Why does it seem like every time things are finally going to be okay, something terrible happens?

3^rd October 2020

Aleyah couldn’t exactly remember how did Sehun manage to get her to close the shop early but all she knew was him sending her home, changing her wound’s dressing before leaving for his already late schedule.

In her empty apartment right now, she could still smell Kai’s perfume lingering in the living room she was in. His scent no doubt comforts her everytime but it doesn’t work so now. His scent reminded her of how he sat in this couch, hugging her as he told her how much he loved performing. The adrenaline rush he has whenever he dances on stage, the sound of his fans chanting his name, the encouragement fans told him at fan events. They were all told with a voice filled with accomplishment and triumph. And she understood all of his attainment, because she knew how much hardship he went through; how much sacrificed he made in exchange for all of this. His achievement was her happiness too.

But now, he had given up all of these to be with her.

Truthfully, she doesn’t want him to sacrifice. She doesn’t want him to sacrifice his dreams for her. Her heart felt heavy and guilty because of what he had done, something he thought she had no knowledge of.

Hey baby. I won’t be back tonight. Got an overnight schedule. Don’t kick the sheets when you sleep alright? Keep warm. I love you.

Kai lied again. Aleyah laughed dryly as she wiped away the tears that were b up around her eyes. Until now he hadn’t intend to tell her the truth. He must have already broken the news to the company and she was sure that they are doing something about it now. Or he would not come home today. For the first time, she had thoughts that if he’s able to come home tonight, she promised she would let him stay for the night.

 She needed to talk to him, to ask him why he did that. She already told him that she didn’t need labels in their relationship didn’t she? Because she knew where all this would lead to. Like now. She could foresee him going through all the questionings as he risked his artist career so she didn’t allow him to break his engagement. Now that he did, she would do whatever it takes for him to continue this dream of his; his only triumph.

He was the boy who wanders into her heart without knocking or wiping his feet, she was the girl who says goodbye but never really lets go. Time to time again, she gave in to him. Because everytime he knocks, she couldn’t help but to let him in. If right from the start, she stuck to her principal: never to exchange their friendship for a relationship, none of this would have happened. She shouldn’t have surrendered to the devil in her that asked her to sin right from the start. She shouldn’t even have accepted him the other time when she had decided to break off. She should have endured the pain alone and broke off cleanly.  If she hadn’t been so weak and succumbing to her own feelings, none of this would have happened. It was all of because of her.

This time, she told herself, she would fix everything right. She can’t let him scarifice in vain.

Since everything started because of her, she would be the one to end everything too.

******

“Oh Sehun! You are such a lucky sloth!” Kai could hear Chanyeol’s deep voice right when he unlocked the dorm’s door. Although it was 330am in the morning, the dorm was still booming with liveliness. He forced out a smile as he pulled open the front door, there was no where else he could go now. He couldn’t return to Solbi and his house, and he didn’t want to let Aleyah see him in this distressed state; so returning to their home wasn’t a choice either. Plus, he didn’t want to wake her up as much as he was yearning to see her; embrace her after experiencing a day of shoutings, humiliation and judging. But the thought of being able to see her in a few hours time comforts him right away.

“Yah! Stop strangling me!” It was Sehun screaming. “Leave me alone!”

“Kai!” Luhan waved to him excitedly but he just nodded at him before planting himself at the dining table. Sehun and Kyungsoo looked at him worriedly, they were the only ones in the room who knew what he was going through.

“Hyung! Stop it!” The blonde male hissed at Chanyeol as he pinched his thighs. The latter had been irritating him by mumbling Aleyah’s name beside his ears and it was getting annoying. Although he wanted to share the joyous news with his favourite Kai hyung, he knew this wasn’t the time. He was afraid his good news would seem as a showoff when he’s going through a broken engagement.

“Being attached doesn’t give you the right to pinch me okay!” Chanyeol screamed as he hit Sehun with the pillow childishly.

“Tsktsk, our maknae is getting naughty after being attached.” Suho added in.

“Totally. Being attached with Aleyah doesn’t give you any rights to be rude to hyungs!” Luhan poked his sides teasingly, they were too happy for Sehun to notice Kai had a depressed aura encircling him.

“What did you say??” Kai looked up at Luhan dangerously, causing everyone to stop their teasing due to the frozen atmosphere. His eyes were piercing.

Receiving no response, he raised his voice, “What did you say?!”

“Sehun.. is attached.. With Aleyah.”

Kyungsoo watched how Kai’s hands that were placed on the wooden table slowly clenched into fist as they trembled, his breathing got heavier and rough. “Kai, are you okay?”

“Kai?”

“No. I’m not. I’m not okay at all!” Everyone was shocked at his sudden outburst as they watched him slammed the table before storming out of the dorm’s door.

-

Kai punched in the chain of familiar numbers to unlock their house door with his trembling hands. It was the date where they shared their first official kiss; the start of their blissful relationship. And when he stepped into their home, he saw her sitting in the living room’s couch, legs brought up to her chest.

“What is the meaning of this?” He stood a distance away from her and asked her calmly. If he knew she would still be awake, he would have come home. Then he wouldn’t have known about Sehun and her, then maybe they could still spent tonight cuddling in their bed, in each other’s arms. Because right now, he couldn’t come up with a reason to why she would get together with Sehun. Especially when he had fought so much for her earlier. He had agreed to give up his idol life and compensate the company for bridging the contract even it means he had to declare bankruptcy. He had even agreed to do a public apology to Solbi so it wouldn’t ruin her career. He had agreed to everything just to be with her but it seems like it’s all worthless now.

Aleyah looked up from the coffee table she had been staring at for the past few hours unknowingly. Those dull hazelnut eyes dilated a little when they saw him, but it didn’t stop her heart from tearing apart. Because she had expected him to come, and she was prepared for his arrival.

“It’s what you think it meant.” Her feet landed on the cold concrete floor as she shivered a little. It was as cold as reality would be.

“What do you think you are doing?” Kai was almost whispering, he couldn’t understand why would she do that. He knew she loves him. But how could she do this to someone she loves? How could she abandon him right after he had given up everything for her. There was no way this was done out of love. Because you don’t betray and hurt the one you love.

“I’m together with Sehun.”  She knew they were the last words he wanted to hear right now but little did he know, they were also words that she had struggled badly to let out of her lips. They hurt her more than they hurt him when she said it.

“I don’t want to hear that!” He shouted. The very first time he ever raised his voice at her. “I’m asking you why would you want to do that!”

“Because I told you not to break off the engagement but you didn’t listen to me.” Till now, Kai hadn’t told her about his broken engagement. She had to hear it from somebody else to know about it.

“So you got together with Sehun just because I didn’t listen to you?” He asked her as he ran his hand through his hair in exasperation.

“Yes.”

“This is ridiculous.” He mumbled, “You are ridiculous Aleyah!”

“If you want to get back at me, this is not the way! You don’t love Sehun. You love me. What you are doing now is unfair for Sehun and it’s also unfair to me you know that??”

Aleyah lifted her teary eyes and looked at Kai. The tears that she had been holding back were blurring her vision but she was determined not to let them fall. If they fall, her strong front would crumble too. Then whatever she had planned would go down the drain. She had to fix his broken dream, even if it meant that she would be in pieces. “What makes you think that I don’t love Sehun?”

Her words struck Kai hardly, making him turn around to stare into her eyes. If she’s lying, he would definitely see through it. He knew her well enough now. But all he saw was her unwavering hazelnut eyes and it made him scared.

“Let’s.. let’s just pretend this thing never happened. Let’s leave now. Let’s pack our bags and leave now. We can go to Paris, Italy or even Venice and start anew. Let’s leave everything behind and live happily ever after there.” He walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders agitatedly. He doesn’t believe that she would love Sehun, there was no way she could love another man.

“I love Sehun now. That’s the start and the end of everything.” She swallowed hard as she choked out the words. They were slitting her heart that the pain was making her sick to the stomach. “That’s the end of us too.”

“I don’t… believe…this…” The man looked at the lady with his tear-rimmed eyes. “You won’t do this to me.”

“I can, and I will. Please just let me go Kai.” She begged. “With you, I was always scared and afraid. Afraid that we would be seen, afraid that we would be caught. Afraid that our affair would be on the headline news the next day. Every night I fear for the day to come because I don’t know if whatever we had done was seen by anyone or caught on camera or not. There wasn’t a day I didn’t live in fear and it’s driving me crazy. I really am very exhausted from the constant hiding so please just let me go.”

“I just want a normal relationship. A relationship where I can hold my boyfriend’s hand in public, kiss and hug him without being afraid of being seen or photographed. I want to wake up with a smile on my face, not all this.. I just can’t live in the constant fear anymore.”

“The security Sehun gives me is something you can never offer.”

“So please just let me go… There’s no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, do you understand Kai? You can only love what you got while you have it. So please.” Aleyah stood by the wide opened the door waiting for Kai to slowly stagger out before slamming the door shut.

The tears that she had been holding back fell from her eyes almost immediately right when those door closed. She covered to bite back her wails as she slid down the wall she had been leaning on lifelessly. She could still smell his scent lingering but she knew this would be the last time she would smell it. The words she had said were enough to hurt him and set him never to return to her side again. But there were also words that she didn’t had the courage to say earlier,

Let’s be strangers again. But with memories this time.

******

This is definitely not a filler chapter. Because this will lead to some life changing events over the next few chapters.

I'm losing subscribers. Boohoo. But nvm, I shall work harder to write better to gain them back. So please don't unsubscribe! 

Anyone up for a new Fanfic? Hint: I'm planning for a new story already. (:

Meanwhile, enjoy!