“What’s this?” He interrogated.

“You know what they are.”

“Is this it? Is this how you see me? Am I only worth this much to you?!” He raised his voice immediately, shaking the papers before her as the envelope slipped to their feet.

“Then what do you want me to do?!” Namjoo yelled in return. “Do I need to wait until my daughter gets beaten by your mother?! You know too, Sehun, that this is the only answer! Will my staying here convince your mother to accept me? No! As long as I’m a freeloader under this roof, your mother will never respect me! So you tell me why I have to deal with this !”

“It’s hard for me too!” His eyes widened, bulged out, his voice straining at the top of his lungs. “Do you think I feel relaxed every day, every time I leave to work? No! I worry about you, what mother will do to you, and what Eun Bi is up to! I’m always thinking about you! And you show me your appreciation by shoving these papers in my face!”

“All right,” she nodded, “lets say it’s hard for you too, but are you the one confronted by your mother’s fury day and night? I wake up to her to glaring at me. I can feel the tension in the air. It chokes me, but I still have to smile for you. Why? Because you’re my daughter’s father and I have a duty not to let either of you down. I have to keep all my anger to myself and I feel like I’m going to explode each time your mother threatens me, but do you think I can come to you and tell you that? Do you know how hard that is for me?! I didn’t come here to live like this!”

“So it’s all an act?” His lips became twisted, anger scorching his eyes. “You think being with me is torture? So all this time, you actually hated me when I thought you were actually warming up to me. Wow!” Turning to the side with a sarcastic eye roll, an exasperated snort came from him. Then back to her, “You’re really something, Namjoo. But you know what? I’m not letting you go. I won’t let you go!”

Namjoo watched him tear up the papers, shredding them with his bare hands, his eyes hot and hard on her the entire time. She watched intensely as the papers scattered in the air, each piece flittering down to the carpet like feathers. Turning on his heels he walked out, slamming the door after him.

There was currently a roar in her chest, an ensemble playing a tune of pain. Collapsing to the floor Namjoo stared at the ruined papers. Placing her hand over a random pile she folded her fingers up into her palm. God, she hadn’t meant to say those awful things to him.

*****

Sehun was tempted to take Soo Ae with him, just to spite Namjoo. No patience granted him the chance for the deed. The anger, hot and heavy in his chest, was maddening. Never before had he come across the urge to slam his fist into the wall like now. Pace increasing and feet working to match the need to escape he rushed down the stairs and out the door. Again, slamming the door as he left. Entering the car and pulling out of the driveway sped down the street, cursing at the world.

For an hour he drove aimlessly and stopped by the riverside when the sun began to slant down the skyline. The area now abandoned gave him peace of mind and slumping down onto the curb in the lot, ran his hands over his face. He never felt so frustrated so miserable all at once, as if the earth had downturned. The pain settling into his heart felt like they were remnants of the aftermath of fangs latching deeply into his core.

To think Namjoo didn’t mean anything she did so far; that when he believed she was giving him her heart, it was nothing at all. He liked her so much, but in the end the things he’d done for her hadn’t meant anything to her at all. She hadn’t been genuine, there had been no sincerity. He’d lived a lie. Namjoo fed him lies.

Every ounce of his heart had been in this marriage, but Namjoo had stuck true to her words. She would never come to love him. Being kind to him had been a duty, nothing more. Sehun wanted to cry, become the wind and disappear. Namjoo didn’t want him. Namjoo didn’t need him. Namjoo didn’t care. She didn’t love him.

They didn’t speak when he returned home nor could he sleep that night. The gap between them was as large as when she first moved in. Touching her was no longer a given. Sehun was afraid that if he did one thing wrong, Namjoo would hate him even more. He didn’t want her to dislike him. He wanted to be in her favor, always be the first person she thought of, and stay on her good side at all times. And he suddenly realized as he lay there, that Namjoo would have upped and left if Soo Ae hadn’t shown how much she loved him.

Suddenly feeling sick, he sat up to stare into the darkness. When they got into bed that evening he hadn’t bothered to turn on the lamp. A possibility that Namjoo wouldn’t want to look at him had crossed his mind, so he hadn’t done so. Now he wanted to look at her and know that even if the worst came, that she had really been there with him as his wife.

The soft yellow glow lit up his side of the room and turning around saw the shape of Namjoo’s body. Arm folded with hand tucked underneath her head. Hair fanning out behind her. Eyes closed, marking how well asleep she was. Breathing soft and light. Watching her broke his heart all at once while creating flutters inside his stomach. The desire to embrace her, have her close and her arms around him, killed him.

*****

When Namjoo went back upstairs the next morning, Sehun was already dressed and fixing his tie by himself. Seeing so created a stab to her heart. Fixing the tie for him was supposed to be something reserved for her.

“I was just teasing you,” Sehun told, “from now on I can fix my tie myself. You can just take care of Soo Ae.”

What reply to give? Standing at the doorway she found her tongue tied.

“Setting aside everything that’s happened,” he started without looking at her, his hands still busy on the tie, “I still want to go out for dinner this weekend. You don’t need to get me anything, just come be with me. I’ll talk to Chanyeol and have him watch Soo Ae for a couple of hours. Initially, I wanted to spend more of the evening with you, but just having dinner, the two of us, sounds like a bargain, doesn’t it?”

His pain stricken eyes sent guilt gushing through her. How she wished she wasn’t standing there to witness it all. She was a criminal laden with lies and a heart of stone who rarely cared about others, but now she was prisoner to the hands of a gentle man. This was the last Namjoo would have ever foreseen.

“All right.” she quietly replied and felt him brush by. He would have given her a kiss at least, she thought. Turning, she watched him call for Soo Ae and walk down the stairs with her.

At first, she thought the outburst of the DNA results was of the worst to happen. Now she knew she was wrong. Watching Sehun carry pain around with him, like it belonged to solely him, was even worse and knowing she was the perpetrator.

*****

Sehun had been really quiet the past few days. Chanyeol had rarely seen him, even at work. Today he finally caught his friend in the lounge quietly having lunch. Namjoo hadn’t been bringing him his home packed lunch since the beginning of the week. Chanyeol wondered why, but didn’t ask.

“Daydreaming?” Chanyeol greeted sitting down with him. The brown haired friend glanced up without word and poked at his meal, barely eaten. “What’s wrong with you? Namjoo not coming?”

“Are you free this weekend?” Sehun immediately switched the subject.

“Well...” Chanyeol started but was cut off.

“Don’t go anywhere and watch Soo Ae for me, will you?” Sehun asked.

“What?” The shock was much.

“Please,” Sehun begged, “I need the evening with Namjoo.”

Desperation laced his voice. It made Chanyeol feel sorry for him but he also wanted to know if something was going on. Sehun was never desperate. And he never pleaded.

“What’s the occasion?” Chanyeol wondered.

“My birthday,” his voice quiet. Then even quieter, “It might be the only one I’ll ever have with her.”

“Wow, I forgot all about it,” Chanyeol commented, then joked, “well if Namjoo’s having you on Saturday, let me have you on Sunday. I’ll take you out to a real nice bar, of course there’s a restaurant there, too. Plan’s in?”

Sehun glanced at him and solemnly nodded.

“Why are you making it look like I’m the only one who wants to go?” Leaning over, Chanyeol playfully nudged depressed Sehun. “Might even meet some old friends there.” Chanyeol hinted then wondered if any of the girls Sehun had gone on a blind date with in the past might show up. “It’s your birthday, so lets have fun.”

*****

They neither spoke nor made eye contact when Sehun returned. He was taking it hard and wasn’t refraining from making it obvious. Unable to stand within the radius of each other, while she cleaned up in their room, he went to stay with Soo Ae. Ever since they’d gotten on good terms again, whenever he came home there would be a warm welcome from him, either a surprise or a heartwarming greeting. She thought of him running up the stairs ecstatic, but now he came up quietly, threw on a pretentious smile while Soo Ae charged ahead.  

There was a dull sentiment in the room. It lacked the cozy atmosphere that once sufficed in it. After setting away the towels she’d brought up, she picked up the jacket he’d left strewn on the bed. A soft thud bounced into the air and looking down she saw his wallet lying open. The coins and few dollar bills he had stashed inside slipped out. Bending down to collect and put them back in place she grabbed the wallet as she stood. It was only when she turned the wallet over that tears emanated in her eyes.

Inside it was the picture Soo Ae had urged him to take the very day she’d tried the wedding dress on for the first time. All three of them sitting together happily. She hadn’t known Sehun kept the picture, even printed a copy of it. Guilt crushed her even more and becoming even sorrier for the things she’d said after giving him the divorce papers she felt tears cling onto the lids of her eyes.

They had been so happy. Everything felt so whole when she began accepting Sehun’s warmth, but now it was falling apart. The evidence that Sehun cherished the marriage from the very beginning hurt even more. One-hundred-percent of his effort had been put into everything he did for her and Soo Ae. He’d wholeheartedly treated them with respect, had wanted to make everything perfect despite his mother’s bitterness. He had tried so hard to make everything right, to make them feel as if his home was also theirs. Sehun had been patient and forgiving in every aspect, never throwing fault at her.

Tears slipped down her face when she recalled how brave and happy he’d been kissing her for the first time. He had been silly, but he had been sincere and that was the only thing that mattered. Yet, here she was, forcing him to throw everything he’d put his heart into away.

Namjoo quickly slipped the money back into the wallet and set it down onto the bed when Soo Ae’s door clicked open. Not wanting to be seen crying she rushed into the bathroom, shutting the door after her. Letting the water from the showerhead run she stood there with her thoughts flickering.

There were only two ways out that she could think of possible at the moment. The divorce or to make up with Sehun and try to persevere. The answer was obvious to her. When the DNA test broke out, she had decided she wanted to stay with Sehun – for him, for her, and for Soo Ae.

She would stay.

*****

The life out of him, he immediately drifted off into space when Soo Ae rushed out of the room to show her mother her drawing. He turned when Soo Ae ran back into the room to drop down beside him.

“Mommy’s in the bath.” Soo Ae sighed.

“In the bath?” he repeated to which she nodded. “Already?” He glanced back as if he might be able to see for himself that Namjoo wasn’t in their room organizing things. “Your mommy doesn’t take baths this early.”

“But I heard the water running,” Soo Ae testified. “Do you think mommy hates it here?”

“Why would you think that?” He ran his hand over her hair to comfort her.

“Because I can see that mommy is trying really hard to keep us happy,” Soo Ae admitted, “but I don’t think she’s happy.”

Realization hit Sehun. He had come to see that not too long ago, but to hear it come from their daughter left him with no words to convey. Could he deny it? Would Soo Ae believe him, even if he told her Namjoo was as happy as a bird? Who was he kidding. Namjoo hated his home ever since she stepped foot in it. Even now, he could still hear her screaming at him about the possibility of marriage. Later she had declared she was nothing but an empty container, and how she couldn’t understand why someone educated like him wanted to father Soo Ae, want to spend the rest of his life with her.

Even if he could go back to change things, he would have done the same thing; bring them here to be his family, father Soo Ae, and be Namjoo’s husband. He wouldn’t change any of that. Sehun still would have chased her…again.

From the very beginning, he had really wanted to make life easier for them. Give as much as he could, but never expected for things to turn out like this.

The only thing he feared now, was what was in store for them in the future. If they would still be together or if they would separate. If he would see Namjoo again and if he would lose his daughter.

His breather finally came when the weekend that had seem so far away finally approached. No matter how sour the day, he would make sure to enjoy it. Tonight was his night and he wanted to spend it alone with Namjoo as he’d planned earlier. Dinner, a late night movie, and a walk had been in store for them. Knowing Namjoo’s heart now, he confronted the fact that she wouldn’t enjoy it as much as he would. Deciding to go easy on her he only wanted to have dinner. A romantic and sweet one was all he envisioned and could still only see.

Namjoo didn’t have many splendid outfits to choose from and he would have prepared another one earlier on to make her the prettiest woman in the room, but realizing that she didn’t want that, he hadn’t done so. Now he watched as she stepped out in the same dress she’d worn to church – the day he’d kissed her with his heart nearly exploding. With eyes running over her he could still taste the essence of her lips in his, feel his heart stupendously beating.

His wife was still miraculously beautiful. Even when he wanted to despise her for lying to him, playing him like a game, he couldn’t. He wanted to keep looking at her, keep her in his vision. Show her off, tell everyone that she was his wife, tell the whole world how happily married they were, but there was no truth in that. There had never been a truth from the beginning.

Instead of complimenting her, he asked, “Are you ready?”

*****

Chanyeol had just stuck the rice in to cook half an hour ago. It was only ready now. In the morning he’d woken up early, made a trip to the market, and bought fresh grocery. He’d been afraid that if Soo Ae was hungry, he wouldn’t have good food waiting for her. Though he didn’t know her well, she was still Namjoo’s daughter after all, and he wanted to treat her as well as he could.

At the ring of the doorbell Chanyeol set down the remote and walked toward the door. Sehun was on the other side with Namjoo’s daughter. Namjoo wasn’t in sight, which slightly disappointed him. He took note that Sehun was dressed up. It could only mean that Namjoo was dressed up as well. He’d never seen her dressed up nicely – only at the wedding, but that didn’t count.

“The tall Uncle!” Soo Ae greeted.

“Sorry and thanks again,” Sehun was already ready to bid his farewell. “I’ll let you know when we’re on our way for her.” Then turning to Soo Ae, “Be a good girl and don’t break anything of Uncle’s. He can get really sticky.”

Chanyeol watched Soo Ae laugh. “Yes, I know.”

When Soo Ae stepped in, Chanyeol glanced at Sehun who looked a tiny bit brighter than he’d been the past week. He was curious if Sehun had any kind of special plans with Namjoo tonight. Chanyeol was urged to inquire about it, but knowing it would be invading their privacy, kept his mouth zipped.

“You look like you’re out to have some fun,” Chanyeol commented then joked, “gonna have fun tonight when you get home too?”

“Get your head out of the gutter,” Sehun narrowed an eye at him. “And don’t to my daughter. I’ll get you, I swear.”

“You can trust me on that one,” Chanyeol smiled. “Have a good time. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her.”

Sehun shot him a smile and turned to walk away. Poking his head out to watch his friend walk away he found his eyes lingering around the hallway for Namjoo. She really wasn’t there. Closing the door he walked back in and caught sight of Soo Ae sitting on his couch, watching the sitcom he’d been eyeing.

Grabbing the remote he handed it to her, “You can watch anything you want. I have all the channels in the world, even the ones your dad doesn’t.”

Without word Soo Ae took it from him and as expected, flipped through the channels but didn’t stop at the ones playing children’s cartoons. Chanyeol stood there surprised. Awkwardness sparked the air. He wasn’t sure how to start conversation with a five-year-old child. Actually, he wasn’t very good with kids. Young children often feared him, pointing fingers or crying whenever they saw the giant.

“There’s nothing you like?” Chanyeol asked.

“I haven’t watched TV this week. I want to know if the outside is ok.”

Heavily puzzled, he again stood there lost. “What do you mean? Of course the outside is ok.”

“Is it?”

“Of course!” He tried to sound enthusiastic, the way he knew women did for their children sometimes. However, Soo Ae’s eyes showed no spark of excitement or shared happiness he was trying to convey. They were flat and dull, in the kind of way Sehun’s had been the whole week.

“I wonder if mommy and daddy are going to have a good time.”

“They will, trust me,” Chanyeol tried to sound convincing for the young girl, unsure why. He was only certain that children weren’t supposed to seem so sad. “You know your daddy has all sorts of skills with women. Well, I mean, your mother.”

“I hope they won’t argue.”

Chanyeol raised his brow. “Your parents used to be friends. They wouldn’t argue.”

“They would be happier if I wasn’t here, right Uncle?” Soo Ae asked. “If I wasn’t here, then mommy could be with daddy, and they wouldn’t argue, be sad and mad at each other. They would be happy.”  

***It only goes downhill from here. Hold your breaths