This chapter is going to harken back to Chapter 34 of The Showdown specifically, when Key sings to Taemin in the hospital to distract him from the IV needle, and to the beginning of The Showdown generally, but will actually take place BEFORE The Showdown.  I know I said that these would be their lives after, and I’m only five chapters in and already going back on that, but this idea was just too perfect.

#5 – Loved

Key had asked Taemin to go “shopping” with him.  In the short time that they had been together that had become their code for a date in front of the other members of SHINee.  No one questioned Key wanting to shop, and they were all just grateful that Taemin was the one asked and not them because Key’s shopping trips could take hours.  It was a perfect deception.  They could go on their date without the other members realizing and they wouldn’t be surprised at how long they took.

It was perfect, and they weren’t ready to tell anyone yet.

Key and Taemin had dressed low-key, not intending to draw anyone’s attention to them.  Just some jeans and sneakers, Taemin wore a long-sleeved shirt that had a hood on it, pulled his hair into a wild kind of pony-tail at the back of his head and pulled the hood up and over.  Key wore a thin black zip-up hoodie and both were carrying plain black sunglasses if they needed them.  They needed to be able to hide their hair from people on the street, because their current styles wouldn’t exactly make it easy to blend in with the crowd. 

They set off to calls of “see you later”s from the other members, sounding slightly relieved. 

They quietly left their building, hoods firmly in place and Key gently took Taemin elbow, pulling him one way, and not in the direction of any of his favorite shops. 

Taemin just enjoyed the company.  It was so rare that they were able to spend time together, just with each other, that being able to just be alone in each other’s presence was amazing.  He quickly realized however that Key was antsy, agitated somehow and rather tense for a date.

“You alright Kibum?”  He asked quietly and his hyung directed him across the street.

Key flashed a quick, tight smile and said, “Yeah, Tae, just want to get there.”

Taemin wasn’t sure if he believed him.  “Where are we going anyway?” he asked lightly.

Key was nervous, there was no doubt about it and it was starting to form a cold sinking sensation in the pit of Taemin’s stomach.  Key had been quieter for the last few days, and he didn’t seem to want to be alone in a room with Taemin.  The dancer had wondered what he had done to earn this reaction but had cheered up when Key asked him on the date, thinking that Key was over whatever it was that had sparked the issue in the first place.   However, it appeared that whatever had been bothering Key was still an issue.  Taemin felt like ice was forcing its way down his throat and his insides were starting to freeze as his thoughts carried on. 

Key was going to break up with him.

That was the only thing that made sense in Taemin’s mind – given the way that Key had been acting.

Taemin’s heart clenched painfully in his chest and he actually stumbled on the sidewalk at the sudden shock of that thought. 

Key glanced over but said nothing, and Taemin felt like it was confirmed.  Taemin suddenly didn’t want to get wherever they were going.  As awkward and uncomfortable as this was, they were still together right now.  A month strong after having circled around each other for so long, Taemin didn’t want that to be over.  He knew in his heart that he would not be able to survive the break up, his heart would shatter and he didn’t think that he would ever be able to put it all together again.  Yes he was seventeen and most people would think that he was over-reacting, but still, it was something that just rang true deep in his soul.  Nothing would ever feel right again without Key there by his side.  His life would be hollow because he had lost the love of his life – and he would still have to watch that man every day and be reminded of what had been. 

Taemin’s heart thumped dully in his chest and he followed along beside Key, his joy at being out with his boyfriend sufficiently stomped out by what he knew was coming at whatever destination that they were heading towards.  It didn’t even matter anymore to Taemin where they were going, accept for him to know that it is a place that he would never want to head to again as it would be tainted by the memories of pain. 

Their relationship was hard he knew, and it wasn’t easy for him either.  But it seemed like Key didn’t want to put up with the pressure anymore.  Taemin could understand it, even if he didn’t like it.  And he wanted Key to be happy.  So if it took the sacrifice of their relationship to do that, Taemin would.  And he wouldn’t let Key know of his pain as a result, that would only make him feel guilty, and Taemin didn’t want to do that either. 

Resolved, Taemin picked up the pace and matched his step to Key’s.

Key led them into a small park that was a few blocks away from their dorm.  It was mostly for dog-walking, but at this time of the day there weren’t that many people here.  Just the occasional walked dog whose owners briskly moved their canine through the walkways without even glancing at the couple walking through as well. 

Taemin idly kicked random stones off of the path as he followed Key stiffly through the sidewalks, until they came to an isolated bench towards the middle of the park.  It faced out towards a field of wildflowers.  It was horrifyingly beautiful Taemin thought, as Key sat down, pulling Taemin down with him.  It was supposed to be a place fondly remembered, he thought in the back of his mind, but Taemin would never be able to see it with anything but pain. 

Taemin puffed out air and may a blow-fish face, waiting for Key to drop the bomb.

Key sat stiffly next to him, on the edge of the bench with his back perfectly straight, his hands clasped stiffly over his knees and his fingers seemingly dancing across them unreservedly.  He was sweating lightly and breathing quicker than usual Taemin noticed.

Bet he’s nervous about how I’ll react, Taemin though idly.  Should I make it easier on him?

“Look Tae…”

“Hyung…”

They both began at the same time. 

Key smiled again, though this one seemed genuine, as opposed to that tight lipped one earlier. 

Taemin gestured for Key to speak first, but his hyung said, “No, no Taemin, you first.” 

Key seemed to be focusing on anywhere that wasn’t Taemin.

The dancer sighed heavily.

“If you want to break up with me I’ll understand, so please don’t make this any harder than it has to be…”  Taemin had leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together, staring determinedly at the concrete path, following the crack he found there with his eyes. 

He missed Key’s look of shock at the rapper finally focused solely on him. 

“Is that what you want?”  Key asked quietly.

“Does it matter?  It’s what you want.  I don’t want to hold you in a relationship that you resent.”

“I don’t resent it!” Key exclaimed loudly.  “And I don’t want to break up with you,” he said earnestly, pulling on Taemin shoulder so that Taemin had to face him and he cringed at the tears he saw his dongsaeng holding back.  “I don’t want to break up with you,” he repeated, “I would never want that.” 

“Don’t lie, you haven’t talked to me in days, even on the way over here you didn’t hardly speak.  Usually we’d have been joking the whole way…”

“That’s because I was nervous.”

“Nervous about breaking up with me!”

“No, nervous about...” Key cut off sharply and pressed hips lips hard together, staring out at the flowers in front of him, watching the flowers flow in the breeze.  “…I just wanted to surprise you…I wanted it to be a big deal…” his words were so quiet that Taemin almost missed them. 

Key sounded very hurt and Taemin’s heart wrenched around once more in his chest, Was I wrong?

“Surprise me with what?”

Key remained quiet for a while.  “It would…I wanted…” Key sighed dramatically and pulled up his legs onto the bench so that he was able to pull his knees into his chest and balanced his chin on top of them, hugging his legs tightly to himself.

Taemin bit his lip.  He’d been wrong.  He’d been horribly wrong and he’d ruined Key’s big surprise.  Now his gut churned once more, but for an entirely different reason: guilt.  He’d been terribly wrong and ruined what could have been a wonderful afternoon with his boyfriend.  His own anxieties over their relationship had made his thoughts turn in completely the wrong direction and he had ruined everything and made Key sad. 

Taemin put his arm around Key’s shoulders, “I’m sorry hyung.  I just thought…you’ve been quiet and distant…anyway, it doesn’t matter.  I should have known better and I’m really sorry.”

That sat like that for a few minutes and Key’s arms eventually rose up to hug Taemin’s arm around him.  Taemin’s forehead had settled on Key’s temple and the two just remained quiet, saying sorry in silence.

“I’m sorry too, for the way I’ve been acting.  I can’t really blame you for jumping to that conclusion…”  Key mumbled into Taemin’s arm. 

They remained that way a little longer and just sat there enjoying the breeze and their proximity.  Eventually they came apart and smiled gently at each other, both knowing that they had pushed that moment into the past and moved beyond it.

“So what was this surprise you had for me?”

Key’s blushed furiously and bit down on his lower lip.  “Um…” Key’s brown eyes darted about, “Okay, you cannot laugh!” he ordered, waving his finger at Taemin like the Umma he was. 

“I promise I won’t.” Taemin said, watching Key fidget with some level of amusement that he fought unsuccessfully to keep down.

Key pouted a bit, “Close your eyes.”

Taemin cocked an eyebrow in question.

“Please?!” Key whined and Taemin bit back the laugh and allowed his eyelids to drift shut. 

From the wind suddenly rushing against his face he knew Key was waving his hands in front of his eyes to check.

“They’re closed, they’re closed!” He yelped as the hand accidently hit his nose.

“Oh, s-sorry!”

Taemin determinedly kept his eyes closed while rubbing his nose.

Key sighed and then Taemin felt him getting up from the bench, and felt a slight bump as Key thunked his bag onto the bench and felt Key start to pull things out of the bag and placed them on the bench as he searched his bag for something else.  Wow!  He really has planning this all out hasn’t he?

Taemin was going crazy having to just sit in the dark and wait for whatever this surprise from Key was.  He thought that Key might be getting a little revenge for Taemin killing the mood for his surprise earlier by just watching him have to wait now.  He could picture the other’s smirk too, standing right in front of him.  He was startled then when he felt Key’s cool lips grazed against his forehead and felt his heart race again, just like the first time they kissed.  How can he make it seem like the first time every time?

Key gently pushed down Taemin’s hood and then Key’s hands moved around to the back of his neck and Taemin felt cold metal lay against his skin.  His instinct was to raise his hand to inspect the new accessory but Key’s own hands pushed his own back down.

“Key…”

“Just…just wait, a few seconds more.”

And Key gently raised the hood once more.

Not being able to see him was raising his awareness of everything around him.  He could tell exactly were the rapper was, and could almost picture all of it in his mind’s eye.  He could see as Key moved about with anxious energy, trying to make everything perfect.  Taemin tried to calm his nervousness and just wait for Key to lead him on.

“O-okay, open your eyes now.”

Taemin slowly opened his eyes to see a nervous Key, the other’s smile shaking on his angled face. 

Key was holding a large homemade card.  It was white with pink and red hearts covering most of the surface in a kind of collage.  Key bit his lip and the card into Taemin’s hands.  The front was emblazoned with the words I Love You Lee Taemin.

Inside the card was a poem, carefully handwritten by Key in the neatest writing he could manage.

Always and Forever

Author: Robert Small

As I write, I'll sing this song

for the greatest love I've ever known.

To my heart, you have the only key,

I beg of you, never set me free.

What we share feels so right

to say I love you every night.

Wonderful moments shared,

precious memories, still tell me you care.

I see your shadow,

as I lay myself to sleep.

Dreams of you, oh so sweet

in my heart, I will keep.

Much joy and happiness you've brought me.

If I had life to live again, I'd want to with you,

my lover, my best friend.

Always and Forever, I'll love you till the end.

Then a message was scrawled across the bottom: 

Lee Taemin, I love you more than anything and I will love you always and forever. 
As long as you allow it, I shall be by your side.
 

Forever yours, 

Kim Kibum 

Taemin read the card again and again, trying to wrap his mind around the notion that Kibum loved him, really truly loved him.  His heart raced in happiness and he practically jumped into Key’s arms and crushed them together.  

“I loved you too!  Oh god, I love you too Kibum!” 

Taemin could not remember a happier moment in his life.  Not any birthday, not when he passed his SM audition, not when SHINee continued to win award after award during their first year as a group, nothing, NOTHING, could every compare to this day.   

Both of them were overflowing with happiness just then.  Key picked up the younger dancer and swirled him around slightly and they both laughed in the rush of joy they felt at that moment. 

Like much of their relationship it seemed to only be putting a name to something that was already there, but it took a lot of trust between two people to put something like that out there and they were positively giddy at the prospect of what would await them having passed this stage in their relationship.

“I’m not done yet,” Key said, quickly wiping tears of joy away from the corners of his eyes. 

“Oh yeah,” Taemin grasped up at the necklace that Key had placed around his neck.  It was a thick silver heart, with rounded edges that made it feel someone even thicker and studier than it really was.  On the front of the heart-face was an opening.  Taemin’s finger played around with it, wondering what it was for. 

Key’s hands closed around Taemin’s, “I’ve given you my heart, and only you hold the only key.” Key handed Taemin a small key-shaped charm and closed Taemin’s fingers around it. 

Taemin felt the cold metal burn its way into his palm, awed by what it really meant beyond the token gesture.  “Wait…” he breathed.  He quickly reached up and undid the clasp of the small chain that Key usually wore around his neck.  It was a plain silver chain, and he slipped the charm onto it before once more clasping it around Key’s neck.

“I won’t hold you prisoner.  If the day ever comes when you no longer wish me to have your heart, you can take it back.”  Taemin mentally cringed at the sappy words that came out of his mouth.  He must have been watching too many TV dramas lately.  But Key seemed to like it.  He the charm that now lay across his chest like it was a precious gem.  “Now we’re linked…” Taemin whispered. 

“One more thing…” Key said softly.  He pulled at the charm that Taemin has just strung about his neck and leaned forward, incredibly close to Taemin, so that the key would be able to reach the heart.  He gently turned the key and a soft melody began to play out of the heart. 

It wasn’t very loud, but it managed to reach Taemin’s ears.  He gasped out a laugh in response because of his shock.  He laid his chin on Key’s shoulder and listened to the tune as Key’s arms enveloped him.  They swayed slightly on the spot.  As the melody started to repeat itself, Taemin heard Key begin to sing along with the music.    

“They’re some things I know to be true
Snow is white, and the ocean is blue
Rain is wet, when it falls from the sky
And the stars come out every night

“And just as sure as the sun will rise
This love is real, you see in my eyes
Plant a seed and it will grow
Some things I know”

Taemin could not keep the smile off of his face and he fought to keep the tears of true joy out of his eyes.  There would be no moment in his life better than this Taemin thought as he focused on some red tulips that dotted the field of flowers that he gazed at over Key’s shoulder.  He inhaled deeply, taking in Key’s gentle scent, determined to affix every part of this moment to his memory permanently so that no matter what he would remember every single thing that he experienced in this moment, and be able to tell the tale to anyone who wished to hear it as well as many who didn’t.  This moment was perfect and it would be exactly remembered and recalled for the rest of their lives.    

“They’re some things in life I need
Water to drink, air to breathe
A place to rest when I need sleep
When I'm hungry, food to eat

“As just sure as the Lord is above
That's how much I need your love
And I need shelter from the cold
Some things I know

“They’re some things in life I want
To be thankful for all I've got
A friend to talk with, a hand to hold
To still be young when I grow old

“And I want all my dreams to come true
And I want to share them all with you
And I just had to tell you so
Some things I know

“Oh, I just had to tell you so
There's some things I know.”

They swayed gently on the spot as Key sang his heart to Taemin.  He had never felt more loved in his life.  Never felt more comfortable and accepted and perfectly content than at this moment.  There was no drug or drink or experience that would ever top the adrenaline rush one feels when realizing for the first time that there was someone that loved him totally, and completely, and the sure knowledge that no matter any disagreements in the future, that would always be there – it was eternal.  Nothing would ever be better than this.

As Key finished the song Taemin looked up into the man’s earnest face.  He darted forward and stole a quick kiss, sighing happily as Key blushed. 

“Think you’re getting away with just that!” Key blustered, ing his hands surely around Taemin’s neck and knocking his hood completely off of his head again.  He pulled the younger man forward and kissed him soundly on the lips.  They played for dominance, each other yielding then conquering as they could and both enjoying every minute. 

“Wait; let’s take a picture to commemorate…”  Key said quickly, his voice husky.

He fished his pink camera out of his bag and held it high in the air, “Action shot.” He explained quickly, and Taemin laughed before his lips became occupied once more and the flash went off, capturing the moment forever. 

“One more…” Taemin hissed, his lips starting to swell a bit from the kissing.  He grabbed the camera from Key and slipped his face along-side his boyfriend’s.  Holding the camera far away from them, he snapped the picture of the two of them, looking thoroughly kissed and utterly happy.   

Long one-shot for me.  So, part of the idea for this came from Matt (he came up with the whole heart/key thing), so if you thought that was as corny as I did, thank him.  Of course, corny or not, it was utterly adorable so I decided to use it. 

By the way, the poem I used here in the card is the edited version of a poem that I found at this website: http://www.1lovepoems.com/pa15.shtml.  I took out two stanzas.  One because I thought that it was too long, and two because the others also talk about the person hearing the poem as ‘wife’ or similar ideas and Taemin is clearly not a woman so those had to go, made the editing rather easy actually. 

He he, and me with the flowers again: red tulips are supposed to be for a declaration of love, so there is really no better flower for this story.

I hope you all enjoyed!  Comments are always appreciated!