Whenever I felt deeply in hurt or sad, I expressed everything in writing and drawing. This is me, whether you like it or not, this is me. A weird girl with 170cm height, tan skin, have trust issues, being surrounded by fear of being alone, fear of being judged, fear of falling and a fear of believeng and I don't trust myself either thus making me lack of confidence. I'm still trying to believe and put a trust on people who cares and loves me but it's too hard that I feel like giving up but they keep on supporting me to never lose strength on believing myself and keep moving forward. Thanks to OT5 for always being here, thanks to Rev for giving me support and your tips of killing people, I still keep it in my mind. Thanks to Qi, thanks to Ana to never feeling annoyed of convincing me and persuading to not doing something stupid, thanks to all of my friends and readers for giving me advices, I'm so touched and for all this time, I felt that there's no one who really care about me, but they proved me wrong and you guys proved me wrong. Genuine or not, sincere / honest or not, I took it positive and believe with all of your words. I don't really trust people but now I'm trying harder to put at least 30% of trust in each of you and never burdens myself with those thing anymore. Although it's still in here, in my mind but I try to keep it away from me and distract myself with anything as long as I don't think about trusting people because it hurts me so much that I can't really move on my life. Sorry for my stupid rant and I finally update this story again. Thanks to all of you. 

Noted: You might be feeling bored at first but read it till the bottom of the chapter, maybe you'd scream out of joy. Maybe. 

Enjoy reading. :) - Ashley / Ley

Kyungsoo frowned when he got to see Kai Severus Potter instead of Sehun who was sitting on the bench. It should’ve been the blonde boy but where did he go and what Kai was doing over there at the Gardenia of Hogwarts?—a small garden that was full of flowers with beautiful scenery and each student usually spend their stressful times over there to relax. It was placed not far than the training ground and it’d been there for almost two years now.

The petite boy stepped closer to Potter that was seemingly deep in thought and he tapped on the tanned shoulder causing the latter to jolt a bit.

“Oh, my God! Kyungsoo, you scared the out of me!” Kai rubbed his chest earning a chuckle from the other but then he frowned, “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo emphasized because as far as he knew, Sehun should be the one who sat on the bench waiting for him but what he saw was otherwise.

“I’m just…” Kai bit his lip, “I have no idea why I’m sitting here but obviously sitting, and alone.” He shrugged that had Kyungsoo scrunched up his face.

“Just so you know, I’m looking for Sehun, have you seen him around here? I asked him to wait for me, here, but instead of him, like what you said earlier, I just have no idea why you’re the one who’s spacing out sitting on this bench.” Kyungsoo made himself sat on the bench and thinking of maybe Sehun was going to the bathroom and would probably be back soon, so he would wait for the other to return and ran to the Hogsmeade to see Kris.

Kai eyed the petite boy who was now sitting next to him and frowned a bit, he wanted to spill out the questions that were bugging in him since this morning or maybe since the blonde getting so close to Kyungsoo Finch-Fletchley but should he really ask the other like right now? Would the doe-eyed boy answer him?

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“What?” Kyungsoo asked nonchalantly without looking at his friend’s confusing face—tying his shoe laces that he noticed was about to get loose.

“Uh, are you two—dating?” Kai blurted out causing Kyungsoo to choke on his own saliva and beginning to cough while turning his head to look at the younger with wide eyes.

“What?!”

“What? Stop replying me with a ‘what’ Soo, I need your answer.” Kai rolled his eyes in exasperation, getting impatience of seeing Kyungsoo’s shocking look.

“Why do you wanna know, anyway? I thought that everybody knows about our status.” The doe-eyed boy shrugged and it made Potter rather confused. Plus, Kyungsoo nonchalance way of answering was adding another question in his head. What the latter meant by that?

“So, it’s true. You’re—dating Sehun.” Actually it sounded more like a question that had the other to chuckle while shaking his head no.

“I’ve told everyone about our relationship and people didn’t seem to buy it, instead they cooed, saying that I was kidding and just wanted to hide the truth but in the matter of fact, I don’t date anyone, neither Sehun nor Kris.”

Kai noticed that there’s a pain in Kyungsoo’s eyes that he couldn’t get it why he suddenly caught a glimpse of sadness plastered on the latter’s face. It seemed like the petite boy was hurting by his own words. Was it because of Sehun?

“But—,”

“We do look like lover birds,” Kyungsoo cut him out, “Being so clingy to each other, holding hands whenever we have a chance, giggling and even laughing with our own lameness but, he loves me as his best friend, Kai. Not more than that,” he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat then added, “Yet I love him more than just a friend.”

Right then and there, Kai’s eyes caught a slip of tear, fell from Kyungsoo’s eyes. The pain expression that the latter was wearing a few seconds ago explained everything to him now and the words that the latter just spilled out causing him to freeze and speechless.

There was sympathy inside him but aside of it—he just wanted to smile smugly at the elder and that surely would hurt Kyungsoo even more if he did that. He shrugged the negative thought away his hand slowly making its way to the elder’s back, rubbing it gently to soothe the other, though he actually wanted to chirp happily but it was such a plain rude and he didn’t want to be so mean to his friend.

He had no idea why he was feeling that way but he was feeling relieved and happy listening to the truth Kyungsoo was telling to him a minute ago. He actually had forgotten something, the kiss. Kiss that Sehun was giving to the other this morning that made him feeling mad. He should’ve asked about it earlier but he was beyond happy to even ask about that kiss and a concern look Malfoy was throwing to Kyungsoo.

In the mean time, Kris was rushing to Hogwarts and had cancelled the date without telling Kyungsoo as he got a phone call from Sehun a few minutes ago. With a crack voice of the blonde, it was enough to make his heart fell and made his blood drain. He could tell that from the sad tone in Malfoy’s voice, there was something happened to the younger and he didn’t want the younger to be sad, let alone to see him cry once again because he’d hurt too much and he didn’t need to see him in sorrow again.

Even though his mind was full of Sehun Hyperion Malfoy yet he still didn’t forget to wonder about where Kyungsoo had gone since they should’ve been together and get going to the Hogsmeade to see him but the phone call he got telling him that it wasn’t a right time for a date and he had to go back quickly to Hogwarts to check on Sehun.

Sehun would do anything to cease the pain including cutting his own wrist because the younger had tried to do it so many times but kept on failing as he and Kyungsoo was always there for the blonde and preventing Malfoy from doing so. He hated the way the blonde wanted to hurt himself because every bit of Malfoy’s tear, enou