Even though I saw it coming, it still hurts.

15^th September 2020

If Aleyah were to list out the perks of being Exo’s translator, the answer that topped her list would be, she was never bored. The 12 men are a total different person on stage and off stage. When the camera’s light was on, they are the most charismatic being you’ve ever seen, everything they do was just so damn attractive. But when they were left on their own, they transformed into the silliest and dorkiest boys ever, making jokes out of the smallest thing. And her entertainment everyday would none other be watching them fool around.

Also, being a translator meant constantly hanging around them. And that leads to perk number two on her list, getting first hand news on their interviews, photoshoots, schedules and etc. Thus she concluded that this was definitely every fangirl’s ideal job.

“He wants to know what you guys feel about having a world tour again this year.” The translators that were planted behind them translated. The members that she was in charge of today were Baekhyun and Chanyeol. And of course Sehun and Kai who sat right in front of her.

After knowing the question, Chanyeol quickly replied while Sehun just nodded plainly.

“I feel excited to be able to meet our Europe fans again. Since it’s been a year since we last saw them. I miss them a lot.” Aleyah translated from Korean to English before poking Sehun’s waist discreetly so he would turn to look at her.

“Answer.” She mouthed to him, “Try.”

Sehun took in a deep breadth. After their talk at the bridge, he managed to gain a little courage and confidence. Her words made him determined to change the way he was. He doesn’t want to disappoint her when she holds so much faith in him. Especially when she was the first person who believes in him. Even so, it still wasn’t easy but he knows he still have to at least try.

“Europe fans had showed us much love last year and I’m glad to be back here again this year. I really hope to be back here next year too.” His answer caused all the members to turn and look back at him, all were surprised to hear his voice when his name was not being called. But they were really glad to hear him speak.

The moment he finished his sentence he turned back seeking for her approval and he was greeted by a big grin hanging on the lady’s face. She secretly stuck out her thumb, praising him for the good attempt he had made. Her smile was all it takes to make him feel satisfied with his first attempt to find back the old Oh Sehun.

Kai watched how a contented smile spread across the blonde male’s face from the corner of his eyes. He wasn’t paying attention to the interviewer at all. Because he couldn’t. The two of them were just so distracting and he can’t help but to be interested in what they were up to. He saw how they had been secretly communicating to one another and he could feel that similar unhappy feeling rose in him again. His irk for Sehun was also getting stronger.

“Baekhyun, do you miss your fiancé since you are on world tour now? I’m sure being newly weds you will want to see each other everyday right?”

“Ahhh.” The mentioned male rubbed his neck shyly after knowing the question from the lady, the rest of the members just sniggered. “Actually I’m considered lucky compared to the rest of the members who are engaged or married because my wife is with me on this tour.”

“So you are having your honeymoon while you are having a worldtour?”

“No no. My wife is one of our staff so we are both working very hard for this world tour together.” He quickly explained, “But I don’t deny I secretly bring her out and have our own honeymoon around Europe sometimes.”

“Now I know why you are always not in your room, hyung.” Chanyeol spat at him.

“Now you know.” The older one winked back causing everyone in the room to burst out in laughter at their wittiness. They’ve successfully created a more comfortable atmosphere for the interview to progress.

“I see. What about Kai? Since your fiancé is also an idol you will not get to be with her 24/7, do you miss her?”

Aleyah instantly froze when she heard the question from the interviewer. She was sure she did not see that question on the interview sheet and it had totally caught her off guard as her mind went blank and went dry. She didn’t know how to translate to Kai because neither did she want to mention her name nor the fiancé word. She was scared to touch that untouchable topic between them.

“Aleyah?” Kai nudged her. “I heard my name. What did he ask?”

“He…” The lady struggled to find the right words. But none of them seem to be able to avoid her name or her relationship status. They were linked; just like how they would always be closely tied to him. “He wants to know if you miss Solbi because you are on a world tour and you don’t get to see her as often.”

She could feel herself trying to block out the surrounding noise right after those words left her lips. Yes she had avoided the word fiancé, but it still did not make her feel any less miserable when she had to ask him how much he misses her. It was a fact that she doesn’t wish to know. If possible, she doesn’t even want to know.

Kai instantly froze when he heard the question from her. His eyes crawled up to her face but she turned away from him, refusing his gaze. He let out a silent sigh before turning forward to face the camera. There was no way he could avoid this question as much as he wished to and the answer to it was pretty much obvious. He couldn’t say he doesn’t miss Solbi because that would only mean a crack in their relationship. A negative news on him wouldn’t look good on Exo when they are on a world tour now. Guilty as he is, there was nothing he could do because in the next moment, he was going to be a man who was untrue to his words. “Yeah I do. I miss her a lot.”

Aleyah could still hear his voice even though she tried to block her ears. His words were like dagger slitting her heart into two as he spoke. The feeling of having the man who tells her he loves her every night right before she sleeps expressing how much he misses another woman simply made her feel dejected.

“Then leave a few words for her. I’m sure she will watch this interview.”

“Solbi-ah, how are you in Korea? It’s been 2 weeks plus since I last saw you. Hope you’ve eaten and slept well. Don’t miss me too much alright? I will be back soon. I miss you baby.” As much as Kai had chose the least hurting words, there were still some that he couldn’t avoid.

Coincidentally, the mentioned woman stepped into the interview room just in time to hear her fiance’s confession. A glowing smile hooked her lips as she watched him from behind the camera. The man she had been missing for the past few weeks didn’t seem to notice her presence yet but her heart was already hitting against her chest frantically. After 10 years, the sight of him was still capable of making her feel like this.

“Cut!” The director announced as Exo members came sauntering out of the studio towards her. Some were surprised to see her but she just walked passed them coolly, towards the man that held her heart captive.

“Aleyah, I….” Kai turned to her right after the interview ended. He couldn’t sit still after he made that video message to Solbi. He was dying to explain to her about his answer earlier, he needed to tell her that it wasn’t true. The last thing he wanted was her to be mistaken of his love for her. But before he could finish his sentence another familiar voice called him.

“Kai-ah..”

“S…Solbi.” Right when he turned around, he saw his fiancé working towards him. Instinctively, he closed his eyes and let out another silent sigh. He wasn’t pleased to see her now, especially when there are more important things he needed to settle with Aleyah.

“Are you that surprised?” Solbi saw how he closed and opened his eyes again, as though unable to believe that she was before him. “I heard your message for me.”

“You know I can’t sleep without you. I miss you too baby.” Snaking her hands around his firm waist, she planted a loving kiss on his lips. She couldn’t care how they were she was showing affection for one another in his workplace, she missed him and they are engaged so there’s nothing wrong with them kissing.

“There are so many people. Don’t.”

“Since when are you so shy? I’m the one who used to tell you to stop planting me kisses at my photoshoot.”

“Hyungsoo.” Sehun’s greeting interrupted the couple’s intimacy as they broke away. “What brings you to London?”

Solbi was slightly annoyed with the younger’s distruption. She wanted to snap at him but she saw a new staff standing beside them so she didn’t. Her image needed to be maintained among them. “Oh your hyung made me mad the other day so I came down to finish some unfinished business with him. But looks like now I don’t have to anymore.” She smiled sweetly at the man beside him.

“Aye, you two need to get a room. I’m leaving.” Being disgusted by the couple’s public display of affection, Sehun decided to just leave them alone. “Aleyah, are you coming?”

Throughout the conversation of Sehun and Solbi, Kai looked into Aleyah’s hazelnut eyes. They were dark, lonely and frightened. The sparkle that existed in her eyes were none other than the tears that she was trying to hold back. He had seen this state of her before, it was all too familiar for him. If not for Solbi’s arms around his waist that prevented him from moving, he would have already pulled her into his embrace and bury her into his chest. She was too vulnerable to be left alone now.

“I’m coming.” She broke the gaze between them as she turned around and walked towards Sehun who was waiting for her. The dagger slit her heart once again. “Shall we go for some ice-cream?”

“Sounds good.”

The man watched her walked away with the blonde male, her voice quavering slightly. His heart was as heavy as his hands that slipped off from Solbi’s back.

******

London’s concert was a success and the crew threw a party to celebrate as usual. Everybody was there physically to celebrate this joyous occasion, except for 2. The star-crossed lovers. They were physically there together, but they were also mentally elsewhere. Although they were at two different ends of the room, they were fighting to grasp each other’s gaze. One trying to seek comfort, the other trying to provide.

The long and torturing day finally ended for the lady when she entered her room. It wasn’t easy for her to witness Kai and Solbi kissing and hugging throughout the celebratory supper. She was forlorn but she didn’t dare to confront her feelings there. If she did she would probably crumble and cry a bucket in front of him. And it wasn’t right if she did. Yes she was sad and torn, but she felt like she had no place to grieve, and it feels wrong for her to grieve.

What right does she have to be upset about Kai hugging his fiancé in an open event? It was only right for him to do so; she was his official wife-to-be. Aleyah had never dreamt of replacing Solbi, all she wanted was to just indulge in his love for this one month. Was it too much to ask for? But it looks like her spell had worn off even before the clock strikes 12. Cinderella had to bid her prince goodbye now.

The lady collapsed into her bed helplessly. Although she didn’t shed a single tear today, her eyes were still tired from controlling the lead-like tears from falling. If she could she would choose to just sleep and pray that everything was just a bad dream. Deep in her heart she still wanted to be with her prince till the clock strikes 12 exactly. To her every moment was precious; she was clear that she wasn’t afraid to let go, she was just afraid to accept the reality that he would be gone.

A series of vibration on the bed woke her as she searched for the source drowsily. It was Kai’s phone ringing. She picked up his phone gingerly that was hidden under his pillow as she contemplated what to do. Answering his phone was definitely not a choice, but should she return it back to him? His manager seemed to be looking for him urgently.

-

The moment Kai opened that wooden door, Aleyah regretted her decision.

There he was standing by the door wearing only his black slacks. His fringe was drenched in sweat while his tanned body glittered under the room’s light. Those black eyes of his rounded in surprise at her presence, as though it was her first time knocking at his door. “A.. Aleyah.”

“I…” He struggled to speak but he was once again interrupted.

“Baby, where did you put my clothes?” Solbi sauntered out from the bedroom, tying a knot on her bathrobe that was falling seductively off her shoulder, “Who’s that at the door?”

She stood before him trying to un-piece the images she just saw. But they refused to leave her mind, instead they were starting to make up new images that linked to the two of them being half-. She doesn’t know what to feel. Was it right for her to be hurting that he’s sleeping with his fiancé? If only someone could enlighten how she should feel at this moment, then maybe she wouldn’t be in this terrible dilemma with her feeings. All she wanted was to get away from that place, she need to. Any longer she will crumble, she really would.

“It’s…”

“You left your phone in… your manager had been calling you.” Aleyah pulled herself together for the last time and handed him his phone with her trembling hands. “Sorry for disturbing.”

She bowed slightly before turning around to leave but a force pulled her back. He turned her around and held her by her shoulder. He was already out of his room’s door but he didn’t care. All he cared right now was explaining to her. From her eyes and words he knew that she had mistaken him, mistaken them.

“Aleyah, wait. Listen to me.” Kai begged. “Things aren’t…”

“Kai.” She interrupted him once again calmly. She thought she would struggle away from his touch but surprisingly she could just stand there, “I don’t want just words from you now. If that’s all you have for me, then it will be better if you let go.”

As much as she wanted him to let go, she doesn’t want him to. His touch and his warmth was all she needed right now. How she wished she could collapse into his embrace so he could pat her head and tell her everything would be alright like he did before. His arms were all she needed right now, not his words. They were not the same, the latter definitely can’t offer the security and comfort she desperately needed right now.

“Kai?” Solbi’s voice was drawing near.

“Aleyah, I…” Kai panicked. He needed to clear this, before Solbi sees her. But Aleyah interrupted him once again.

“Just go.” She whispered, her voice was almost begging.

The man’s hands dropped from her shoulder slowly, and she turned around to walk away; increasing the distance between them. What should she call this feeling? Turmoil or betrayed? She doesn’t know. The tears that she had swallowed before she came knocking on his door once again blurred her vision.

Till she reached her room then she allowed her tears to fall. The lady cowered herself into a foetus position when her body touched the bed. Muffling her cries in the pillow, she couldn’t care less that she doesn’t have the right to grieve anymore. The slits that cut her heart into quarters earlier had already dissectioned it into tiny million pieces by now.

Tonight she was bound to lose all sleepiness as she stared at the empty side of her bed and wonder about things he would tell her if he’s laying beside her now. Her tears just couldn’t stop falling.

******

I don't know where to start commenting about the saesangs so let's just pray for the poor boys.

Things are so effed up that I don't even have the mood to write SMM esp that story deals with Saesang too. 

So let's just stick to reading emo chaps for now alright?