved him and those he loved was all that mattered. A grand trip didn’t have to take place overseas nor did it require a large investment. Something simple both parties could enjoy – something that would remain memorable the rest of their lives.

Staring back at the computer screen, Sehun suddenly knew where he wanted to go.

*****

Namjoo couldn’t tell whether she regretted even listening to Sehun’s proposal – allowing him to make one. Now she couldn’t back out. It would be cowardly.

“Do you know him?” the female clerk beside her leaned in to whisper.

Namjoo was currently at work. A week had passed since she last spoke with Sehun – listened to him tell her about the honeymoon. He suddenly disappeared and she was just starting to integrate into her usual routine that didn’t consist of him again. She was on cashier duty today. Great luck, because the checkout counter was near the front doors. Sehun who just walked in had found her immediately. Though he continued to smile and wave, Namjoo wished he’d know when to stop staring.

“Yea…”

“Who is he? Boyfriend?”

“No.” That tingly feeling that came to her whenever Sehun stared at her vibrated through her. “My husband.”

“Oh…I didn’t know you were married,” the woman commented with a surprised gasp. “Seems like he can’t take his eyes off you.” She nudged Namjoo with a smirk. “You must be happily married.”

But that wasn’t the case and it wasn’t as simple as it seemed. When she looked up Sehun was missing from where he’d been earlier. Namjoo was partially relieved he was gone and partially curious about where he’d gone. She received her answer minutes later when someone set a pile of books in front of her. Looking up she recognized Sehun with that stark smile on his face. Glancing down again she noted the pile of children’s book he was buying.

“They’re for Soo Ae,” he told. “Don’t you think it’s a good idea to teach her how to read before she goes to school? We’re going to make her a smart kid.”

Grabbing the books without making a remark she began scanning them.    

“I promised you I’d send her to college and have her graduate,” Sehun reminded. “I’ll make it happen. You trust me, don’t you?”

Namjoo’s memory was suddenly wheeled back to the night she finally gave up her fight and accepted him as Soo Ae’s father. The promises he made her flushed back to mind.

“When are you done?” he went on despite her silence. “I figured out where we can go for our honeymoon, but I don’t want to make the decision without you.”

“Twenty-five dollars even,” Namjoo tapped her fingers against the numbers on the screen at the front.

Fishing his card out he handed it to her. “There’s a coffee shop across the street. I’ll wait for you there.” Taking the book she bagged up he walked out the doors. Namjoo watched his receding back become smaller through the glass doors. She couldn’t help but be standoffish with him. Her front just came out subconsciously since she’d built the barrier for so long only to have it crumble during their marriage, but build it again when she ran from him. It was a way of survival, protecting herself. And she knew he aimed to destroy it again.

*****

Sehun’s eyes travelled out the window across the street to the bookstore imagining how Namjoo would smile at her customers and talk to them politely. He was jealous of those people. It felt like forever since Namjoo smiled at him. She was great at everything she did. Always putting forth her best efforts to make everything better, to make her life easier for both her and Soo Ae, and all for money to provide for them. He admired Namjoo, had always wanted to do more for them than he was capable of.

If the honeymoon went well, he would do better for them. He didn’t know how, but he would somehow find a way to be better. All these feelings cooped up inside him were overwhelming. He wanted to shower both mother and daughter with affection, intimacy, care and love every day for the rest of their lives, because God knows, they deserve it.

His attention turned when the door opened and Namjoo finally walked in two hours later. He imagined getting up to pull her into the seat beside him, but actually just smiled and waited for her to sit down.

“Here,” he pushed forward the cup of iced coffee he bought after finishing his mocha. “How was work? Were there a lot of customers after I left?”

“What did you want to talk about?” Namjoo switched the topic on him. He didn’t mind. It was normal for her to do so. Even when he met her again after four years, she treated him like this. Namjoo’s insides were as old as a classic book he’d keep reading again.

“Lets go to Jeju,” Sehun told. “It’s not that far away and it won’t cost too much. You’re always worrying about money, aren’t you? I won’t spend a million on you this time, so lets go next week.”

*****

“Will you and daddy be ok all by yourselves?” propped onto the bed with her legs swinging, Soo Ae watched Namjoo pack her clothes into a duffel bag. A week had been quick to come and go. Namjoo had been surprisingly calm, but now she was growing more anxious and nervous by the second.

“What about you?” she turned to Soo Ae. “Will you be ok with Uncle Yeol for a few days?”

Smiling, she nodded, “Mmm! Uncle Yeol says we can do whatever I want until you return.”

Soo Ae was so big now was all Namjoo could think while her eyes sat on her girl. Dropping the clothes in her hand down she moved over to Soo Ae on her knees and clasped her hands around her face.

“Would you like it if you lived with daddy again?”

The warmth of Soo Ae’s tiny hands blanketed hers, “It’s not for me, mommy. It’s for you.” Soo Ae stare intensely into her eyes before breaking out into a genuine smile. “If you love daddy, tell him you love him. It’s as easy as that mommy. If you don’t, just tell him no. I’ll be ok. I told you not to worry about me. I just want you to be happy.” Leaning forward, she kissed Namjoo and giggled. “Make yourself happy, mommy. Go have fun.”

A slight laugh resonated out of Namjoo’s mouth. “You’re so smart now, my baby.” Rubbing her thumbs against her cheeks Namjoo leaned up to hug her. “I know. I’ll be sure to have fun. You be good now.”

*****

“Wow,” Chanyeol mused, “feels like yesterday when you began tailing them around everywhere. All I heard from you was Soo Ae this, Soo Ae that and Namjoo here and there. Maybe you should have done this sooner so you could have avoided this disaster.”

He whined when Sehun his arm out against his chest. “Now’s still better than never.”

“All right,” Chanyeol said rubbing his chest. “Geez, you hit me hard.”

They turned when the door opened. Soo Ae first ran toward Sehun, grasping his hand when she neared. Both their eyes darted toward Namjoo and he listened as she giggled while his eyes ran over her. Shorts, a tank, and casual button-up knotted over it. He’d never seen Namjoo in shorts before. She’d worn them before when they dated, but shorts were longer then. Seeing her in them now gave him different fluttering emotions.

“Don’t you think that’s too short?” the words flew out of his mouth before he could really think them.

“Oh…” Namjoo sounded. “Then, let me go change.”

Letting go of their daughter he hurried to grasp her arm and nervously breathed. “Never mind. That’s fine, too.” Behind him Chanyeol snorted. Feeling like an idiot he quickly reached for her duffel bag. “Lets go before we’re late.”

Swiveling around he walked toward Soo Ae, “Bye, Soo Ae. We’ll be back soon.”

“Bye daddy,” she smiled and nodded. Patting her on the head he headed for the door.

Behind him he could hear Namjoo telling Chanyeol, “Don’t spoil her too much and make sure she goes to sleep early. Also, don’t feed her too much fast food and no more toys. She has too much already…”

Stepping back he grabbed her hand, “We’re going to be late.”

“Bye Soo Ae, be a good girl and listen to Uncle Yeol.” she called back despite how Sehun led her out.

“Have fun! Don’t worry about us!” Chanyeol called after them before they were out and heading down the hallway.

Sehun could still feel Namjoo’s hand grasped around his as they started for his car outside. He was tempted to turn and give her an assuring smile, but he couldn’t look at her. All of a sudden he was too embarrassed and shy, as if he was a schoolboy all over again. His heart beat wildly, his blood churned, and his insides excited about the getaway. For once, it would be only him and Namjoo, the both of them alone. He’d waited for this moment for a long time. He would make a trip neither of them would forget for the rest of their lives.   

*****

Going by plane was faster, Sehun had told her, and would be less time consuming. It didn’t take long before their arrival to Jeju and hoisting a cab they went straight to the suite he’d rented. Their place consisted of two bedrooms and two full baths, even a kitchen and cooking place. Obviously the fridge was empty of content. Right across the kitchen area was a floor to ceiling window with a view of the landscape outside. Stalks of flowers, a pool below, and the ocean in the distance made the view breathtaking. From here star lights would overwhelm the sky prettily, like diamonds in the sky.

“You like it?” Sehun approached from behind.

“It’s nice,” she remarked.

“Want to go biking?”

She turned to look at him and found herself standing on a sandy path with tall grass weaving around them half an hour later. Yellow buds popped up in the midst of the green scenery, as if to tell her a time like this was a one in a million opportunity that would happen in her life. The wheels of a bike landed against the sand as Sehun twisted it around and patted the steel seat at the back. When he’d spoken about biking Namjoo imagined that each of them would be riding their own bikes, not that they’d be sharing one. She stared at the black machinery feeling dumbfounded.

“Get on,” he urged, looking at her. Namjoo’s eyes traveled up from the bike to him. She wasn’t impressed or amused. This felt, to her, like something teenagers would want to experience romantically. She felt too old to be doing this. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel that Sehun’s eyes pleaded her to go along with it.

Succumbing to him she stepped forward and plopped down onto the seat wishing this would be over quickly. “Are you not going to hold me?”

Namjoo glanced up to see him looking back at her. Trying not to heave a sigh of complaint she half-heartedly linked an arm around his waist. Inside her head she could see him snickering before they were finally off.

“We came here for the end of the year field trip in high school,” Sehun told, pedaling slowly and smoothly. “I think you would have enjoyed the trip.”

“I hated anything related to school,” Namjoo mumbled.

“I know. Luckily, it seems like Soo Ae will at least enjoy it.”

“Go faster, this is boring,” Namjoo told.

“Really? Then you better hold tight,” he warned. Namjoo felt her body knock into his back as he picked up speed and reached her other hand up to grasp onto his shirt. He was such a fool, was all she could think before he suddenly swerved and they both toppled onto the ground. A flow of sand swept up into the air slowly floating back to the ground. She could feel Sehun beside her, but kept her eyes closed in order to protect dirt from getting in them. When the mask of dust finally disappeared she quickly sat up and hit him.

“Idiot!” she scolded and heard something rustling against the grass before disappearing. Some animal must have surprised him. Turning back to him she asked, “Are you ok?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Are you hurt?” Reaching forward he grabbed her arm to twist her toward him and leaned forward to look her over.

Suddenly nervous and embarrassed she pushed him back. “I’m fine.” Jumping up to her feet she began to swipe sand and dust off her clothes. With heart picking up pace she fought to control herself. Nervously her lips she listened to him get to his feet beside her. They stood there momentarily quiet.

“Next time, don’t wear anything above your knees,” he murmured beside her. She turned to look at him caught off guard, but he refused to look at her. “What if people look at you? I mean, if you want to, only wear them in front of me.”

Namjoo first frowned before snorting. Knocking her fist into his chest she called him, “Idiot.” Picking the bike back up she turned to him, “You sit in the back this time.” She patted the steel seat in the back loudly.

They spent the next thirty minutes riding down the path, stopping momentarily upon his call to enjoy the scenery. When they finally returned the bike they spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the streets, stopping every so often to taste street food. Walking through art exhibitions outside they spent time admiring paintings and sketches before stopping in at a seafood restaurant to enjoy delicacies from the ocean. They later walked off the meal at a Teddy Bear Museum enjoying the displays. As they walked through the building she listened to Sehun mull over how cute and amusing the displays were, pulling her along to keep her as entertained as he.

In Namjoo’s entire life, she’d never been on a real date. No one had taken to treating her of her worth before, but here she was. Somehow with Sehun and with butterflies coming back to life in the pit of her stomach. Inside her head Soo Ae’s voice rang, telling her to have fun and make herself happy. Many times, after leaving him, she had pondered over what it was to be happy; how to make herself happy.

Perhaps the answer was in front of her all along. There was no use trying hard. If she had been patient with her trust in him, happiness would have come to find her. Beside her Sehun’s voice entered her ears as he read the description under the display and laughed afterward. And maybe, she thought, it wasn’t Sehun who had to break the barrier she’d built, but rather she would have to find the strength to get rid of it in order to fully accept what he aimed to give her.

Once night began to fall they returned to the suite. Namjoo felt regretful when she returned to her room. Laying down on the fresh bed she stared up at the ceiling as if doing it would help her spike up courage and determination. Suddenly sitting up she grabbed her phone and dialed back to Chanyeol’s place, hoping that she could hear Soo Ae’s voice. The phone rang for countless minutes, but no one picked up.

Of course, Soo Ae and Chanyeol would most likely be out. Despite her warning, Sehun’s friend would no doubt spoil her daughter just like her father did. Namjoo sighed and cussed at herself for bringing up Soo Ae as a distraction to run away from her worries. Her daughter had been telling her off for using her as an excuse, but she was still too much of a coward after all this time.

Getting up, Namjoo resorted to go taking a shower only to come to a stop upon noticing that there were four towels sitting on the rack. The sudden thought that maybe the hotel employees assumed she and Sehun were sharing one room popped into her head. What if he had none in his bathroom? Swiping two off the rack she walked out of her room and toward Sehun’s on the opposite end. The door was open, which meant he was still up. He immediately turned when she stepped in and put his phone down.

“Chanyeol and Soo Ae are at the theater. He says they’re going to have steak after the movie,” he told her and then noticed the towels in her arms. Confused, he stood. “Something wrong?”

“Ah…uh…well, no,” Namjoo’s eyes swam over the room, feeling like an utmost fool. She was overwhelmed with the urge to slam her head against the wall, needing some sense knocked back into her. Suddenly she was less confident about why she’d come.

“Just…I thought you wouldn’t have any towels,” Namjoo raised the towels in her arms up.

“Oh…really?” Sehun sounded as lost and confused as she. “Then, I guess…thanks.” He took the towels from her and walked away. While he was gone her mind screamed for her to leave and return to her room, but her feet remained rooted to the floor. It was too late to leave when he returned seconds later.

“I also have towels in there,” he told.

Heat intensified from neck down upon hearing it. “Oh…” laughing awkwardly, “I thought maybe they got confused…never mind then. I guess I’ll go back. Sorry for bothering you.” Biting her lips she couldn’t wait to escape, but Sehun grabbed her arm when she began turning away. As she turned back her breath cut off when his lips folded around hers.

Eyes lazily opened when he let go of her, “Good night.” It sounded like a mere whisper in her ears against the loud drumming of her heart that seemed to echo off the walls. Namjoo’s insides melted and her heart wept for release.

Suddenly leaning up she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with desire flowing from her lips. A sense of dire urgency swarmed over her when he pressed a hand against her back to hold her closer. Unspoken emotions bled through their lips as the atmosphere intensified into a passion unknown to her. 

***Just the moment we all waited for! All the characters have grown ;; I don't think there's much left to write. Count on two or three more chapters then I can finally complete this story!