Myungsoo POV 

People said the one that we love the most has potential to hurt us in the worst way. Really? I didn’t believe it, before finally experienced it myself. On that day things like love become such a foolish joke in my eyes. Fool. I was a fool. Because since that day, I became too fool to realize that I’m also hurt them. People who love me the most…I keep hurting them in the worst way.

[Flashback]

I do nothing but cry silently at that time. And people do nothing but stares at me with pity. I look at the beautiful face in the photograph. She was really beautiful. Like a dark black hole that pulls you in and drown you into black paradise. I was drowned. Too deep. But that day I curse myself for being so silly in giving all my love devotedly. On that day my heart can't decide what I should feel. Should I feel sad because the girl that I love is die tragically? Or should I feel satisfied because the girl who cheated on me got her ‘punishment’?

The funeral is just a simple ceremony. It reminds me of the one my mother had. It was quiet, eerie and empty. Two hours after the funeral ended, I found myself in the apartment where Hoya hyung and I lived. I don't remember how I fall asleep, but when I'm awake, I was in my bed, fully covered with blanket, dried tears on my cheek. Funny, I don't even remember that I cried. Then a figure appears on my door. He gives his best smile, walking towards me then sitting on my bed. I just look down, have no interest to talk or even throw a little smile at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked awkwardly. Are you kidding me? How could I be okay in this time? But I do nothing but give him a weak nod.

"I'm sorry for asking. Of course you're not okay. You don't have to act strong in front of me, Soo. Remember, we're brothers." 

"I'm okay,hyung."

He doesn’t look convinced, but he smiles anyway. I'm glad he's not trying to ask anything else. Instead, he takes something from his pocket. He smiles as he gives it to me.

"I saw this in the convenience store near Bora's house." He said, mentioning a music magazine editor that he's dating. I'm not really close with her at that time, but I guess Hoya hyung is happy with her. My eyes now dropped into the thing in Hoya's hand. Silly. He's ridiculous.

"I know you like this flavor. But it's so rare, isn't it? I bought it because I knew you will like it."

Éclair Caramel Lollipop. My favorite since I was a kid. That flavor is hard to find lately. My trembling hand took the lollipop, opens the package. I stares at the brown and cream colored thing in my finger before put it in my mouth, letting the sweet taste dancing in my tongue. It was like a sweet comfort. The sweet flavor reminds me on how bitter things were. How cruel fate was. And I can help but letting tears rolling down as the sweet taste of caramel took over my mouth. 

It was a silent but later turns into messy sobs. My shoulder is shaking. It's getting hard to breathe because I keep into that goddamned lollipop as I cry. Hoya hyung pulls my back into his shoulder. Comforting me in the best way that he can.

"It will be okay, Soo. Trust me. It will be okay." He said. But I keep crying because the words makes me hurts more.

"Hyorin..." I mutter a name in my sobs. I hate my self because I still care for her. At the end, after what she did, I still choose to feel sad for her death.

"I'm sorry, Soo...but it will be fine."

"I think I'm going to die. I love her, hyung...so much."

"Ssshhh...Don’t say that. You have to live. I'll do anything as long as you stay alive."

Anything? It must be easy for him to say something like 'anything' to a person who just lost everything. And that's the day when I feel that the different between hyung and me is the most unfair scene I ever saw. And from that day I started hurting him by hurting myself.

[Flashback ended]

Hoya POV

I don't remember when the last time she cooks for me. I gotta admit that her cooking skill surprised me first time I saw her. I mean, she's not really a girly type, she's considered rather boyish one, somehow it's amazing to see how good she is handling pan and kitchen stuffs.

“If you keep staring at me like that, this kitchen will burn.” She said coldly.

“Really? Then I’ll keep staring. We can use the burn heat to cook. Saving gas and energy. Good for environment.”

“Silly. Have you ever cooked for yourself? Oh, I forget. You’re Lee Howon. You barely can cook ramen.”

“I can cook ramen.” I stated.

“ Ummm?…maybe I should teach you cook sometimes.”

“Don’t need too. I just need you to marry me. So I won’t be starving.” I grins and I saw her scoffed.

“So I have to marry you just to feed you? Impressive.”

I laugh. It's amazing how Bora always manage to block all the tease that I throw at her. Most girl may will be flustered, but she's calm. That's what I love about her.

“Myungsoo can cook though. At least, better than me. Sometimes he makes fried rice and even kimchi stew for us.”

“I feel bad for him. Has to deal with his incapable hyung.” She said jokingly.

“Yeah, me too. I remember when he got sick one day; I can’t even make porridge for him. So at the end my mom drove from Daegu to here. Mom scolds me a lot because of that.” I laugh at those memories. Bora looks at me in disbelived expression. But then she smiles too.

“Your mom loves Myungsoo a lot, right?”

“Sometimes I think she loves Myungsoo more than me.” I jokes.

“That makes sense.” She play along with my joke and we laugh.

“Myungsoo deserves more loves though. After all the hard things that happen. I don’t mind if mom gives more attention to him than me.” I said while my eyes wondering through the plates that she set in the dining table.

“Myungsoo's mother...how she looks like?" She asked carefully. The thing about Myungsoo's past is always sensitive. But I can  see the curious tone in her question.

“She was just the same as the other woman. Like my mom. Like you.”

I don’t really remember story about her, but my mom told me once.

Auntie was a bright woman. She’s beautiful and has the same sparkling eyes like Myungsoo. She has everything that all women want. Beauty, intelligent, career and likability. Even my mom said sometimes she feels jealous of her sister. But like people said, there’s no perfection exists in this world. Auntie has all the right things in her life, but she chooses the wrong person to love.

And she loves him too blindly. That married man. My mom warned her a lot about that man. But when it comes to love, advice and warning is no use. Sometimes I don’t understand how rational people like her can do unrealistic action like that. Till one day, tragedy happens. That man betrayed her and leave with no explanation but a sentence ‘I don’t love you’ coming from his mouth. He’s gone and God knows where he is now.

Auntie was breaking down. Everything is collapsed in her world. And that’s the day when she starts to act irrationally. She becomes different. Some people said she might lose her sanity. She stays with our family from that day.

And some months later, Myungsoo was born. Without a father.

Our family doesn’t care about what people said. Myungsoo is an innocent and lovely little angel. And auntie starts to get better. Things start to fit on the right place. Myungsoo and I grew up well. We’re close like more than brothers. Until that night, when people saw auntie jumped from the rooftop building.

Some people said she was accidentally met that man on that day. And that meeting becomes a trigger of her action, which is…till now…I don’t understand why.

 

Bora holds my hands after I finished the story. She gives me that loving smile and I smile too.

“The things about love. I don’t understand it till now. How can people intend to choose the wrong person? Even when they’re deserves more.”

I sighed. Suddenly she stands up and move closer towards me. Still doesn't let go of my hands.

“The thing about love, Hoya…it is not a choice.” She smiles again as she leans closer then her lips touch mine and I grip into her hands tighter.

No One POV

Two people are sitting in the bench. Night breeze brushing their hair. Myungsoo stares in awe seeing the high school girl finishing her second cigarette when Myungsoo barely finished his first. She smokes like an addict.

“You really have a problem, kid.”

“Yeah, I lost count on how many.”

“Still, the biggest one is about that guy that becomes your crush?” Myungsoo teases.

“Sunggyu. He has a name. Kim Sunggyu.”

“Why don’t you just tell him? It’s easier.” Myungsoo said while playing with the finished cigarette on his finger.

“I’m afraid.” She said.

“I thought the fiery looking girl like you has no fear.”

“I wasn’t. But Sunggyu makes me feel the fear.” She gives that mysterious smile again. Myungsoo just watching her finger playing with the lighter. She sighed, sometimes she looks much older when she did that.

“Today I saw some girls from our class visiting him. He’s our class president after all. It was a nice view. Seeing him smile at them. They’re laugh. It was too nice. And I was too afraid to even stand closer to him. I’m afraid I might lose that smile.”

“I got it. That Sunggyu guy is a player type.” Myungsoo scoffed.

“He is. I feel silly just to feel my heart beats pumped when I saw him giving announcement in the class. It’s embarrassing.” She chuckles.

“Why do you even choose to love him, then?”

There's a pause moment. About twenty seconds or maybe more. That girl just letting the dust dropped to the floor in an empty expression.

“I don’t choose it to love him, ahjussi. Don’t even have any right to choose. Damn, I wish I had one. If I can choose, I’m not gonna choose to love a person like Sunggyu. Even maybe I will choose not to love anyone at all.”

She smiles. Wicked. Bitter. Somehow it makes Myungsoo missed the Eclair Caramel Lollipop that always makes him better after feeling such a bitter taste in his heart. Another pause moment. Both of them just staring blankly at the black sky above. Hoping they both will get lost in its darkness.

“What do you think ahjussi? Is it possible to choose who I love? Is there any possible way so that I can choose? I’d like to know one.” She broke the silence, but her eyes still fixed at the sky. Myungsoo just scoffed. He smiles. A silly question.

“I don’t think so. Our stupid hearts choose it for us.”

Thank you for all the comments and views and subscribes. It really means a lot for me. I'm sorry if this story moves really slow. I hope I can write better in the next chapter! :D