Chapter 33: How Could You

"What is it?" I asked staring at her.

Yuna was standing in front of me avoiding my gaze, I don't know why she was suddenly acting like this.She fidgeted in place making me more and more impatient. And then she dropped the bomb I wasn't ready for. 

"The truth is, Myungsoo didn't just cut you out from his life, actually he came to visit you everyday at home and he called everyday, that's why I told you to come live with me at my new apartment at the time. I stopped you two from meeting because I was scared that he would hurt you again, you wanted to leave that house so badly that I thought that it would be best to keep you two apart. I didn't realise that you would have such a hard time after that, you guys dated for such little time that I thought you just liked a little I didn't realise just how much you two loved each other. I want you to know that I didn't do this to hurt you in anyway, I was just trying to protect you-" she held my hands and I moved away from her.

"What else?" I said anger coming over me.

"What?" she said whispering.

"What else did you hide for me?" I stared her dead in her eyes.

She hesitated before saying "I saw him once you left for Tokyo and he told me to tell you that he is waiting for you and that if you knew that he was looking for you you would look for him too. Also, I think he went to look for you a few time when you live there..."

I couldn't believe it, this whole time I thought Myungsoo hated me and he wanted nothing to do with me, but he had been waiting for me this whole time, he must think I hate him. I'm so sorry.

"Mina, you have every right to be angry me I know that, I'm sorry. I really just tried to protect you" she said tears forming in her eyes.

"Why didn't you just tell me? It's my life, I can protect myself, can you stop treating me like a child!" I said getting angrier.

"I was trying to protect you, I was trying to protect everyone." 

"What does that even mean? You're making up excuses Yuna, why are you lying?" I said almost shouting.

"Myungsoo is an idol, he is so popular and has so many fans, yet he leaves you so quickly and came back so quickly, if his fans were to find out who do you think he would choose?" she said getting defensive.

"That has nothing to do with you, whatever happened between Myungsoo and I stays between him and I. Don't you ever try to "protect" me again, because the only protection I need is from lying friends like you" I said turning around to go to my room.

"You don't know anything Mina, if you knew you would know that I chose what was best" I heard her following me.

"What was best?" I stopped walking and faced her "ah... you thought that Myungsoo was too good for me, I don't know since you were their crazy fan, you were probably jealous and thought that a girl like me couldn't measure up to your precious idol."

"Mina... You know that's not what I meant. Myungsoo isn't right for you!" 

"Why?" I said shouting now "I love him and you took him away from me, you know how much I was hurting and you knew how much I changed after my break up with him, how could you?"

"I'm your best friend before anything else and I hated that he left you so easily-" I cut her off.

"STOP LYING!" I said completely resentful "I know when you lie, so stop lying to me and tell me what you're hiding from me."

She stayed quiet and stared at the floor.

"Really? You're not going to tell me why you did that?" I stopped waiting for her to say something, but she didn't.

"Fine, stay like that. Don't you ever speak to me again, I would never do something like that to you" I walked to my room and locked my door.

I sat on my bed and sighed. I really didn't know what to make of this, Yuna would never lie to me and try to hurt me intentionally so what is happening? 

Myungsoo... you're so stupid, how could you be so stupid? 

A few days had a past and I avoided Yuna as much as I could, I left the house early and came back early. I still wasn't ready to see her again, but I knew I had to confront her soon and listen to what she has to say, maybe then she would tell me the truth.

It was currently almost midnight and I had come back from studying all day the library. Yuna was already asleep and I made my way quietly to my room. I put my bag down and turn on the light. On my bed there was notes, so many post stick notes and a letter.

"What is this?" I said to myself.

There was so many post stick notes around 50 of them, what was this? I started to read them and recognised the messy hand writing straight away, it was Myungsoo. 

'I came by today, I guess you weren't in.. Again. If you see this please call me, we need to talk. I'm sorry - Myungsoo.'

He came by a few days after I had left, the date was on there too. He really did come to find me.

'Mina, I know you're mad but I hope you can give me a chance to redeem myself. I'm sorry, I know that's not enough, so just meet me ok? Tomorrow at 5pm at the usual place. I'll be waiting - Myungsoo'

This was a couple days after, by then I had already made my mind up to go back to Tokyo. I couldn't believe it, this whole time you were waiting for me but I was already getting ready to leave. You're so stupid Myungsoo.

The notes all had the same content, it was him pleading for me to give him a chance to say sorry, he must've been so hurt. Myungsoo, you're really stupid.

I reached out and grabbed the letter, it read:

'If you're reading this then I guess your neigbour managed to give this to Yuna and Yuna gave it to you. I guess you really are gone. I talked to your neighbour and she told me everything. Mina, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, and I don't have the right to ask for your forgiveness. I want you to be happy, live your life and stay well. Maybe we will meet again, until then I promise to become a better person, someone who can measure up to the beautiful person that you are. But, Mina I want you to know that I'm sorry I didn't believe you and I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain yourself, I feel pathetic even asking for your forgiveness, why should you listen to me when I didn't let you do the same. I will live the rest of my life regretting the pain I gave you and paying the price of losing you. Be happy, I'll let you go now so you can live happily. Goodbye - Myungsoo.'

I started crying "you're so stupid Myungsoo, you're so stupid" my tears fell on the paper and I cried harder, maybe Yuna is right, maybe we weren't meant for each other after all. How could our timing be so bad?

It was Friday already, another week had past, which meant a week since what happened with Yuna. I walked home from studying at the library all day, it was already 9 pm. My head was full of thoughts that I couldn't say out loud and it bothered me. I didn't know what to do or what to say, all I knew is that I felt suffocated and tired, ever since I had met Infinite my world has been in a spiral, this year had been the most eventful year of my life. I was someone who led a quiet and boring life, I was an orphan child who lived alone since the age of 16 and had to fend for myself for a long time. So what was I suppose to do now?

I walked and walked for what seemed like a few  minutes, I look at my watch and it was around 10 pm already. I look around and realise I had found myself in front of my apartment, my old apartment, the one I lived in before meeting Infinite. What was I doing here? I hear someone coming up behind me and turn around. It's my neighbour, the older woman who lived with her husband and two teenage kids. She looks at me and recognises me straight away.

"Mina!" she runs up to me and holds my hands tightly "it's be so long! You're finally back!" 

I smile at her and give her a hug "it's been so long, I'm glad you see you again" I say.

"Come in, have something to eat, it's so cold!" she grabs my hand again and guides me to her home.

We enter the hallway where her home and my old home used to be. I sigh feeling a sense of nostalgia coming over me, it's been so long.

"There's no one living here" she said catching me stare at my old door "a newlywed couple moved in after you left but they complained about someone banging on their door every night, it annoyed them and left."

I look at her perplexed "what do you mean?" I asked.

"Come in I'll tell you" she said.

"My family is out for the night, my husband wanted to spend sometime with the children" she smiled to herself, handing me a cup of warm tea.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, I shook my head.

"What did you mean by that before?" I asked still stuck on it.

"Ah... Mina perhaps do you have a boyfriend?" she asked.

"No" I say with a bitter taste in my life.

"Well maybe it was an ex or someone who liked you? But he came to visit everyday, at first he would just knock and wait a couple hours and then leave when posting a note there. That was before the couple moved in, once you left for Tokyo, that's when they moved in and he started visiting the apartment really late and drunk, at times. I'm guessing he loved you a lot, he cried and caused a commotion. Until, the couple filed a complaint, I didn't want him to get in trouble so I told him that you moved away and told him to stop coming around because the couple we're getting impatient" she explained.

"When did it start?" I asked.

"Once you came back to get the rest of your belongings... Maybe a day or two later? But I didn't notice because he came and left when people would be at work, thankfully the couple actually never saw or else they would know he was a celebrity and that would be a big problem from him" she said sighing.

"How did you know...?"

"Hey I'm only in my 40's, plus daughter saw him and he asked her to keep it a secret, I didn't even know she was a fan. But she really didn't tell anyone, I had to practically force it out of her" she laughed "but who is he to you?"

"My ex boyfriend, like you said" I responded.

"Oh no, he is so handsome and he seemed so sincere. Why did you two break up?" 

I sighed and explained the situation, she listened and just nodded.

"Young people are so complicated these days, you two clearly still each other why are you being so complicated?" she asked confused.

"It's not that easy.."

"Why not? The thing you're missing is communication, and all you need to do is talk it out. There's nothing that can't be fixed" she held my hand and said "if you love, if you really love him then everything will work out, I promise".

I smile at her and tear up, I really did miss her. We lived next to each other for four years and took care of me when I was going through a rough time, talking to her really made me miss my mum.

"At times like this is when you miss your mother the most isn't it?" she said quietly.

I shook my head.

"When do you miss you mum the most?"

I stayed silent for a while and remembered the moment I had lost my mum 4 years ago, it was the worst day of my life and I will never forget it.

I replied "everyday."

We stayed sitting next to each other in a comfortable silent and she caressed my hands softly, until it was time for me to leave. 

Myungsoo, will you and I ever be able to go back to the way we used to be? I feel like something so small was blown out of proportion due to constant misunderstanding. You misunderstood me and I did too, but our love was probably ruined from the beginning. You being a celebrity and me being simply an average everyday citizen, did it make it sense? Did we really not have a chance from the beginning? Even so, if I had a chance to go back to that moment that you and I first met and change it, I would not.

The weekend was boring, I just went to library again and studied, applied for a few part time jobs, I needed money the life of a student is hard. I was on my way home, it is Sunday night, Yuna was probably home by now and I was thinking of finally talking to her but I just didn't know what to say or how to start the conversation. I walked past a park and crossed the road to a convenient store and enter, I decided to have dinner there, scared that I would run into Yuna if I ate there. I grab a few things and sit down to eat, I gulp down the food not realising how hungry I really was. I get up to leave and spot a family figure outside the store with a couple other people, I make my way out and realise who it was: Junhyun. Why does it feel like my past keeps coming back to haunt me? I decide to ignore him and walk to the cross road.

"Mina?" his voice says behind me.

I pretend not to hear and cross the street, I sneakily put my earphones in and keep walking. I feel a hand tap my shoulder, I sigh, pull out my earphones and turn around to look at him. He looked at me with wavering eyes and then looked down at the floor. He changed, he had lost a bit a weight shockingly since he was already slender and cut his hair very short, he looked different... In a good way.

"Hi" I manage to get out while examining him.

"Hi" he replies back.

"You're going home? I'm going this way too" he says.

I nod and carry on walking. We walk side by side in complete awkward silence.

"How have you been?" I ask curiously.

"Are you asking because you care or to make small talk?" he asks.

"The latter" I reply nonchalantly.

He laughs and replies "I've been fine, just focused on school and trying to live life".

"That's good, same for me" I reply still not looking his way. I had so much I wanted to ask him and didn't know where to start.

"Mina... Actually there is something I've been wanting to tell you, but I found out you left for Tokyo and so I never got to tell you before" he says his voice slightly shaking.

"What is it?" I stopped and looked at him, his eyes avoided mine like he was guilty of something.

"Let's sit here" he said pointing to this bench inside the small park we were walking in.

"I don't want to sit with you just tell me" I said.

He sat down ignoring what I said, I gave up and sat down next to him wondering what had him so scared.

"Mina, I know you're not talking to Yuna right now..." he said trailing off.

"So?" I asked not really caring how he found out.

"I need you to know that it wasn't Yuna's fault that she kept all of things from you. The truth is Myungsoo's company found out you were still living there, you were only suppose to stay there for a couple weeks but ended staying there for weeks. They also found out Myungsoo and you were dating, so they were trying to find a way for you to break up" he explained.

"That doesn't make sense, why couldn't they just send me home and why would Infinite lie about how long I stayed there?" I said annoyed.

"They called Myungsoo and told him that you two have to break up, and of course he said no. The company got annoyed and decided to teach him a lesson, they started pulling him of his individual schedules and started to punish him by making him stay out of group schedules too.." he went on "I'm sure you didn't know because Myungsoo kept it from you, he knew that if you heard you would probably break up with him."

"What? But... why?" I asked shocked, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Why didn't he tell me all of this?

"Because Myungsoo is really popular with girls and he will keep getting more and more popular, if he got into a dating scandal that will really destroy his career!" Junhyun exclaimed.

"His fans are not that disloyal. I'm sure Myungsoo knows that and if they found out they were punishing him for dating then I'm sure his fans would be angry at the company and not Myungsoo" I said getting defensive.

"You don't know that, some fangirls really see him as theirs and theirs only, it can get really nasty really quickly. And I'm sure the company was also trying to protect you" he said trying to sympathise with me.

"What does all of that have to with Yuna?"

"Well, Yuna overheard Myungsoo and Sunggyu speaking. I guess Sunggyu was trying to convince Myungsoo to break up with you, and Yuna said she overheard Myungsoo said he would break up with you if it meant he could start having work again. Yuna heard it and was angry that Myungsoo would give up on you so easily and she was angry that he probably used me kissing you as a way to break up with you and blame you for cheating. She was scared he would hurt you again. Yuna only had you in her mind this whole time, she really was trying to protect you" he said trying to convince me.

That really does sound like something Yuna would do, she has done nothing but protect me her whole life, how could I not trust her.

"Myungsoo really said that?" I asked my voice breaking.

He nodded "that's what Yuna heard" he looked at me with a pity and sad look, I probably look pitiful right now.

My head hung low out of instinct, maybe because I was embarrassed and hurt. I couldn't believe I had spent months heart broken over him, when he was really willing to give me up so easily.

"Don't do that... I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, he probably said it to get Sunggyu off his back and he was probably going to tell you, I'm sure he was just scared that you would leave him" Junhyun pulled my hair back and stared at me.

"You kissing me was that a set up? Did you set me up so that he could have a reason to dump me?" I said staring back at him ready to burst with anger.

"No, I did that because I really cared for you. I didn't even know about what was going on until Yuna came to find me and asked me the same thing, you two really think alike" he chuckled "I kissed you because I wanted to, no one told me to do that. I'm not that much of an ."

Junhyun and I sat in silence, I couldn't process what was going on, nothing made sense. Why wouldn't Yuna tell me the truth? Was she scared I would get hurt? I couldn't believe the way I treated her like that, my heart hurt remembering her face when I told her she was a fake friend. Mina, you're so stupid.

And Myungsoo did he really mean that? If he did, why would he come and look for me so long? He even came to Tokyo from time to time to meet me. I need to find out the truth, even if it meant that I wouldn't like it, I need to know. It's time to end this.

"I should go and talk to Yuna" I said getting up.

"Wait, Mina there's something else" Junhyun said stopping me.

"What now?" my heart sunk afraid that more bad news would come.

"It's about your dad Mina, he is alive" he said.

My heart dropped.

...Dad?