Hello eveyone~ 

please read this, if you are interested, and to be honest, I actually feel better writing this out and I hope that you guys will spend some time reading this. :) cheers. 

So one day I've received a mail from one of my reader asking what inspired me to write this fan fiction, was there anyone special. 

Well, the answer is yes, there was someone special that inspired me to write this, since you guys have been reading my fan fiction from the start, i think it wouldn't hurt to tell you guys how it actually was. 

So my story begins: 

About 2 years ago I met this boy called Dan (his nickname only), we met in a biology club, I always know that he was in my school, but I never got a chance to talk to him, one day, the time had come, my supervisor introduced Dan to me, since we both like biology and the fact that we're the only grade 9 in the club, we somehow blended in with eachother.I still remember what the teacher said "Arianna (Arianna is my english name but my passport name is not arianna), that's Dan, look at him, he hates me so much for assigning so much stuff to him, he's doing biology too, maybe you guys can revise together!" I didn't know what to say but feeling my heart beating faster and faster, "That would be great." Dan finally answered, I just smiled at him.

  From that point, Dan and I have became closer,and since then my feelings for him were quite complicated, what I remembered was i started getting butterflies whenever I saw him and then it started to become something more than a friend, it wasn't anything legit, but I always thought Dan was a sweetie and a nice guy, he is talkative and very sociable.Every teacher liked him.But my impression of him had immediately change when I saw him smoking, after school while talking to a "not so decent" guy, he saw me staring at him smoking, he didn't say anything, I just shook my head and leave, I know it was wrong of me for doing that, because come on, who am I to judge him?He's just a friend of mine.

  In grade 10,we were in the same class, but I started "hating" Dan a lot, because he had sort of became a jerk and all cool and stuff after the day I saw him smoking.I didn't know why and all I knew was that  I was dissapointed with him, but there's something inside me telling me that I should help him, he was important to me.And... "I want him to be good" that's why Si Yui says to Kyung Soo all the time in the story, and that's why I said to Dan all the time when he became one cold hearted guy, himself ofcourse did not care, he barely listened to anyone at school at that time, as his scores were dropping, (except for biology, cause that's the only subject he likes), and it hurts me to see him being like this, whenever he got scolded by teachers my heart dies a little, I didn't know why because he was no longer my friend, he had nothing to do with me, but still, hating him was just something that I said, but inside was the loving thing made me care for him.

  I had no choice but to make myself obvious for Dan to know that I care about him, I did not know how to express myself but to keep on telling him that "I want you to be good, because I care about you and you don't even know." there were times that he didn't know how to responde me but to look at me in the eyes, and me myself being the awkward one, I just looked away.This went on for a while, and Dan had become a better guy again, until one day Dan got caught smoking inside the school campus, smoking is a big nono in my school (in most of the school too i believe), I remembered the teacher was making it obvious for everyone in the school to know that Dan did something wrong, and It was absoultely hard for him as well.I was dissapointed again, but I was even more frusterated with the fact that my teacher was pubicly embarrasing him, causing him to feel insulted, I angrily stared at the teacher, when she called him out from the classroom, I still remember him staring at me and left the classroom. 

  And what he texted me afterwards was what changed everything. I still remembered his "not caring about anything" attitude. He started off with:

"Well, happened lol." 

"What did they say?" 

"Detention for one week and apology letter to the principle."

I remembered myself being speechless then ending up scolding him 

"You're lucky then.But, Why?I told you not to do stupid things like that, Danxxx xxx are you stupid? Smoking in the school seriously? You're out of your mind?......" 

"I'm sorry.." 

"I don't want to talk to you anymore hahaha" Ofcourse I do wanna talk to him, that's why I added "hahaha" (bare with me, I at talking to guys) 

"Why do you care anyways?" 

"cause you're a friend of mine, remember biology buddy!" 

"You're lame, I know it's not that simple, but you know I don't worth your time right?" 

"I am not even.. urgh whatever you say." 

"XXXXX, do you remember last time when we were watching Sadako ( a famous horror flim in Japan) in the cinema?" 

"Yea..?" 

"I didn't mean to wrap my arms around you, you just looked scared, so yea I kinda feel like I need to protect you, but seems that you didn't like that,so... I'm sorry." 

"Tbh, I actually kinda liked it." (I was that stupid to tell him) 

"Well, to be honest, what if I said  I liked it too? :)"

"Then... I guess I'm happy about it ?:)" 

"I guess I'm happy about it too.."

"Dan, am I being too stupid and honest with you?" 

"Why?" 

"Um..." 

"Well, I guess I should be more stupid and honest with you and tell you that

 xxxxxxx Michiyo, I like you :)" 

At this stage I am already dying. But also thinking if he's giving me any false hope or not. 

"... nevermind, I know you don't like me in that way, if you do, why would you be looking at me in that way, you actually dislike me right? lol" 

"um..." 

"But xxxxx, I changed for you, can't you see it?" 

"yes.. sort of." 

"Sort of only?Actually, nevermind I don't see the point anymore." 

My heart sanked when I saw that, and knew that it was my last chance.

"How come liking you is a waste of time dan? You are nice to people that you care, you are so charming when you're playing basket ball, you're smart and bright, you are also cute, calling you a cool hearted jerk, was just a way to hide my feelings for you, Danxxx xxx I love you." ( i don't really remember the exact thing I have said to him, but that's roughly it.

"Wow, I didn't even know you called me a cool hearted jerk.. -_- but thank god it's out of my chest now, I promise you that I'll be good from now on :)" (he stopped drinking)

He likes blue and I like pink, that's why you can always see blue and pink in all the conversations from this fanfic :)

since that day, we've became official, and life was great..

Dan and I needed eachother, we both know that we did. 

There were times that Dan and I will be arguing but it was never something that we would be worrying about. 

And You know life is a and happens all the time. 

In the end of Grade 11, Dan had to  leave. He said that his family and him were moving back to Korea, you know, I couldn't do much about it.Of course I was sad, but I'm used to it, in my school everyone comes and leaves, so I will always have to say goodbye to people that I'm close with.But Dan was special, I did not want him to leave but, but I know, I just have to let go, the day when he left, he didn't kiss me but hugged me and said "I will never leave you." I cried for the whole day, knowing that I might be only seeing him once a year from now then. Back then even thinking of it will cause me crying for hours and hours. I listened to Richard Marx and Just a feeling by Maroon 5 over and over like crazy, I thought I couldn't live without him.

  When he got back to Korea, we used to skype till mid night, I forgot what sleep was, I forgot what sleep was just to talk to him, and coming from an IB student, you know how important sleep is to an IB student, yet I chose him over that. 

About 3 months later, our feelings started to fade, skype calls from 3 hours turned into 2 and from 2 turned into 1 and eventually it turned into none, sometimes i ignored him on purpose, I was selfish, I didn't think of his feelings, I guess one day he got mad and decided to be mad at me and said a bunch of nasty things out, I being the sensitive one, couldn't stand him calling me those kind of things, and I was mad at him. Few days later he apologized, and I didn't accept it, I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I felt like our love's going to lead to no where, so, better to end it soon. 

  I continued ignoring him, until he sent me a text. "I guess.. this is it, I guess I should have known better." Tears were falling from my eyes when I got that text, I know I was wrong, I know I did something wrong. And Dan, never wants to talk to me anymore. 

We've been a part for almost one year now, I still think that I need him, and I hate myself for doing what I have done before, hurting him is the last thing that I would do, I was stupid, I was out of my mind.But I know I can never fix this.It's over, but the memories are still here, people leave and things change, I guess he loved me as who I was, and hate me as who I am now. I can't do much about it, and I can't fix this anymore, but to write this story, to remember that I used to have someone as precious as Dan is to me, and to complete our love story with a perfect full-stop, I wish, we were as smooth as Si Yui and Kyung Soo. I wish there was a happy ending, I wish this was not over yet, there are so many things that I wish it could happen, but at the end of the day, I reminded myself "You wish only. He's gone".

Well, I guess I shall end this with exo's  peter pan's lyrics 

"I brush off the dust on the old diary The inside that suddenly opened up, brightly

"You are there still Like before, you are remained
I recall the pictures that I lived forgetting The little tremblings splurge in my body
It’s a bit of a sad thing that we can’t go back to that time

I’m going to look for you Tinker bell that the memories sent Neverland that followed through
At that place While looking at each other, were we smiling
Forever your peter pan. Your man that stopped the that time
Although I’m lacking, I’m running to my you that I loved so much" 

 I know I am not peter pan and you're not tinker bell, I'll be whatever it is, just to be with you because. 

"Although I e page that I lastly wrote about you in, no longer

Do I have the strength to read on I’m going to erase the sad writings
It’s not going to be the end of our story
Because I’m going to meet you again"  

Yea, Someday I'll meet you again. But for now, Danxx xxx, I love you, I still really really love you. (: