The ride home was still awkward, but mostly I think because Seunghyun and I both had a lot on our minds. I don’t want to do this just as much as he doesn’t want me too, but I have morals and I can’t just sit around and ignore them.

            We get home around two in the morning and the group decides to go out and party to celebrate the night’s wins. I’m not in the mood and they don’t really mind my staying home. Seunghyun tells them he will come out later and meet up with them. They don’t question this because they are already partially drunk. They had alcohol in the limousine.

            The band stumbles out the door rambunctiously and I take my shoes off by the door. I walk towards my room while trying to find the zipper to my dress. This is harder than I thought. I don’t even know where it begins. I’m searching for it with my right hands while I open my bedroom door with my left.

            I feel his familiar hand at the nape of my neck and he pulls on the zipper slowly. I quickly turn around and I am maybe an inch from his chest. I look up at him incredulously and he looks down at me with soft features. His hand finds the zipper again and begins to pull down. He walks forward and I have all I can do to keep from tripping over the small train of my gown as I walk backwards.

            He begins to kiss the lower side of my face and eventually finds my lips as he tries to take his jacket off. He throws it on the floor gently. What is happening? Is this really happening this time? His hands find my back again as he brings me to my bed and sits me down.

            “Oppa…what are you doing?” I ask as he kisses my neck. He isn’t being forceful at all and I could easily just slide out from underneath him if I wanted too, but I don’t. I’m just confused is all. He’s actually being beyond gentle. His kisses feel like a butterfly is hovering centimeters from my skin at all times. His lips are simply the air that is being pushed down upon my skin in quick waves by the butterflies wings. He leans me down gently, propping his left knee up on my bed. This seems to be a habit of his. He stops for a moment.

            “When are you talking with YG?” his deep voice is a whisper.

            “Probably tomorrow,” I say back to him.

            He sighs. “Okay,” is all he says to that and he continues to kiss me. He fumbles with his bowtie as his kisses get more passionate and eventually manages to take it off and lets it fall out of his hand letting it land wherever it lands. He s the first few buttons on his button up shirt never once separating our lips and then he takes my face in his hands. His kiss gets deeper.

I can actually see some of his chest for the first time ever. I didn’t realize I have never seen it until now. I sit up slightly and lift a hand to place it on his skin without even thinking. He takes a hand off of my face and places it on my hand. He seems nervous but he’s not stopping me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Ah…” he looks down at our hands on his chest. “Self-conscious,”

“How?”
            “Just am,”

“It’s alright,” I say. “Do you trust me?” I ask. He nods quickly, like a child waiting for a Band-Aid to be ripped off by his mother. I lift my other hand to proceed in ing some more buttons and his eyes close tightly. My suspicions are confirmed when I manage to open his shirt completely. There’s nothing for him to be so self-conscious about. I look him over and run my hands over his stomach. His muscles are defined, but there are some marks-just a few-on his skin. “Oppa, you are beautiful,” I say, tracing one of the marks with my thumb.

“I used to be heavy,” he says quietly.

“And I would still love you even if you were now,” I say.

He leans down to me and presses his lips to mine once again. His hand finds my zipper where it left off and un-zippers it further. When it stops at the bottom of my spine and nothing happens, he fingers the clasp that holds it together at the top of my neck. Eventually he manages to undo it and he leans me down to the mattress without actually pulling it off. Instead, he brings the top of my dress down just below my collarbone and explores my skin with his lips.

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” I say to him.

He lifts his head up to look at me. “It’s in the past,” he says.

I drape my arms across his neck and I push myself further onto the bed with my feet. This causes me to slide out from my dress a bit unintentionally but I haven’t revealed anything yet. He moves with me and is now parallel with my body. He pre