I am left speechless and alone sitting on my bed. Not like if I could speak I would have anyone to say anything to but myself anyway. Did that even just happen? Did that seriously just happen?

            He told me he loves me. I told him I love him and he told me he loves me. My mind can not comprehend what is happening to me right now.

            My legs curl up underneath me and I let gravity pull me back onto the mattress. I caress my sides as Seunghyun did. He did that. I try to remember how it felt when it was his hands. I was so lost in the moment. Oh God. Everything was so intense. Why did he leave?
            I try to remember the moment leading up to his decision to stop. He pressed his body so firmly onto mine I felt like my core was going to explode. I feel that way now even just thinking about it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He picked me up and brought me close to the wall.

            Oh.

            Oh.

            …Oh.

            My eyes widen and my hand slams onto my mouth as if it to prevent myself from screaming. Oh my God. I feel a smile growing underneath my palm and I hesitate before I take my hand down and I sit up. I get off the bed and start pacing. Pacing turns into skipping. Skipping turns into spinning. Spinning turns into jumping. It’s as if I am five years old. A five-year-old who almost did the most intimate thing she could possibly do with her boyfriend, oh my GOD.

            So that’s what he meant by “No regrets”. How could I have been so slow? Oh, I don’t know…maybe his tongue was clouding my thoughts. He made it feel so natural. I pick up my hand and hold my pointer and middle finger to my lips. I pull my lower lip down unconsciously until my fingers slip and my lip bounces back to its original position. I’m in a daze now.

            I need to go to sleep. I can’t work tomorrow without sleep. I attempt to un-zipper the back of my dress, but it’s too high. This could have been solved if Seunghyun would have waited a few more minutes.

            What am I saying? I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. What guy stops himself like that? Seunghyun does, that’s who. My heart begins to swell inside my chest. I am not cheap, but in that moment I don’t know what I would have done.

            I spend fifteen minutes trying to dislocate my arm out of my shoulder so I can un-zipper my dress. As I do this I think to myself about my relationship with Seunghyun.

            I had been so afraid when I accidently mumbled that I loved him. I was afraid he would take off, start avoiding me, and break up with me-something. But he didn’t. I don’t know why I would expect him to feel that way-that’s just what I had always assumed guys did. That’s what I have seen happen to my friends in the past and that is part of the reason why I never actually dated much.

            To ordinary girls in ordinary relationships, receiving a diamond necklace like the one I am unclasping from my neck right now might definitely mean that you are in a “love” relationship. To me, I was left to assume Seunghyun stumbled across it while shopping one day and figured it was cute enough to propose going steady with. It meant the world to me, but I didn’t know how to receive it emotionally from someone of Seunghyun’s status.

            Little did I know he actually loves me.

            I manage to get my dress off and I take a shower. I’m not tired at all. I figured I might as well get it done now before I am dying for more sleep when my alarm goes off tomorrow.

            I slide into a pair of silk pajamas after towel drying my hair and slide under my covers. I feel so good when I pull the fresh hotel blankets over my shoulders-I release a sigh. The feeling of silk against my body will forever be my favorite sensation-that is, next to having Seunghyun’s silk clothed body against my own. I wish he was here with me. I try to fall asleep.

                                                .                       .                       .

            My alarm goes off at 8 a.m and I have twenty minutes to throw on an outfit and walk out the door. We are doing full make up and costume today since we are doing the storyline of the music video, this means I don’t have to put any effort into how I look. I put on some sunglasses though to hide my tired eyes.

            I walk up to Jiyong’s room and knock. He answers the door with his perfect energetic persona.

            “_______-ah! Good morning! You ready?”

            “Ah…yeah,” I say. I am so tired. “I need coffee or something,” I say. “Do you have any in your room?” I don’t even drink coffee.

            He eyes me like he knows something I don’t want him too. “I told you not to stay up late,” he says accusatively. 

            I hold my hands up in front of me. “Jiyong, nothing happened!” I say…almost a lie.

            “Right…I’ll be sure to give Seunghyun a high five when I see him,” he says turning around into his room where Seungri and Youngbae are checking themselves out in the mirrors. I follow him in urgently.

            “Nothing happened Jiyong! I swear!”

            “I heard him walking to his room last night. You kids needing time schedule because you kids don’t know what time is,” he says. I can’t tell if he is mad at me or if he is just teasing. This is worse than talking to a sarcastic friend over text message.

            “Jiyong, did I do something wrong?” I ask.

            “I don’t know….did you?” he turns to me with a smile. Okay, yup. He’s just being a wingman. I shake my head and shove him.

            “Stop it! You’re such a jerk,” I say.

            “I would go back to your room and take your necklace off,” he says.

            “I can’t wear it for the video?” I ask.

            “Why would a normal fan own a $14,000 necklace?” he asks. Seungri and Youngbae whip their heads around and are now paying close attention.

            “What!?”

            “He didn’t tell you how much it was?” he asks as if that’s a normal thing to do.

            “NO!” I shout.

            “Wow, he must really like you,” is all he says to that, brushing off my volume like playah hate off his shoulder.

            “How did you know how much it was?” I ask.

            “I did some research on it. Def Chanel. He had to have had it imported from the states,” he says. “Found it online-never saw one like that in the shops here,”

            “You are such a freak,” I say clasping the necklace to my chest with my hand.

            “No,” says Youngbae. “He just really digs jewelry,”

            “Go take it off now-before you lose it,” Jiyong states.

            I walk out of the room in a daze, my hand still clutching my necklace when I bump into Seunghyun. His hands fly out and grab my shoulders to keep me from falling backwards. I was so out of it.

            “Seungh-O…oppa. I…”

            “You alright?” he asks. He looks around quickly before giving me quick peck on the cheek.

            “Jiyong told me to take this off,” I reference to the necklace under my hand. “He says it cost you fourteen thou-“

            “WHAT!?” He practically screams. He lets go of my shoulders and goes to walk past me before he takes a step back. “Go take it off, you are not needing it for video,” he says to me and then furiously makes his way down the hallway to Jiyongs door. “Gessekki! Aiishi! Jungmal! Jugah!” he shouts to himself while mussing his hair with his hands. He lets out a frustrated growl that almost floors me. He sounds so attractive even when he’s made.
            I make my way to my room in a daze. I t