Update 2/4 for today!

This one is an emotional mess.  It starts off in one place and ends up somewhere completely different.

Christmas Times are here again!

And once again, we have Jinae and no Munhee, because this happens before he is a part of the picture.  I seriously have a timeline for all five SHINee guys (going into their 60s) with everything on it that I want to happen or think would happen.  This is part of that timeline.  I know all of the jumping around is confusing, but I'm going with the order that the prompt table gave me which means that sometimes you guys might get confused.  I'm sorry about that, but just asume that I know what I'm doing please and hopefully it will all make sense in the end!

#40 – Good Riddance

“Deck the halls with boughs of holly….” Taemin sang as he headed down the hallway to locate another box of decorations for their Christmas tree.

Their three year old daughter bounced along happily behind him, “FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!” She squealed in delight, pig tails bouncing about her head as she followed her papa back to his office, holding her doll that she had carried everywhere with her since "Uncle" Jonghyun had given it to her a month ago by one arm and spinning with it, showing a huge smile on her face. 

Kibum smiled and moved about the kitchen, finding marshmallows for their steaming hot cocoa.   

They were putting up their Christmas tree and decorating the rest of their apartment.  He placed the drinks on a tray and carried them out to the living room, placing it on the coffee table and stepping back to admire their work so far. 

“Daddy!” He heard his daughter thumping her small feet against the floor and felt her collide into his leg and hug it with a huge smile on her face.

“Aigoo!” He exclaimed, picking her up and hugging the child close as Taemin came out with the last box of decorations.  “Jinae, you are just the cutest!” He rubbed his cheeks up against his daughter’s and delighted in the sensation of her soft skin against his own.

She giggled and then squirmed to get down to go through the new box Taemin had placed on the sofa. 

Taemin’s box held an eclectic collection of ornaments for the fake tree that now had taken up residence in the corner of their living room in front of the sliding glass doors that led out onto their small balcony.  It came up to eye level for the two men, but to Jinae it seemed huge. 

Jinae ran back and forth from the box to the tree, carrying one ornament at a time and placing them on branches and turning back for more without noticing her dads coming around behind her and catching them before they fell or moving them to other parts of the tree so that everything wasn’t relegated to only one part of the tree. 

The three stood back and admired the tree with lights twinkling and garland glinting.

“Only one thing left!” Taemin exclaimed, his voice betraying how excited he is at decorating for the Christmas season with his family. 

“What?! What?! What?!” Shouted Jinae, her eyes dancing with excitement.

“The angel.” Taemin answered, pulling a white fabric and yarn doll from the box.  A cardboard cone was pushed up the underside of the dress that would hold the doll upright on the top of their tree.  It was really rather plain, but it had been a handmade gift from a fan when Taemin and Key had moved into their own apartment and the accompanying letter had been so beautiful and supportive that the pair had fallen in love with the angel immediately for the care that it represented.    

“Ooohhh, pretty.” Jinae cooed, eyes following the angel in her father’s hands.

“You want to put it on the top?” Kibum asked.

Their daughter nodded her head fervently.

Kibum picked up his daughter from under her shoulders and held her aloft while moving towards the tree.

“Careful, watch your feet, don’t kick the tree.” Kibum murmured, holding her legs closer to his body.

“Here you go kiddo,” Taemin handed the angel to his daughter who held it almost reverently.  Kibum supported her and she leaned forward and slipped the angel onto the tree, just slightly crooked.

“Yay!” Jinae clapped as Kibum put her back down.  “It’s pretty!” she shrieked and jumped around in circles to show off her happiness.

Taemin and Kibum hugged briefly while watching their daughter hop around.  It just seemed so damn perfect. 

“Alright monkey,” Kibum started, pulling away from Taemin, “it’s time for you to take a bath and then it’s bed time for you.”

“Nooooo!” she moaned. 

“Tell you what kiddo,” Taemin said, squatting down to look his daughter in the eye, “you behave and take a bath and get ready for bed like a good girl and I’ll tell you a story before you fall asleep.”

“Really papa?” she asked earnestly.

“Really, really!” He smirked as Jinae squealed and ran off to get ready for her bath.

“You’ll spoil her,” Kibum said simply as he moved to follow their daughter down the hall.

“As though you don’t too,” Taemin countered, smacking Kibum’s bum for good measure and causing the older man to jump a bit a laugh a bit which echoed around their lively apartment.

Taemin smiled – life was perfect.

*****

Kibum had been grateful that Taemin and Jinae were out when the phone call came. 

Christmas was one week away, and the annual Kim family dinner on Christmas Eve was close at hand.  Kibum and Taemin had gone for the first time as a family last year.  It had been a sordidly awkward affair, with some of the family literally pretending that they couldn’t even see Taemin, and others only speaking to the young writer in short sentences like, “pass the napkins.”

Kibum had noticed quickly just who had been on the invite list – all of the relatives who had sided with Kibum, or at least tried to get along with him after he came out, were not there.  It was all the ones who were so strongly against Kibum and Taemin as a couple that they had actually made the pilgrimage to confront him in the SHINee dorm all those years ago who were there.  Certainly not present was Minjung who had bore their little angel for them. 

He had been promised that this year would be different.  That it would be a true family gathering, in the real spirit of Christmas.  His grandmother had promised him that she would be the one to organize everything this year, and seeing as his grandmother was just happy that Kibum was happy, Kibum had no fear about the pending affair.

But then the call came. 

Kibum’s mother had never been able to bring her mind around to the fact that her son was “a gay.”  And she couldn’t seem to fathom the idea that he was happy, living with Taemin, with their child. 

He greeted his mother cautiously, wondering what this conversation was going to be like.  But she started off talking about some idle topics – how was his job doing (“You’ve just received a promotion right?”), was he healthy (“Careful, there is a nasty stomach flu going around.”), and other things like that. 

Kibum answered calmly, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Now Kibum, about Christmas Eve…” she began, and his entire body tensed, preparing for the fight he knew was about to ensue. 

“It’s nice that you bring your, um…friend…with you to our gatherings, but Christmas is a time for family.  I know that your grandmother was kind enough to invite him but it should just be our family for Christmas, don’t you think?  Besides, I’m sure he would enjoy Christmas with his own family – they must miss him.”

Kibum literally pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it, trying to figure out it this was really happening.  Every slight and jab from her in the years since his coming out flashed through his mind.  Every time Taemin had bowed out of an event to make Kibum’s relationship with his family a little easier, came to mind.  The slurred comments that came after a few drinks towards the end of the night always made his heart ache, but it was his mother, so he tried so badly to maintain his relationship with his family.

But as the years dragged on, he was beginning to realize that his allowing his mother to pretend that he wasn’t gay was just creating more agitation and was making him resent his mother and his family more than anything else.  He was enabling her horrid behavior while he abhorred it at the same time.

“Christmas is a time for family…” he muttered, bringing the phone back to his ear.  “You’re right mom; Christmas is a time for family.”

“Oh good, so it’ll be just Jinae and you then…”

But Kibum cut her off, “So I think I shall spend it with my family.  With my fiancé and our daughter.  You do realize, don’t you, that biologically Taemin has more of a claim on Jinae than me?!”  All of the pain and resentment from the past few years seemed to have finally reached the boiling point. 

“You know what mother,” he spat, “Taemin is my family.  He is my family as much as dad is part of yours.  And I’m not going to let you degrade that anymore.  If he is not welcome than neither am I.  My love is just as valid and worthy of acknowledgement as yours is, maybe even more so because I don’t think that you would have put up with all of the crap that we have to on a daily basis solely because of whom it is that we love!”

“You’re not being fair Kibum…”

Kibum scoffed, “Oh, believe me mom, you don’t even want to get into the realm of what is fair.  If Taemin was a girl you would have no problem with any of this, aside from the fact that we aren’t married yet – and the fact that we aren’t isn’t exactly our faults now is it?!”

Kibum’s heart was pounding in his chest and he was sure that there was a vein visibly throbbing in his forehead and he could actually feel his heartbeat in his neck as his voice continued to grow in volume. 

“This is my family now mom, it includes Taemin and Jinae and if you don’t want to acknowledge that or be a part of it, if you can’t approve of my family, then you don’t need to be included in it any longer.”

Kibum thought he heard his mother gasp on the other end of the line, but he kept going.  He had let this go on too long, had held it back for far too long and now he was just unleashing all of the pain and frustration and resentment all at once and he was really letting his mother have it.  He was like a boulder being released at the top of a steep hill; nothing was going to stop him until he reached the end. 

“I am sorry to have to do this, but you give me no choice.  I do not want to hear from you.  You will not contact me, my family, or especially my child, unless you can treat us and our family with the respect and dignity that we deserve.”  As he spoke, Kibum thought it felt like a spell, and as soon as he finished his piece it seemed like he became a loose rubber band having released all of his energy out into the world. 

There was silence on the phone.

“Goodbye,” he whispered and ended the call.  He placed the phone down on the counter, gasping for breath.

Then he felt little hands tugging at his left hand just as a pair of strong arms encircled his waist from behind.  Jinae and Taemin were home.

“Appa, are you okay?” Jinae asked sadly, pouting up at him, tugging still on his hand hanging limply at his side.   

Kibum smiled down at his daughter, “Yeah, Appa is alright, just a little tired is all…”

“Then you should take a nap! Papa says it’s nap time for me, so maybe we could take one together!” She exclaimed, all happiness and smiles since her Daddy had said that he was alright.

“That sounds great.  Why don’t you go put your things away in your room and then wait for me in your papa and my bed.” 

“Okay!” and she bounced down the hallway with the bags from her ‘Christmas Shopping.’ 

Taemin waited until Jinae was out of sight and then he turned Kibum around and hugged him close.  “I love you.” He said fiercely, “And I’m proud of you too.  I could not ask for a greater man.”

“Well, I would hope not,” Kibum fake-huffed as he hugged back just as fiercely, needed the comfort that the presence of the other provided right at this moment.

“Appa!” Jinae called, “I’m ready!”

The men both laughed, “Alright!” Kibum shouted back down the hall, “I’ll be right there.” 

Taemin brushed some of the frustrated tears from Kibum’s eyes.  “Go on,” he said affectionately, kissing Kibum gently on the lips, “our little girl is waiting for you.”

“I love you so much.”

Who said it?  It didn’t matter, because it was true for the both of them. 

*****

On the other end of that phone call, a graying woman in her mid-fifties slowly placed the phone back in its cradle.  Her eyes were opened wide in shock and her jaw didn’t seem to know how to close anymore.

“I do believe that I warned you that this would happen…” a wizened voice called from the doorway. 

Mrs. Kim’s head snapped around and she glared at her mother-in-law. 

“What would happen?” she hissed, wanting the old woman to just go away for a moment.

“I told you that if you tried to drive a wedge between those two you would only be striking out at your own relationship with your son.” Kibum’s grandmother slowly slumped her way into the room.  “So, he has turned from you then?”

She said it so matter-of-factly that it hurt all the more to hear it. 

“I’m sure he just…just had a bad day or something…”

“Oh, I’ll guarantee he just had a bad day, you made it so.” The grandmother smirked at her daughter-in-law, “I warned you that if you pushed he would pull away, and he has.  He will not relent on his own.  You are going to have to acknowledge him and Taemin as you have avoided all of these years.  They are not just really good friends or roommates – they are lovers.  And until you can accept that, you have lost your son.”

She stood up and ambled from the room as best as her stiff joints could carry her and left behind a woman shattered, having pushed her own son away.