Bora doesn’t cry. She doesn’t scream or panic. She just stares blankly. She feels numb. She just sits quietly and stares at the weak figure in there. He’s there lying so peacefully like the way he used to look when he sleeps. Bora always loves his sleeping face. He’s lovely and innocent, like a baby. Only now it’s not as quiet and calm as it used to be. Because there’s annoying beeping sound around him, and sickening amount of wires, even the layers of bandage around his body.

Bora still manages not to cry when he takes his fragile hand. A hand that used to her hair every time she feels like hell. A hand that used to hold a black pencil and giant ruler. Bora love the way that hands moving above the paper drawing some weird building design that she never understand. She loves the way he looks when he draws. How his thick eyebrows frowned as his fingers 'dancing' along with the pencil and the ruler.

She loves him…

Bora holds that hand tighter, hoping that hand will hold him in return. That’s the moment when she feels her eyes can’t hold it any longer. She chuckled and laughs a little as she feels a single drop of water in the corner of her eyes.

“You said you will come back in Saturday. You promised, bad guy.”

3 day ago

He really skipped his work that day. So is she. They just cuddle on the couch of his living room. Watching animation movie about a cute villain and his minions trying to steal the moon. Silly but fun. They don’t talk each other; just hold each other so close and once in a while laughing at the tv screen, or shoving another pop corn to their own mouth.

“It’s definitely better than watch romantic drama or music program.” Hoya said while his hand his lover’s hair. Bora scoffed as she takes another scoop of pop corn.

“Why? I get it with the drama. But what’s wrong with music program? Don’t you watch Inkigayo?”

“Are you kidding me? Watching the same musician winning again and again in every music station? Listening to their fan screaming and yell ‘oppa…oppa…saranghae…’?” Hoya mimicking the fan girl. Some people might be laugh seeing how silly he is. But Bora glares at him instead.

“Should we break up?” She asked coldly. She is a fan girl after all.

“Seriously? Well…I just don’t get it…they’re like middle school kid and their 'oppa' is around my age. What they think they will do with so much older men like that? Marry them one day?” Hoya is babbling and Bora laughs.

“Should I call you ‘oppa…oppa….Hoya oppa…’ too? I’ll think it will be funny.” She teases.

“Should I hit you?”

They both laugh out loud. Bora doesn’t understand how she can fall in love with this cold and ‘harsh’ guy. Hoya is sassy and always straightforward. But he's also always honest. Hoya never lie. Never even broke any promise. Maybe that's why she loves him.

“But you really never call me that way. I’m older than you. But you always speak informally to me since the day we met.” Hoya said.

“Isn’t it easier that way? We become closer.”

“Yeah…even though once in a while you call me ‘oppa’ will be nicer than ‘Ya! Lee Howon!’, I guess.” He pouted, making Bora chuckled.

“I don’t want to. I’m gonna be 25 in a few days. We’ll be the same age. ‘Ya! Lee Howon!’ is more comfortable.” She smirks.

“Right…you’ll be an ahjumma in a few days…”

“What did you say? I’m not an ahjumma…” She raises her voice while hitting his shoulder. He laughs on that, realizing how bad it is for man to remind a woman about their age. That’s the moment when they hear the ring on Hoya’s phone on the table. It was his mom. Hoya takes his phone and answers the call.

“It’s me omma…” He said casually. But his tone and expression changed a few second latter.

“What? Okay…calm down, omma…Tell me what happen.” Hoya’s voice draws Bora attention. Hoya stands up from the couch while talking with his mom with serious face. Bora thought something must be going on. A moment later Hoya hangs up the phone. But went to dial some other people. Looks like he’s searching for the ID of a phone number. It must be something serious.

 

“I think I have to go out of the town.” Hoya said a moment after he ends up the calls.

“Where?”’ Bora asked in daze.

“Busan.”

“Why Busan? Why so suddenly? What’s happening?” She’s curious.

“Myungsoo’s father contacted him through his wife. They want to meet Myungsoo. I just called his friends and they said Myungsoo already leave for Busan.” Hoya said while heading to his room. Looks like he’s getting ready and packs some stuff for trip quickly. Bora walks towards him.

“Will he be okay?” She asked. Still worrying about that kid after all.

“That’s what I’m worry about. He’s my brother, Bora…no matter what he did, no matter how angry I was, Myungsoo is just a fragile young man. I think he needs someone to be there. I think he needs me.” Hoya said seriously. Bora can see he’s so worry. She places her hand on his shoulder gently.

“Then go.”

“I’ll be back at Saturday. I promise. I’ll never let you blow the candle alone.” He said while cupping her face and giving her gentle smiles. Bora smiled back.

“Okay…be safe.”

“I love you…” Hoya said while gives her a short but loving kiss on the lips.

“Love you too.”

Bora can’t help it anymore. She’s been trying so hard not to cry but it’s too much. As he grips tighter to Hoya’s hand, she broke down into a messy sob. Her shoulder is shaking as she places her lips on Hoya’s palm. Letting her tears fall down to that pale hand.

“This is the first time you broke your promise, Hoya… This is the first time. You are really a bad guy.”

A few meters from that scene there’s a young man that shaking and also broke into tears. He grips onto the door frame as support. He feels so bad right now. Myungsoo stares at Bora that now crying while holding Hoya’s hand. He doesn’t even dare to step into the room. He won’t dare to look Bora in the eyes anymore.

Later at the night when Bora is not in Hoya’s room, Myungsoo walks slowly towards him. His left shoulder is hurting but he ignores it as he sits beside Hoya’s bed. There’s no blood in Hoya’s body, but Myungsoo still feels the horror traumatized him so painfully. Myungsoo’s shaking hand trying to hold the unconscious man hand. The horrible scene that repeating in Myungsoo’s head suddenly stopped as Myungsoo touch Hoya’s palm. Myungsoo got surprised as he holds that weak hand. On the scene that he saw before, everything was cold.  It was cold when he held his mom’s hand, also the same with Hyorin’s hand. It was cold. But Hoya’s hand is warm. So warm like making eveyone who holds it feel safe. Myungsoo wonders if his hands always this warm.

“Hyung…you once asked me if I hate you. Do you remember that? I said I don’t hate you, I can never hate you. I just…wanna be like you at that time. But now I want to ask you back, do you hate me, hyung?” Myungsoo’s stares lingering on Hoya’s face. Eyeing bandages on his head, hoping those closed eyes to open and giving little twinkles that he used to get from the older man.

“Do you hate me that much so you punishing me like this? Is it you punishment for me for being such a spoiled brat and hurt you so bad? Because if it is…I want to tell you that this is really works. This punishment really works. Because it makes me feels like crap right now.”

Myungsoo laughs while his free hand wiping the tears on his cheek. The pain on his shoulder moves to his chest. It feels hurt, not physically. Myungsoo feels familiar with this kind of pain, but it never been this bad before. But he keeps talking anyway.

“It makes me realize how bad I was. So can we get over it already? I get this punishment, can we move on and can you forgive me already?” Myungsoo sounds like begging. He grips into Hoya’s hand tighter like a the way he hold the older man hand on the way home from school when they’re kids.

“Because I just feel like finally get a hold of myself. We’re just back being brother again. For the first time I just feel like maybe I will feel happy someday. And you play a big part on that. So please, hyung…don’t die…don’t go... I know it will be sound so selfish, because a lot of people love you, a lot of people need you…but maybe…just maybe…I’m the one that need you the most. So…please, don’t leave me hyung…not you too.”

Myungsoo feels he can’t block the tears anymore. It keeps flowing until he’s out of breathed. Myungsoo feels like his body trembling as if his bone not be able to support him anymore.

“You listen to me right? I’m sorry…I’m so sorry hyung…I did wrong and I’m sorry. So please don’t go…”

That’s the moment when Myungsoo feels warm hands around his trembling shoulder. It was Bora; she was listening to every word that Myungsoo said. She was silently watching the scen behind the door. She cried hard too, just like Myungsoo. They both cry on that place. No word exchanged for almost fifteen minutes, they’re just crying in front of Hoya’s unconscious body. Bora pats the younger back gently.

“He listens, Myungsoo… I’m sure he’s listening.” She said with smile. Myungsoo smiles back, hands grip tighter on Hoya’s.

And in that moment Myungsoo knows he’s been forgiven.