He’s not a hateful person, to be truth he rarely hate anything. Yeah, he’s a positive man that always tries to see the world in a good perspective. But at this time, he really hates all these things. First, he hates white, the only color that stuck in his head right now. The ceiling, the wall, curtain, and wardrobe even their uniform are white. It’s sickening. He also hates the sound that ringing beside his head right now. It’s beeping and annoying. He wants to get up and smashed that goddamned machine right now. But most of all, he really hates himself right now. He hates how he always feeling drowsy and tired. He can’t move without help. Even he needs help for breathing. It’s so hopeless. He hates being incapable.

At that moment some medics come along with Bora, his dad and his mom. Hoya looks at them with the serious expression in his eyes. He wants them to give him anything that will cure him fast, because it is torture for Hoya.

“Howon-ssi, we’re going to take the respiratory tube. Is it okay?”

Of course it is okay. Hoya has been waiting for so long to get rid of this annoying tube on his mouth so that he can talk. Hoya nodded the medics, Bora and his mom smiles.  His dad helps him to sit with his back lean against the head board, while his mom hold his hand tightly.

“I’m gonna remove the tube right now. I’m gonna count at three and I want you to blow your breathe as I count at three. Do you got it Howon-ssi?”

Hoya nods again.

“One…two…three…”

Hoya feels like a long tube come out from his throat as he blows his breathe. The moment Hoya breathes on his own just feels so weird. He choked and coughed a little, but his mom was fast enough to pull him on her embrace and rubbing his back, while shooting comforting word.

“It’s okay, Howonnie…it’s okay…You did well.”

He feels his head is too heavy to reply his mother words. Instead, he just stares across the bed where his lover is staring at him lovingly. She smiles and slowly her lips mutter ‘I love you’ words. It makes him smiles. He can’t wait to embrace her back on his arms. He wants to cry on how hopeless he feels like.

***

Myungsoo look at the girl in a red coat that walks a step in front of him. Both of them just walk in silent. The night is cold, Myungsoo wonders maybe they should just take taxi home, but that girl stubbornly said that she wants to walk home. Myungsoo don’t have a choice but to walk her home. Obviously he can’t let a girl walking alone at night. This will be the first time he walks her home. That girl still keeps silent, while Myungsoo’s mind wanders through the conversation that they had in the café earlier.

“Son Hayoon is my mom, ahjussi…”

“Eh…”

“I know, you’d be surprised. No one will guess that I’m really her daughter. I don’t like to brag about that, even if I do…I bet they won’t believe it either.”

At that moment Myungsoo realizes a significant thing. The mysterious vibe around her that always caught him mesmerized, it is familiar. An elegance, cold, tough but fragile presence just same as the image of the famous Son Hayoon. Even Soyou has the same small but bold eyes as her. Now that Myungsoo notice is, they both look alike. Beside, he knows…Soyou never lie.

“What if I said I believe you?”

“You do?” She chuckles.

“I do. But how can you say your own mom is your boundary?”

“The boundary is not Son Hayoon the mom, its Son Hayoon the model.”

“My mom was dream chaser when she’s young. When you told me about how perfect your brother is, I wonder maybe my mom was like that too when she’s young. She has everything; beauty, brain, career and love. She was a dreamer. But I was the boundary of her dream.”

“I heard she decided to marry at young age.” Myungsoo said.

Son Hayoon is a famous model and many photographers make her to be their muse, including some of Myungsoo’s senior. He just can’t believe that he realize it too late that Soyou, the random girl that he met randomly at the hospital, is look a lot like her.

“Because she was fall in love…with my father. It’s funny how such an ambitious woman like her would give up everything for a mediocre jazz musician like my father. Then they have me, and things start to grow apart. It’s not like mom and dad having bad relationship, or cheating on each other. It’s just…they’re close but lonely. They were boundaries to each other’s dream. I was the boundary. I guess that’s the moment when mom thought maybe her decision was wrong.”

There’s a pause moment when Myungsoo doesn’t know what to do. Soyou just stay still playing with her empty coffee cup. Myungsoo can’t read her face. He isn’t sure, if she’s sad, happy or just empty.

“They divorced. I was 4 when they decided it. Too young to realize what’s the mean of separation. I live with mom after that, and that moment I become the witness how her dream rose up again.”

“She came back to modeling again.” Myungsoo said. He remembers it was a big news when the renowned model made her come back.

“Yeah, when she was almost 30. But it’s surprising how she work hard. And somehow her effort and ambition fly her higher than before. This is all that she wanted. But I’m just a kid, ahjussi. I want a mother. Just like you. I know she loves me, but she never be there for me. I can’t help but think that, the woman in the cover of those magazines is not my mom. She’s the boundary that keeps my mom away from me.”

Soyou scoffed while looking at the big billboard across the road. Myungsoo thought it will be easier if she cries, but Soyou is just too strong…and too cold for a young girl. She smirks instead.

“Is that why you runaway from home to Busan back then?”

“It’s not really ‘runaway from home’. What did I runaway from? She wasn’t really home anyway.” Soyou laughs. Myungsoo hopes he can understands why she laugh like that.

“You’re not gonna talk to me? Just because I told you my story doesn’t mean we have to be this awkward, ahjussi.” Her voice brought him to reality. Myungsoo looks spaced out, thinking about how he should respond this girl.

“I’m not talking to you because…I don’t know how to react.”

“Hmmm…” They keep walking side by side, while the twilight street lamps shimmering beside the road. Myungsoo put his hands on his jacket’s pocket, trying to shove away the coldness on his hands. At that moment his mind is scanning that girl's face, wondering how familiar he is with her feeling.

“Soyou-ah, I guess know what did you running from back then?”

“What is it?”

“You’re trying to run away from loneliness. Admit it or not…you were lonely, just like many other people.” Soyou smirks. Myungsoo feels her face looks colder than the night. She looks down as they keep walking.

“I guess I was. Get lost in the strange place is better than being lonely in your own place.”

“What about your dad? Why don’t you talk to him?”

“I can, but I don’t want too. He’s been married again and living in Germany. He’s happy and he deserved that. I don’t want to bother him with my unimportant problem.”

“Yeah, and you don’t really have friends, beside that Sunggyu-guy that you had crush on.” Myungsoo said jokingly. She smiles, this time it's feels warmer.

“Ahjussi…don’t you realize that we actually have a lot in common?” 

Myungsoo laughs, realizing that she actually said an absolute right thing. They do have a lot in common. Funny, because they were just complete strangers.

“I guess. Like how lonely we are, like how hard our boundary is, like how we’re actually just craving for affection.”

“It’s pathetic right? We act strong like mature person, but at the end we’re just kids. Lonely kids. When you told me about how you feel when you met your father, I feel like I just see myself. We’re just kids, yearning for parent’s affection. It’s embarrassing how at the end we're just want to be loved. We shouldn’t feel this way.” She scoffed. Somehow it feels sad, maybe because that feeling is so real for Myungsoo. He knows how lonely it was. To crave for affection, to be alone.

“Yeah, but you handle it better than me.” He smiles. She looks at him in daze.

“Meaning?”

“You did better than me, Soyou-ah. You handled that creepy loneliness way better than I did.”

“By smoking, drinking and get into fight?” She scoffed.

“At least, you want to live. You live…even though you did stupid things. Even you managed to love someone. Damn, that Sunggyu-guy is so lucky. I did way worse than you. And I’m not proud of that.” Myungsoo chuckled bitterly, remembering his dark ‘bad guy’ phase. How he hurts people he cares about and finally end up hurting himself.

“But at the end, we come through, right? We walk here, wide awake and sober, laughing on our ‘glorious’ actions in the past. Impressive.” She gives a sinister but honest smile. Somehow it feels so silly and funny. They both laugh hard as they walk through the night.

“You know what? I feel so intimidated every time you talk that way. Remember, you’re 17 years old high schooler. Just speak like people at your age. You make me feel so small by out wise me.” Myungsoo pouts. Soyou just give a cold scoff on his reaction.

“What do you want me to do? I was born this way.”

And they keep walking side by side without saying anything. Just laugh once in a while, or just smiles ridiculously like insane people. Until they reach a big house with white painting near the station. Myungsoo looks at that house, wondering how lonely Soyou must be when she was alone in there.

“It’s here. Thank’s for walk me home, ahjussi…” Soyou said casually as she’s opening the gate. But Myungsoo stops her.

“Hey, Soyou-ah… I want you to pay me back.”

“For what?” She looks dumfounded.

“I walk you home today. Saturday after work, you have to walk me somewhere.” There's a pause moment when she just look at him blankly. Wondering is he serious or just playing some random jokes. But Myungsoo is serious this time.

“Where?”

“A secret place. I want you to walk me there.”

“Why? You’re not gonna kidnap me, aren’t you?” Soyou chuckled.

“I want to kidnap you…to a place that I’ve been kept hidden all this time.” Myungsoo smiles mysteriously, trying to imitate her.

“Well, you hid a lot of things, ahjussi.”

Myungsoo just smiles as he turns around to leave her.

“See you on Saturday…I’ll wait you in the café at 3 PM. Don’t worry, I’m gonna pay for your Esspresso. Bye!”

“Wait…” Soyou tries to stop him, but Myungsoo keeps walking.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a date. No matter how mature you are, I’m not ready to date a high school girl yet.” He laughs. At the end Soyou laughs too, wondering what kind a place that Myungsoo hide all this time.