It's the first week back as school for the second semester but I feel just as lost as I did in the first week of last semester.  I think it should be easier, but with all the extra work suddenly being dumped in my lap I feel a bit like I'm drowning here. 

I have a ton of work to do before Friday, but I apparently felt like typing this out instead.  I hope that you all enjoy it!

#92 – Drive

“AHHHHHHHHHHH!” Munhee screamed unhelpfully from the backseat, one hand in a white-knuckled grip on the clasp of his seatbelt while the other clenched almost painfully at the door handle, fingers digging in so deeply that his nails would leave imprints in the material.

“Munhee, shut up!” Kibum shouted from the front passenger seat as Jinae whimpered from behind the wheel.

The trio had set out that morning intending to do a few errands.  Jinae had been learning to drive and Kibum thought that she could take the last leg home.  It was all on roads that she had driven on before, though the traffic hadn’t ever been as heavy as it was now, but it would be a good experience for her.

Things had been going fine, until another drive swerved rather suddenly from the neighboring lane into theirs and Jinae in reaction had jerked the wheel sharply to the right. 

The good news was that her quick reaction has saved them from a fender bender.

The bad news was that it put them on an entrance ramp for the freeway. 

Neither Taemin nor Kibum had taken their daughter on the freeway yet.  They felt that she was ready for the pressure of keeping tabs on that many cars all around you while driving at high speeds.  And the drivers around Seoul tended to have lead foot syndrome and tried to floor it everywhere that they went.

Jinae held the wheel with white knuckles, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes as her foot unconsciously leaned off of the accelerator. 

“Don’t slow down Jinae!” Kibum said sternly, sounded almost a little angry, but it was enough to jolt Jinae out of her temporary shock. 

Her foot took solid placement on the pedal once more and Kibum continually darted his eyes between his daughter and the traffic in front of them. 

“Just keep at this speed baby, okay?  Can you do that?”  He asked as calmly as his own racing heart would allow.  It scared him to see his children so scared. 

Jinae swallowed audibly but nodded, her hands tightening to the point where Kibum could hear the wheel beneath them protest.

“Stay in this lane and take the next exit off alright?”  He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, as her eyes stayed glued on the road before her.  “Just turn off instead of following this lane.  Understand?”

“Mmmhmm…” Jinae softly responded and Kibum thought he could hear her teeth grinding as she clenched her jaw shut.

“Relax Jinae, it will be okay,” he said softly, though he knew she wasn’t focusing on him anymore.  Now that he had given her a plan she was focused totally, one-hundred percent on it.  Taemin had that same sense of driven tenacity that gave him the ability to block everything else out while he concentrated.  There were few things that could get through to him when he was like that – mainly Kibum and their children. 

He watched a muscle twitch in her jaw and sighed.  He glanced into the back seat to see Munhee looking a little calmer after seeing Jinae steel herself, but his hands still clutched at his buckle, and he slid his eyes closed and started breathing slowly, and quietly. 

“There’s the exit,” Jinae muttered to herself and Kibum glanced up to check the sign and see where it was that they would be getting off.

“There’s a parking lot just down the block, sweetie – just pull in there and park alright?”

“Yeah...” Jinae breathed, signaling the other cars that she was leaving the freeway, and tilting the wheel slightly to the right to guide the car off the road. 

The car remained silent as she made her way down the street and into the parking lot where she effortlessly glided into an open spot.

She wordlessly cut the ignition and leaned back in her chair, her eyes flowing wide and her breath shuddering into her body.

Munhee unclipped his belt and launched forward, wrapping his arms around the back of the chair and hugging his sister around her shoulders.

“Jinae I love you, really I do.  But leave me home the next time you decide to drive.”  There was an odd mix of emotions in his voice – a little bit of fear, anxiety, relief and strained humor – all indicating that he was glad that the moment was over, but knew Jinae was feeling awful and wanted to make her feel better about all of it too.

And it worked.  The girl snorted, before bringing up her hands to clasp her brother’s arms in an awkward hug. 

“Appa,” Munhee muttered, “You’re driving home right?” and the boy threw a pair of big brown puppy dog eyes into the man’s direction.  Kibum couldn’t maintain the gaze for very long though because he soon dissolved into a mess giggles. 

With the tension of the last few minutes, combined with the sudden addition of Munhee’s quirky attempt at humor, Kibum just let it all bubble up and out, spilling out into the air and breaking the fragile air.

Even Jinae began to laugh, “Yeah, Dad – I think you should take it the rest of the way.” Her voice was shaky but she sounded a lot closer to her normal self.

Kibum noticed a slight tremor in her hand as she slowly reached down to unclip the belt.  He leaned over the center console and placed a light kiss at his daughter’s temple.

“I’m proud of you Jinae.  You handled it, even though you were scared.  Next time let’s go when it’s not so busy though,” he gave her a slight smile and was heartened to see the corners of her lips twitch up just a little.  

“Sounds fair Dad.” 

I debated for a while having Jinae call Kibum 'Dad.'  For some reason that felt so much more natual to write than to have someone who is old enough to drive still using 'Papa.'  Papa seems like Mommy to me...a child's way to refer to their parent so I think that they would move naturally away from that over time as they matured in their own right.

Comments will help me through this struggle!