This story is a flashback to before The Showdown, a recap-er of parts of The Showdown, and a predictor of future events.  You can see hints of some of the stories to come in this series in this one.  You’ll just have to wait them out though to get the full stories, because I can’t tell you when I’ll get around to writing them. Sorry about that.  But this is a longer one (seriously, longer than any chapter I wrote for The Showdown)!

I had a lot of trouble coming up with an idea for this one.  I was like erratic: diving, schedules, thoughts…but I couldn’t think of much to do with those.  Then my mind stumbled across the idea of erratic heartbeats…and this was born.  I wrote this all in one sitting then and that was an interesting occurrence because I usually don’t sit down well and need to get up and move around, but I just kept writing on this one. 

The middle parts of this one-shot really do rely heavily on you having read The Showdown (because I don’t explain some of the events as well as others that are being introduced for the first time).

#4 – Erratic

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Heartbeats are supposed to be steady.  They are supposed to go along evenly, sometime faster, sometimes slower, but overall they keep the same rhythm.  They mark out the passage of your life in dividable segments.    

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But things in Taemin’s life always seemed to force his heart to beat out of control.  To loose its cool rhythm and try to beat its way out of his chest rather than continue its usual beat.  To pound away erratically, so that he can’t guess what will happen next.      

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He auditioned for SM Entertainment, the pop music powerhouse of South Korea.  There he was a small child, and he found himself standing against a wall with a bunch of girls, all in his age group, who were supposed to dance and show off their skills to the judges who sat emotionless in front of them, pen poised above paper to decide their fates.  His heart seemed to jump around his chest before he pushed it down and let his body flow and lock to the beat and he put all of the girls to shame.

Then they wanted him to sing...

He didn’t think that he would have to sing at the audition…he thought it was just dancing. 

His heartbeat went haywire again. 

He gulped out some garbled mess that must had sounded like something that they could work with because somehow he passed.  He passed the audition and joined SM entertainment and met his fate.

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His days all seemed filled to bursting.

Every day was filled with practices and classes in addition to his normal school work.  When most of his classmates were out hanging with their friends and playing sports and goofing around with their siblings.  Taemin was busting through his schoolwork so that he could sit through extra language lessons and dance practices in the hope that maybe one day he might be one of the lucky few who managed to strike the fancy of the Korean people and perform to fans on large stages here and around the globe. 

He panted and wiped sweat from his brown, his heart stomping madly as he slid down the wall, trying to catch his breath after a particularly harsh dance lesson.  His entire body ached.  He hadn’t been on the top of his game today and the instructor had noticed it and pointed it out to everyone.

But he’d be better tomorrow – he’d make sure of it.  And he headed home, intending to practice even more.

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“Lee Taemin, you’re being assigned to a five-man team.  You will be the youngest member, the maknae.  Do you understand?”

Taemin had nodded and he prayed that the coordinator didn’t hear him gulping. 

“Good.  You’ll meet your manager and the rest of your team this afternoon at 2PM in dance practice room four.”

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A smiling boy with bright eyes and full lips faced the rest of the group.  Taemin recognized him from around SM.  They would both go up to the roof to practice sometimes because the practice rooms would all be crowded with other trainees and they wanted to be able to practice without all of the distractions.  Jinki was the first one to want to listen to Taemin sing, and gave him his first vocal lessons, walking him through the excursuses that he had started with when he first joined the company.  He knew that he could easily be in a group with the older singer; it was hard not to get along with him, but he really didn’t recognize any of the other faces around him. 

Their manager’s hand was braced on Jinki’s shoulder as he waited for their undivided attention.  “This is Lee Jinki.  As he is the oldest he shall be the leader.  We are going to work on a stage name for him – Jinki just doesn’t fit an idol.  Once we do, I suggest that you all stick to using it, even in private, so that you won’t slip up in public.”

Their manager was a stern looking man whose appearance matched his personality.  He made Taemin a bit afraid, though to be honest, like he might suddenly start screaming at all of them at any moment.  All of this made him a bit afraid actually.  What had he been thinking signing up for that audition?  He wasn’t cut out for this.

“Jinki, why don’t you show us what you can do.”

Jinki’s smile slipped a little bit but he hid it quickly with a sudden bow to all of them.  “Hello everyone.  I’m Jinki and I am best at singing.”  He started to sing a ballad that Taemin had heard him practicing on the rooftop a couple of weeks ago.  He noticed that the older boy had gotten better.  Everyone knew that Jinki would be one of the main singers with his smooth voice.

Everyone clapped and complimented the boy and their manager moved through the group.  Kim Jonghyun, a short boy with strikingly sharp features and a surprisingly powerful voice – another lead vocal.  Choi Minho, a tall boy with big eyes who would be the rapper of the group, which was obvious as he blazed through a quick rap without a moment’s hesitation.  Taemin didn’t think he would be able to say all of those words at half the speed. 

Then there was the lanky boy who stood next to Taemin.  He couldn’t remember ever seeing the boy around, but they kept the trainees so busy that unless you had a class or practice with them it was very difficult for them to meet everyone in the trainee program.

“This is Kim Kibum, another one who will require a stage name since Super Junior already has a Kim Kibum.  Now Kibum is a little different from the rest of you, he doesn’t specialize in one field.  He sings, raps and dances rather well.” 

Kibum bit his lip at their manager’s words, but nodded.  “Hi, I’m Kim Kibum.  When I did a homestay in the U.S. the students there called me Key because they laughed anytime they had to say ‘bum.’  Could we use that as my stage name?”  He asked their imposing manager.  He had a unique speaking voice that Taemin was sure would carry over to his singing – something to make him stand out.   

“Key…hmm, we’ll talk it over and get back to you.”

Kibum wasn’t asked to show anything off.  Taemin really wished that he had been because it would have meant that he had a few more moments that he didn’t have to perform for these other boys.  As each one had show their skill, Taemin had grown more and more nervous.  He couldn’t rap at all.  And he had only really just starting singing lessons.  He couldn’t compare to Jinki or Jonghyun.  He couldn’t perform a whole stage like Kibum.  He couldn’t do this.  He could hear his pulse racing in his ears and felt vaguely like he might throw up at any minute and he was suddenly regretting eating lunch at all that day.    

“And our maknae: Lee Taemin.”

Taemin couldn’t even bring himself to smile, he was focusing too hard on keep lunch within his stomach. 

“H-hello, my n-name is Lee Taemin.  And I’m good at dancing…”

He could see some disbelief in the faces before him.  Who would think that the youngest would be a good dancer?

But Kibum didn’t look surprised, just interested.  He gave Taemin an encouraging smile and patted him on the back a couple of times before backing up to give Taemin some room to demonstrate like their manager had just asked him to do. 

Taemin bit his lip and try to feel heartened by the acceptance that he was getting from one of his new team mates. 

“Um…music?” he rasped out.

The managed moved over to the CD player in the corner and hit play on whatever happened to be inside – a DBSK song. 

Taemin took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting the music flow over him, and then he moved.  The quickness of the bass and drum lines pounded through him, forcing his heart rate to match it.  Popping and locking and flowing to the beat, he finally stopped when the music cut out.

He was pleased to see shock on some of s face, and the proud smile on Kibum’s and his manager’s faces. 

“You will be a strong group.”

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Debut.  Oh God, Debut.  How could they already be at this point already?  It seemed like that had just met yesterday.  How could they go out and face that crowd and sing and dance live?  And he had a solo dance to perform as well.

Onew was talking to him, trying to reassure him, but he couldn’t hear him.  It seemed like his ears weren’t quite working right.  Things sounded muffled…  He might have smiled at his hyung, though he couldn’t remember.  Whatever he did, Onew walked off to talk to Minho – another pep-talk before they took the stage for the first time.

How could he do this, how could they all do this?          

Someone tugged hard on his ear lobe.

“Ouch!” he hissed and whirled around to face his assailant – who turned out to be Key.  “What was that for hyung?” he whined.

“Snapping you out of it.” Key replied calmly, “Just relax and do it just like we did yesterday in practice.  Don’t pay attention to the people in the crowd, that will come later, just be our little dance machine.”

“Easy for you to say…”

“Taemin, just dance, just like you did when we first met.  Wow the hell out of all of them with how amazing you are!”

“Okay, SHINee is up!” a PD shouted. 

SHINee walked out and the crowd screamed.

Taemin’s heart raced, but he did as Key said, he just flowed with the music and was determined to make it through. 

And SHINee was born.

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And Taemin came out to his older brother, terrified about what the hyung that he had looked up to for his entire life might say about his strange little brother. 

But his brother accepted him.  And the heart leapt not for fear and apprehension, but for joy. 

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Key and Taemin sat in their first dorm, side-by-side, homework lying forgotten as they kissed for the first time.  And both thought that their hearts were racing so fast that hummingbird wings would have been slow by comparison.  And it was beautiful.

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Taemin stood up to his manager, a man who had frightened him for years and declared that, “We love each other, dammit!” and refused to back down or tell who this lover was to the irate man.

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Taemin’s head was wrenched back and he went flying over the couch arm as his manager began his wild attack.  Taemin fought back and hard, determined not to let the man win, but he was just too strong…

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He woke up in the hospital and he choked on the breathing tube and he felt like he was going to die all over again.

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He worked his off in his physical therapy, trying to rebuild his stamina but still allow his ribs to heel.  And he grew frustrated as he saw little progress, but he kept going, because of the looks that his friends gave him.  Their determination and steadfast faith in Taemin’s abilities giving him strength to continue.

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SHINee faced down a heard of reporters for him, and he revealed his scars.  His chest hurt for the effort that his heart was undertaking, but he wouldn’t back down – not this time and never again, he had nothing to hide and refused to do so anymore.

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For the first time, Taemin and Key lay together in the bed they now shared, in their own room separate from the other members, with absolutely no intention of seeking sleep. 

And they gave each other the gift of themselves, and rode the waves together.

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SHINee stood in the airport.  Ready to say goodbye to their maknae as he boarded a plane to the United States to study.

Taemin clung to Kibum, neither even trying to hide their tears from anyone.

“I’ll miss you so much.” Kibum whispered.

“Not as much as I’ll miss you.” Taemin countered. 

Taemin stayed with his lover and his friends for as long as he could and dashed off at the last minute to board his flight, tears trailing down his face as he did so.

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An anxious Lee Taemin stood on jumpy feet at Los Angeles International Airport, ready to greet Kim Kibum as he disembarked his flight.

He was graduating.  Four years in the amazing country that was the United States, but he was ready to go home.  Only one more thing.  His apartment was packed up, most boxes already in the process of being shipped back to Korea, but he needed to walk across that stage first.  And Kibum was coming to watch, to sit in the crowd and undoubtedly cheer like a maniac as “Taemin Lee – Bachelors of Arts” was called out and he walked across the stage in his cap and gown, with his honors cords and Laude medallion.

But before that, Kibum had to get here.

And then he saw him…

It was almost like a movie.  Taemin would have sworn that things moved in slow motion.  Heck, there might have even been a soundtrack, but he couldn’t hear it for the ringing in his ears. 

“Kibum!” he shouted, and somehow over the din of one of the world’s busiest airports, truly a city in and of itself.

Their eyes locked and Taemin felt like everything was brand new again.  Their relationship days old, when a look sent tingles up his spine no matter what it was for.

And days later when Taemin walked across that stage, he smiled as he heard Kibum’s distinctive voice carry over the crowd as he indeed screamed like a maniac.

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Taemin searched endless stores, trying to find just the right ring…

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And then they were engaged, though the law would not permit them to marry yet, they would be ready when that time came and hopeful that one day it would come.

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And just when they thought that they could live their lives happily as they were, something else came along that offered them what they thought that they could never have.

A surrogacy?

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Kibum holds the precious bundle so carefully that Taemin fears their daughter is more like glass than flesh and is almost afraid to touch her.

“We’re daddies…” Kibum breathed wondrously. 

And a tiny hand closed around Taemin’s finger and he knew that his life has just changed in the most amazing way. 

“I’m your papa,” he whispered to the mewling form twisting now in Key’s grasp, “and I’ll always protect you.”

And his kissed his daughter before the nurses took her away to be weighed. 

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And just when everything seemed to be going right…something had to go wrong.

How could they even think of releasing him?

Taemin and the rest of SHINee were called to stand before a review panel, giving testimony as to why their former manager should not be released.

And Taemin could only pray, think of the safety of Kibum and their daughter more than his own, and plead that the madman stay locked away.

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They stood together, before their friends and family, before their daughter, held still in the embrace of Key’s grandmother, and before the President of South Korea who presided over the momentous ceremony that would not only change their lives, but the lives of men and women all around the country for years to come.

“I know pronounce you husbands to each other.  You may now kiss your groom…”

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And then three became four - their son joined the family, and he was a daddy once again.

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And time went on.  Their lives lived out through their children and their careers and their friends and family.  And it was what it was. 

And years on down the road, they watched their children grow up and fall in and out of love.  Succeed and fail as one must in life.  Get married and have children of their own.  And Taemin and Key grew to love their grandchildren as much as they did their own children and care and encouraged them just as much.

Life was beautiful.  But everything doesn’t always go as planned.  That smooth course that you want your life to take, where everything is planned out, that is rarely ever what you actually get.  It is those moments when your heart cannot bear its typical steady rhythm, when it beats out of control and pounds against your chest and rises up in your throat; those are the moments that mark your life.  The moments that stick out and mean something – that mean everything – because those are the moments during which you were living the most, living your life to the fullest.  The moments that defined everything that you became, good and bad and make up who you are. 

And they were worth every extra beat.

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So there you are!  A bunch of hints as to what is coming up in some of these one-shots. By writing them out like this I think I am forcing myself to not only stick to what I have planned, but to actually commit to writing them out because I have kind of already promised them to you.

I hope you all enjoyed it and it wasn't too hard to read or anything with it jumping all over the place like I wrote it.

Comments please!