#6 – Soft

Everything about Taemin was soft, Kibum thought idly as he watched his lover from across their apartment…

*****

His hair managed to somehow feel like down feathers all on its own. 

The former dancer would shower and leave his hair to air dry.  And then, cuddled up on the couch at night watching some show or another together, Kibum would card his fingers through Taemin’s dark tresses and wonder at how he managed to make each strand feel like a massage on his hand. 

When he was asked, and Kibum had definitely asked, Taemin would just shrug his shoulders and say, “It’s always that way…”

*****

Taemin’s skin was like a newborn’s Kibum thought as he brushed his thumb over Taemin’s cheek as they kissed goodbye in the morning.

It was almost as though nothing could touch him.  There was an impenetrable wall around Taemin that wouldn’t let the rest of the world in and hurt him or toughen him in any discernable way. 

Kibum had to apply copious amounts of lotion to attain the same feeling, though it never felt like Taemin’s skin.  His still slightly pudding cheeks that Kibum could happily touch all day long, were as soft today as they had been the day that they first met. 

*****

If Kibum, or anyone really, was asked to describe Taemin’s personality, he would have to saw that Taemin was all soft-edges, hugs, and puppies.  A kinder human being Kibum was sure that you could not find. 

Everything Taemin did, he did with the thought of others, a truly selfless individual.  He always wanted to make people happy and smile, because that was just the way that he was.  Despite growing up into an adult, he still retained some of that childish sense of innocence that the SHINee maknae had always carried and had made him so lovable to the public and their fans, and most people just wanted to be nice to him no matter the situation solely because of it.  But he never made a big show of it.  He liked to handle things on the side and behind the scenes, not drawing attention to whatever the issue was. 

Kibum had never had that softness about him.  His personality was all sharp edges and grand displays.  Wanting to be the center of attention, and Taemin gladly gave that to him, because his softness could cushion Kibum’s abrasiveness. 

*****

Even Taemin’s body seemed to be devoid of hard points.  He could move and flow so fluidly.  His frame was even a little curvy, though never girly (at least not anymore).  His attention to working out as he grew older had resulted in a relatively filled out form with muscles that Kibum loved to run his hands over.

Kibum on the other hand was all wide shoulders and sharp hips.  Even his face was pointy, with a chin he could point like a finger and cheekbones that could cut glass.  Even if he had wanted to work out, he didn’t think that he would be able to put on the muscles like Taemin had.  His body just didn’t seem right for it.  Lithe worked for him.

*****

Taemin had the softest voice.  There were few things Kibum loved more, than waking up in the morning to the gentle sound of Taemin whispering, “I love you Kibum,” into his ear.  Every word that Taemin seemed to express was done in the same gentle manner, even his jokes were not expressed nearly as boisterously as Kibum or the rest of their friends would have done so.  It was the kind of voice you had to focus on to listen to, because it would blend into a crowd, but you were usually glad you had.

Kibum’s voice was loud and brash, easily carrying over a crowd and identifiable by many as uniquely him. 

*****

Taemin’s laugh was adorable.  It was this cute little giggle-like thing that he always tried to hide with his hand up in front of his mouth.  SM had truly tried to train the singer out of that particular habit, but nothing every worked.  Taemin’s tendency to laugh when he was nervous, in a job that almost always made him nervous, just did not allow him the time to cease that particular action.

Not that Kibum minded Taemin’s gentle chuckle.  It was more like a release of air and no matter that Taemin had the tendency to laugh at pretty much anything, you still felt like you had been deemed worthy when he chose to deign you with the chance to hear it. 

Kibum’s bark-like exclamation or snort really couldn’t compare.

*****

Taemin was a very kind and gentle person.  He was almost always calm, and waited out making his decisions.  The softness of his temperament giving him the time and distance to see things for what they truly were.  It took a lot to rile him up and it didn’t happen often. 

Kibum’s temperament was like a switchboard.  Constantly moving and easily changed, after all – he was the Diva of SHINee.  Something small could completely set him off, and when that happened he had the steady force of Taemin behind him, cooling him down and settling those thoughts back.  Bringing his feet back down to earth and talking through whatever the issue was with him.

*****

It is probably to be expected of someone with the softest skin, but Taemin also had the softest touch. His fingers barely touch you, but you feel like shocks have coursed through your body, of course that may just be Kibum.  When Taemin’s hand ghosted their way up Kibum’s body, the touch felt almost reverent.  His soft caress could entice, infuriate and sooth all in the same instant. 

While Taemin’s touch was like an instant massage, Kibum’s was more grabbing and pulling.  Clutching Taemin’s hand in public, pulling the younger man along be side him, grabbed at his shoulders in hopes of a kiss.  Taemin’s light touches making Kibum too desperate to do the same in response.

*****

But the softest thing of all – Taemin’s kiss.  His lips were full and strong, but gentle at the same time.  Every time Taemin kiss him, it felt like he was porcelain and Taemin was treating him with great care.  They made him feel honored and unworthy and fall in love all over again every single time.  Even the first time they kissed, back in their dorm room, Kibum had been the awkward one.  Pushing too hard into the kiss, too desperate to make sure that it was really happening and not just some elaborate daydream that he had concocted in his head. 

Taemin was far more gentle.  He wanted to take more time when he kissed.  He worked Kibum up with his touch, and calmed Kibum down with his kiss.  He could be lost for hours in the sweetness of Taemin.

*****

Kibum continued to muse to himself as Taemin focused on proofing his new article that he was writing, his new glasses perched low on his nose as he focused on the wording and punctuation of his latest piece.  Kibum knew that it was only a matter of time before Taemin would use his puppy-dog eyes and smile, or use his surprisingly piercing eyes over the tops of his glasses to inspire the image of a y librarian Taemin in the rapper’s mind, to con Kibum into reading it for him to give his own opinion.  Kibum honestly found a lot of what Taemin wrote about rather boring, but it was something that his love had written and was proud of, so Kibum would always read it with a serious gaze, and try to help the other out.

Kibum cocked his head a slight bit to the side as though trying to get a new angle on his subject.  Sometimes Kibum thought that Taemin was just too soft all around to be purely human.  It was like something magical or heavenly had descended to earth and had decided to take on a human form.  He would have been likely to believe that too, if he ever thought he could be worthy of such a gift being bestowed upon him.  Taemin was perfection in Kibum’s eyes.  Yes, everything about Taemin was soft…except when it wasn’t…

*****

The same down-like hair that he loved to comb his fingers through, could be matted into place with hair spray and product so that it was more like a protective dome or a helmet than his beloved’s hair.  His favorite moment though, might have been when Taemin decided that he wanted to cook for his Kibum, and had somehow wound up with eggs in his hair.  He never explained how that had happened, but Kibum had watched in endless amusement as the yellow dripped down off of what had appeared to be a craggy mountain of hair that toppled over due to the weight of the yoke.  It had dried quickly and hard and Kibum had had to help his boyfriend clean the mess out of his hair over the sink in their dorm’s shared bathroom, laughing the whole time and reveling in the feel as rock-hard returned to feather-soft. 

*****

And over the years, even his skin as soft as a babies, he had developed calluses.  His feet, worn with years of dancing, could be rough around the outside, the heels and toes especially.  It could be a shock in the middle of the night when one of them, undoubtedly cold, sought out and found Kibum’s legs under the cover of their bed.  Though he did not dance as much anymore, finding the same sense of calming and contentment in his righting that he used to find only in dancing to the music and some of the calluses were starting to retreat, but his feet would never be as soft as the rest of him.  And Kibum liked it that way, it told the story of how he had once lived his life, without which they never would have met. 

*****

There are also occasions when the rounded edges of Taemin’s personality hardened to sharp points.  Anytime when someone questioned the relationship and love that Taemin and Kibum had for each other, his eyes would harden and he would be filled with such a sense of determination that would make those in front of him quake in their shoes. 

Taemin had stood behind podiums at press conferences and even political speeches on gay rights, and stand with such a sense of self-assurance and pride that he seemed as solid as stone.  There was no doubt that Taemin would not budge, he would not falter, and he would not stop before his goal was reached. 

And he certainly was not soft.

*****

Many nights found the couple in bed.  Asleep.  That is until Kibum would be forced awake by the flailing limbs of the younger man.  Really, he didn’t know anyone alive who moved around more in his sleep!  Suddenly he was all elbows and bent knees that always managed to hit at just the wrong point in Kibum’s sleep cycle, causing the older male to wake.

But the image that it created was utterly adorable Kibum would always think as he looked down at his boyfriend exasperatedly.  He would splay out on the bed like a baby taking a nap, limbs thrown to all corners of the bed, and he always felt like kicking himself for not having a camera anywhere nearby to capture the absolutely adorable image for posterity, or at least as proof to Taemin of where exactly that bruise on Kibum’s side had come from.  But always, always Taemin’s hand would find Kibum’s, and unconsciously the younger would intertwine his fingers with his hyung’s.  And it was totally worth a couple of bruises in the morning.

*****

Taemin rarely raised his voice.  He just wasn’t the type.  He would rather try and have a discussion and lay out his point of view and try to be analytical about the issue and keep the passions out of it.  Or try to make a joke out of it.  Or just give in if it was something small that didn’t really matter like what way to put the toilet paper on the role, because really it just wasn’t worth the fight.

But they had been together for years.  They had loved each other for a long time, and of course – they would fight.  It just had to happen.  If they were together that long and didn’t fight ever there would just be something very unhealthy about their relationship.  All couples fight sometimes.  But when Taemin yelled, it was bad.  One of them was sleeping on the couch bad.  Not talking to each other for days bad.  Kibum hated hearing it, because it always sounded so incredibly awful as it tore its way out of Taemin’s throat and it sent shivers down the elder’s spine.

And most of the time when Taemin yelled, he was right.  He knew when the fight was important enough to scream, though Kibum usually did it all the time, and when it was that important Kibum knew that he would be the first one to apologize. 

Taemin would storm out of the room and slam the door to his office, and Kibum would hear the muffled scream and know that Taemin had picked up one of the pillows from the couch in there and pushed it against his face while he screamed.  Taemin always gave him something new to think about.  He tended to view the world slightly differently from Kibum, and frankly most people, but that didn’t mean he was wrong.  A couple of hours would pass and Kibum would knock timidly on the door to Taemin’s office and enter without waiting for a response.  Taemin would usually be sitting at his desk, staring at the picture of them that always sat there, sometimes running his finger up and down the glass, petting Kibum’s image. 

“I’m sorry Tae,” he would whisper and put some banana milk down on the desk (some things never change) and grasp one of Taemin’s hands. 

And Taemin would squeeze his lover’s hand and say something along the lines of, “No, it was my fault.”  And they would both claim guilt until one of them started laughing and Taemin was back to being the cuddly teddy bear that he was, and they would hug and kiss and that was it.

Then Kibum would really apologize and explain why he had become so worked up, and Taemin would listen and smile and just hold tight to his lover.

They have to fight as a couple, but they never did last long. 

*****

Typically Taemin laughed rather quietly, softly and it was usually kept just to himself and those directly around him.  But when something was truly funny, Taemin could be just as loud as Kibum, if not louder.  Usually when Kibum, Onew or one of the other SHINee members or one of their friends has made a complete of themselves, and usually in front of a camera, Taemin could be found bent double, pounding the floor, hitting his knees and winding up gasping for breath.  He’s even been known to roll around on the floor in his mirth on occasion.  He could bark out a laugh just as loud as Kibum, and it always seemed more endearing than anything else to see the man so lost in his entertainment, who wasn’t afraid to show everything on his sleeve.

*****

Taemin was usually a calm person – usually.  But there are also times when Taemin was just worked up beyond belief.  Shortly after Taemin and Kibum had come out to the public, and SHINee was promoting without Taemin, someone had brought eggs and other supplies to a show.  And when Key had been in front of them, they had let loose, covering the poor man in yoke and feathers and various other uncomfortable things.  The show had come to a dead stop and fans had teamed up to help security to force the instigators out of the concert, but when it had hit the news, the anchors covering the story didn’t seem sympathetic at all – rather they kept making snide side-comments about Key and Taemin and gay people.

SHINee had arrived home to a livid Taemin, stewing by himself on the couch and glaring so hard at the wall, they were all honestly surprised that it had not burst into flame. 

He had jumped up and leapt into Kibum’s arms.  Holding his boyfriend tight and ranting about stupid people and how no one understood. 

It had taken all of them almost an hour just to calm him down and get him to let Kibum go at all. 

*****

Taemin usually had a gentle touch.  It made Kibum feel comforted and loved and like there was no where else on earth he was supposed to be, except right there with Taemin. 

But sometimes his touch was hard and forceful, and Kibum loved that just as much.  When they made love, Taemin could be the gentle man that Kibum loved him as, or a ravenous lover who could not be satiated. 

It was thrilling, it was electrifying, it was perfect. 

But when it was over, and they both lay there panting and spent, one of them would pull the other close, and the soft caresses would return.  The gentle fingers tracing their way across parts of their body, soft kisses peppering faces.

Nothing was better.

*****

Even his kisses could be transformed into a hard, pulsing force rather than soft caressing gestures.  Like their first kiss, both rather inexperienced on there own with only a few rushed kisses with female friends to their names, it had been all together too hard and pinching, but it was filled with such strong emotions that it carried them both away anyway. 

Whenever one of them returned home after being away for a while, and that could be as long as one night gone, they would always be met with intense passion and overwhelming physicality that didn’t allow for their gentle practices, their hours-long kissing marathons.  There was a desperate need that had to be fulfilled and it had to be now!

Force came out of desperation. 

*****

In the end though, Taemin always reverted back to the soft, gentle person that he just inherently was.  But no matter how soft Taemin was, even that softness had a sense of power to it.  His calmness and serenity gave him an air of someone who should be listening to and acknowledged, like he knew something greater and he could clue you in if he ever felt like it. 

Kibum loved all sides of Taemin – his usual sense of gentleness or his rare abrupt and rash behavior.  It was what made Taemin, Taemin.  And Kibum wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is not my best chapter, but I've been fighting writer's block on it so I'm just glad I finished anything on it at all at this point.  Hopefully the rest of these chapter's come easier...