Chapter 31: Let's Not Meet Again

How could this possibly happen to me in this moment, not just one, but all seven members are facing me. What do I do? Do I just run away? Do I act like I'm ok and greet them? I turn around and see Myungsoo getting closer to me, the same look was plastered on his face, he looked like he was hurting. Was it because of me? Has he really not forgiven me even after all this time? I turned my head back around and said "see you tomorrow Minhoon" grabbing Yuna by the hand and just walking past the infinite members without saying anything.

A voice spoke "Mina..." it was Sungjong I could tell his voice from a mile away, that soft and gentle voice that I had missed so much. He stopped me in my tracks, but I pulled myself together and kept going. 

"So you can't even greet us?" he said. Him. That voice pierced through my ears and made my chest feel tight and stuffy, I needed to get away right now.

I kept walking and didn't walk back "yeah it's like you to run away anyway" he spoke again. I stopped, clenching my fists and teeth. I turned my head around and saw an angry and upset expression that probably mimicked mine. I can't believe he said that, how could he say that to me? Run away? I was kicked out and left alone to the point where I needed to escape the city and start anew, that's how much it hurt.

"Have you been well?" I said "is that what you want me to say? I said it, so let's stop pretending that we care about one another and go our own way" my face was hardening.

"That's all you can say?" he said growing angrier.

"What else am I suppose to say?" I looked away from them "this is a waste of everyone's time. Let's not do this. You've lived well till now pretending I didn't exist this whole time so let's keep it that way."

The members looked away from me embarrassed "that's not fair" Woohyun spoke in a soft voice.

"What's not fair is the way you treated me, ok I'm sorry I didn't tell you about mine and his relationship and I'm sorry for hurting you, truly I am. But how could you not try and contact me once? What did I ever do to you to hate me so much, I thought we were all friends, especially you, Woohyun and Sungjong. I thought we were really good friends" I spoke tears forming in my eyes. "So I have to be fair and take into account your feelings when you didn't do the same for me? I can't believe you right now." I paused waiting for one of them to speak up and apologise, so we could at least all move on. But they kept avoiding my gaze even he was ignoring me now. The one expecting something even after all this time is me, I'm the fool. 

"Forget it. Let's go Yuna" I grabbed Yuna's hand once again turning around "next time you see me just pretend you didn't see me, that's the least you could do for me. Let's not meet again, that's my last wish as a friend" I said my voice shaking, knowing I was lying to them and most importantly to myself. I walked home without looking back and none of them tried to stop me, again I'm the only one that's still holding on to the last string of hope.

How could he be so mean even after all this time?

MYUNGSOO'S POV:

We all stood there in silence. What she said was true, everything was true. We did abandon her and we did act like she didn't exist, but that was only to each other. I know every single one of us missed her dearly, but no one was going to admit it in fear of it causing another problem and for that reason she needed to stay away. Me being like this seems like I am choosing my members over her, certain members feelings over hers. But what could I do? I worked and lived with these guys, they were my friends, we have been together for so long and been through so much. No matter how much they tell me that it's ok, how could I ignore their feelings towards the girl I love. 

Before I knew it I put my hood up and walked off, I didn't know where I was going but I knew I needed to get away.

"Where are you going? We have broadcast tomorrow!" Sungyeol shouted.

"I know, I'll be back soon" I shouted back.

"Myungsoo get back here now!" Sunggyu shouted at me.

But I didn't listen, I needed to be alone right now, without my members being so weary of me all the time.

I walked quite far before I reached a bench on a hill, I sat down and I could see the view of Seoul city. I realised I had been here a few times with her, maybe that's why my body led me here or maybe I wanted to come, to feel closer to her, I think. I looked out at the beautiful view wondering what exactly you were doing right now. Did you get home safely? Are you already asleep? Are you thinking me? Or are you hurt because of what I said? I remembered her gaze when she saw and the hurt in her eyes when I said those words to her. I didn't mean any of it "stupid stupid stupid" I repeated hitting my head time and time again. I knew those were not the words I wanted to say, I wanted to run to her and hold her tight and pour my heart out. I had rehearsed everything in my head perfectly:

Do you hate me for what I did to you?

Does anger still linger in your heart when you think of me?

Please forgive me.

Give me a chance, I can be better, I will be better.

I'm so sorry.

Please comeback to me.

I love you.

But I knew I didn't have the courage to do so, neither did I have the right. I knew how hurt she had been from her mother's death, and her father running away and leaving her alone, also how painful her first heart break had been. I remembered how hard it had been for me to gain her trust and love, how much we had been through together in so little time and how much we loved each other. So why did I do that? She stayed even after all the pain Eunjung inflicted on her and I left over a mere kiss, something I know meant nothing to her. I did try, but she said I lived my life pretending she didn't exist, how could she say that? Maybe it wasn't enough

- FLASHBACK -

 A few days after Mina had left our house, I went to visit her, I ringed her door bell for two hours straight, I called her over and over again, but no answer. I did this everyday for two weeks, until I had to go on an Asian Tour, I didn't have no choice but to go and come back after two months. I thought by then it would blow over and Mina's anger would calm down. However, I had to comeback after our first few shows, I missed her too much and she was still not answering my phone calls and texts, but still no answer. I went around like this until we had finished our tour, two months had passed since I had seen her and it was effecting me a lot.

"Mina, please answer my call. I just want to talk. Just give me a few minutes of your time. You know I was just angry, I didn't mean any of it... Mina, please come back I miss you. Please give me another chance, I'm sorry. Don't leave me- BEEP" the voicemail cut me off, I had been leaving messages like this for two months straight, eventually I gave up. I tried calling Yuna but it seemed like she changed her phone call, I know the others tried calling too but I'm guessing they had no luck.

One night I went out to drink and I couldn't think straight, I know I had told my members that I would give up but I just couldn't, not until I saw her and apologised, not until she knew how I really felt. Mina please don't run away from me, don't give up on us yet. The alcohol kicked in and I had no control over what my brain and body were doing. Before I knew it I found myself in front of Mina's door. I rang the door bell, over and over again, my knees fell to the ground and my head was hitting her front door, I continued to bang on the door.

"Mina let me in, let's talk. I miss you" my throat felt tight, like I was about to cry. I had to pull myself together, I couldn't let her see me like this.

"Hey! Stop making so much noise it's so late in the night" an older woman said scolding me. "She isn't here anyway, no matter how much you press the door bell or bang on the door. She doesn't live here anymore."

"What?" I said panic coming over me.

"She doesn't live here anymore, she moved" the woman said.

"Where? Where did she go?" I asked almost begging to know.

"Hmm she said she was moving back to where she lived before... Japan? Yeah, she studied there before, so she decided to go back."

I couldn't believe this. It felt like iced cold water had been poured all over my body. There's no way Mina would hate me this much. There's no way she would leave without telling me goodbye. It doesn't make sense. Mina... please tell me what she is saying is not true.

I walked back home with my heart feeling heavy and empty, I felt broken. I couldn't believe it.

A few days later I had spotted Yuna near our neighbourhood. She saw me but didn't come to greet me, so I took the initiative to talk to her.

"Where is Mina?" I asked straight away not wanting to waste any time.

"Well hello to you too" she said in sarcastic away.

"Where is she?" I asked not really caring about her attitude towards me.

"Like I would tell the guy who broke my friend's heart anything" Yuna crossed her arms unimpressed.

"I said where is she is?" I said almost shouting.

"You seem to already know so I don't really know why-" I cut her off.

"So she's really went back to Tokyo?" she nodded.

She's gone. She's really gone.

"Mina is finally moving on, so I hope you can do the same too. Don't ask or look for her anymore, please" Yuna said with worry in her voice.

"I came by her house everyday and called her everyday for the past months, can you at least let her know that?" I said pleading.

Yuna nodded, I sighed of relief, good. If she at least knew that much she would come look for me right? Or at least reach me?

I was wrong. Days went by, weeks went by and nothing. Did she really already forget me?

(PLAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDvAyYJbRf0)

We had a fan meeting in Tokyo in the beginning of summer, and of course I hoped somehow someone somewhere was listening to my prayers and let me see her again. And to whoever was listening, thank you. I was in the car at night going back to the hotel, when I saw her cross the road.

"Isn't that Mina?" Hoya said almost jumping out of his seat.

I looked out the window and she was walking on the pavement in the opposite direction we were going in and I had no idea what came over me, but I opened the door and jumped out. I had to talk to her. I heard the members shouting behind me, but I didn't care. I needed to talk to her. I chased after her as she turned a corner, a crowd of people suddenly appearing out of nowhere, slowing me down. By the time they passed I had lost her, I walked down the road she walked on, looking everywhere, I just couldn't find her. I kept walking and crossed another road, and there she was. She seemed to be waiting for someone, I couldn't see her face properly but it was definitely her, I walked slowly towards her afraid she would see me and possibly run away. Don't back out Myungsoo. Not now. Someone approached her, a guy and they hugged. I stopped. Not now. They talked for a bit until entering this cafe, she walked in and people greeted her, she went in the back and came back a few minutes later. She went behind the counter and chatted away with that same guy and another girl, she was smiling, unlike the last time I had seen her, she was happy. I walked towards the store and someone grabbed me by the arm. Sunggyu.

"No don't go" he said panting. 

"Let me go" I said glaring at him.

"No I can't do that, this could ruin us" Sunggyu said.

"What do you mean?" I said not knowing what he was talking about.

"Woohyun, Sungjong those two like Mina too. It's not just you, they're hurting too. If you go and you two make up how will you face them? Think about them too" Sunggyu said looking very serious.

"That's not fair, how about me? I love her, I can't just let her go" 

"I would've done the same for you too, but you can't. If you still feel the same tomorrow, then come back and talk to her. But sleep on it and come back later" he said leading me away from her.

And that was the last time I had the courage to ask for her forgiveness, that day I made the decision to let her go... I regret that decision till to this day. Time after time, I went to visit her, just stare her at from a far and she seemed happy, but I knew that I had hurt her. I will never forgive myself for that.

- END OF FLASHBACK -

I couldn't believe it, my own members... How could they? I know they didn't know about her and I, and I shouldn't blame them, but I couldn't help it. I blame them for separating her and I. Ever since that day, our relationship had never been the same. Sunggyu, I blamed him more then anyone else. She was mine, not Woohyun's, not Sungjong's, not anyone else but my girlfriend. But I knew deep inside of me that it wasn't their fault, that they shouldn't be blamed. It was my fault I hadn't told them before about our relationship, it was my fault that we broke up, it was my fault that she had left and it was my fault that my relationship with my members had changed for the worse.

I suddenly remembered... What did she mean I didn't look for her and carried on living my life as is? Did Yuna not tell her...? It doesn't matter, it's better that way. It's easier if she just doesn't know and carries on blaming me. Mina don't ever forgive me. Like you said we shouldn't meet again. As much as that hurts I know that it's for the best.

I look back again at the night view still wondering what you are doing right now. If you're wondering what I'm doing, I'm thinking of you.

I'm always thinking of you.