I pace the halls of the music department aimlessly because there is nothing else to do while I wait for Tae to finish his test. School is pretty boring given no one else is here, it’s so empty that I can hear my footsteps echo against the linoleum.

 I can’t even play the games on my phone with it being turned off. I don’t want to see the messages from Mina or my sister or anyone else that’s “worried” about me right now, I just can’t handle it.

I’m usually not awake this early on Saturdays so it’s safe to say I’m tired. Making my way to the windowsill and plopping my down on the ground, another yawn escapes as I look out into the courtyard. Gazing at the picnic table I’m reminded of the time when I used to sit there in solitude because I had no friends at this school. I feel something churn in my stomach, the memory leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I don’t think I could survive without them. Turning away, I lean my head against the cold glass and yawn again, my eyes closing a little but then I fix my gaze on the practice rooms in front of me as an idea pops into my mind.

Hopping off the cold floor I walk towards one of the rooms praying for it to be open, all the practice rooms have big comfy couches inside which would be perfect to take a nap on. With each step I take towards the door, the more I wish for it to be open. I reach my hand out and wrap it around the handle turning it to the side. Click.

It opens and I grin opening the door wider and stepping inside not letting the door close fully in case Taehyung comes looking for me. I turn the lights on and look around the room spotting the couch in the right corner of the room. I start to make my way over to it but freeze when I see my reflection in the mirrored wall to the left.

It’s really been a while since I’ve been in a practice room alone and I can’t ignore the memories I used to have in a room like this back home. I won’t lie and say I don’t ever feel the urge to dance again because the feeling is strong now, but I also can’t lie and say I don’t feel guilty about that urge. Dance used to be what I did whenever I felt frustrated or confused about something. After I finished dancing whether it was choreographed or just freestyle I always felt better, my head clearer and my heart lighter.

Considering the events of last night, I think this just might be the most frustrated and confused I’ve ever felt; but it’s not like I should dance and break my vow just because my heart feels like it’s been smashed into a million pieces right? I smirk at the thought and resume walking toward the couch, trying not to dwell on it too much. Plopping down on the loveseat, I take my headphones out of my back pocket.

Putting in my headphones, I scroll to my playlist and press play hoping to distract myself from my thoughts and get some sleep. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as the intro to Big Bang’s Blue fills my ears. As I listen to the hook and the beat nodding along to it I'm able to relax further into the couch. Yet the feeling of my stomach churning returns and I sigh. My throat becomes tight but I refuse to acknowledge what that means. It’s not even because of the song but the fact that I just feel so sad and lonely and conflicted due to everything that has happened in the last 24 hours. I bring mya rm to rest over my eyes hoping the feeling goes away as I block out the light. But of course, it doesn’t as images of my mom, dad and Jimin invade my mind.

I never knew missing someone could hurt this much.

The winter had passed

And the spring has come

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