I wake up to find Seunghyun’s arm draped over my waist underneath the covers. His face is by my neck and I can feel his breath every time he exhales. His body is so close to mine and I am actually warmer than I would like to be.

I have never found myself in a situation like this before. I have experienced many firsts with Seunghyun, but this is the most interesting one so far. I feel like by any other standards my thought process would be considered prudish-we haven’t done anything- but it’s different with Seunghyun. I can’t exactly explain why, but it is.

I turn over onto my other side so I can face him-the silk of my nightgown making it easy to do without waking him. I nuzzle in closer to him, placing my hands on his chest to feel the fabric of his pajamas. I wasn’t aiming to feel his chest, but I inadvertently did so through the thin fabric that covered him. I can feel the indents where his muscles begin and where they end and I cannot figure out for the life of me why he always walks around with so many layers of clothing on. I’ve never been this close to him in the whole time that I have been a part of his life. I almost feel greedy, selfish, and evil for doing this without his knowledge. Almost.

I hear a quiet but urgent knock at the door and someone whispering “Seunghyun! Seunghyun!” I think its Daesung. I pull my hands up against my chest and pretend to be asleep. I feel Seunghyun rustle under the covers and his arm begins to pull away until I assume he notices it’s actually there. He moves it back to where it was for a second. He’s lifted up on his elbow as if to get out of bed, but he is frozen there, leaving his arm on me. His hand flattens against my back where the V plummets. My robe must have slid down while I was asleep. I’m “asleep” though so I can’t fix it.

“Seunghyun!” His arm jerks and he gets out of bed as quietly as he can. I hear him open the door and he banters back and forth with Daesung. Daesung sounds incredulous. He keeps asking him questions and Seunghyun keeps responding with “shh”’s and short sentences that sound as if he is trying to convince Daesung that he is an over reactive Mother. He tries to calm Daesung down a bit but the more he does that, the more Daesung moans like a kid who is being wrapped up into something he doesn’t want any part of.

Eventually Daesung admits defeat and Seunghyun closes the door again. He walks back over to the bed, sits down and and runs his hand across the hair covering my face, brushing it out of the way. He leans down and kisses my forehead. I figure now is a good time to pretend to wake up. I let my eyes flutter open and I look up at him and smile.

“Good morning Jagi,” he says quietly.

“Good morning,” I say as I stretch my arms up and yawn in the opposite direction of his face. Oh God, my breath must be rancid. Thank you brain!

“We needing to get going. YG called crew and they are going to make us film video today before second show,” he says. “I am so sorry,”

“Stop being sorry,” I say with an annoyed tone hoping to get it across to him this time to stop feeling so bad. I get up and walk to the bathroom. I am brushing my teeth before he has a chance to get a whiff of what my mouth is capable of. I continue talking as I put toothpaste on my brush. He stays on my bed looking confused. I come right out and say it. “Seunghyun, I did a lot of theatre in college, and acting has always been a big passion of mine. I guess I never really told you any of this yet. You don’t know me as well as I thought you did,” I say with a laughing.

“I want to know everything about you,” he says. My body stiffens for a second. Really? This means more to me than he knows. My shoulders relax and I continue. “Okay, well then. Have I ever told you that I have a Top Ten list of things I want to do in the world of acting before I to die?”

“No,” he says, he sounds interested-as if he is sad I never mentioned this before.

“Well, number five is to act in a music video,” I say, and with that I turn to the sink, close the separating door with my foot and begin to brush my teeth. When I am done I gargle with my travel sized Listerine and re-emerge from the bathroom. He is still in the same spot he was sitting in before, this time fiddling with his long fingers. “So that’s that,” I say.

He looks up at me. “So you’re not mad,” is all he says. I walk up to him offer my hands out to him and he takes it. Instead of simply holding them, I yank him up to his feet, wrap my arms around him and look up at him.

“No, not at all. This is making my life actually,” I say.

He smiles. “Gamsahabnida. Okay,” he backs away from me and walks to the door as if to exit. I call out to him and he freezes.

“Seunghyun! Just a sec-why did you sleep in my room? I just really want to know,” I ask.

He looks at the doorknob he is holding and back at my face. He’s nervous now. “I…ah….cant…ah…” he sighs. I know him better than that though.

“Seunghyun! I know you know English. Stop it,” I say.

He looks down at his feet and lets go of the handle. He walks over to me and takes my hands in his once again. “Was very stressed. Stressed. Last night. I ah…just wanted to make sure you were all right. When you were, I just couldn’t leave. You know?”

“I’m slightly confused but I think I might know what you mean,” I say.

“This is embarrassing,”

“Go on,”

“I’m having seeing you and don’t want to leave,” he finishes.

“Ah. I see,” I say and stand on to my tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you in a few,” I say.

He holds his hand to his cheek as if it’s the first time I have ever done something like this as he backs up to the door. He takes the doorknob in his hand again. “Wear same clothing as yesterday,” he sa