Another short one - but I figure two short ones together isn't as bad.  So yeah, 54 just went up as well, so don't forget that one!

I don't really know where I was going with this.  It was more of a feeling that I was trying to convey than anything else.  I hope it worked out. 

#55 – Garden

Kibum had taken to making a garden.  Nothing huge, just some pots out on the small balcony off of their apartment.  Already small enough on its own, with the plants there now was only enough room out there for one person to stand and tend to the plants.  It was nice though.  Not only did it give him something to do and look after, but he could use that in what he cooked up in the kitchen, and nothing tastes better than homegrown food. 

Besides, he needed something to take care of. 

For so long in his life, far longer than most men his age, he had been responsible for himself.  And being the person that he was, he had reached out to make himself responsible for others as well.  As a teenager, still in high school, he had created the position for himself as caretaker for SHINee, specifically Taemin, but really everyone.  It was just in his nature to reach out to those around him. 

It made him feel needed and necessary and it was a nice feeling to be honest. 

But SHINee was over.  They had said that there were all on break, but Kibum knew.  With military service and Taemin on another continent, and Kibum working a 9-5 job in the fashion industry, it was painfully clear.  SHINee would never be again. 

So now it was time for Kibum to figure out just what he was supposed to do without the guys to take care of anymore.

He supposed that once Taemin had graduated then he would have his lover to care for, and be cared for in return, but until that day – Kibum needed something else. 

So he bought plants.

Out there, some flower beds hung off of the railing, suspended in the air and showing off their brightly colored inhabitants. 

In the waist deep pots grew a few cucumbers and bell peppers. 

And hanging from the underside of the balcony above their own was a tomato plant that was huge but only managed to spout a dozen or so tomatoes every year. 

But the yield wasn’t the point.

It gave him something to nurture, something to care for, and something to distract him while Taemin was away and the rest were in the military.

It was terribly lonely.  SHINee was cut off to him right now, and his remaining friends were in the industry themselves and he remembered the schedules.  There was no time to see an old friend like him. 

Kibum emptied the last of his watering can into the flower beds. 

He went back into the apartment to grab his camera and snapped a picture of the garden.

Taemin had said that Kibum had to send him a picture of the garden every day, “so I can see what you’re doing at home.”

Kibum didn’t mind.  It was an excuse to talk to Taemin everyday without seeming annoying or like he was nagging the younger man. 

Kibum smiled as he gently ran his finger across the closed up purple bud on the flowers.  They would bloom soon.  He knew after several years of tending to them what their habits would be.

He took a calming breath, inhaling the smell of freshly watered plants, before heading back into the apartment. 

It was more than something to nurture.  It was more than vegetables for his table.  It was more than anything that he could put his finger on.  It was a sanctuary more than anything, and all the parts would never add up to that fabulous whole.  It was his center.  His foundation.

It was where he could somehow manage to find peace, in absence of his true core. 

It was a poor substitute to for the real thing, but it was what kept him sane during the day, knowing Taemin was sleeping on the other side of the world.  And it was what allowed him rest at night, knowing that Taemin was awake and going about his day at the same time. 

He slid the sliding glass door closed and just as it clicked into place Kibum heard the sound of his computer, starting the familiar tune that meant that he had an incoming Skype call.

The smile spread across his face and he brightened like a sunflower in springtime.

Taemin was calling. 

So yeah - don't know exactly where I was going with that...but there you are.  Make of it what you will.

Comments are loved!