Two men sitting across each other. A silent moment last between them for about 5 minutes. Hoya stares at the cold but delicate figure in front of him. He doesn’t recognize him as the little boy that always clings into him asking to play out in the rain years ago. The figure in front of him is different. Not just he grows older and colder, but somehow the vibe around him just not as bright as before. The only same thing is just the pair of beautiful eyes that still have the twinkling light in there. Somehow Hoya feels scare on how a change can do to a person.

“What do you want to talk about?” Hoya speaks first.

“Hmmm…actually this is the thing that I want to tell you for a long time.”

“What is it?” Hoya hates how he feels nervous about what he’s going to say.

“I’m thinking about moving.” The younger man said. Hoya looks at him in disbelief.

“What?”

“I want to live alone. I’m thinking about renting a place.” He said in determination. Speculations growing on Hoya’s head. He can’t help but feel surprised with the news.

“Why? Did I do something wrong that makes you want to move?”

“Nope. I just want some privacy. I’m 23 hyung…I’m old enough to live by myself. Don’t worry about the rent. I have some work that can pay for it.” He smiles. Somehow that smile doesn’t look convincing to Hoya.

“Soo… Do you hate me that much?”

“What? Hate? Didn’t I tell you before, hyung? I can never hate you.” He scoffed.

“Then why I feel like you draw a wide distance between us. You can tell me…honestly… if I really did something wrong.”

“That’s the thing hyung, you never did anything wrong. You always do the right thing. Okay…I’m gonna be honest. You annoy me. Do you know why? Because you remind me on how lacking I am.” Myungsoo said calmly. Hoya sighed; somehow he can guess what the younger is trying to say.

“Myungsoo, stop…”

“No. You want me to be honest, right? That’s how I feel. I hate being close to you, because you are everything that I want be. Yeah…you have everything that I want. That makes me feel sick. But no matter how sick I am, I still can’t hate you. It’s annoying.” Myungsoo smirks. Cold.

“Stop it, Soo… Let’s talk later.”  Hoya tries to cut the conversation. But Myungsoo ignored it.

“Don’t you realize it? You have beauty, career, dream, family, well behavior, lovely personality. Perfect. But most importantly you have a person that you love. The last thing is the thing that I envy the most from you.” Myungsoo looks away. He may sounds cold, but Hoya can feel the sadness on his tone.

“What are you talking about?”

“I like Bora noona, hyung.” A blunt confession. Hoya feels like the time stopped. Somehow the news sounds like a joke. But somehow it’s also sounds like a terror attack. Hoya wants to laugh, but he can't.

“Mwo?”

“I’m falling love with your girlfriend.” He stated it again. Hoya really wants to laugh and telling him this joke isn’t funny. But the look in Myungsoo’s face is too real to be joke.

“Did you tell me before? You will do anything as long as I stay alive? You may not believe in it…but Bora noona has done something that makes me want to keep living. Just like what you said before, will you give her to me if then? You said you will do anything for me right?”

It sounds like a teasing. Hoya can’t help but scoffed. Whattehel this kid said? He lost words. But Hoya tries hard to stay calm and looks straightly to Myungsoo’s eyes.

“I can’t give her to you. Because you have no idea how much I love her.” He stated in determination. More like exclamation. Hoya can feel his fist tighten under the table.

“I know you’d say that. But did you ever think about it hyung? How different you two are. How weird she is and how perfect you are. Tell me honestly; don’t you think that I understand her better than you? We have a lot more in common.” Myungsoo said flatly. That’s the moment Hoya remembers about the laugh on Bora’s face when he saw her with Myungsoo, talking in the hospital. That laugh. That look. It’s confusing. Hoya doesn’t want to think about that. But it’s disturbing. Hoya takes a deep breathe before speaking.

“That’s not the reason to let her go, Soo. I don’t care what kind of crap that you will pull off, but that won’t change my feeling. She’s mine. I love her. And she loves me. So get a hold of your self, get back to your right mind. Don’t try to mess with our relationship.” Hoya suppressed his anger.

“Why don’t you ask her? Is her feeling is the same as yours?  Is she really has no feeling for me? If she answer you without a doubt, than let’s just say that I’m insane. But if the opposite…you know what that means.” Myungsoo smirks. Hoya can’t believe that the person in front of him is Myungsoo, because he looks so evil. And Hoya hates himself for being convinced with his words. Also hates himself for not being able to say anything.

“I already found a place near my campus. I’m gonna move this week. Don’t worry.., hyung don’t need to send me off. I can handle myself.”

Myungsoo stands up and walks out from the restaurant, leaving Hoya that still sits there with a confused mind and uneasy feeling. Hoya feels his chest hurt. Funny, how Myungsoo’s word really got into him. Hoya feels scared to the point until his hands trembling.

That’s the moment when Bora who waits outside earlier enters the restaurant and runs towards him. She notices the changes in Hoya’s expression. She knows Myungsoo must be said something ‘weird’ to him. Bora feels the worry on her chest reaching the high point.

“What did he said? What are you guys talking about?” She asked curiously.

“Let’s talk later…” Hoya tries to avoid the conversation. He stills trying hard to calm himself.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I need to go back to office now. See you later.” He stands up and about to walk out.

“Hoya wait…Hey, what’s going on?” Bora grabs his suit sleeve.

“Nothing. Okay. I need to go.”

“Lee Howon talk to me! What’s happening with you?” Bora feels frustrated. Hoya tries to calm himself but his hands keep trembling. He really doesn’t want to talk about it. Not right now.

“Hoya, tell me…what did he said?” Bora asked again, feeling uneasy.

“He said he wants to be me.”

“What?!”

“He wants to be me. He wants to have everything that I have.” Hoya looks into his lover’s eyes.

“That’s impossible.” Bora scoffed.

“You’re right. It’s impossible. That’s why he only asks one thing from me.”

“And what is it?”

“You.” Hoya saw Bora’s face expression changes. But she doesn’t really looks surprised.

Is she already know abut Myungsoo’s feeling towards her? Hoya thought.

“Mwo…Hoya, that’s insane. It’s imposs…”

“Really? Is that impossible?” Hoya’s voice raising.

“Wait, don’t tell me that you’re considering to send me go for him?” Bora shook her head in disbelief.

“I didn’t. Not even a bit.”

“Didn’t?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t even think of letting any finger of yours slipping form mine. That’s what I want. But then again, I thought. Is that what you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re getting close to him, Bora. Even closer than me. His brother. I see the way you look into him. I saw the way you both laugh. And somehow it’s confusing me. So I want to ask you this time and I want you to answer me truthfully. Do you really have no feeling for him? Not even a bit? Because if you don’t I promise you that I will fight with all the fiber of me to keep you mine. Only mine.”

Hoya stares at her intensely. His heart beats like crazy. He hopes for an answer. Certain answer. Quick answer. He keeps staring and waiting. But the figure in front of him doesn’t move at all. Like she just a statue. Like she can’t talk.

“Answer me, Bora-ya…Do you really not love him? Am I the one that you really love? 100 %? Not him?” Answer me…please. Because if you say otherwise…then…then I have no choice but let you go.” Hoya hates himself for saying that sentence. It makes his chest hurt and his head pounding. Hoya hopes Bora will say something.

But Bora just stood still. 

“I thought so. I’m going.”

He walks out bitterly.

Myungsoo walks along the wide grass field. It’s so quiet. The afternoon breeze makes him shiver even though he already wears his thick coat. His eyes looks above, staring at the red sky and the sun that about to set.  Lovely and empty scenery. Myungsoo keeps walking until he reaches that place. He smiles, before taking a deep breathe and talks.

“Omma, it’s been a while. Don’t you know that I miss you?”

The breeze brushing Myungsoo’s hair. Myungsoo keeps staring at the statue in front of him. Imagining his mother’s sweet and gentle smile.

“Omma…I just did something bad. I hurt people. They’re kind people and I hurt them. I wish it can make my heart hurt less… But why it didn’t? Why it makes me feel worse?”

 “Omma…I’m a bad guy, right? Funny, because you used to tell me that I’m an innocent little angel. I don’t why I’m like this now. I don’t even know why I did that. I don’t even know what’s going on with me. All that I know is…now they hate me. They must hate me.”

Myungsoo feels water threatening in the corner of his eyes. The air gets chiller and it's getting hard to breath.

“Omma…do you hate me too?”

Hoya swallows two pills of aspirin and gulps down a glass of water. He sighed while resting his throbbing head in his work desk. He doesn’t know what’s going on with him. What’s going on with people around him? His brain is too heavy to process all the information that he just found out. His brother loves his girlfriend. His girlfriend doubting her feeling for him. And he…he doesn’t know how to deal with this. Somehow Hoya feels betrayed. How can he be so clueless?

“Did I ever do something wrong? Stupid heart…why does it feels hurt?” Hoya chuckles bitterly.

At the same time Bora also in her work desk, ignoring her colleague that ask her why she still there after all her jobs today has done. If there’s one thing that Bora wants now, she wants to cry or scream or curse. She blames herself for being so stupid. Regrets. More regrets.

“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I answer him? Why can’t I tell him how much I love him?”

“Yoon Bora…pabo ya…”

She chuckles, trying to blink away tears on the corner of her eyes.

A moment later she opens the drawer beside her desk, revealing a lot of her personal stuffs. From all those stuffs there are few that she cherished the most. Bora smiles when her hand holding a rolled paper on the drawer. It’s an old white paper that rolled and tied with a red ribbon. A few seconds latter Bora laughs between her tears. She untied the paper, revealing the content of paper. There’s a drawing on that plain white paper. Just a weird drawing of building sketch design. But it looks so detailed and well –designed.

One thing that unusual from that paper is the black spots on the left side of the sketch. Looks like a black liquid unintentionally spilled in there. Funny, how the smell of the Americano Coffee on that spot still presence. Bora’s finger caressing the signature on the left corner of that paper.

Lee Howon.

Student ID : 07 1004

Structure and Aesthetic Architecture Assignment.

Bora laughs and sobs harder, gripping on that paper. She stays like that for about ten minutes. She cried her heart out while staring at the signature on the paper. When she finally manages to calm down, she wipes all the tears on her cheeks and rolled the paper. Bora takes her phone and dialing a number. She takes a deep breathe while waiting for the other person to pick up.

“Where are you?”

“Home.”

“Let’s meet. There’s something I want to tell you.”