This was one of the first one-shots that I wrote for this project.  I was very much inspired by a poem that I saw performed on Youtube.  You'll find the link to the poem at the end of this chapter.  If you have time please check it out, I think that it's really powerful and speaks volumes. 

Thinking back on this now, it's a similar theme to Breakable.

#28 – Ignore

Kim Kibum loved Lee Taemin.

That much he knew beyond any shred of a doubt.  He knew that his heart raced at the mere thought of the younger man.  That his lips tingled at the memory of his kisses.  That his hand felt empty without the other’s fitted securely within it.  That he could not fall asleep at night when his other half was not there, even when said other half was only just down the hall typing away on his computer. 

Every moment of his life with Taemin seemed to blend together into a blissful sense of happiness, because they just seemed so perfect for each other.  In his mind and in his heart they were perfect.

But the rest of the world didn’t see things that way.  The rest of the world seemed to scorn them.  The rest of the world seemed to hate them solely for their love.  It made no sense to Kibum.  Why, in a world where love can seem to be so lacking, would a stranger take it upon themselves to try to stamp out his love?  Why they thought that it was wrong, only because both of the parties involved happened to be male? 

Taemin and he liked to take walks in the area around their apartment.  Just walking around the neighborhood or through a local park.

They held hands when they walked.

It was something that they had done long before they had become a couple.  It wasn’t that strange, but apparently the whole picture changed when a commitment was thrown into it.  Knowing that these two men had dedicated themselves to each other, had promised their lives to each other, seemed to bring out nothing but the worst in people. 

These people liked to glare sharp daggers of hate, or shout harsh things from the safety of the other side of the street, knowing that many of those around them would say nothing even if they didn’t agree with him. 

The glares got to Kibum.  The words he could take.  Not many would have the guts to say anything, not many took it upon themselves to be in the open like that and identifiable.  But the glares were constant.  It seemed every where they went, there was some woman with her baby who glared before turning the opposite direction, or an old woman who spat on the ground upon sight of them, letting them know exactly what she thought of them.  And the eyes that followed them, as though they were just waiting for them to do something wrong, and if they did it would somehow be because they were gay. 

One day it seemed particularly prevalent.  Kibum had gone and caught a cold.  Taemin was walking him to the doctor’s to make sure that it wasn’t anything worse.  

The jeering crowds had been particularly vocal that day.  There were even threats of violence against them, and the response to those threats had been the laughter of those around them.  Not condemnation, but a quiet kind of agreement. 

And once more the eyes followed them. 

For a split second Kibum wanted to disappear.  He wanted to be ‘normal’ just so he wouldn’t have to listen to this every day, so he wouldn’t have to hear snide comments and have to work twice as hard for anything and still be deemed unworthy, not for his lack of skill but for his orientation.  Surprisingly, even in the fashion world, his company still would choose a straight designer over him for a big job.  He worked hard, worked himself into the ground and got himself a cold and still got passed over for a project for someone who while possibly equal in ability, had two less years of experience with the company.  Didn’t matter.  Just another small way that others made it known to him that they thought less of him.

Sometimes people’s reactions made him afraid.  He remembered those days in the hospital, and nights when the nurses didn’t throw him out.  He remembered talking to an unresponsive Taemin, holding his hand and petting his hair.  He had never been more scared in his entire life.  Every second of every day he was praying.  That please, please, please let him wake up. 

And then a miracle had happened.  Taemin had opened his eyes.  Taemin had spoken to them.  Taemin started moving around again.  Taemin started walking again.  Dancing again.  Taemin came back to them. 

But the lingering fear never left the back of Key’s mind.  Someone had done that once, beat Taemin to the edge of death.  And someone could easily do so again.  Maybe one of those people sending fire through their eyes, or shouting their slurs might want to go a step further.  Key had nightmares about it, woken up crying in the middle of the night having to be comforted by the man who just moments ago had been lying lifeless in a horrific dream.    

Fear seemed to be a part of his life now, just like breathing.

He must have loosened his grip on his lover’s hand, because Taemin’s own grip tightened. 

The dancer-turned-writer pulled his slightly taller boyfriend closer to his side and said strongly in his ear, “Fear is only a verb if you let it be, don’t you dare let go of my hand!”  And with one more squeeze, he returned his hand to its usual grip, but Kibum’s hand returned to its normal grip as well.  Leave it to Taemin to use parts of speech to inspire someone else.

Taemin always managed to ignore them.  Kibum was envious of that.  Taemin never let that smile falter.  Never cared about the glares that followed him and staunchly ignored the horrible statements that were shouted at them. 

Taemin never let it get him down.  Never let it get to him and hurt him.  Never let it affect him, at least not that Kibum could ever notice. 

“Just ignore them right?”  Kibum asked trying on a haughty attitude as he shoved those anxieties away, focusing on the hand that fitted securely within his and the feeling of love that flowed from his younger lover into him.  And the insecurities flowed away for the moment and he was able to enjoy the day.         

I borrowed a line in here from a poem that I saw performed once on YouTube: “Fear is only a verb if you let it be, don’t you dare let go of my hand!”  It’s a poem about a lesbian couple and I believe that it was written in response to the Proposition 8 vote in California during the 2008 elections (Prop 8 basically banned gay marriage in the state, even though the California Supreme Court had already ruled that it was discrimination to prohibit gays from marrying and had begun to permit gay marriages – literally some people who had been legally married in the state of California now found their marriages null and void, at least that is my understanding of it out in Illinois).  Anyway, I really like the poem and think that you should check it out.  I think it’s like four or five minutes long, so if you have a few minutes please watch it.  Warning, there is some foul language in it (the f-word – like twice I think) which I’ve already used in my writing so I don’t think you would mind too much anyway, but just a heads up.

Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoWNnt4Fdh4