Wednesday

I go to Gyeongam-dong Railroad, an unused railroad that is now a popular walking trail.

Like we used to, I sit down on one of the benches and eat the kimbap that I prepared earlier with halmoni while I watch the small amount of people who walk past and how they interact. It’s rather fulfilling and comforting to know I am not the only one who does these things in winter. There are usually a lot of people in the spring and summer when the weather is pleasant. When I finish my lunch I go check the yellow house that has messages and wishes that strangers make on it. Including the ones we have written for the past five years that doing all this has been a tradition.

Immediately I find the one I wrote last year in bright pink marker: I wish that Maxstep wins the dance competition this summer! >.< I take it back, especially after that encounter with Eunji yesterday, I don't want anything to do with Maxstep. Or that competition. I pick up the black marker that lays on the ground and scribble over that wish furiously and try to erase it as best as I can. If only I could erase that day from my memory.

I let my hand fall to my side as I let out a warm breath that can be seen in the cold air. Staring at the black mess for several pregnant moments, I fix my scarf so it’s covering my mouth and my freezing nose then I write add another message: I miss you but I’m trying really hard not to. I blink several times at the black characters. Dropping the pen, I walk away.

Woah woah woah. Backtrack. My feet move in rewind until I’m standing in the same place I was a few moments ago as my eyes narrow in on something. At the bottom of the house, written in red is the sentence I’m going to stand in front again, and nothing, not even AriYeon will stand in my way.

I recognize the handwriting right away, the stant to the left and the curved almost bubbly characters.  How couldn’t I after years of passing notes and writing birthday cards to each other. After years of helping and copying each other’s homework and practicing our signatures in case we became famous dancers or something. Eunji.

I stagger back and almost fall, not sure what to make of this. The first time I met Eunji was when I was 12 and we had just moved over here. I had challenged an older girl who was dancing in the street to a battle. I had lost due to my misplaced confidence and cockiness in tricks I hadn’t yet mastered. That older girl was Jiyeon and she was 14 at the time. While people laughed at me because I landed on my bum after trying to do baby spins, she held a hand out to me and commended me for my efforts. I, being the arrogant child that I was, slapped her hand away and got up myself. Quickly I turned to walk away with my head hung to hide the embarrassed tears springing from my eyes. She said if I wanted to learn how to how to do baby spins correctly then I should come back here at 4 tomorrow. I scoffed and walked back home.

It took me a week to finally come back, my curiosity overpowering my pride. I didn’t expect her to be waiting for me seeing that the offer was from so long ago but she was. She smiled and confessed that she knew I would come sooner or later. People like us couldn’t turn down a good opportunity to dance and learn something new. She was right, but I couldn’t let her know that. She lead me to a big building with an excited smile that I thought was creepy but soon welcomed when I realized it was studio. Many dancers, all different ages and styles danced there.

Jiyeon introduced me to her group of friends that would later be the makings of Maxstep. None of the girls and I got along in the beginning because they said I was too aggressive when really I just had precision where they were more fluid. Even at school, they wouldn’t talk to me, only Jiyeon made an effort on the stubborn, prideful new girl. After time though I learned I could actually learn from them and work as a team rather than an individual. I soon coined the nickname AriYeon because I was like Hyoyeon from SNSD because she danced differently than the other girls and was more detailed especially in the hip hop style. I could also brighten up the mood quickly with my wit and actions.

One day I saw Eunji practicing alone and I decided to join her, I lowered my pride and “asked” if she could show me some moves. She looked so feminine and flexible with fluid ballerina esque moves that you couldn’t help but to want to be her. With hesitance and annoyance from my indignant demands she finally did. I really enjoyed it and I think she did too.  I added some of my own techniques to her choreography and she loved it which made me feel like I was finally fitting in.  

The next day right before practice started, Eunji went up to our teacher and showed her some choreography that she came up with, only they were my moves. The ones I showed her yesterday. I was bothered but I just thought it was what what you did in a team. You know helping each other out and we both benefited. My moves were being shown, I got a friend and she got praise from our teacher, so I brushed it off. Eunji was in the center for most of our dances because she had a lot of tricks she worked on and was tall for our age. But over time as my skills improved and my creativity leaked out, I crept closer and closer to that middle spot. Until finally I was the focus point.

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