We were eating our dinner quietly in the dining table. None of us dare or have any intention to speak up as we feel like nothing really worth to be spoken about. What to talk about, anyway? I mean, we haven’t really talk that much these days and I’m not even sure why, but the hatred and tension on his eyes would be some enough evidence and reason for me to just keep quiet whenever he’s around.

Do I want us to throw cold treatment to each other like this? No, of course. But what else can we do? I’m pretty much sure that he knows what happened back at the Prom night. I’m not sure did he come or not, but even if he doesn’t, I know he still got some eyes that will obviously provide him so useful information about what I did back then.

Out of the blue, his phone rang, amking him to put his cutlery down and pick it up with that same straigh expressionless face, “Yeah?”, he said. He stood up and left the dining room as I could only eye his movement. He was now standing by the door, facing the glass that separates the inner house to the backyard. I can’t really see his face, even from the reflection, but from his body language, I know he was thinking hard.

“Yeah, good. I’ll be there in 15 minutes” he said and hung up. He then walk to his room and in no time, he came out with a small bag on his back. He was dressed already as if he’s going out with his jacket and jeans. Not sure where he’d be going, but I bet it’ll be Seventeen related matter.

“Going somewhere?” I asked, finally having the gut to finally say some words.

“Yeah, I need to check up on the boys. It won’t be long, but don’t wait for me” he said as he put his shoes on “Close the doors and windows. Make sure you lock them all up. Have your phone near you on every seconds so if something happens, you can contact me right away”

“Wait, why? Are you going for another gang fight now, Seungcheol?”

He cleared his throat, “No, but just in case.. Just lock all the doors and windows. I don’t want to risk anything while I’m gone”

Risk what?

“O-Okay..” I said “Are you not going to finish your dinner first?”

“No, I’m good” Seungcheol said, not even looking up to face me.

Come on, ___. Say something! Say something that would hold him up!

You know, as much as I’m aware that me and my brother are not in a good condition now, I still don’t want to risk anything about him by letting him go for some ‘meetings’ like this. I’m fully aware that he’s the head of a fearful gang and it surely gave him a lot of burdens and consequences. I am one of the threat and I know that Seventeen are trying to protect me about it. But something that I still question about is who am I being protected from? It’s like that feeling when your parents say to not go somewhere or not do something, yet because they don’t tell what you’re being protected from, the curiosity for you to find out what would happen is increasing on every seconds just by the thought of it.

Well I know that if I don’t watch over myself, I’ll be a dead meat since Seventeen is a gang, but I still have that one feeling to just get naughty for once and find out who or what amd I being protected from.

Should I talk about JR?

A crazy idea then came out of my mind, just to back Seungcheol from going. I still can’t remember why or how come I feel like JR’s familiar to me, but I’m sure it’ll be something Seungcheol would hate on. I mean come on, he basically hates everything related to the kids in our school.

But what else shall I talk about to hold him?

“Okay, I’ll start going now”

“No wait!” I said, making Seungcheol to stop on his tracks even when he was already holding the door knob “How’s.. H-How’s Soonyoung?”

Oh great, ___! Now you come up with the whole Soonyoung idea out of the blue?! Great, what would your brother think now, eh? That you still hopes for that kid even when he already broke up with you?

Seungcheol then turned around and raised an eyebrow, “Soonyoung? You still care about him?”

I gulped, “W-What do you mean by I still care about him? I was just asking.. And besides, so what if I still care about him? I wasn’t the one turning the relationship off, so it’s logical for me if I still have some feelings for him”

“You still have feelings for him?” Seungcheol asked, completely turning his body to face me “Last time I checked, you had another date for Prom and you kissed him at that night. How come you still ask about Soonyoung when your actions already proof that you have no more interest on him?”

“I-It was just a kiss, okay!” I said, stuttering “How come you know that I kissed Doyoon, anyway? It’s not like you witnessed the whole scene, anyway”

“Oh hell I did witnessed the whole scene, ___” Seungcheol said, looking slightly pissed. I’m not sure why he’s the one in anger though. I mean, I’m the girlfriend that got dumped and he’s my brother. He’s suppose to be in my side, but no, he defend Soonyoung instead. What’s wrong with him, actually?”

“You came to prom?” I asked, making sure.

Seungcheol rolled his eyes and turn around, heading to the front door, “I don’t want to talk about this now. I need to go. Just remember what I said. Secure all the doors and windows. I’ll be home soon”

And with that, he left.

***

–     No one’s POV   –

Seungcheol stared at the sinful weapon on his hand. His eyes were blank, confuse, and guilty. He wasn’t sure on what to do. He wasn’t even sure that buying that weapon was the right thing to do. It wasn’t that cheap anyway that the boys need to cut down their meals to save up some money for it. And heck, they’re only high schoolers! None of them have jobs or anything, so it really was a big sacrifice to do.

“Hyung? Are we really going to use these?” Hansol asked, looking scared at the weapon. His fingers were trembling as he hold his own black weapon. Can he really use this thing properly instead of killing himself?

“I don’t know” Seungcheol said “I’m not even sure why we bought these in the first place”

“Hyung, I don’t think we ever need this. We never wanted to harm anyone. These things wouldn’t only harm people, it would kill! No matter how violence NU’EST could ever become, I don’t think these guns would ever be necessary. We can beat them with no weapons, so I don’t think we should ever use these guns” Seokmin said. Surprisingly being wise when he usually’s the one that always show hatred to NU’EST.

“But what if they already come up with these guns on our next fight? I mean, what if they play dirty like the fights before?” Jisoo said “They’ve used blade and samurai-like swords already in the past, and Hansol had become a victim once, so there’s a huge possibility that they’ll use guns too later on”

“But hyung, if they really use guns, then our lives are really at risk. I know that our lives had always been in the red line, but guns? We can still fight them if the weapons were still knives and blades, but guns? Even the most skilled fighter wouldn’t be able to win against guns” Chan said, looking really scared at the thought.

The boys then continue their argument against each other. Each sounds like a strong person they’ve always tried to be, but the look on their faces and eyes say the opposite. They’re afraid, terribly affraid on what’s going on and how bad the situation had become. Guns? Is this for real? Their gang fights had never come to the point where one could lost their life until the time when Hansol was stabbed, but fighting with guns?

Their faces become more and more pale as the argument heats up on what to do. Shall they use the guns? Sure they’ll win for sure if NU’EST are not gun-armed, but if they are, it’ll only be like a suicide mission. They’ll kill each other for sure. Even if NU’EST are out numbered and Seventeen won the fight, the amount of lives gone would still be a nightmare.

No matter how badass they are, Seventeen boys are still teenagers. They’re still afraid of a lot of things, especially things like this. I mean, how can you not be afraid when your life is already at its stake?

“Shut up!” Soonyoung shouted, making the whole room to shut their mouths and stare at him. He walks closer to the table and take one of the guns, examining it with his cold eyes. He had never touched one before and it surely scare him to imagine using it for real, but shall he show it to the rest of his group mates now? “Alright, everyone listen. We would still use these guns-..”

“What?! Hyung, are you crazy!”

“Soonyoung, have you lost your mind?! Numbers of lives could be gone because of it!”

“Just shut up first, okay!” Seungcheol hit the table, making everyone to shut their mouths again “Continue, Soonyoung”

“We’ll use the guns” Soonyoung continued “But not all of them. On the next fight, we’ll only have a few of these guns. Some of us would keep it somehow without showing it to NU’EST cause if we do, if they don’t use the guns by the next fight, they would surely buy some and use them on the next fight”

“But who’re going to keep them, hyung? I don’t want to have it with me, if I might say. I-I can’t handle it, I just can’t” Dongjin said, looking really pale from staring at the guns.

“We won’t decide on who’ll keep it just now, but there’ll be some of us that will have it in by the next fight, just in case” Soonyoung explained “The guns would be use only in our worst condition. If we’re losing the fight, still, don’t use the guns. Use them if any of use is stabbed or dying, cause losing is still not the reason to kill them”

The boys then look at each other. Having some of them to hold the guns? No matter how mature they’ll be, holding guns is a very big responsibility that even Seungcheol the leader or Soonyoung the plan maker is still worried about it. But overall, this is the best plan they could have. They won’t waste their money on buying these guns for nothing, but using some of them is still a terrifying idea to imagine.

“Alright, I think we’ll go by that plan for now. The next fight wouldn’t happen in the next few days anyway, so we still have time to think it all out” Seungcheol said and stood up “I guess we can close our meeting now. You guys can get home now. Don’t think too much about this whole gun thing so you won’t draw too much attention at school”

Surely none of them were satisfied by the ending result of this meeting, but it was true that this is the best they could get by this point. Soonyoung’s plan looks like the best one they could get and there’s no other way but to do this plan if they don’t want to make the fight worse yet still want to have the guns as back up plan.

One by one, the boys then leave the room. Just before one boy exits, Seungcheol stopped him, “Soonyoung wait, there’s something I need to talk to you about”

The boy then turned around. His tired face were visible under the dim light and it just make him look more horrible as you can see his smaller cheeks. Instead of his chubby cheeks that you’ll usually see on him, you can only see his cheeck bones rising as he lost a lot of weight due to the stress he’s facing now “Yes, hyung?” he said weakly.

“Do you still care about ___?”

Soonyoung widen his eyes before looking away. He was surprised that Seungcheol would ask him all of sudden like this. It was too sudden. He wasn’t expecting anything ___-related to be brought up to the surface now. He was tired and stressed out already.

“Do you still have any intention to get back to her?”

Soonyoung bite his lower lip. Beads of sweat starts to form on his forehead. Does he have any intention to get back to her? After all the pain each of them had given to each other, does he still have that will to fix everything up and continue their relationship?

“Why are you asking me now, hyung? Did something happen?” Soonyoung asked.

“No, I was just asking” Seungcheol said “I’m sorry to bring it all up now, but I was just.. Curious. Do you still want to continue your relationship with ___, or do you want to just let it all go?”

Soonyoung looked away. His fingers tighten his grip on the table as he got nervous all of sudden. Why? He wasn’t even sure why, but everytime he thinks about ___, he just got all of this guilty rush coming in and make him all nervous. He’ll turn pale, sweat, and tremble at times when he thinks about all the things he’d done to her. He was feeling guilty, that’s for sure.

“I still love her” Soonyoung said weakly, yet not looking up to face Seungcheol “But I don’t think there’s anything left for us”

“What do you mean? You haven’t tried talking to her, right? And how can you know that there’s nothing left for the both of you? If you still love her, then show it. Fight for her, get her back” Seungcheol said, looking a bit pissed “You know, if you say that you love her but you do nothing t get her back, then it’ll mean nothing at all. And you know what, it pisses me off. It pisses me off cause you’re making it look like you’re toying around ___, toying around my sister”

“I’m not toying around her!”

“Then show it! Show it that you’re not playing around with my sister!” Seungcheol shouted “You need to fight it all out, try to get her back no matter what it takes! If you love her, then you would’ve known that you need to fight for her”

“You don’t understand, hyung! You don’t understand how much I love her yet I can’t get her back! I can’t risk her life anymore by dating me, I can’t do that!” Soonyoung shouted back.

“What do you mean by risking her life?! You’ve done nothing to threat her! You protected her, and I know you did! How can you lost all the hopes on yourself and just give in like this? You were the Soonyoung that I knew would trade your life for her no matter what happened and I let you date my sister because of that. Where’s that guy now?!” Seungcheol growled. Whenever Soonyoung said that he’s risking her life, Seungcheol couldn’t help but to feel in guilt. He’s the older brother, he’s the one that has the biggest responsibility of her. If Soonyoung claimed himself as a failure to protect her, then what is he?

“You don’t understand my position, hyung! You don’t understand it at all! It’s not about my hopes on her or how I’ve give up on her, no! It’s just-.. You don’t understand, okay!” Soonyoung shouted. His breathing was uneven. He could take every offense Seungcheol is saying. Him being pathetic, him being a jerk on his sister, him being a useless guy, everything. But he just can’t help but to not defend himself on this position. He loves her for sure, but they’re just a lot of things holding him back from trying to get her back.

“She asked about you earlier, you know” Seungcheol said.

Slowly and weakly, Soonyoung raised his head up to face Seungcheol. His face was really showing his unbelievable feeling. He was surely shocked. Did Seungcheol made it all up? No, he’s not the type of hyung to just make things up to make his dongsaengs feel better. But can she really ask about him even after all he’s done to her?

Seungcheol then come closer to the younger boy and pat his shoulder, “Think about it, Soonyoung. Think about getting her back. You can do this. About protecting her, don’t worry about it that much. You’re not the only one protecting her, so.. Just think about it”

The older boy then walk out of the room, leaving the lost and confused boy alone. The loneliness and emptiness can be felt on the room, but what the boy’s feeling right now is way worse. His heart was thumping hard, not sure why. He has an empty feeling now anyways, so why shall he feel this all?

Why shall he feel this pain?

[hey guys~

Update of the day, yeay!
I really love Seungheol in this chapter, tbh.
I mean, he's sooo nice on being a caring brother and caring leader at the same time! ♡

Anyway, my deepest condolence and never ending prayers for the victim of Sewol Ferry tragedy..
May God gives the family, friends of the victims, and the victims themselves a very big strength on the heart and to help them get through all of this
#PrayForSouthKorea ♡ ]