To my fellow Americans: Happy Thanksgiving!

To my non-American readers: Happy Thanksgiving anyway!  It's a holiday were we look back on the year and reflect on what we are thankful for in our lives and I am thankful that I have been able to get to know so many of you through your reviews and that I have managed to touch some of you through my writing.

#32 – Choke

Taemin kissed Jinae on the head and Hwayoung, Jonghyun’s wife, took the bouncing and excited four-year-old out of the small room that Taemin found himself wanting to pace, but it was just too damn small to allow for that. 

“Buh bye Papa!” she called as she twirled down the hallway.

“See you soon angel…”

Taemin returned to his room (glorified closet really…) and tried to settle his nerves. 

“Taemin, calm down!” Taesun ordered, pushing down on Taemin’s shoulders and pushing him into the lone spindly chair sitting the corner of the room.  “Seriously, you are a thirty-four year old man and you're acting like a teenager!”

Taemin just glared at his brother.  “You’re supposed to be nervous when you get married!” Taemin snapped, bringing home once again the reason he was sequestered here in a stiff suit. 

The laws had been changed. The new laws had gone into affect to make it illegal to discriminate based on ual orientation, thus automatically legitimizing gay marriage throughout the nation. 

“You’re supposed to be nervous about whether or not you’re making the right decision and if you can spend the rest of your life with this person.  But you guys have been together forever!”  Taesun tugged a bit on Taemin’s tie, straightening it out so that it lay just right.  “If you two can’t make it work with everything you’ve been through together and how damn perfect you are for each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

Taemin couldn’t help it though. 

Seventeen years they had been together.  Seventeen years of kisses and cuddles and fights and discussions.  Seventeen years of devotion to each other, despite the rest of the world telling them that it was wrong and they shouldn’t do it.  But they had known that it was right.  It had felt more real and natural to them than anything else that they had ever known.  They had cared so deeply for each other that the rest of it didn’t matter.  That people on the streets frowned, that their own families didn’t understand, that the weight of the world seemed to be against them did not matter to them because they had loved each other so. 

Technically they were already married.  They had the certificate in their possession, the first of its kind ever to be made in South Korea.  They had gotten it a week ago at the courthouse.  But still, they wanted everything that couples were supposed to have, so that meant the big ceremony with their friends and family there to witness it, and of course the big bash of a party that the reception was bound to become afterwards.  And this ceremony was to be bigger than any Taemin could ever remember attending.  Because it wasn’t just anyone who was going to officiate this ceremony – it was the President of South Korea himself who was going to actually marry them.  He had been a vocal proponent of the anti-discrimination bill that had finally passed and allowed this to be a possibility and he had called personally to inform them of the change in the law and asked to be a part of their ceremony.

And how do you say no to the president?  Why would you want to?

The Blue House wanted to make a statement of support behind a well known and established couple, one that they saw as stable and secure and that wouldn’t seek divorce years on down the road.  Taemin and Kibum were to become the faces of gay marriage in Korea.    

No pressure or anything.

*****

“Appa!  Appa!  Appa!” Jinae cried out from Hwayoung’s arms.

Kibum turned around and beamed at his daughter, holding out his arms and taking her from the model. 

“Hey beautiful!” He breathed, twirling around the room and holding his daughter close to him, his nerves suddenly steady as he held her in his arms. 

“Appa, you and Papa yook nice!” She said, grinning up at his and clapping her little hands.

“Oh, you saw your Papa?”  He settled the girl on his hip and walked up to the mirror against the one wall of the room and delighted in the little girl’s fascination with her own reflection.

“Yeah, Papa was scared…shaking…” She tried to explain, without taking her eyes off of the mirror and following her own hand as she moved it.

“Papa’s not scared little one.” Kibum explained gently, “Papa was nervous, just like your Appa is right now.”

“Nervous?” she questioned, not quite sure what the word meant.

Kibum thought a moment.  “When you’re scared, you don’t want to do whatever it is that you have to do.  When you’re nervous, it something that you do want to do, but you’re so excited that you don’t know what to do and you don’t know how to let that all go.”

“But if you’re excited why would you seem scared?” The little girl pulled a face and scrunched up her little nose and pouted.

“Sometimes adults just do kiddo.”  Kibum said, standing his daughter up on the counter in front of him and straightening out her dress and looking back over his shoulder towards Hwayoung who was still standing in the doorway smiling at the father-daughter moment.  “I think it’s time for you to go and get ready for the ceremony.”

She smiled at her Appa and kissed him on the cheek before being placed on the floor to run over to Hwayoung in the doorway, grabbing the woman’s hand and smiling at her father before waddling off, her purple dress puffed out around her like a tutu. 

He sighed as Minjung walked into the room in a dress of the same deep purple color with a small white corsage attached to her wrist. 

“You ready cuz?”  She asked wistfully, and Kibum knew that she would be crying before the ceremony was finished. 

“Ready.”  He said softly, and knew that he would be crying too.

*****

Pieces by Yiruma were played as the small wedding party made their entrance. 

First the adorable Jinae was the flower girl.  She scattered petals in a couple of tosses before just upending her small basket only a quarter of the way down the aisle and giggling and running down the rest of the length to Kibum’s grandmother who was waiting for her at the front to hold her. 

The room laughed lightly at the antics.

Then Taesun and Minjung walked down the aisle.  Taesun was standing with his brother while Minjung was standing up for her cousin, being the closest family members of around the same age to the two men who were dedicated themselves to each other today.  They had decided against having any bigger of a wedding party and they wanted to keep the ceremony relatively simple. 

Then it was their turn. 

Usually the groom is standing at the front of the room at the beginning of the ceremony and the bride is walked down the aisle by a member of her family.

But this wasn’t that kind of wedding.  

So they had decided to walk down the aisle together.

As the music changed to a traditional wedding march, the two men walked up to the doorway and grasped hands, smiling at each other before turning and facing the gathering of the closest friends and family (and the president…) to mark a milestone in their lives and for their country.    

The nerves started to buzz through their joined fingers and through their bodies, but they could not take their grins off of their faces either as they took their carefully measured steps down the aisle to the podium that was placed at the front of the room, behind which the President stood.

Cameras fired off, from their hired photographer as well as a selected few members of the press who were here to cover the wedding, but the couple was focused on that wreath of pink roses that adored the podium and drank in the fact that this wasn’t a dream.  This was really happening; they were really getting married after years of being told that it would never happen, that nothing would ever come of their struggles. 

But here they were.

The couple walked up the few stairs that were waiting for them and proudly stood to join themselves together before their gathered friends and family. 

“Welcome gentlemen.” President Park said quietly to the couple before raising his eyes to face the rest of the gathered people.  “To all those present here today I say: We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather the realization of what already is.  We do not create this marriage, because we cannot.  We can and do, however, celebrate with Kim Kibum and Lee Taemin the wondrous and joyful occurrence that had already taken place in their lives, and the commitment that they make today.”

He raised one hand gesturing to the couple standing before him in their grey suits and purple dress shirts. 

“True marriage is more than the joining the bonds of marriage of two persons; it is the union of two hearts.  It lives in the love you give each other and never grows old, but thrives on the joy of each new day.  Marriage is love.  May you always be able to talk things over, to confide in each other, to laugh with each other, to enjoy life together, and to share moments of quiet and peace, when the day is done.  May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness and a home of warmth and understanding.”

Mr. Park looked out over those gathered and smiled.  “Before we continue with the exchange of rings, Taemin and Kibum have prepared something for each other.  If you will begin Mr. Kim…”

Kibum took a deep breath and brought his other hand around to grasp both of Taemin’s.  He looked down at those entwined fingers and then looked up in Taemin’s eyes and let go of that breath.

“Taemin,” voice sounding sure and grip strong, “Twenty years ago we met for the first time.  You were a shy little boy who didn’t know what to make of suddenly being made part of a group, but when you danced all of that fear went away.  I was blown away by the intensity that you put into everything that you did and I began to respect you from them on.”  Kibum smiled as Taemin shook his head slightly in embarrassment.  “In the seventeen years that we have been together we have been through a lot.  We’ve had some great times and some hard times, but we have come through all of it to be standing here today, with the people who mean the most to us, and we’re finally able to introduce each other as ‘my husband,’ and I couldn’t ask for a better one.  I will love you for the rest of eternity, beyond even death, because my soul is a part of yours as yours is a part of mine.  Through every struggle we have stood and we will stand together.  I love you Taemin, and I can’t wait to spend every day of the rest of my life with you as my husband.”

Minjung was lost in tears, and Kibum was definitely holding them back, the same as Taemin, who squeezed Kibum’s hands tenderly and prepared for his own vows.

This was the moment that Taemin had been so nervous about.  They had decided to write their own vows rather than just repeat something rote like they were school children.  Despite being a successful writer, Taemin hadn’t known quite what to say.  The love that he felt for Kibum wasn't something so simple that words could define it, but as a journalist he was often given difficult things to try and explain to outsiders about.  His biggest fear though was getting up here and choking.  Being completely unable to speak that lines that he had agonized over, and making Kibum look like a laughingstock in front of the entire country, not to mention the pressure from having his wedding officiated by the freaking President. 

But Taemin looked into Kibum’s eyes and thought, just talk to Bummie, forget the rest of them and just talk to him. 

“Kibum,” Taemin began softly before clearing his throat and trying again, “Kibum.  To stand up here and speak vows of love and devotion to you seems almost ridiculous.”  A laugh began to dance in Kibum’s eyes even though the eyes of some of their gathered guests showed confusion.  “We have been together for half of my life.  For half of my life I have cared for you, loved you, depended on you, fought with you, made up with you, laughed with you, performed with you, missed you and reunited with you.  You have seen me at my absolute worst.  When you could have walked away and no one, myself included, would have ever blamed you for doing so, you didn’t.  You stayed by my side and helped to guide me back.  You built me back up and helped me to see that I am stronger than I ever knew, and I know that I am so incredibly lucky to have you by my side.  We have spent the past three years raising a beautiful little girl and watched in awe as you held her for the first time in that hospital room and looked at me to tell me that we were daddies.   I have watched you grow into a great man who will do everything for his family and I count myself as blessed to have found someone as incredible as you to be able to join my life with.  To my husband,” and Taemin lost a tear while Kibum bit his lower lip to stem his own, “thank you for loving me, I shall always cherish you and your caring and do my best to show you the same through this life and the next.” 

After a moment of silence to allow the words to sink in, Mr. Park brought the attention back to him.  “Wonderfully said.  And onto the exchanging of the rings.  Wedding rings are made precious by our wearing them. Your rings say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bound together. Let these rings also be a sign that love has substance as well as soul, a present as well as a past, and that, despite its occasional sorrows, love is a circle of happiness, wonder, and delight. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today."

Taemin turned to Taesun who was holding the ring that he had bought for Kibum, as the other turned to Minjung and received the ring that she had carried to be given to Taemin.  Turning back around each made held in their hands a slightly chilled golden ring.  The ring Taemin had for Kibum was two lines of gold that weaved around each other all the way around the band.  It had reminded him of a Celtic knot and he knew that it would look lovely on Kibum’s thin fingers.  The ring that Kibum had selected for Taemin was one thick golden band, but it had overlapping circles embossed on the band.

“Mr. Kim, repeat after me.”

Kibum nodded, grabbing Taemin’s right hand and hovering the ring out in front of the writer’s ring finger.  As the President spoke each word, Kibum repeated it, looking deeply into Taemin’s eyes.  "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day." 

“With this ring, I thee wed.”  Mr. Park closed with.

Kibum took a deep breath, “With this ring, I thee wed,” and he slid the band home onto his husband’s finger.   

Taemin clenched his hand in a fist for a moment, getting used to the feeling of this new band and finding that it very quickly felt as though it had been there for years.

He then reached out his left hand to grab Kibum’s right and repeated the same beautiful words of care and devotion.  “With this ring, I thee wed.”  Taemin slid the ring onto a trembling finger, though the tremble may have been from his own hand, he couldn’t be sure.

His eyes raised up to meet Kibum’s and there such a sense of surety and joy in them that Taemin’s heart clenched and he could feel the tears begin to flow.

Now, most consider crying to be the farthest thing from manly.  But they had fought for seventeen years to come to this point today.  Many people meet, marry, have children and divorce in less time than Taemin and Kibum had been utterly devoted to one another, and yet unable to make this final commitment to each other because of close-minded people and ancient rules.  But here they were, proven that their fight was not in vain and finally able to show the world that yes, they were husbands, they were a family and there is nothing that anyone else could say that would tear that down for them.  So if a few tears came out, who could really blame them?

“By the power invested in me by the people of the Republic of Korea,” the President’s voice boomed through the room, “I know pronounce you husbands to each other.  You may now kiss your groom.” 

Taemin and Key smiled at each other before Kibum grabbed the sides of Taemin’s face and practically lunged forward to kiss the man.  Taemin’s arms closed around Kibum’s back and the two enjoyed their moment, still in slight shock that it had happened at all. 

In the back of their minds they could hear the President presenting them to their gathered friends, but they couldn’t be bothered.  They pulled apart and stared into each other’s eyes, parting only when a little ball of energy named Jinae collided with their legs smiled up at her daddies. 

“Daddies happy!”  She called out, giggling as Taemin picked her up and kissed her on the cheek.

“Yes baby, we’re very, very happy.”

As the wedding party processed out, Jinae walked slowly between her fathers, holding each of them by the hand as they made their way down the aisle.

And as they made their way to the car to head to the reception, Taemin wondered how he had been worried at all when he felt this happy. 

The President’s lines for the wedding were taken from this website: http://www.angelfire.com/id/vancuren/wedscript.html.  The vows that Kibum and Taemin spoke to each other were my own creation.  I’ve only ever been to one wedding, and that was an incredibly religious one that I don’t think would really fit with this couple as I’ve written them, so I tried to find phrases that fit them.  And I know that weddings are different in Korea usually, and a lot of Asian countries, but only having experience with the American style of weddings that is what I used here. 

And I mentioned Yiruma in here, he is a well known Korean pianist.  He is seriously amazing and if you haven’t heard him play check him out.  Taemin likes him and will play his pieces sometimes and that’s how I first heard of him.

 On a personal note:  While I was writing The Showdown, I mentioned that I was trying to get a teaching job in South Korea, but because of the threat of shutting down the U.S. government this summer by the congress, my paperwork wasn't completed until after the deadline.  I am applying again for this upcoming year, I would be flying over in Feb. if I get the job, and my paperwork all arrive in Korea tonight so please keep your fingers crossed for me that I get a placement.

ALSO - several one shots ago, Matt wrote one where he talked about "eating crow" and we got in a discussion about how many of you have never heard the phrase before.  Well - I have proof that other people say in in the U.S.  I was watching the Thanksgiving episode of the show Modern Family (seriously funny, you guys should watch it if you can) and one of the characters mentions that others will be "eating crow." 

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