I know your love was never mine and yet, I’ve been watching the shore, waiting for your beacon, for my heart still beats in time with yours.

4^th August 2021

Sehun put down the 5^th cup of his Soju that he had been drinking for the past hour, in hope the alcohol will take away the tremendous pain in his heart. But at times like this that he wished he could be drunk, he was more sober than ever. How he hoped he could be completely knocked out to get away from all of this just for a while. Never had he felt so painful before. Was this how one feels when they lose someone? Because right now he felt as though he had lost the whole world. He lost Aleyah, and he lost to Kai.

Now he knew the reason to her constant staring into space and dazed behavior when they first started out. Initially, he thought it was just part of her so he learnt to live with it. Never had he expect the reason to the sadness behind her beautiful hazelnut eyes to be caused by Kai, the man she loved for 8 years. The man she left behind because his career and passion means too much to her. A similar mocking grin was seen creeping on his cold face, everything starts to make sense now; Kai’s broken engagement to them no longer talking to one another.

8 years. Sehun mentally counted the number of days Aleyah spent loving him. It was indeed no lesser than Solbi. And that moment, he swore he envied Kai. Because compared to him, his 8 months with her was nothing. It couldn’t even be compared. Not even his love could be compared to her love for him. But how could Kai be this heartless to make someone so beautiful like her to be so sad. Because she doesn’t deserve to be.

To: Kai hyung

Let’s talk. Meet you in the dorm in an hour.

-

“Sehun-ah.” Kyungsoo stood at the door, clearly waiting for him. He knew why he was here. When Kai came back into the dorm saying that Sehun wanted to talk to him, he knew.

“Sehun.. listen to me..”

“Hyung. You knew about it didn’t you?” His eyes were cold, so cold that it made Kyungsoo shivered, unsure of what to reply.

“I see.” Sehun didn’t need to say anymore to show his disappointment in him. This would be the third stab he received in half a day; betrayal from 3 people, 3 of his loved ones. Aleyah, Kai and now Kyungsoo. And by now he was already numbed. If the whole Exo turned against him now, he doubts he would feel anything anymore.

The blonde male walked into the dining area, to see Kai sitting there with an expressionless face. But through his eyes, Sehun saw a striking resemblance. Those dimly lit eyes were exactly like hers when their relationship started; empty and soulless. “You really love her don’t you?”

His question caused Kai to look up and look at him for the first time ever since he stepped in. His eyeballs instinctively widened a little before closing them again. Images of her flashed past him, causing a lump to form on his throat with his nose turning sour.

“You really love her don’t you?” With each approaching step, Sehun asked again.

“Yes I do. I really do.” He choked out before wiping the tears that escaped from the corner of his closed eyes. With her being mentioned, his last sane to control his emotions snapped. She had became his weakness.

Sehun laughed dryly as tears blurred his vision. He didn’t have to mention her name for her face to appear in Kai’s head. Just a simple question without names was sufficient to explain their love for one another. It hurts him to know how deeply in love they were but it also made him mad. If he loves her so much, why didn’t he fight for her? Why did he give up so easily? And why would he hurt a girl who never hurt him?

“No. You didn’t love her.” He grabbed hold of Kai’s collar and pulled him up to his feet. Shoving up the wall, Kyungsoo, Luhan and Tao who had been watching expected Sehun to shout at him but instead, he broke down and cried as he struggled out the words from his lips, “You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe.. maybe she was just too good for your ego. Or… or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life. But you didn’t love her.”

“Because you don’t destroy people you love.”

And slowly, Sehun let Kai slide down the wall like a shapeless plasticine while he staggered back to his old room in the dorm. The pitch black surrounding was like the world he was living now. It was dark, empty and he was alone.

Luhan watched how Kai bawled his heart out in Kyungsoo’s arms as Tao banged on Sehun’s door, begging him to open up. Although he doesn’t know the exact story that happened between them but he knew well enough who was the she they were talking about. And before he even realizes it, he had already rushed out of the dorm, hailing a cab to her store. Because if Kai and Sehun were in the dorm means she’s suffering all alone.

And true enough, when he reached her store, the lady was locking up and walking away weakly. Her footsteps were heavy like the whole word was weighing down her thin shoulders.

Luhan pulled her arm, turning her around to face him immediately. And the lady who held his heart captive with the most beautiful smile had tears rolling down her swollen eyes. “Lu…luhan…”

The sight of him made her sobbed even harder. As humans, we always ruin everything we touched and she had destroyed the one she loves the most and the one that loves her the most. “I’m the world biggest hypocrite. I lied, I deceived and I even cheated. I’ve did the worst thing one could ever imagine… And so many people are hurt because of me…”

“It’s all because of me…”

Throughout the journey back to the home Sehun and her shared, Luhan didn’t speak a word. All he did was offer his shoulder, his ear and his embrace. They were everything that she needed yet Kai and Sehun couldn’t provide her with now. As a friend to all three of them, staying by her was the least he could do.

Sometimes when we see a person cry, it’s better not to ask why. Sometimes it takes only four words to make them feel happy again. And those four words that Luhan chose to tell her before she closed her bedroom door, were the only ones that could make her less lonely and less afraid now,

“I will be here.”

******

When Luhan woke up, the living room was stale; in the same form it was in before he give in to his sleepiness while trying to stay by her. And judging by the look from it, he guessed that she was still in her room, torturing herself.

Just as he stood up wanting to check on her, his eyes landed on a thank you note dedicated to him.

But what made him sink back into the couch was 2 white envelops placed neatly beside his, with Kai and Sehun’s name neatly written on it.

******

Whatever Sehun said to Kai is adapted from Grey's Anatomy and I thought that it suited this story a lot.

2 more chaps to go. 

Enjoy~