Myungsoo wakes up and finds him self alone in his room. He slowly sits on the bed ignoring the throbbing pain on his head. It’s dark outside. Myungsoo isn't sure, but it’s probably about 8 PM. Myungsoo just stares coldly to the white wall, feeling as empty as ever. He doesn’t realize when drops start flowing from the corner of his eyes. White wall, white sheets, white curtain. Everything’s is white. No color. Just like everything’s in Myungsoo’s world.

Who am I kidding? I’m colorblind.

Myungsoo let out a sigh, trying to squeeze out the anger in his chest. But suddenly he sees that thing on the table beside his bed. Hoya brought that thing from home yesterday. His camera. His favorite toy. Was his favorite toy. Myungsoo lost control. The heavy feeling suddenly hit him hard, make him wants to scream. He used to love that thing. Really much. Even he spent three month of his part-time work salary to buy that thing. It was the symbol of his dream and passion. But now it becomes a reminder of his despair.

Myungsoo suddenly step out from the bed. His emotion is raging. He took the camera, holding it tightly for some seconds, while his eyes tearing up. A few moments later he throws it to the floor, making a loud crash sound like something broken. Yeah, it’s officially broken now. His dream. Myungsoo sobs as he staring at the pieces that scattered on the floor.

Why I have to lose it all? Why can’t I hold on into one thing for forever? Why did I do wrong?

The light from the lamp shines at the broken camera, revealing a tiny and shinny object that was the part of it. Lenses. Glass filter. A chill creeps out on Myungsoo’s spine. He takes a deep breath as he walks towards it. He took it, the shattered glass filter that suddenly becomes a sharp thing. Myungsoo chuckles as he brings it to his left wrist. Suddenly he feels fearless. And there’s no pain he feels when the glass slits onto his wrist slowly. Myungsoo just stares blankly at the red liquid that flow from there before a voice snapped his tought.

“Myungsoo, what are you doing?”

 He looks at the source of the sound and finds Bora standing on the door with a panic face. She was holding a bag filled with Myungsoo's clothes. Must be from Hoya's apartment.

“Don’t come.”

“Myungsoo, stop…”

“I said, don’t come near…or I will cut deeper.” He threatens.

“Okay, I’m not moving…okay. Just stop that thing.” 

“Don’t come here. Please leave.” Now Myungsoo's voice sounds like a pleading.

“Myungsoo, calm down. Look at me please…”

“Shut up!” He screamed.

“You don’t want to do that. You thought you want it, but you don’t.”

“I wanna die.” He said that like a statement.

“No you don’t.”

“I have no reason to live.” The hoarse voice filled with emotion come out.

“Okay, maybe you thought so. But deep inside your mind, you know you don’t want it. You want to live with or without reason.” Surprisingly Bora’s voice sounds so calm even though a clear worry hanging on her face. Myungsoo just sighs, slowly his hands trembling as he saw red liquids flowing to his elbow.

“Doesn’t it scary? The blood. If you scared, that’s mean you still want to live. So stop this Myungsoo.”

No answer. Myungsoo still grips onto the glass, but the blood makes him really scared. Not because of the pain in his wrist, but because it keeps flowing like draining every energy that he has left. 

“Myungsoo, take the glass down. Okay.” Myungsoo feels his heart beats so fast and the fear is creeping out again. He’s trembling and the glass slips from his hand. He falls to the floor. Staring down with a blank face and teary eyes. Cupping his face with his palms. Bora quickly rushed into him and embrace him. She’s shooting some words while rubbing his back to calm him down.

“It’s okay. Hey, it’s okay. Ssshh…I’m here. Okay. Talk to me. It’s okay.”

“It hurts.” Myungsoo cried weakly.

“I’m sorry, Myungsoo. I’m sorry. Now we need to take care of your wounds, okay.”

“Don’t call the nurse. I don’t want them to see me.” Myungsoo said. He really don’t want anyone to see him in this state. She nodded. She knows that this fragile young man is having his mental break down. Every emotion that he has is raging. And it's heartbreaking to see.

“Okay. I will treat your wounds myself. I won't call anyone. Okay? Now, let's sit on the bed. Let me treat your wounds.”

She slowly helped Myungsoo stands up and walking back to the bed, ignoring the trail of the blood that still scattered on the wooden floor.

“Here. Keep pressure on the wrist.” She gives him a clean towel. A minute later she comes back with first aid kit. She takes his hands gently and cleans the cut. Luckily it’s not too deep, but still it will leave a mark. Myungsoo looks at her worried face. She looks trying so hard to stay calm in front of him, and suddenly it makes him feels bad.

“I’m sorry. I’m troublesome.” A weak voice almost like a whisper came out from him.

“No you’re not. It's okay. Just promise, don’t do that again, okay?” She smiled.

“I don’t know why I did that. I just want to. I just feel like to. I just-“

“Angry.” She said calmly. Myungsoo froze a little. He did angry. How can he not be angry? These things is too much for him to handle.

“You’re angry. And you have right to do that.” She continue as her hands keep cleaning the cut.

"I just want at least one thing in my life to be alright. But none of it was. It's all broken. I'm broken. That's why everyone left. My mom, Hyorin, my dreams. They're gone."

"You're not a tool, Myungsoo. You're not broken. You don't need any fixing. Stop the crap, okay?"

“But still, I make people worry. I’m such burden. Since I was a kid I’m always a burden.” Myungsoo keeps babbling. He's letting all the emotion in his chest burst out.

“Don’t say that. Hoya never said you’re a burden.” She said. Myungsoo stops a while. Right, Hoya always be there for him. Hoya is always kind. Hoya never hurt him. Hoya never left. But why all those affections make him more angry? 

“Hoya-hyung. I should be like him, right?” He chuckles.

“What do you mean?” She looks up to see his face.

“Isn’t he perfect? He has everything. He’s smart, cool, well-mannered, likable and kind-hearted. Everyone likes him. Everyone wants to stand by him. Invincible Lee Howon. I can never be like him. ” Myungsoo remembered how Hoya always be the model figure of the boy since they were kid. Hoya is lively, fun and charming. The opposite of him.

“Stop.” Bora muttered.

“Isn’t that the reason why you love him? Because he’s perfect.”

“Don’t say things like that anymore. Hoya’s not perfect. Even if he is, it won’t be the reason why I love him. Here, look at me." Suddenly she places her right hand in Myungsoo's left cheek. Myungsoo remembers this is the thing that his mom used to do in the past. His mom used to carresing his cheeks while telling him good story and giving smile.

"You will never be him. It’s true. You will never be Hoya. Because you’re you. You’re supposed to be Myungsoo, not Hoya. And as far as I can see, Myungsoo is likable. And he can be sweet if he wants. So please, don’t say things like that anymore.” She sounds serious. Myungsoo blinked a few times, trying to look away from her intense stare.

“Beside, you’re right, Hoya is my boyfriend, but actually and fairly, I think you’re more handsome than him.” She chuckles, trying to and it works. Myungsoo smiles shyly.

“There. You smile. It’s nice. Cute.” She teases him again.

“Now it’s your turn to stop.” He stopped smiling. But Bora just laughs. 

“Let’s be friend, Myungsoo-ya. I think we will be good friends. I may a year older than you, but I'm gonna allow you to call me by name. I don't like people call me -noona- anyway. So every time things get hard for you, just talk to me. I may not give you any solution, and I may not good at comforting but at least I’m gonna tease you until you laugh.” She said while bandaging Myungsoo's wrist. The latter stares blankly, he doesn't know what kind of feeling that he has, but the idea about being friends doesn't seems bad.

“Okay.”

“So, now that we’re friends, I have something for you. Actually I’m not sure why I should give this to you. You may not like it, but you have to accept it.” She takes a box from his bag excitingly. 

“You’re kidding, right?” Myungsoo gives her a glare.

“I’m not. I have two of them. I'm giving one for you.”

“CNBLUE?” Myungsoo's eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s signed CD. Don’t you know how hard I try to get those signatures?”

“But I’m not their fan.” He said flatly.

“Just listen to them. They are a band. They have a lot of fan boys. Just be their fan.”

“O-kay…but it’s their Japanese release. I don’t understand Japanese.”

“Tsk…it’s 2013. If you want to know the meaning just ask Google Translate.” She scoffed.

“Well…o..kay.” Seems like he has no choice but to accept that.

“Now, do you want to sleep? I’m gonna ask the nurse for your medicine.”

“Okay.” He said as she stands up and walks to the door to find the nurse. Bu at the moment she reached the door, Myungsoo call her name.

"Bora-ya..."

"Hmm?" She turns around and facing Myungsoo's tired but beautiful face.

"Can't you please keep it from Hoya hyung? About my breakdown..." Myungsoo looks down awkwardly. Bora just smiles.

"Arasso. I get it chingu-ya..."

Myungsoo doesn't know why, but it seems right. Maybe Bora was right. Myungsoo doesn't need fixing. He's not broken. He's just imperfect. Like everyone else.