I don't really know why, but I suddenly felt like writing a companion piece to 'Steady.'  'Steady' is number 45 in case you want to go back and check that one out again.  Despite how sad and depressing that one was, it was also one of my proudest works.  I feel like I really connected with that piece and that I conveyed that sense of raw emotion well (and I hope that you think so too).  But this should maybe explain that build up to that meltdown a little more.

Seriously, if you don't remember that one, you might want to go back and read it again in preparation for this, though it's not strictly necessary.  It would just get you into the right mind-space for this one. 

#61 – Sigh

Taemin rocked his son quietly in his arms.

He had thought that he was the only one to notice the change in Kibum.

Not that he could blame the man.  His grandmother had been important to him, to their whole family.  She had always seemed to strong and in control, the idea of her not being here just seemed wrong.

But it wasn't.

She wasn't here.  She was gone, finally passing form this world into the next peacefully in her sleep.

At first Kibum had made it through.  He had stood with his head held high at her memorial, comforting their children as best as he could.

But then Taemin thought that the shock had worn off. 

Then reality had started to sink in. 

Taemin has seen the man pick up the phone more than once, only to put it back in the cradle again with a stricken look on his face.  She wasn't there for him to call anymore.

Taemin had tried to cheer the man up.  They went on dates; he would bring the man flowers, plan surprises that normally would have made Kibum gush, except now he was, "just tired Taemin.  Can we go home?"

 Taemin had watched, sad and confused and helpless, as the man that he loved slipped further and further away. 

"Bummie..." he has whispered one night into the darkness, knowing that the man in question would not wake, "Talk to me.  Please?" he implored, "I can't lose you."

He had cried himself to sleep that night. 

Kibum would sigh upon merely waking up in the morning, as though the day was already too much when it had just started.  It was a heavy sigh too, heaved across the ether like the weight of the world rested upon his chest. 

It grew worse, and Taemin just kept hoping that the man would snap out of it.  That one day he would wake up and the old Kibum would be back. 

But it wasn't getting better, and it wasn't just him who noticed the difference either. 

"W-w-w-why is Ap-pp-pa so m-mean?" Munhee sniffled, clutching Taemin's shirt in his hands and clinging to the man for comfort. 

It had started with another sigh, this one a mix between frustration and anger.  Taemin had gotten really good at recognizing Kibum's sighs in the past few months. 

Kibum sat at the kitchen table, drawings spread out before him of whatever the latest project at work was.  The man seemed to be bringing more and more work home with him lately, when he had almost never done so before.  At first Taemin had thought that he just wanted to be busy for a while, while he learned to cope with life without his grandmother.  Now he wondered if the man might not want to deal with any of them anymore. 

Munhee had just come into the kitchen to grab a glass of water but had stumbled on his way out, bumping into the table leg, causing Kibum to draw a line right through his figure, effectively cutting the dress in half.

"Munhee!" Kibum had hissed, shooting to his feet.  But rather than swoop down to make sure that Munhee was alright, as he would have done a few months previously, he just scooped up all of his papers and stormed off to Taemin's office, clearly intending to use the man's desk in there, without another word. 

Munhee had sat there in silence, a startled expression on his face before he turned slowly to look at Taemin and Jinae who were sitting in shock on the couch in the living room.

"Waaahhhhhhhhh!" Munhee bolted to his room with a wail. 

Taemin pushed himself up and told Jinae to wait before shuffling off to Munhee's room.

His heart near broke as he heard muffled cries emanating from the room.

He slipped in without Munhee even noticing.  The little boy as curled up in a ball on his bed and Taemin noticed that a teddy bear that they had bought for him while he was still in the orphanage, one that he slept with every night, had been tossed across the room and now sat, over tea kettle against a dresser. 

"Munhee..."

"Liars!" Munhee called, quietly though, it seemed he was still too spooked by Kibum to want to say anything loudly that might cause him to come in and yell again.

Taemin sat on the edge of the boy's bed, and he placed one hand on his shoulder, wincing when the little boy moved away.

"Munhee...I'm sorry, your Appa is just busy with work." Taemin knew that he was lying, but a part of him wanted so much to believe it that it was an easy one to tell. 

"No, he doesn't love me anymore!" Munhee curled in tighter on himself and Taemin felt like he had swallowed his own heart. 

He lay down on the bed and pulled Munhee to his chest, not even noticing the tears that had started to fall. 

"He loves you Munhee! He loves you just as much as I do!"  Taemin didn't know if he was trying to convince the boy or himself, but the tears had the effect of making Munhee stop and actually listen.

Small hands grabbed at his cheeks and Taemin forced open eyes that he hadn't even realized that he had closed. 

"Papa no cry..." Munhee said mournfully, "Papa sad make me sad." And new tears did seem to be starting.

They were quite the pair, the two laying there on spaceship sheets, both bawling messes.

"I'm so sorry Munhee," Taemin whispered later that night after the young boy had already cried himself to sleep.  He cradled Munhee's still and fragile form in his arms as he rested with his back against the wooden backboard that Kibum himself had painted a bright blue when they had been preparing this room for Munhee to come home to. 

Eventually Taemin tucked the boy in, still in his clothing from the day and checked on Jinae, sleeping silently in her own bed before slipping into his own bedroom. 

Kibum was already asleep, curled up tightly against the very edge of the bed.

Taemin sighed pitifully. 

He missed his Bummie.  He missed the man that he had married, that he had spent all of these years with.  Where was that man?  This alien seemed to have come down and taken his place and Taemin didn't like it. 

But as he settled down into the mattress he also knew that he would never leave.  He loved the man too deeply and for far too long to be scared away.  His heart lurched in his chest though with the startling realization that if Kibum wanted to leave, Taemin knew that he wouldn't stop him.  He loved the man too much to hold him in any relationship that he didn't want anymore.  It would kill him, but he would let Kibum go if that was what he wanted.

Taemin felt the tears splash hotly down his face and he buried himself into his pillow.

It was hours yet until he fell asleep.

*****

Taemin awoke to Kibum already off to work.  He was eternally grateful for the smile that covered Munhee's face, it appeared that a good night's sleep had been enough to turn the boy's mood happy again, but Taemin still remembered the sobbing boy in his arms last night, that way because of Kibum.

Taemin plastered on the same fake smile that he had been wearing for months when the babysitter came. 

He had an interview to get to today. 

He stooped to grab his umbrella from the stand, but saw that Kibum's was still there.  "He forgot it..." he mumbled to himself. 

He texted Key as he waited for the elevator to open.  Your forgot your umbrella, need a ride after work?

As he exited the elevator his phone beeped.

Sure. Fine.

The text had the same terse quality to it that every interaction with Kibum had these days. 

Before Kibum would have made a joke about being forgetful.

Before Kibum would have included an emoticon and maybe even a little XOXO.

Before Kibum would have at least said, 'Thanks,' even if he was really busy. 

Taemin swallowed thickly and got into his car.  It used to be all the little things that they did for each other that truly made them a couple.  They had never been a big flashy couple, at least not when left to their own devices.  Sometimes that had to make a spectacle just because of who they were; a wedding officiated by the President for example.  But it used to be the little everyday things that people usually overlook that had made them so strong as a couple.  Now even that was fading away.   

As Taemin pulled out onto the streets he could see the storm clouds in the distance, looking like thy were getting ready to break at any moment. 

Suddenly, lightning forked across the distant skies and a few moments later thunder rolled across Seoul.

The storm couldn't be held back any longer.

Alright, so this segues directly into Steady.  Basically if this was a book, this would have been the chapter before Steady, but thanks to the wacky nature of this one-shot project, I am allowed the grace to jump around the plot as needed and as inspiration strikes.

Sorry if that is confusing, but it's just how this all seems to be going.