I just want to say - as an American who remembers being in a classroom and listening to the radio as the events of September 11, 2001 were reported as they happened - today's 10th anniversary has a lot of meaning to me.  My prayers to those who lost their lives and their families, and to the support and rescue personal who put their own health on the line to aid that day - there are no words to express our country's gratitude, and I hope that you find peace and comfort and care waiting for you.

That wasn't to sound all preachy, but that is just my feelings about the significance of today's date here in the U.S.

#10 – Precious

Taemin remembered having once thought that nothing would ever be so perfect as the moment when Kibum first confessed his love.  He thought that nothing would ever be greater than the emotions he experience just then.  But now he knew what his own parents had tried to explain to him though he could never understand before this exact instant – the intense, immediate and all-consuming love that a parent has for their child. 

And the child wasn’t even born yet.

It wasn’t even conceived yet. 

It was just suddenly an option that was open to them that they had not ever thought would be possible for them before. 

As a gay couple, they were not only barred from marriage in South Korea, they were also not allowed to adopt children.  Taemin was beyond disappointed, some part of him had always wanted to be a dad, but he knew that Kibum was devastated at the knowledge that he would never be able to hold a baby in his arms that he could call his own.  Kibum had always wanted to be a father; it was just something that he felt in his heart was something that he was meant to do.  But because of the law, the pain of never having a child that they could call their own was something that they would have to endure; father was a name that neither of them would ever be called.  They had promised themselves instead that they would be amazing Uncles to their friend’s children.

In fact, when Jinki surprised everyone by become the first father in SHINee a couple of years back, Taemin and Kibum had coo-ed and aww-ed over the baby as much as any new parent would and were always ready to babysit to give the new parents a night off. 

On one of those days, when Taemin and Kibum had claimed Jinki’s daughter for the day, one of Kibum’s cousins, Minjung, had come by to visit as well.  She was one of the few in the Kim family that didn’t seem to have a problem with their relationship at all and even embraced it, while most only dealt with it as something that was required if they wanted to have a relationship with Kibum.  She had watched as they played with, fed, and laid the bundle of energy down for her nap.  She witnessed every cheer and gasp as the baby did something cute, and she certainly caught the look of utter longing in their eyes when Jinki and his wife showed up after dinner to pick their daughter up and take her home with them.

She had commented on how good they were with their “niece” and had complimented them on their babysitting skills.

However, it still came as a huge shock when she came by a couple of months later.  She had called and asked them to come to dinner with her, her treat, because she had some important news to share.

But she didn’t say anything through the majority of dinner, and they were almost finished with desert and Taemin was already on to coffee before she said anything. 

She had placed her fork down with a resounding clink. 

“Minjung?’ Key asked slowly, wondering if they were finally going to get to the whole point of why she had wanted to see them tonight.

She looked up at the couple on the other side of the table with an odd look in her eyes, one neither of them could quite seem to figure out. 

“I want to have your baby.”

Taemin choked on his coffee, which he had had the misfortune to attempt to sip when the announcement came, and Kibum patted his back and rubbed circles as the other man coughed to clear his throat, his eyes never leaving his cousin and showing utter shock. 

“You…w-what?”  Taemin gasped.

“It’s just an offer, available to you guys at some point.  You guys want so badly to have a family and a more loving home I don’t think I could find for a child.”  Minjung pulled a strange face and quickly tugged her hair behind her ears.  “Kibum, you’ve talked about having children for as long as I can remember.  And I know how much it must kill you to know that you can’t have that anymore.  I just…I want to offer to be a surrogate for you guys, to carry a baby for you two to love and raise.” 

Taemin and Key both looked as though they had just barely missed being hit by a truck.  Their bodies were both incredibly tense, their hands clenched together on the top of the table.  Key’s mouth bobbed open and shut like a fish out of water.  Taemin’s eyes refused to focus and he seemed to be mentally checked-out in the wake of the offer. 

“Don’t joke about this.”  Taemin said quietly, hands clenched on the table and glaring at his empty plate on the table in front of him.  “This is a pregnancy; it’s nine months of your life that you will never get back.”

“I’m not joking Taemin.  I’m a nurse in an OB-GYN’s office; I know more than most about what a pregnancy entails.  I know what I would be getting myself into.  I also know that this is the only way that you two can have a child and there is no chance that anyone could take it away from you.”  She argued.  “If one of you is the biological father, no one can ever take that child away from you.”

There was a stiff silence that filled the room.  Kibum couldn’t speak, there was a lump the size of Seoul that had taken up residence in his throat and he felt like he could barely breath let alone speak. 

He had always wanted to have a child.  To teach a child to use chopsticks, tie their shoes, read and write and be able to love that child and hear them say, “Appa.”

His greatest dream was being dangled before him, after he and Taemin had already resigned themselves to the idea that it would never happen.  It tore at his heart, to hear it offered about so simply, as though it wasn’t the most painful result of his relationship with Taemin.  Other couples can have children on accident, as though a life could ever be accidental.  But for Taemin and him, no matter how much they could ever dream or hope, their love would never result in children.  And now, here was his cousin, out of the blue suddenly lighting a path that had seemed forever dark, and that hope was suddenly altogether more painful than the sure knowledge of defeat he had had ten minutes earlier. 

“How could you do that?” he croaked, “Just give away your child?”

Minjung studied Kibum and looked on him steadily.  “I am not married, or dating anyone, or even particularly interested in doing so.  I don’t want children or a family.  I’ve never seen myself as a mother.  I wouldn’t want to be the mother of your child, just the carrier.  The child would belong to you two entirely.  They wouldn’t have to call me mom or anything.  If it is a girl I could be around to help explain puberty to her if you would like that, but I would only be as involved as you two would let me be and if that is nothing more than her father’s cousin that is alright with me.”

Kibum couldn’t believe that she could give up a part of her so easily, but he ached with such a desperate need that he wanted to believe that it was possible.      

“Think about it Kibum, you know that I’m healthy, and I look close enough to you that the child could look a bit like you too.”

That’s right. Kibum thought, Taemin would have to be the biological father since we’re cousins, but I would still be family…

“Can we think about this?” Taemin asked suddenly, “Have some time to consider it?”

Taemin was antsy and Kibum knew that the younger man wanted out of there.  Taemin wanted to be alone with Kibum and talk about this as a couple.

“Of course,” Minjung said. 

They called for the bill and said their goodbyes. 

“There is no rush guys.  When you feel it is the right time you let me know, if ever,”  She said gently before getting into her car and driving away.

The ride back to their apartment was silent.  Both were caught up within their own thoughts, their minds running in overdrive after their dinner conversation. 

Kibum drove the car through the dark night, going more on memory than active thought, grateful that the traffic seemed to be relatively light.  Taemin started out the passenger side window, eyes wide but unseeing as he mulled over what Minjung had offered. 

There were no words as they entered their apartment either and went about minor tasks like removing shoes and jackets and checking the answering machine.  But time soon found them standing in their living room with nothing to distract them from the giant elephant in the room.  

Kibum looked at Taemin.

Taemin look at Kibum.     

The emotions that had been building all night suddenly boiled over in Kibum, a single sob escaped him.  In two steps Taemin was there, suppressing his own sobs and they clung to each other. 

“I want to, I want to so bad.”  Kibum moaned.

“Me too, me too,” Taemin kept repeating. 

The two stumbled their way to the bedroom and all but fell into the bed, still wrapped up in each other, each seeking comfort and assurance in the embrace of the other.

“Do you think she could really do it?”  Taemin asked sometime later.  They had just lain there contemplating the offer again and the writer was breaking the uneasy silence.  “I mean, actually be able to carry a child for nine months and then not feel obligated to play the part of a mother.  What if she comes back years later and claims custody?  A court would give it to the mother over a father any day.  Especially if that father is a gay man with a live-in lover…”

“You make me sound like a kept man…” Kibum grumbled.

“You know what I mean.” He chided, pushing slightly with one hand.

“I worry about it too, but I don’t think she would do that.  Then again I don’t see how someone could give up a child that they had carried either, no matter how much I want it to be true.”

“I don’t want to have to go through that pain either.  Of knowing we have a child and we can’t see them because of something stupid again.”  Taemin hissed out that last part. 

“Like I said, I don’t see her doing that.  Especially not with her being the one to bring it up.  But I supposed we could always write up an agreement with a lawyer.  She agrees to give up all parental rights or something like that, and she will never seek them in the future.”

They sat there in the quiet once again.

It was a precious gift.  Something beyond their wildest dreams – or maybe something present only within their wildest dreams.  To suddenly have an opportunity that you thought would be denied you is an amazing, incredible and even terrifying opportunity.  Very quickly the men’s thoughts were turning to what all prospective parents think of: how would they take care of a baby, what would they name it, are they ready for this.

Then Kibum yawned.

“You know what,” Taemin started, smirking slightly as his lover.  “Let’s sleep on it.  In the morning we can talk about this together when we’re not so overwrought with the newness of the idea.  They we can think up some questions or what have you that we can ask Minjung before we go any further.”

“Sounds good.” Kibum said, sliding out of his jeans and throwing them on the floor along with his sweater – managing to change for bed without even leaving the bed.

Taemin laughed at his antics while he himself stood up to divest of his own clothing before diving back to the covers.

“This is really happening right?” Taemin asked quietly, his back spooned up against Kibum’s chest.  “There is a real chance?”

“Yeah Tae, we might actually be able to become daddies…”  Kibum replied, just as quietly, kissing the back of Taemin’s brown hair before laying his own head down on the pillows.

First name I'm using is Minjung for Key's cousin - it means noble and bright.

Please keep the names coming, I have a really short list right now, especially for Korean male names, and there are going to be many characters forthcoming so any help would be appreciated.

As always - please comment, they make the story better and encourage me to write more.